What to Know About Having a Family Member be Your Egg Donor

The journey to parenthood often presents unique challenges for individuals and couples, including those who require the assistance of an egg donor. If you’re reading this article, it may be because you are considering having a family member, such as a sister or cousin, serve as your egg donor. This is sometimes called intra-family egg donation. In this article, we will explore the various aspects involved in having a family member serve as an egg donor. 

Is it possible to use a family member as an egg donor?

Having a family member, such as a sister or cousin, be your egg donor may be possible in the realm of assisted reproductive technologies (ART). Advances in reproductive medicine have made it feasible to collect eggs from a donor, undergo the necessary fertilization process, and transfer the resulting embryos for pregnancy. 

But ultimately it depends on the family member, how they are related to you and your partner, and if they would make a good egg donor.

Is it a good idea to use a relative as an egg donor?

There are pros and cons of having a relative donate eggs to build your family. 

On the one hand, utilizing a family member as an egg donor can provide a direct genetic link between the child and the intended parent. You may know more about the egg donor’s personality, health history, and genetics. Plus, there’s less of a mystery for the donor-conceived child about their genetic roots. 

On the other hand, introducing family members into the process of assisted reproduction can add layers of complexity to relationships and family dynamics. The decision may evoke various emotions for both the intended parent and the donor, including expectations, potential feelings of indebtedness, or impact on their relationship.

Another consideration is if working with the family member would increase your chances of success. Egg donors undergo medical testing and psychological screening before they are approved to donate eggs, and family members serving as egg donors should do so as well. The benefit of going through medical screening is to increase the chances of enough quality eggs to make a baby. If you choose to have a relative serve as your egg donor, we recommend still going through medical screening (even if it’s not required) to make sure that there will be a good chance of success. 

Finally, using donor eggs from a relative should only be considered if the intended father (or sperm donor) is completely unrelated. If the egg donor and sperm donor are genetically related, it greatly increases the risk of malformations and genetic diseases in the offspring.

ASRM’s stance on intra-family egg donation

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) provides ethical guidelines regarding the use of adult intrafamilial gamete donors. 

These guidelines state the following about first-degree relative egg donation:

• Sister-to-sister: most common and most accepted arrangement
• Sister-to-sister-in-law (brother’s wife): prohibited due to incest
• Sister-to-brother’s husband: generally acceptable 
• Daughter-to-mother: concerns for coercion of daughter are significant; care should be taken to ensure informed consent
• Mother-to-daughter: age of mother would make success unlikely 

Overall, the ASRM guidelines emphasize the need for thorough screening, counseling, informed consent, and the development of specific clinic policies to ensure the ethical and responsible use of adult intrafamilial donors in assisted reproductive technologies. Additionally, ASRM emphasizes the importance of conducting further research to better understand the long-term effects of these reproductive practices on all parties involved.

Is it legal to use a relative as an egg donor?

In most cases, yes, but you’re going to need an iron-clad contract. Just like with an unknown egg donor, you’ll need to address the legal considerations involved in working with a relative as an egg donor. The laws surrounding familial egg donation vary across jurisdictions, and clinics require a formal contract, drafted by a lawyer, in place between the intended parents and the egg donor. 

This legal contract outlines the rights and responsibilities of all parties involved, addresses any potential legal issues, and ensures that everyone's expectations and boundaries are clearly defined. Working with legal professionals who specialize in reproductive law is crucial to navigate the legal complexities and ensure compliance with local regulations. By establishing a formal agreement, you can protect your rights and interests, and ensure a smoother and more secure process.

What does the research say about intra-family egg donation?

There’s not a ton of research on egg donation within families, but one longitudinal study of nine parents with children via egg donated by a family member found that most mothers reported a harmonious relationship with the egg donor. None of the mothers reported a relationship characterized by major conflict or hostility. 

The study also revealed that these relationships remained stable over time. Families who had a harmonious relationship with the egg donor when the child was one years old continued to maintain a harmonious relationship with the donor at age 10. Similarly, families that were rated as having a relationship characterized by dissatisfaction or coldness at age one continued to experience those dynamics until age 10.

Familial egg and sperm donation for LGBTQ+ couples

Familial gamete donation provides an opportunity for lesbian, gay, bisexual, non-binary, or transgender individuals to maintain a genetic connection with their offspring. For instance, in the case of a same-sex male couple, one partner’s sister can donate her eggs which are then fertilized with the other partner’s sperm, enabling the child to have a genetic relationship with both of the fathers. These arrangements offer the possibility of shared genetics and biological connections.

Can I use my sister as an egg donor?

Yes, as long as she meets other criteria, including not being genetically related to the intended father (or sperm donor).  We often see same-sex male couples where one partner’s sister is the egg donor, and the other partner is the biological father. Or, heterosexual couples where the wife’s sister is the egg donor. Working with a sister as an egg donor is definitely worth exploring, given the close familial bond and potential shared genetic traits. 

How to ask a family member to be your egg donor

Asking a family member to be your egg donor is a delicate and sensitive topic. Open and honest communication is vital to ensure that all parties involved understand the implications, expectations, and potential emotional challenges.

Here’s one way to think about approaching the conversation:

• Choose an appropriate setting: Find a private and comfortable environment where you can have an open and uninterrupted conversation.
• Educate yourself: Familiarize yourself with the egg donation process, including the medical procedures, risks, and potential outcomes, to provide accurate information during the discussion.
• Express your intentions and emotions: Clearly communicate your desire to have a biological connection with your child and the reasons behind considering a family member as the egg donor. Don’t push, and don’t ask for an immediate response. You can say something like “This is a big ask, and there will be no hard feelings if the answer is no. Why don’t you think about it and get back to me.”
• Respect the other person's decision: It is essential to emphasize that the decision to be an egg donor is entirely voluntary, and the family member should feel empowered to make a choice that aligns with their own desires and circumstances.

Another option: find a disclosed egg donor through Cofertility

If you are looking for a disclosed egg donor, we can help. At Cofertility, our unique model of egg sharing creates a better experience for everyone involved. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Take-aways

In summary, a family member may be able to serve as egg donor if:

• The egg donor is not genetically tied to the intended father (or sperm donor)
• The egg donor is not a minor
• The egg donor is able to make a free and informed decision without manipulation or undue influence
• The egg donor undergoes a thorough fertility evaluation to assess their reproductive health and viability
• The egg donor and intended parent both undergo psychological counseling
• The intended parents and egg donor both seek independent legal advice from attorneys with specific expertise in third-party reproduction, and sign a legal contract

Having a family member, such as a sister or cousin, serve as an egg donor offers the potential for a unique and meaningful biological connection between the intended parent and the child. However, it is crucial to approach this decision with careful consideration, understanding the medical, emotional, and ethical aspects involved. Open and honest communication with the family member is paramount to ensure everyone's needs and boundaries are respected. We also recommend seeking guidance from fertility doctors, counselors, and legal professionals who can provide valuable insights to navigate the complex journey of having a family member as an egg donor.