The Ultimate Guide to Egg Donation and Surrogacy for Gay Men

At Cofertility, we believe in the equal right to parent. LGBTQ+ families have historically faced more rigorous scrutiny and challenges than heterosexual families regarding their rights to be or become parents, including discriminatory laws making it difficult in some states for both parents to be on the birth certificate. We stand by protections for LGBTQ+ parents and their children, and support all families equally. 

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Building a family is a dream for many couples, and for gay dads, egg donation and surrogacy can be a great way to bring a child into their lives. However, the process can be complex and overwhelming, especially for those who are new to it. In this article, we'll answer some common questions that hopeful gay dads often ask us about egg donation and surrogacy.

What comes first, finding the surrogate or the egg donor?

This is a common question among those considering egg donation and surrogacy. Both the egg donor and surrogate are essential for the process, and in most cases, it’s recommended to start by matching with an egg donor and making embryos. 

This is because many surrogacy agencies usually cannot sign up families who do not yet have healthy embryos to transfer. Gestational carriers are in high demand and they don’t want to wait months after matching in order to start the transfer process. On the other hand, once you have embryos made through donor eggs, those can be frozen and used at any point in the future.

You could also begin the search for a gestational carrier and an egg donor at the same time, knowing that the waitlist for a gestational carrier is far longer than the process to get donor eggs.

Are you able to use both of our sperm?

Yes, there are a couple of ways we’ve seen this done! When the eggs are retrieved, the clinic can fertilize half of them with one partner’s sperm, and the other half with the other partner’s sperm. However, this doesn’t guarantee the same number of embryos from each partner since fertilization rates can vary depending on a variety of factors (including sperm health). Sometimes it’s recommended that couples undergo two egg retrievals with the same donor to increase the chances of multiple embryos from each partner.

We’ve also seen biracial couples find two donors – one that looks like each partner. They then fertilize the eggs with the sperm of the other partner. 

How are egg donors screened?

Our team screens egg donors through a rigorous, multi-step process to ensure each person is qualified and prepared to become an egg donor, going above and beyond FDA and ASRM-recommended screening guidelines. Before donors can be listed on our platform, we review their personal and family medical history and collect information on their lifestyle and behavioral habits. Most importantly, we meet 1:1 with every donor to get at the core of who she is as a person — her values, her goals, her personality. This allows us to provide you with the most thoughtful match possible. 

Once you move forward with a match, the donor will undergo a physical examination, psychological evaluation, and full genetic screen. Your doctor will review these results and give us the green light to move forward. We will also ensure that donors are screened for background and education checks.

How do you find an egg donor?

The first step is to fill out a short form in which you share more about your family and what you’re looking for in an egg donor. You’ll then gain free and immediate access to our matching platform. 

You can search our platform by many attributes, including education, race, height, hair color, and other features. Browse the profiles and learn more about the incredible donors we work with. We’re able to recruit the best donors because our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

When you’ve found a donor you want to move forward with, press the “Place a Hold” button at the top of her profile. From there, you’ll put down a $500 deposit to place a hold on that match. 

How long does it take to match with an egg donor?

The timeline can vary, but in total the process from match to cycle with Cofertility is generally be two to four months. Once you create a free account, you’ll gain access to our matching platform and can start to learn more about our donors. After you match with a Split member (who will be freezing her eggs and donating half to your family), we begin the process of scheduling her screening and testing with your clinic, which generally takes a few weeks. Once your doctor gives the go-ahead, we’d set a date for the cycle at a time that is mutually convenient. 

You may decide to fertilize the embryos as soon as the eggs are retrieved or you can freeze the eggs and thaw them to be fertilized at a later date. If you do create embryos at the s of retrieval, they can be frozen in storage until you match with a surrogate or are ready to move forward with the transfer.  

How are surrogates screened?

This depends on the agency. Ideally, surrogates undergo extensive screening to ensure that they are physically and emotionally capable of participating in the egg donation and surrogacy process. Screening typically involves medical tests, background checks, and psychological evaluations. Potential surrogates are also required to provide detailed medical and personal histories.

The screening process helps ensure that the surrogate is a good candidate for the process and that there are no potential health or psychological risks.

How are surrogates matched?

Surrogacy is a little different from matching with an egg donor. Generally, you will tell the agency your preferences including health history, personality traits, and geographic location. After getting off the waitlist, the agency will share a profile of a gestational carrier who fits your profile. You will meet the surrogate to see if it’s a mutual match, and if so, go from there. 

How long does it take to match with a surrogate?

The process of matching with a surrogate varies in length and may depend on a variety of factors, including the location and availability of surrogates, your preferences and requirements, and the legal and medical requirements involved in the surrogacy process based on your state. In general, the process of finding a surrogate may take several months to a year.

What type of testing is necessary before treatment?

Before beginning moving forward with treatment, both partners will need to undergo some medical and psychological tests. It ultimately depends on the clinic and the requirements of your state, and may include blood tests, semen analysis, psychological screening, and physical exams. 

These tests will help determine if there are any underlying medical conditions that may affect the success of the treatment. And the psychological tests are also necessary to ensure that both partners are mentally prepared for the emotional journey of surrogacy and egg donation.

Can we both legally be parents?

Gay men can absolutely become parents, but the legal landscape surrounding LGBTQ+ parenting rights can be complex, and there are still some challenges that gay dads may unfortunately face. You’ll need a great lawyer who knows the specific laws of your state (if you work with Cofertility, we can help you find one). 

There are no federal laws that prevent gay men from using donor eggs and a gestational carrier, but the laws can vary depending on the state. Some states have laws that specifically prohibit surrogacy arrangements, or only allow it when both parents are genetically related to the child. Other states make it difficult to get both parents on the birth certificate. Read more about Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads.

How can I find an LGBTQ+ friendly clinic?

We can help! Finding a fertility clinic that is LGBTQ+ friendly can be important for gay couples who are considering egg donation and surrogacy. 

We have a network of fertility clinic partners that are as dedicated to serving LGBTQ+ families as we are. We’ll ensure your family is treated with the care and respect you deserve as you embark on this exciting journey. 

Why you should work with Cofertility

We are honored that you are considering us as part of your family-building journey. As you can see, we’re doing things differently around here! 

Family by Co is our human-centered matching platform for intended parents pursuing egg donation. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. 

Here’s how we’re different:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens. 
• Donor empowerment. In our unique Split model, donors aren’t doing it for money. They get to keep half of the eggs retrieved, empowering them to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support. A match is just the beginning. We offer families access to educational modules, support groups, and communication tools for life.

Part of serving families is recognizing the unique life experiences of the humans we’re helping bring into this world. These children are so precious and wanted, and the world is just starting to understand the nuances of not sharing genetics with one’s parents. This is why we provide families with evidence-based tips and guidance for raising happy, healthy donor-conceived children, as well as tools for families and donors to communicate at a mutually-agreed upon level. 

Please reach out if we can help! 

More resources:

• LGBTQ+ Fertility Information and Resources
• Donor eggs for LGBTQ+ families
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation