LGBTQ+ family building

When it comes to using donor eggs to build your family, even those who are veterans of traditional in vitro fertilization (IVF) may not be clear on what to expect from the donor egg process. But you’ll be happy to hear that those who have already worked with a fertility clinic using their own eggs will absolutely not be starting from the beginning. If you’re in this situation, you already have a solid understanding of what goes into an IVF cycle, which is the foundation of the donor egg process.

Women consider using donor eggs for various reasons. Some have low ovarian reserve (egg supply). Some have been through several IVF cycles before without success. Others have been told that their egg quality makes it unlikely that they will become pregnant using their own eggs. In these situations, using a donor egg can significantly improve the chances of having a baby. Especially if someone is over 40, the success rates with donor eggs will be considerably higher than many women can expect with their own eggs.

According to the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART), if someone is over 40, IVF success rates after one cycle can range from five to twenty percent if she uses her own eggs. But when using donor eggs, the success rate for one cycle is around 50%. So, depending on the situation, using a donor egg can significantly increase your chances of having a baby through IVF.

For others, donor eggs may be the only way to build a family. Whether you are a single dad, LGBTQ+ couple, or cancer survivor — every conception needs an egg.

Getting started

If you’ve already been through IVF before, you’re most of the way there in terms of understanding the how a donor egg cycle will go. There are just some additional steps with a donor egg that you may not be aware of yet.

Before beginning any donor egg treatment, many clinics will have you and your partner initially speak with a counselor.  He or she will talk through using donor eggs to help ensure that this is the right path for you. The idea is to consider how you feel about using a donor egg to help create or expand your family. You may also consider how you will talk to your future children about using an egg donor, including what information you will share and when.

You will then go through an egg donor selection process to find the best donor for you. There are tons of factors to consider here: the egg donor’s education, medical history, values…the list goes on. So it’s worth spending some time with your partner to decide what factors to prioritize.

Also, if you are over age 45, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine notes that you may need to undergo more intense screening, such as a visit with a high risk obstetrics doctor or a heart workup, to make sure that you are a good candidate for an embryo transfer and can carry a healthy pregnancy.

If you choose a matching platform like Family by Co or an egg donor agency, your egg donor will go through a screening process at your clinic to determine if she is eligible for egg donation. You will also sign a legal contract with her regarding the details of the egg donation process. If you match with a donor in our fresh egg donation program, after her screening, she will do an ovarian stimulation cycle and an egg retrieval. If you have been through an IVF cycle before, you are well aware of all the medications and monitoring she might need during her cycle. If you match with a donor in our frozen egg program, we will help ship the already-frozen eggs to your clinic.

Fertilizing and growing embryos

Whether you obtain donor eggs from a fresh egg donor cycle or from a frozen egg bank, once your clinic is in possession of the eggs, they will need to be fertilized and grown into embryos. Your IVF clinic will update you to let you know how many of the eggs fertilized and how many developed into embryos. Some intended parents decide to do genetic testing on embryos. If so, the clinic will biopsy the embryo at the blastocyst stage (day 5-6) and then freeze the embryos while they wait for the result. 

It’s important to remember that not all eggs become embryos. In general, approximately 70% of eggs will fertilize and of those, about 50% will grow into day 5 embryos.

Preparing for embryo transfer

If you’ve already gone through IVF, you may have already been through the pre-transfer testing. This testing includes infectious disease testing and an assessment to make sure your uterus is normal. Your clinic may do a saline ultrasound or a hysteroscopy to evaluate the inside of your uterus before a transfer. This test rules out fibroids or polyps inside the uterus that could interfere with pregnancy.

At some centers, doctors like to also perform a mock embryo transfer. During a mock embryo transfer, the doctor will pass a transfer catheter into your uterus in advance so they’ll know the embryo transfer catheter will pass easily on the transfer day. If you’ve already done IVF with your own eggs, they may already have this information and can skip this step.

Prior to an embryo transfer, you (or your gestational carrier) will first likely use medication to quiet your own cycle, such as birth control pills or the drug Lupron. Then, you will then be put on estrogen to mimic what would happen during your normal cycle. The estrogen can be given orally, vaginally or with an estrogen patch depending on the protocol your doctor chooses. 

Once your lining reaches a good thickness (many clinics have a goal of 7-8 mm), you’ll then start taking progesterone. The progesterone can be in the form of vaginal suppositories and intramuscular injections. This progesterone will stabilize your uterine lining for embryo implantation. Keep in mind, though, that if by some chance you ovulate on your own during the first stage, any embryos will be frozen and the transfer will be postponed.

Embryo transfer

Your clinic will then schedule your embryo transfer. The embryo transfer is typically performed on the sixth day of progesterone, in order to synchronize the embryo development with your uterine lining.

On the day of the embryo transfer, your doctor will perform a speculum exam and clean the cervix. They will then place the embryo transfer catheter through your cervix into your uterus. An abdominal ultrasound is typically performed so that you and your doctor can see the embryo transfer catheter inside the uterus. The embryo is often loaded into the catheter with a small amount of fluid and an air bubble. At the time of the embryo transfer, you may see a small flash of bright white on the ultrasound screen - that’s where your embryo was placed!

Pregnancy

Your clinic will schedule a pregnancy test following your embryo transfer. If you are pregnant, you’ll need to continue to take estrogen and progesterone during the first part of your pregnancy. Although taking these hormones may seem inconvenient (especially the injectable progesterone!), keep in mind that they are essential to sustaining your pregnancy until your body can effectively take over. If a pregnancy test shows that you are in fact pregnant, you will need to continue to take hormones until your placenta can ultimately support the embryo at around week ten.

Hopefully, this provides a solid overview of the donor egg IVF process. The first step here, however, is to find a donor match. We encourage you to take a look at our incredible donors, who are ready to match with your family. Unlike egg donation agencies and banks out there, our donors aren’t motivated by traditional cash compensation. Rather, they get to freeze their own eggs for free when they give half of them to another family — so every donor we work with is not only altruistic and kind, but also motivated for her own future fertility. 

No matter what avenue you choose, we’re wishing you all the best!

For anyone who’s thinking about using donor eggs, there’s of course lots of focus on the odds of success. But some of you may also be thinking, is it even safe to use donor eggs in the first place?

You may wonder if there is anything about this process that could possibly put you, your partner, or your baby at risk. And these are important questions to ask! However, rest assured, every step of the donor egg process has been carefully thought through with the egg donors’ and the recipient’s health in mind.

Egg donor screening

Before an egg donor can even be considered for donation, Family by Co (along with any other egg donor agency or bank) will ask many questions and conduct extensive testing. This is not something that just any woman is eligible to do. 

The United States Food and Drug Administration has established eligibility requirements for anyone who wishes to donate tissue. This includes those donating eggs.

Egg donors must demonstrate that they are free from any communicable diseases.  A clinic will test potential donors for infectious diseases and for a variety of bacteria and viruses. These include chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, hepatitis B and C, HIV, and HTLV-1 (a virus that has been linked to some cancers). This process helps ensure that there are no infectious diseases associated with the transfer of an embryo made from a donor egg.

There are also many other requirements for egg donors, according to the guidance of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine.

The donor must:

• Provide a detailed medical and psychological history about themselves and any close relatives. The potential donor disclose alcohol and drug use; some programs even conduct random drug tests.
• Undergo a physical exam, as well as a pelvic examination. She’ll also do an ultrasound and bloodwork to evaluate her ovarian reserve (egg supply).
• Provide a detailed medical history for herself and her close family members. This will help identify any serious genetic conditions that could run in her family. The clinic will screen her for family history of birth defects or required surgeries like a heart defect, a cleft lip, or a spinal condition. The clinic may also perform genetic carrier screening. Their goal is to identify if she is a carrier for genetic diseases such as Tay Sachs Disease, Sickle Cell Anemia, or Huntington’s Disease. If your partner or sperm donor is a carrier of a genetic disease, you will want to make sure that your egg donor doesn’t carry the same disease.
• Undergo psychological screening to ensure that she is truly a good fit for egg donation.  In some programs, psychological tests will also be part of the process.

All of this will help to ensure that using an egg donor is as safe as possible, with the donor free of diseases and also in good physical and psychological shape.

Recipient assessment

You and your partner will be evaluated as egg donor recipients as well. Before you can begin, you will both need to give an extensive medical history. Your doctor will test for things like blood type and RH factor. They will also screen for any sexually transmitted diseases such as chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, hepatitis, and HIV.

Both you and your partner may meet with a mental health counselor. This will help ensure that using an egg donor is right for you.

Your doctor will perform an analysis of the sperm you intend to use. The quality of the sperm may help to determine the technique the lab will use to fertilize the eggs. Also, genetic carrier screening to assess for any recessive genetic diseases.

Meanwhile, the person planning to carry the pregnancy will need to undergo some testing. First, she will have a complete examination of the uterus to help ensure the inside of the uterus is normal. This may include a saline ultrasound or a hysteroscopy. The doctor will look to see if there are any fibroids or polyps in the uterus that may get in the way of implantation or safely carrying a pregnancy to term.

If you are over age 45, you may undergo a more extensive evaluation. This may include a consultation with a maternal fetal medicine specialist, an evaluation to make sure that the heart is functioning properly, an evaluation of blood pressure and other exams to ensure that there is minimal risk of any pregnancy-related diseases.

Older recipients may also be advised to find an obstetrician who specializes in high-risk pregnancies, who can help ensure that all proceeds smoothly.

Moving forward

When deciding whether to move forward with the donor egg process, discuss any safety concerns with your doctor and ask questions. The more you know about the process, the more confident you are likely to feel.

The moment you make the decision that you’d like to use donor eggs to help grow your family, you’ve got a big question on your mind: How do I find an egg donor? Or really, how do I find the very BEST egg donor out there?

The best egg donor is pretty subjective, we know. Some intended parents may feel it’s important to find a family member who shares their DNA, asking them to donate their eggs. Others may want to find an egg donor who isn’t related, but is a kind, altruistic person who may or may not look like them. Some might decide the best egg donor for them is one whose eggs are already frozen or whose schedule aligns with theirs for a retrieval. So how do you choose? And how do you know who is the very best?

Finding an egg donor

First things first: There are three common paths for finding an egg donor that can help get you started on your journey to find the best egg donor for your family. It’s important to pick the right path because it can be the key to finding the best donor for you.

Options to consider are:

A matching platform

When you work with Family by Co, you’ll have access to view our donors for free. All women on our platform are incredibly impressive, if we do say so ourselves. 

With a matching platform like ours, you can evaluate various donor matches based on criteria you’ve set forth. Our goal is to be as human-centered, transparent, and ethical as possible — giving you a real glimpse into who all of our donors are as true humans, including their personalities, values, and backgrounds. Of course, this is in addition to their medical profile, genetic history, and more. 

When you select a match, the donor has the opportunity to learn more about you and accept the match, ensuring the matching is the right fit for all before moving forward. And we’ll walk with you every step of the way. You can read more about our matching platform here.

A donor egg bank

Donor egg banks help connect intended parents to donor eggs that have already been frozen. There are a few big differences between banks and agencies. In addition to compiling all the helpful and necessary information you’d want to know about your egg donor, donor egg banks screen for both health and genetic concerns ahead of time.  They also cover the process of egg retrieval and freezing the eggs. 

When you turn to a donor egg bank, you don’t need to plan how she’ll donate, because the eggs are already there.This process is usually the fastest path when using donor eggs, and you’ll know exactly how many eggs you are getting.

An egg donor agency

Egg donor agencies can connect you to willing egg donors and share information about them — the same information that you’d get from an egg bank — like family medical history and education. The agency will work with you to figure out which donor is the best for your family. 

With an agency, any donor you choose would need to go through a medical screening and an egg retrieval cycle. If you find the right donor, you’ll move forward with her, paying the agency for making the connection. If she is an “anonymous” donor (keep in mind, “anonymous” doesn’t truly exist, read more about this here), the agency will continue to manage the process. In other cases, you and the donor will then hammer out your relationship directly and the donor will begin the medical processes required for egg retrieval and donation.

Ask a friend or family member

This is known as a “directed donation” — meaning the egg donor directly chooses who they want to receive their eggs. This can be a great option for intended parents who want to have a continued relationship with their donor or who want to use eggs that they themselves are tied to biologically.

But how do I find the best egg donor?

Okay, so there are different paths to finding an egg donor, but you want the best egg donor out there. After all, you’re talking about making a baby, one of the most important decisions of your life.

The best egg donor is going to be different for every single family, and you’re probably going to find your best donor isn’t the same as the donor your best friend might choose! Maybe you want a donor who is super creative, just like you. Or a donor who is outgoing. Or a donor who is really tall!

In short, things can get pretty personal when it comes to finding an egg donor.

Here are some of the things every intended parent should consider when making this important choice:

• Will your fertility clinic work with the egg donation partner? It may sound obvious, but not all clinics work with all egg donation partners. A simple check can save you a lot of headaches down the line. 

• What is your donor’s genetic background? Some intended parents opt to use an egg donor due to genetic concerns, and knowing your donor’s genetic background can be vital to ensure they’re not carrying the very gene you’re trying to avoid. If you use a donor egg bank, that sort of testing will likely already be done for you.
• How does your donor feel about a relationship with you or the child? This is as much about your feelings on the subject as it is the donor’s — do you want them to be involved? You’ll want to make sure you and the donor are on the same page. Read more about the spectrum of donor relationship options here.

To find the best donor for your family, we highly recommend doing some soul searching with your partner. What attributes are most important to your family? How important is it that the child looks like you? Think about the donor-conceived person you hope to bring into this world. This is a huge decision, and it’s better to get on the same page before you begin the search.

Bottom line

There is a LOT to consider when you’re looking for an egg donor, so we’ve got your back. 

If you’re considering using an egg donor, you might be wondering, “just how exactly can I find one?” There are so many different things to think about, like what qualities or attributes you care most about. With all of these new thoughts swirling around your head, you might be wondering where to even begin. Fortunately, we’ve got you covered. Read on to find out what you need to do to begin your hunt for an egg donor.

Here’s how you find an egg donor

Sometimes, the fertility clinic that’s helping you through your in vitro fertilization (IVF) will have a selection of approved and vetted donors for you to choose from. Other times, you may opt to contract with an outside agency or donor egg bank, or a matching platform like ours, to find your perfect match.

You may even already have a donor in mind, especially if you have a close friend, sister, or cousin who has already volunteered for the position.

1. Working with Family by Co

Finding your egg donor match on the Family by Co platform has its advantages. Not only will you know that all women on our platform aren’t doing it for cash (rather, to help another family while freezing their own eggs for free), you can also rest assured that all donors on our platform have undergone a rigorous screening process and are all-around incredible. We’d love to help build your family.

2. Using your clinic

If you’re using your fertility clinic, you may need to go through their pre-approved registry to find a donor. This might mean going on a waiting list, since your clinic is likely to have other hopeful parents interested in donor eggs. 

3. Using an outside agency

For those who are able to pick a donor outside of their clinic’s network, there are egg donor agencies that help to match potential donors with hopeful parents. While they may have a larger pool to choose from than your clinic, you may also find yourself vying for the same donor eggs as several other families. Additionally, there may be additional fees involved in going through an agency.

4. Using a frozen donor egg bank

There are also frozen donor egg banks available for hopeful parents looking to secure eggs from a larger pool of donors. 

If you’re considering a donor egg bank, you’ll just want to confirm that your clinic will allow you to make the transfer from an outside source.

5. Sourcing your own donor

There are two very different scenarios when it comes to finding your own egg donor:

• Using the eggs of someone you know: When you do this, it’s very important that you are both on the same page about what will take place and how you’ll handle everything, from medical payments to potential emotional conflicts down the road. You’ll also need a clear and concise legal contract drawn up by a lawyer spelling out the terms of your arrangement. Some clinics will even require both parties to undergo a psychological evaluation.
• Asking around: Intended parents might post on social media about what they’re looking for, or take out an ad in the paper.

There’s really no wrong way to find an egg donor, but some ways are certainly more complicated than others. For instance, when you’re sourcing your own donor you’ll likely need to take care of all of the legal, psychological, and medical screenings yourself. Additionally, you’ll need to help coordinate pieces of the retrieval process.

Considerations when trying to find an egg donor

It can be overwhelming when you sit down and start reviewing possible egg donor candidates, but some things should definitely be top priorities when it comes to selecting the best potential donor.

Donor health

If you’re hoping to find an egg donor, first and foremost, you’ll want to make sure any candidates you look at are healthy and have no major medical problems. Our matching platform adheres to all industry guidelines when it comes to donor screening. And, for the most part, most donor matching services or fertility clinics will have screened donors in advance. However, you should still give any health records you receive a thorough review. 

You’ll want to not only check for any obvious issues, but also be mindful of how your genetic makeup or that of the person whose sperm you’ll be using, could potentially cause problems. For example, make sure your egg donor does not carry the same recessive genetic disease as the fertilizing male partner.

You will also want to see if they have any family history of any major medical issues that might be genetic. If you have any questions, talk to your doctor about specific concerns. 

Donor appearance

While this can seem superficial, appearance can be important, especially if you’re hoping to use donor eggs from someone that is a close match to your own personal appearance. For example, if you’re petite, you may prefer to use eggs from a petite donor as well. Our platform provides photos of the donor, both as a child and also as an adult as well. This can give you an idea of the donor’s physical traits. 

Donor values, personality, and education

Similarly, if you enjoyed your time at college so much you went back for your Masters degree, you may want to find a donor that shares your passion for learning. It’s okay to want to have certain things in common with your donor — and sharing values is important! When you find your donor match with Family by Co, we’ll conduct a background check to verify education and employment. 

Good luck!

Beginning your quest for the perfect egg donor can feel overwhelming, but it’s also the beginning of an exciting and hopeful time. Choosing a donor can be a special time in your life because it’s the beginning of a new part of your journey. One that we hope will end with you holding a beautiful baby. We’re here to help make that happen.  

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On the surface, surrogacy might seem like a rather simple arrangement: find a healthy woman, willing to carry a child for someone else. But there are many legal scenarios that can quickly complicate the relationship between the surrogate and the intended parents if the process isn’t navigated correctly. So, here’s a quick primer for those just beginning to understand this process, to help you decide if it’s right for you and your family.

Surrogacy 101: the basics

There are two types of surrogacy, traditional and gestational:

• Traditional surrogacy is when the same woman contributes the egg and carries the pregnancy, and is actually very rarely done these days for many reasons, including legal ones traced back to the Baby M case of the 1980s. In this case, a surrogate was inseminated with the intended father's sperm and then sued for custody of the baby after giving birth.
• Gestational surrogacy is more common by far, and is when the egg comes either from the intended mother or an anonymous donor. That way, the baby has no biological link to the woman who carries the pregnancy. This is the ideal arrangement for most families.  

One more point on vocab: while most of us are only familiar with the word "surrogate" when talking about the woman who physically carries the pregnancy, the more medically accurate term is "gestational carrier." So for the purposes of this piece, we're going to refer to the process as surrogacy and to the women who carry the pregnancy as gestational carriers.

Who might consider surrogacy?

Surrogacy can be a great option for a variety of people facing challenges on conceiving their own biological children. This includes:

• Same sex male couples
• Women who've had recurrent miscarriages, implantation failures or other medical issues that preclude them from getting pregnant
• Women who have had to have a hysterectomy as a result of other health issues
• Women with breast cancer or a form of cancer that may prevent them from carrying a baby safely

OK, I'm interested. What else do I need to know?

Find a reputable agency

Surrogacy requires a deft hand navigating medical and legal requirements but also jumping through complicated medical insurance hoops. In order to make sure every legal T is crossed and I is dotted, you'll want an established, experienced agency on your side.

Check your bank account

Most agencies list the total expenses to be anywhere between $60,000 and $125,000, including all legal fees as well as the medical care and payment for the gestational carrier. Some states also allow what’s called altruistic surrogacy (where the gestational carrier is not financially rewarded—say, if your cousin offered to carry the baby), but the vast majority of gestational carriers are paid.

Understand the process

The first step is to work with the agency to find the right gestational carrier, and a separate egg donor. Here is an average timeline, according to Dr. Sheeva Talebian, reproductive endocrinologist at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM) in New York:

1. Recruiting and matching the gestational carrier: 3-4 months to over a year.  
2. Egg retrieval, insemination and embryo transfer: 1-2 months
3. Pregnancy: 40 weeks

Line up all your legal ducks

Surrogacy is a huge legal undertaking. Fun stuff, right? Because laws vary so widely from state to state, every stage of the surrogacy process might take place in different locations. For example, if the intended parents live in New York (where surrogacy is illegal), they may have to collect the sperm sample in New York, then send it to California, Oregon or another state deemed "surrogacy friendly" where they can find a gestational carrier and egg donor.

That said, surrogacy laws have been changing, and while it may not be legal in your state today, it may be as soon as next year. Fingers crossed!

Who are these "surrogates" you speak of, anyway?

Almost all agencies require the following of potential gestational carriers:

• She has been pregnant before and has delivered a healthy child of her own.
• She must be medically healthy, have no history of drug use and no history of infectious disease.
• She has to demonstrate that she has no mental health challenges. This may involve home visits, extensive psychological interviews and group meetings with the gestational carrier and the intended parents.

Exceptions are sometimes made for an altruistic carrier, but again, most surrogacy arrangements involve the carrier being paid for her 9+ months of "work."

Summing up surrogacy

If you're interested in surrogacy, talk to your reproductive endocrinologist about third party reproduction services offered through your clinic and what's possible in your state. If you can afford it, it could be an awesome way to make your parenthood dreams come true, and a good RE will hold your hand the whole way through.  

When you identify as LGBTQ+, you know from the get-go that having a baby is probably going to be just a little bit more complicated for you than it was for your cousin Mackenzie and her boyfriend. 

So what do you do?

First a little good news: An increasing number of fertility clinics in the United States are throwing open their doors to make sure members of the LGBTQ+ community can live their dreams of becoming parents. No matter your sexual orientation or gender identity, there are options open for you in the fertility world. 

I identify as a...

Lesbian

Pregnancy comes down to two things: An egg and sperm. Once these come together, ideally, they make an embryo, which grows into a baby, and you know where this is going.

Sperm donation

You can ask a friend or family member, or you can opt for donor sperm purchased from a sperm bank.

Intrauterine insemination (IUI)

Once you’ve got your sperm lined up, an OB/GYN or reproductive endocrinologist can insert it directly into the uterus in a process known as IUI. Hopefully (fingers crossed!) the sperm will do its job and fertilize the egg on its own.

In vitro fertilization (IVF)

This process takes some of the “hopefully” out of the fertilization equation. A reproductive endocrinologist will collect your eggs and send them to the lab. Once they get there, a specialist called an embryologist will take your donor sperm and use it to fertilize the egg(s), creating embryos. One or more of those embryos will then be transferred into the uterus, where the hope is they’ll implant and you’ll become pregnant.  

Gestational surrogacy/reciprocal IVF

Typically, when a woman carries a baby created with an egg that isn’t biologically hers, it’s called gestational surrogacy. If you’re opting to carry a baby created with your partner’s egg, that’s called reciprocal IVF. This option is growing in popularity, Diaz says, as it offers each mom an added connection to their baby.

Sometimes, couples even opt to undergo IVF together, each carrying the embryo created with the other’s egg—so they can both enjoy the process of pregnancy and bringing their partner’s biological child into the world.  

Gay man

You already know you’ve got the sperm part of the baby-making equation. Now you just need two things: An egg...and someone to carry the baby through nine months of pregnancy to make your dreams come true.

Egg donation

Just like sperm donation, eggs can be procured from a “known” donor such as a friend or family member. You can also match with a new egg donor on a platform like Family by Co. 

Surrogacy via IUI

Friend? Family member? Stranger? Any one of these folks could potentially carry a baby created with their own egg and your sperm inserted into the uterus via IUI. Known as traditional surrogacy, this process is only legal in some states, which limits its usefulness for many couples. It also means your surrogate will have a biological connection to baby—which can get complicated and that relationship should be worked out ahead of time.

As for which male partner will have a biological connection, even though both partners can provide sperm samples for insertion during IUI, there are no guarantees, Dr. Diaz says. “The strongest sperm usually prevails,” he notes.

Gestational surrogacy via IVF

As with lesbian couples, this option means no biology tying the pregnant woman to the baby. It requires a donor egg from another female, but it’s legal in more states than traditional surrogacy (although still not all). As for which partner has the biological link to the baby, only one sperm can technically fertilize the donor egg. That said, IVF does allow for two embryos to be transferred — one fertilized by one partner’s sperm and the other fertilized by the second partner’s sperm. If both transferred embryos implant, each partner will have a biological link to one of their twins. 

Transgender man or woman

If you’re transgender and thinking about having a baby, the path for you is a matter of personal preference and how far along you are in your transition, Dr. Diaz explains.

“If hormonal therapy has already been started, the hormones can be temporarily discontinued,” he says, “inducing the genitals to resume production of sperm or eggs respectively within 2 or 3 months.”

That could mean a biological tie to baby for either a transgender man or a transgender woman. As for carrying the baby, if the uterus has not been removed, that can be an option for someone assigned female at birth, although it requires remaining off of hormones for the entirety of the pregnancy.

If you’re early on in your transgender transition but plan on having kids down the line, Dr. Diaz recommends freezing your sperm or eggs before proceeding with transition to ensure you have a supply when you’re ready for a baby. The frozen gametes can be used later on via IUI or IVF.

Bottom line

Families look different, and they’re made differently too. So call that fertility clinic. They can help you find the right way to make your family grow.

While surrogacy has opened the possibility of parenthood to so many who may not otherwise be able to carry a child on their own, surrogacy laws can be pretty darn confusing. But don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Before committing to surrogacy, let’s untangle the various complex legal questions that this form of assisted reproduction raises.  

Here’s an overview of surrogacy laws to hopefully make this process a little less complicated.

First things first: lawyer up

To make surrogacy laws less straightforward, in the United States, there are actually no national policies or laws governing surrogacy, and state laws vary widely state by state. While some states are more surrogacy-friendly, other state surrogacy laws actually make it a crime to pay for a surrogate. Mind blown, right?  

Some states may not even have laws directly addressing surrogacy at all.  What’s more, there are a few different ways to define surrogacy—traditional (using the surrogate’s eggs) and gestational (with no biological link between the surrogate and baby). Different states treat these forms of surrogacy differently.

Basically, surrogacy brings up a ton of stuff to figure out. Hiring a surrogacy attorney for the process is important to protect the rights of both intended parents and prospective surrogates.  Being informed about any restrictions or unique laws will allow for a much smoother process, and enable you to feel calm, cool and collected as you gear up for parenthood.

Protect those rights

One critical reason to hire a lawyer to dig into those surrogacy laws is to protect the parties’ rights. Each state will likely have different requirements to establish those rights, and an attorney will know what those steps are in your unique situation.  

For example, in some states, even though a gestational surrogate is not genetically related to the baby, she may have rights to the child, or the intended parents may not have automatic rights to the child, (particularly if a sperm, egg or embryo donor is used). Wild, but true. An attorney knowledgeable in your state’s surrogacy laws and requirements will ensure that you avoid any custody disputes over a child born via surrogate.

Surrogacy agreements

Intended parents and gestational carriers also usually put together a “surrogacy agreement.”  While surrogacy contracts aren’t always enforceable, in states where they are, it’s smart to retain a good attorney to help draft the contract between the parties. Many fertility clinics may even require a surrogacy agreement before moving forward with actual medical procedures. It’s just good to iron out logistics ahead of time. Makes sense, right?

The surrogacy agreement will answer many of the complicated legal questions that may arise during pregnancy and may also prevent disputes by laying out various “ifs and thens” beforehand.  Some topics to cover might include: the method of pregnancy, sensitive issues like termination and selective reduction, requirements and restrictions during the pregnancy, birth arrangements, custody, and financial compensation.

Some state-specific surrogacy laws to consider

Now that you’ve gotten the download on why it’s important to consider surrogacy laws, let’s dive into some state-specific laws, shall we? Here’s a quick overview of what surrogacy looks like in a few states that have more complex surrogacy laws, for better or for worse.  

California surrogacy laws: as friendly as they come

California Code, Family Code section 7960 governs California surrogacy laws. Unsurprisingly, California has a great reputation for being super surrogacy-friendly. Unlike some other states, California surrogacy laws allow intended parents to establish legal parentage rights before birth without requiring separate adoption proceedings. And good news for the LGBTQ+ community in California: you’re included in all of this, too, married or not (yay!). Unfortunately, that’s not the case in all states, so it’s worth calling out here.

But don’t get too excited yet. Surrogacy in California isn’t 100% simple, and California law does maintain certain requirements. For example, California surrogacy laws require that intended parents and carriers are represented by separate legal counsel and the parties will need to create a California surrogacy legal contract before beginning any medical intervention.

New York surrogacy laws: surrogacy agreements recently approved

New York has recently changed courses with respect to surrogacy contracts. The Child-Parent Security Act (CPSA) took effect on February 15, 2021 and amended various laws establishing the statutory framework for assisted reproduction and legal parentage. The CPSA is detailed, and complex — all the more reason to lawyer up. In fact, parties to New York surrogacy agreements must be represented by separate legal counsel, just like in California.

Here are a few highlights: 

The CPSA only applies to gestational surrogacy. Traditional compensated surrogacy agreements are still prohibited. 

Under the CPSA, married as well as unmarried couples can obtain a court order declaring them legal parents, same-sex and different sex couples alike.  

A surrogacy agreement will need to meet certain criteria to be enforceable. For instance, the surrogate’s rights must be protected including: the right to make all health and welfare decisions regarding herself and the pregnancy, the right to terminate, reduce or continue the pregnancy, and the right to request and receive counseling to be paid for by intended parents among others. 

Interestingly, New York will create a voluntary tracking registry to collect data on the long-term impact of surrogacy.

Texas surrogacy laws: careful with those dollars

Section 160 of the Texas Family Code governs gestational surrogacy. Making sure to abide by the code section, intended parents and gestational carriers may enter into a written agreement governing surrogacy which will be judicially approved prior to the start of the surrogacy process. 

When it comes to Texas surrogacy laws, the funkiest part is definitely the payment piece. Navigating the surrogate’s compensation in Texas is complex, and it’s important to understand what’s legal and what isn’t.

• Legal: In Texas, a gestational surrogate may receive base compensation to cover her time, the physical risks surrogacy poses, and any lost wages.  
• Not legal: Paying a woman in exchange for birthing a baby—the compensation must strictly be in exchange for time and effort.

Also, in Texas, current surrogacy laws only apply to married couples (same-sex as well as opposite sex). However, courts do sometimes issue parentage orders to unmarried couples pursuing surrogacy in Texas.

You got this

The roadmap to surrogacy definitely varies widely depending on the state’s laws. Importantly, the surrogate’s state of residence—not yours—is likely where the majority of the legal process will take place, and her state will impact the journey the most. Interstate surrogacy is an option, particularly if your state is not surrogacy-friendly.  

Surrogacy agencies and attorneys will help detangle this complicated web, protect your rights, and hopefully make things much less overwhelming. In the meantime, we’re here for you along the way.  

If you’ve got any state-specific surrogacy tips, throw them in the comments!  

Disclaimer: This document is provided for information purposes only and is not intended as legal advice. If you need legal advice regarding your specific situation, we strongly recommend that you consult a competent, licensed family law attorney who is familiar with these issues. It is also important that you understand that the information provided here in no way constitute, and should not be relied upon, as legal advice.

For lesbian and other LGBTQ+ couples, a fertility journey isn't always straightforward. After all, you've got to work out the whole sperm + egg + uterus thing, and you may not have all of the above. Needless to say, things can get complicated; not to mention any fertility hiccups along the way.

One option for lesbian couples (and for some couples where at least one partner is transgender or nonbinary) is called reciprocal IVF. In reciprocal IVF, one partner's egg is used, but the other partner carries the pregnancy. This way, each partner gets to play a role: one is the biological parent, and the other gets to feel all the kicks and jabs (and morning sickness…blah) and deliver the baby. This could help both partners feel super involved in the pregnancy and connected to the baby.

Sounds kind of perfect. But with reciprocal IVF, there's a lot to understand and consider before diving in.

Reciprocal IVF 101

Here's how it works: First, you'll both have to take drugs that will get your periods synced up. It's important that you're ovulating at the same time. Then, the partner donating the eggs will take fertility meds to help her ovulate, and hopefully one or more eggs can be retrieved. They'll be fertilized in a lab with donor sperm in hopes of getting at least one viable embryo.

Resulting embryo(s) can then be transferred fresh or frozen to her partner. Basically, it's pretty similar to the standard IVF process, except the transferred embryo was made with the other partner's egg.  

If your fertility specialist recommends freezing embryos (and possibly chromosomal screening), syncing your cycles is not a necessary step. Eggs can be extracted first, embryos created and frozen and implant planned in the future. The menstrual cycles don't need to be synced.

Who's doing what

You'll have to decide: Who's going to be pregnant for nine months, and who's going to go through the egg retrieval process? You may be able to choose based on the question of who's more into the idea of being pregnant. But you might not have the luxury of choice—if one partner has trouble with her egg reserve or her uterus, for example, or has a health problem where pregnancy is dangerous.

Neither role is free of risks. Because you'll both be taking fertility medications, you may experience side effects. The woman carrying the baby will carry all the risks of pregnancy and childbirth.

Sperm: anonymous vs. known

You're going to need some sperm to make reciprocal IVF happen, so part of the process is choosing where it comes from. Would you want an anonymous donor from a sperm bank? Or is there someone you know who'd be willing to donate some sperm to you?

Going with a sperm bank is pricey, but the sperm is screened for illnesses, and in the U.S., usually the donors have signed paperwork waiving any parenthood rights. If someone in your life donates, they often do it for free (besides the necessary costs of sperm workup/bloodwork you’ll need to consider), and you both can go through this process with someone important to you. However, as the Family Equality Council suggests, you should draft a contract with that person. Also, with widely available genetic testing, bear in mind that no donation is truly anonymous these days. 

But what about money?

If neither you nor your partner have been diagnosed with infertility, your health insurance may not cover the costs of reciprocal IVF. Bummer, we know.  

Reciprocal IVF costs are similar to that of regular IVF. A cycle of IVF can cost anywhere from $16,000 to more than $30,000 when all is said and done. And, we're going to be candid here: it doesn't always work the first time. If you're using frozen embryos left over from the first cycle, additional transfers  may cost less—more like $3,000 to $5,000 per cycle, plus fertility meds.

The laws aren’t great

Parenting laws are complex and vary from state to state. And frankly, they haven't quite caught up with fertility technology. So they may not automatically recognize both parents as biological parents of the child, whether you're legally married or not. So, so frustrating.

An attorney experienced in assisted reproduction laws can help you through all the legal rigamarole. Some states allow "second parent" adoptions, where one parent is deemed the biological parent and the other is able to adopt the child, so they both have equal rights and responsibilities as parents.

If your state doesn't allow second parent adoption or doesn't allow married or unmarried same-sex couples to adopt (yes, both are a thing), the Human Rights Campaign suggests drafting a co-parenting agreement or custody agreement with your partner. A good attorney can help you through all of that.  

What about being pregnant at the same time?

Some couples even choose to both be pregnant at the same time, which is known as concurrent IVF.

In concurrent IVF, each woman goes through IVF followed by embryo freezing for each. Once each woman's uterus is deemed by her doctor as ready to receive the embryos created from her partner's eggs, each partner's embryos are transferred to the other. They can therefore carry each other's baby at the same time.

But keep in mind, concurrent IVF could pose some challenges. "Their babies could possibly be born very close to the same birth date," Dr. David Diaz, MD, reproductive endocrinologist at MemorialCare Orange Coast Medical Center in Fountain Valley, California notes. While it could be a wonderful option, "If one woman's pregnancy is complicated, it may be difficult for her pregnant partner to easily care for the woman struggling with the complication."  

And then you'll have two newborns. "After the birth, it may add physical stress and fatigue in caring for two newborns by both moms who are recovering from childbirth," says Dr. Diaz.

Think about the future

If you're hoping to have more than one child, you may consider a few different options. Perhaps you freeze some of the embryos from this cycle for a later transfer. Or you could swap roles: the egg donor becomes the pregnant partner and vice versa next time.

All that said, reciprocal IVF can be a good choice for lesbian partners who want to have a baby together—so long as you've discussed all the above with each other, your doctors and a lawyer. Be sure you'll both be comfortable with your role in the pregnancy and beyond. And get ready to become parents…together!

For a growing number of gay dads, egg donation and surrogacy can be a way to grow a family. However, the laws governing these options can vary from state to state, and it's important to understand the legal landscape before pursuing either route. In this article, we’ll discuss some things to know as you begin your journey.

Can gay men legally become parents?

Gay men can absolutely become parents, but the legal landscape surrounding LGBTQ+ parenting rights can be complex, and there are still some challenges that gay dads may unfortunately face. You’ll need a great lawyer who knows the specific laws of your state (if you work with Cofertility, we can help you find one). 

There are no federal laws that prevent gay men from using donor eggs and a gestational carrier, but the laws can vary depending on the state. Some states have laws that specifically prohibit surrogacy arrangements, or only allow it when both parents are genetically related to the child. Other states make it difficult to get both parents on the birth certificate. 

Surrogacy and egg donation laws by state

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) has a comprehensive guide to surrogacy laws across the United States. The guide outlines the surrogacy laws for each state, including whether surrogacy is legal, the type of surrogacy arrangements permitted, the eligibility criteria for intended parents and gestational carriers, and any specific legal requirements, such as pre-birth orders or post-birth adoption procedures. 

In general, the states that are currently most difficult (or impossible!) include: 

• Arizona expressly prohibits surrogacy. Arizona courts sometimes grant pre-birth parentage orders when both the Intended Parents are genetically related to the child. If an egg donor is used and at least one of the Intended Parents is genetically related to the child, a pre-birth order may be possible, depending on the judge. Second-parent adoptions are also prohibited in Arizona.
• Indiana law makes gestational surrogacy contracts void and unenforceable as against public policy. While some courts have begun issuing pre-birth parentage orders, they are usually not granted if an egg donor was used. 
• Louisiana only allows surrogacy for married heterosexual couples who are both genetically related to the child (i.e., neither a sperm or egg donor was used).
• Michigan considers surrogacy contracts to be void and unenforceable. Courts may still grant pre-birth orders if no payment or compensation has been made to the surrogate, but they will not allow second-parent adoptions.
• Nebraska considers surrogacy contracts to be void and unenforceable, however “the language of the statute does allow surrogacy practice in limited scenarios”. 

Remember that laws can be complex and change at any time, so it's crucial to consult with an experienced reproductive lawyer to ensure you understand the legal implications in your specific situation. If you work with Cofertility, we can help you find a great lawyer to help navigate this process.

What is second-parent adoption?

Even if a child is biologically related to one of the dads, without a legal adoption, the non-biological parent may not have any legal parenting rights to their child. This means that if the biological parent passes away or becomes incapacitated, the non-biological parent, even if they have been an equal parent, may not have any legal rights to parenting. This is where second-parent adoption comes in.

In some states, the non-biological parent may be able to establish legal parentage through a pre-birth order or a marriage or domestic partnership. However, second-parent adoption is often the most secure way for non-biological parents to establish their parental rights and ensure that their child is legally protected.

Individual state laws surrounding this process can be complex. The National Center for Lesbian Rights has a great PDF outlining Adoption by LGBT Parents. The states that make it hardest for unmarried same-sex couples include:

• Alabama
• Arizona
• Kansas
• Kentucky
• Mississippi
• Nebraska
• North Carolina
• Ohio 
• Utah
• Wisconsin 

It is essential to work with an experienced attorney who can guide you through the legal landscape and ensure that your family is protected.

The good news is that "parentage" laws are passing in many states that legally protect LGBTQ+ families. These laws recognize a non-biological parent as a legal parent without requiring a costly and time-consuming second parent adoption process. 

What is a pre-birth order?

A pre-birth order is a legal document that establishes the intended parents as the legal parents of a child before the child is born. Without a pre-birth order, the state law would presume that the person giving birth is the biological and legal parent of the child. 

A pre-birth order is important because it ensures that your parental rights are established from the moment of birth.  The laws surrounding pre-birth orders vary by state, and the requirements for obtaining one can be complex. In some states, like Alabama, the intended parents must be married in order to obtain a pre-birth order.

Summing it up

For a growing number of gay dads, egg donation and surrogacy can be a way to grow a family. However, the laws governing these options can vary from state to state, and it's important to understand the legal landscape and protect your family. 

If there’s anything to take away from this article, it’s the importance of working with an experienced attorney (we can introduce you to one!) who is familiar with the laws in your state to ensure that your parental rights are protected. Your attorney can help guide you through the process of obtaining a pre-birth order and ensure that all necessary legal requirements are met. We wish you all the best!

Read more:

• LGBTQ+ Fertility Information and Resources
• What Fertility Options are Out There for LGBTQ Families?
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation
• How to Start a Family as a Single Dad by Choice

‍Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

At Cofertility, we believe in the equal right to parent. LGBTQ+ families have historically faced more rigorous scrutiny and challenges than heterosexual families regarding their rights to be or become parents, including discriminatory laws making it difficult in some states for both parents to be on the birth certificate. We stand by protections for LGBTQ+ parents and their children, and support all families equally. 

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Building a family is a dream for many couples, and for gay dads, egg donation and surrogacy can be a great way to bring a child into their lives. However, the process can be complex and overwhelming, especially for those who are new to it. In this article, we'll answer some common questions that hopeful gay dads often ask us about egg donation and surrogacy.

What comes first, finding the surrogate or the egg donor?

This is a common question among those considering egg donation and surrogacy. Both the egg donor and surrogate are essential for the process, and in most cases, it’s recommended to start by matching with an egg donor and making embryos. 

This is because many surrogacy agencies usually cannot sign up families who do not yet have healthy embryos to transfer. Gestational carriers are in high demand and they don’t want to wait months after matching in order to start the transfer process. On the other hand, once you have embryos made through donor eggs, those can be frozen and used at any point in the future.

You could also begin the search for a gestational carrier and an egg donor at the same time, knowing that the waitlist for a gestational carrier is far longer than the process to get donor eggs.

Are you able to use both of our sperm?

Yes, there are a couple of ways we’ve seen this done! When the eggs are retrieved, the clinic can fertilize half of them with one partner’s sperm, and the other half with the other partner’s sperm. However, this doesn’t guarantee the same number of embryos from each partner since fertilization rates can vary depending on a variety of factors (including sperm health). Sometimes it’s recommended that couples undergo two egg retrievals with the same donor to increase the chances of multiple embryos from each partner.

We’ve also seen biracial couples find two donors – one that looks like each partner. They then fertilize the eggs with the sperm of the other partner. 

How are egg donors screened?

Our team screens egg donors through a rigorous, multi-step process to ensure each person is qualified and prepared to become an egg donor, going above and beyond FDA and ASRM-recommended screening guidelines. Before donors can be listed on our platform, we review their personal and family medical history and collect information on their lifestyle and behavioral habits. Most importantly, we meet 1:1 with every donor to get at the core of who she is as a person — her values, her goals, her personality. This allows us to provide you with the most thoughtful match possible. 

Once you move forward with a match, the donor will undergo a physical examination, psychological evaluation, and full genetic screen. Your doctor will review these results and give us the green light to move forward. We will also ensure that donors are screened for background and education checks.

How do you find an egg donor?

The first step is to fill out a short form in which you share more about your family and what you’re looking for in an egg donor. You’ll then gain free and immediate access to our matching platform. 

You can search our platform by many attributes, including education, race, height, hair color, and other features. Browse the profiles and learn more about the incredible donors we work with. We’re able to recruit the best donors because our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

When you’ve found a donor you want to move forward with, press the “Place a Hold” button at the top of her profile. From there, you’ll put down a $500 deposit to place a hold on that match. 

How long does it take to match with an egg donor?

The timeline can vary, but in total the process from match to cycle with Cofertility is generally be two to four months. Once you create a free account, you’ll gain access to our matching platform and can start to learn more about our donors. After you match with a Split member (who will be freezing her eggs and donating half to your family), we begin the process of scheduling her screening and testing with your clinic, which generally takes a few weeks. Once your doctor gives the go-ahead, we’d set a date for the cycle at a time that is mutually convenient. 

You may decide to fertilize the embryos as soon as the eggs are retrieved or you can freeze the eggs and thaw them to be fertilized at a later date. If you do create embryos at the s of retrieval, they can be frozen in storage until you match with a surrogate or are ready to move forward with the transfer.  

How are surrogates screened?

This depends on the agency. Ideally, surrogates undergo extensive screening to ensure that they are physically and emotionally capable of participating in the egg donation and surrogacy process. Screening typically involves medical tests, background checks, and psychological evaluations. Potential surrogates are also required to provide detailed medical and personal histories.

The screening process helps ensure that the surrogate is a good candidate for the process and that there are no potential health or psychological risks.

How are surrogates matched?

Surrogacy is a little different from matching with an egg donor. Generally, you will tell the agency your preferences including health history, personality traits, and geographic location. After getting off the waitlist, the agency will share a profile of a gestational carrier who fits your profile. You will meet the surrogate to see if it’s a mutual match, and if so, go from there. 

How long does it take to match with a surrogate?

The process of matching with a surrogate varies in length and may depend on a variety of factors, including the location and availability of surrogates, your preferences and requirements, and the legal and medical requirements involved in the surrogacy process based on your state. In general, the process of finding a surrogate may take several months to a year.

What type of testing is necessary before treatment?

Before beginning moving forward with treatment, both partners will need to undergo some medical and psychological tests. It ultimately depends on the clinic and the requirements of your state, and may include blood tests, semen analysis, psychological screening, and physical exams. 

These tests will help determine if there are any underlying medical conditions that may affect the success of the treatment. And the psychological tests are also necessary to ensure that both partners are mentally prepared for the emotional journey of surrogacy and egg donation.

Can we both legally be parents?

Gay men can absolutely become parents, but the legal landscape surrounding LGBTQ+ parenting rights can be complex, and there are still some challenges that gay dads may unfortunately face. You’ll need a great lawyer who knows the specific laws of your state (if you work with Cofertility, we can help you find one). 

There are no federal laws that prevent gay men from using donor eggs and a gestational carrier, but the laws can vary depending on the state. Some states have laws that specifically prohibit surrogacy arrangements, or only allow it when both parents are genetically related to the child. Other states make it difficult to get both parents on the birth certificate. Read more about Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads.

How can I find an LGBTQ+ friendly clinic?

We can help! Finding a fertility clinic that is LGBTQ+ friendly can be important for gay couples who are considering egg donation and surrogacy. 

We have a network of fertility clinic partners that are as dedicated to serving LGBTQ+ families as we are. We’ll ensure your family is treated with the care and respect you deserve as you embark on this exciting journey. 

Why you should work with Cofertility

We are honored that you are considering us as part of your family-building journey. As you can see, we’re doing things differently around here! 

Family by Co is our human-centered matching platform for intended parents pursuing egg donation. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. 

Here’s how we’re different:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens. 
• Donor empowerment. In our unique Split model, donors aren’t doing it for money. They get to keep half of the eggs retrieved, empowering them to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support. A match is just the beginning. We offer families access to educational modules, support groups, and communication tools for life.

Part of serving families is recognizing the unique life experiences of the humans we’re helping bring into this world. These children are so precious and wanted, and the world is just starting to understand the nuances of not sharing genetics with one’s parents. This is why we provide families with evidence-based tips and guidance for raising happy, healthy donor-conceived children, as well as tools for families and donors to communicate at a mutually-agreed upon level. 

Please reach out if we can help! 

More resources:

• LGBTQ+ Fertility Information and Resources
• Donor eggs for LGBTQ+ families
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation

For gay dads who wish to have a genetically connected child, choosing whose sperm to use is an important decision. It involves considerations of genetics, personal preferences, legal, and ethical aspects. In this article, we will delve into various ways gay dads can navigate this decision and explore four options we’ve seen for family building through egg donation. 

Option 1: One egg donor, half the eggs are fertilized by each partner

In this option, a single egg donor is selected, and the eggs retrieved from the donor are split between both partners for fertilization. Each partner's sperm is used to fertilize an equal number of eggs. 

At that point, you could simply pick the highest quality embryo to transfer, regardless of who is the genetic father (or not find out the genetic linkage at all). Or, if you want to have more than one child, you could pick one embryo from each dad. In this option, if you have more than one child, those siblings would be genetically related to each other.

Option 2: Different egg donor for each partner

In this option, two egg donors are chosen—one who resembles each partner physically or in certain desired traits. Then, the other partner’s sperm fertilizes the eggs. Each partner's chosen egg donor provides the eggs for fertilization, allowing for a potential resemblance between the child and both partners.

We often see this strategy in bi-racial relationships. For example, if one partner is Black and the other is Korean, they could find two egg donors, one Black and one Korean. The Black dad would fertilize the eggs of the Korean egg donor, and vice versa. In this method, the children have the same ethnicity (in this example, that would be half Black and half Korean). 

This option offers the potential for the child to share physical or desired traits with both partners, and each partner has a direct genetic link to a child through their respective egg donor. However, any siblings would not be genetically related to each other. 

Option 3: Family member serves as egg donor

This option involves using a family member, such as the sister or cousin of one partner, as the egg donor. The eggs retrieved from the family member are fertilized with the sperm from the other partner, creating a familial genetic connection between the child and both partners.

This option maintains a strong genetic link to each partner's family, potentially providing a sense of connection and belonging. However, introducing family members into the reproductive process could add emotional and familial complexities that need to be carefully considered.

Option 4: “Trade-sies” with a same-sex female couple for egg and sperm sharing

In this option, which one parent told us they called “trade-sies”, a same-sex male couple can collaborate with a same-sex female couple who are also interested in starting a family through IVF. 

One of the female partners from the lesbian couple can donate eggs, while one of the male partners from the gay couple can donate sperm. The two families would divide the resulting embryos. For the gay dads, the embryos would be transferred to a gestational carrier. 

This option allows both the gay dads and the lesbian couple to share in the journey of starting a family, creating a unique and supportive bond. This arrangement can foster long-lasting connections between the families involved, creating a broader support network for the child(ren).

Partnering with another couple involves intricate legal arrangements, such as co-parenting agreements, to establish parental rights and responsibilities. As with any co-parenting arrangement, there is a possibility of differences or conflicts arising in the future, which may require ongoing communication and cooperation to navigate successfully.

Find an egg donor through Cofertility

Our Family by Co platform honors families and egg donors with a thoughtful, human-centered egg donor matching experience. Our unique egg sharing model empowers egg donors to take control of their own reproductive health while giving families the gift of a lifetime. Instead of cash compensation, our donors get to keep half of the eggs retrieved. 

Why Cofertility:

• Egg donors you won’t find anywhere else: Our unique model removes cash compensation from the equation — and as a result, the incredible women on our platform are all ambitious, educated, kind, and eager to help other families while investing in their own reproductive future.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Community: Our Family by Co Community (coming soon!) will be a safe space for intended parents of all kinds to connect, support each other, and gain access to exclusive member resources, experts, and events.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We started this company with the vision of serving all families, regardless of what brought them here. And we promise to provide you with the care we would want for our families. With our commitment to transparency, inclusivity, and innovation, we are striving to be the best in the industry.

Our Split model empowers donors and enables families to find the egg donor perfect match quickly and easily, setting a new standard for excellence in our field. Whether you are just getting educated on egg donation or ready to move forward, we want to help you achieve your goals and build the family of your dreams.

Learn more:

• Five Helpful Questions Gay Dads Should Answer Before Starting a Family
• Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation

The path to fatherhood is unique and full of individual choices and circumstances, and for gay dads looking to start or expand their families, egg donation can be an essential part of this journey. As you navigate the world of egg donor agencies, myriad questions might arise. Here's a detailed guide with some of the top questions to ask your egg donor agency as a gay dad.

1. Understanding the process

What is the entire egg donation process and timeline?

Understanding the full process from selecting an egg donor to implanting the embryo is crucial. Make sure the agency explains each step, the involved costs, legal aspects, and the expected timeframe.

What experience do you have with gay parents?

Understanding how the agency supports gay dads can provide valuable insights into their experience and capabilities in assisting gay couples.

Can you help me find a clinic?

Partnering with the right clinic is a critical aspect of the journey to fatherhood. Ask the agency if they have affiliations or can provide recommendations for reputable fertility clinics. Their experience and network in the field can guide you to a facility that aligns with your needs, location, and values, ensuring a cohesive and supportive process from start to finish.

2. Choosing an egg donor

What criteria are used to approve your egg donors?

Ask about the screening process, including medical, genetic, AMH, psychological, and background checks. Understanding the agency's criteria will provide you with assurance about the quality and suitability of potential donors.

Can I meet the egg donor?

This question is vital if you want to know more about the donor's personality, motivation, and background. Some agencies allow this, while others may only provide non-identifiable information. (At Cofertility, we do offer virtual match meetings).

Read more in Should I Meet My Potential Egg Donor? 

3. Financial aspects

What are your fees and when are they due?

The entire egg donation process can be expensive, so make sure to ask for a detailed breakdown of all costs, including the agency's fees, legal fees, and any other unexpected expenses. Keep in mind that medical expenses are usually dependent on the clinic you work with and not the egg donation agency. Learn more about Cofertility pricing here. 

What payment plans or financial assistance are available?

If cost is a concern, explore payment options or if they can recommend any available financial assistance programs. At Cofertility, we've partnered with lenders to offer you fertility financial resources. Sunfish offers the most comprehensive marketplace of financial options for egg donor IVF.

How are the donor’s expenses handled?

Do they offer an escrow account to easily facilitate payments related to the donor’s egg retrieval? 

What if I want to do two cycles?

Is there a reduced cost for a second cycle? At Cofertility, the answer is yes. 

4. Legalities and contracts

What legal agreements are required?

Understanding the legal landscape of egg donation is paramount. Inquire about necessary contracts and whether legal consultation is provided or recommended.

What happens if the donor withdraws or can't proceed?

Make sure you understand the contingencies if the chosen donor is unable to proceed.

Do you offer a baby guarantee?

What happens if the egg donor cycle does not lead to a baby? Will the agency help match you again? (At Cofertility, the answer is YES). 

If the donor is out of state, do I need to switch clinics to one near her?

Some agencies, like ours, make matches nationwide. You’ll want to know how that works if you already have an existing clinic. If you match with one of our donors, we’ll work with both parties to determine the best place to conduct her testing, monitoring, and retrieval. In some cases, we will complete the donor’s testing and monitoring at a clinic close to her home to eliminate travel and can have the eggs shipped to your clinic. In other cases, donors will travel to your clinic for the retrieval.

5. Other important details

How does your agency support the donor?

Understanding how the egg donor is supported throughout the process is a reflection of the agency's professionalism and care. Ask about the educational, medical, and emotional support provided to the donors, including counseling, support, and follow-up care. This question ensures that you align with an agency that respects and takes proper care of all parties involved in this deeply personal process.

What emotional support is available?

The journey to parenthood through egg donation can be emotionally taxing. Ask about available counseling or support groups that are sensitive to the unique needs of gay dads.

What are the agency's ethical policies?

Understanding the agency's stance on ethical issues, such as compensation for donors, informed consent, and privacy, is crucial. 

Are you part of SEEDS or any other industry organizations?

SEEDS is a nonprofit organization founded by a group of egg donation and surrogacy agencies, whose purpose is to define and promote ethical behavior by all parties involved in third party reproduction. Cofertility is a proud member.

Choosing to create a family through egg donation is a beautiful journey, and as a gay dad, you may face unique questions and considerations. The above guide can help you navigate the sometimes complex world of egg donation, but remember, these questions are just a starting point.

Every family's journey is different, and you may have concerns specific to your situation. Don't hesitate to ask those questions, too. Open communication with your chosen agency is vital in ensuring that they can meet your individual needs and expectations.

As you embark on this incredible journey to fatherhood, arm yourself with knowledge, seek support where needed, and trust in the professionals guiding your path. The road may be complex, but the joy of holding your child in your arms is a destination that promises to make the entire journey worthwhile.

Remember, becoming a parent is not just about genetics; it's about love, commitment, and the capacity to provide a nurturing environment. Your decision to explore egg donation is a significant step toward fulfilling your dream of fatherhood, and asking the right questions will help you make informed and confident choices along the way.

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

If you are a single cis male or in a same-sex male relationship, you will need a gestational carrier to carry and deliver your baby along with donor eggs to create embryos. A fertility psychologist can work with you to discuss the implications of becoming parents, how to talk to your child about their conception and to others around you about your journey. They can also walk you through your feelings, fears, and educate you about the process of becoming parents through third party reproduction. 

The decision-making process

The decision-making process of using donor eggs as a gay couple is a little different than heterosexual couples needing to use donor eggs. One is deciding who will provide the sperm. If both are planning on being biologically related, then you need to decide whose sperm will be used first. You both have to agree upon a donor, a carrier and who will be called what (e.g. I will be dad and you will be papa)

Read more in Gay Men Having Babies: Four Genetic Options with Donor Eggs 

Emotional and psychological considerations

The emotional and psychological considerations involved in using donor eggs as a gay couple include who will provide the sperm or should you have twins? What if it works for one partner but not the other? What if the cycle does not work the first time? How many times will you try? How and when to tell your child about their conception story? Then there is the worry about the donor, such as how much, if any, contact you will have with her now and in the future. What if the donor or your child wants a deeper relationship, does the donor have any rights over your baby?

This process can be stressful and it can create pressure on your relationship as well. Especially because it can be costly and it can be time consuming. And sometimes a gestational carrier backs out or a donor you want is not available.  It is vital for you to always communicate, openly, honestly and thoroughly. 

The impact on the child not having a mother

At some point, your child will start asking questions about not having a mother and about how they were conceived. This is natural especially once the child starts school and sees that some children have mothers.  You and your partner should discuss how and when you will tell your child about their donor. You may also want to speak with family and friends about what terminology you would like them to use as well (for example, how will the donor be referred?)

Two dads, no mom, and the kids are all right

A report, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics states that three decades of research concur that kids of gay parents are doing just fine. “Many studies have demonstrated that children’s well-being is affected much more by their relationships with their parents, their parents’ sense of competence and security, and the presence of social and economic support for the family than by the gender or the sexual orientation of their parents,”

Legal considerations

All intended parents should have an egg donor contract. The contract should state that the egg donor is waiving her parental rights and that all children born from her donated eggs will be the intended parents’ children. The egg donor contract can also spell out payments, and  terms of any potential future relationship between the donor and your child. For example, having an option for allowing future contact with the donor once the child reaches a certain age. If you work with Cofertility to match with an egg donor, we will help you with this part.

You should also understand the laws where you live regarding same sex parents, egg donation and surrogacy. For example, some countries will recognize both of you as legal parents of the child, while other countries might not. Some states in the U.S. do not allow single men or gay couples to become parents - meaning you may have to look outside of where you live. 

Read more in Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads

Navigating the medical process

Typically gay men need more education and counseling about the female reproductive system than heterosexual couples undergoing donor egg IVF. So you will need to brush up on female anatomy and biology so you have a better understanding of the entire process.  When selecting a fertility clinic, you want to make sure that it is LGBTQ+ friendly and understands the unique needs of gay fathers.  

Next will be selecting your donor. Before you start searching for your donor, decide on some basic characteristics that you would like to have in your donor. This may include things like physical appearance, education level, athletic or musical ability. Perhaps someone of a certain culture or religion is of importance. Remember, you will never find anyone that meets your requirements 100%. So have your list and then divide it into your must have and nice to haves. 

Once your donor has completed all the necessary screening and legal contracts, the egg donor will receive hormone medications to stimulate her ovaries to produce multiple eggs. A fertility doctor will retrieve the donor’s eggs once they are mature. These eggs, or oocytes, can then be fertilized using your sperm and transferred to your carrier or frozen (as embryos) for future use.

If you are wanting each partner to have a biologically related child, will want to either split the eggs that are retrieved so you both get half or you may want to do more than once cycle to ensure each partner has enough eggs to create enough viable embryos. 

For same-sex male couples, to have a biological baby was once just a dream, now it is a reality. Medical science is giving people the chance to find their happiness by having a family of their own. It can be a long, stressful process but know that Cofertility will be by your side, giving you the support you need while navigating this new path to parenthood. 

Read more:

• Five Helpful Questions Gay Dads Should Answer Before Starting a Family
• LGBTQ+ Family-Building Resources
• Which Should I Find First: An Egg Donor or a Surrogate?
• Surrogacy Questions Gay Dads Should be Asking
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation

Can a gay couple put both names on the birth certificate?

Who is on the birth certificate with gay dads?

The question of whose names appear on a birth certificate when a child has two dads is one we hear a lot. This question not only touches on the legal mechanisms at play but also the emotional and societal implications of such recognition, or the lack thereof, for LGBTQ+ families.

In this article, we’ll discuss parental recognition, and how birth certificates work for babies with gay dads.

Can gay men legally become parents?

Gay men can absolutely become parents, but the legal landscape surrounding LGBTQ+ parenting rights can be complex, and there are still some challenges that gay dads may unfortunately face. You’ll need a great lawyer who knows the specific laws of your state (if you work with Cofertility, we can help you find one). 

There are no federal laws that prevent gay men from using donor eggs and a gestational carrier, but the laws can vary depending on the state. Some states have laws that specifically prohibit surrogacy arrangements, or only allow it when both parents are genetically related to the child. Other states make it difficult to get both parents on the birth certificate. 

Can gay dads put both names on the birth certificate?

The short answer to this question is that it depends on where the baby is born. The legal acknowledgment of gay fathers on birth certificates is not uniform across jurisdictions, reflecting a patchwork of policies that navigate parental rights. 

In many countries and states within the United States, legal advancements have facilitated the listing of both fathers on a child's birth certificate, particularly in cases of adoption or when using assisted reproductive technologies (ART), including surrogacy and donor egg in vitro fertilization (IVF).

However, this progress is not universal. Unfortunately, in jurisdictions with more conservative legal frameworks, challenges persist. There, the non-biological parent among gay fathers may have to undergo adoption procedures to be recognized legally, a process that can be both time-consuming and financially burdensome.

Read more in Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads

What you should know about birth certificates and surrogacy

Donor egg IVF plays a pivotal role for gay fathers in starting their families, and the legal system significantly affects whose names appear on the birth certificate. In cases where a gestational carrier is involved, legal parentage may initially rest with the surrogate and, depending on the location, the biological father (the one whose sperm was used). Subsequent legal steps are often necessary to establish the non-biological father's legal parentage.

Countries and states that have embraced more inclusive definitions of family have implemented procedures to simplify the recognition of gay fathers from the outset. For instance, pre-birth orders and parentage judgments can establish both fathers' legal parentage before the child's birth, ensuring their names are on the birth certificate from day one.

The unfair psychological and social implications of parental right challenges for gay dads

The inclusion of both gay fathers on a birth certificate transcends legal formalities, bearing significant psychological and social implications for the entire family. This recognition affirms the fathers' relationship to their child and each other, providing a sense of legitimacy and security that benefits the child's emotional well-being. It can also impact practical matters, from medical decisions and schooling to inheritance rights and social services.

The absence of a legal bond can render the non-biological parent's relationship with their child vulnerable, particularly in situations of medical emergencies or separation. It's a stark reminder of the ongoing disparities facing LGBTQ+ families, despite strides toward equality.

The legal battle for fair parental recognition

Legal battles have often paved the way for changes in policy regarding the recognition of gay fathers on birth certificates. Cases brought before courts have challenged discriminatory practices, leading to landmark rulings that favor the equal treatment of LGBTQ+ families. These legal precedents not only affect the families involved but also set the stage for broader legal and societal shifts.

Resolve, a non-profit I’m on the board of, has tirelessly fought to help forward positive family building bills as well as work to stop harmful legislation from being enacted into law. As part of our overall mission to increase access to care, we will continue fighting for future families for the LGBTQ+ community.

Resolve tracks and advocate for LGBTQ+ legislation in gestational surrogacy, adoption policies and bills, and increasing infertility insurance coverage. Here is where you can learn more about Resolve’s LGBTQ+ specific legislative initiatives.

What is second-parent adoption?

Even if a child is biologically related to one of the dads, without a legal adoption, the non-biological parent may not have any legal parenting rights to their child. This means that if the biological parent passes away or becomes incapacitated, the non-biological parent, even if they have been an equal parent, may not have any legal rights to parenting. This is where second-parent adoption comes in.

In some states, the non-biological parent may be able to establish legal parentage through a pre-birth order or a marriage or domestic partnership. However, second-parent adoption is often the most secure way for non-biological parents to establish their parental rights and ensure that their child is legally protected.

Individual state laws surrounding this process can be complex. The National Center for Lesbian Rights has a great PDF outlining  Adoption by LGBT Parents. The states that make it hardest for unmarried same-sex couples include:

• Alabama
• Arizona
• Kansas
• Kentucky
• Mississippi
• Nebraska
• North Carolina
• Ohio 
• Utah
• Wisconsin 

Especially if you live in one of these states, you’ll want to work with an experienced attorney who can guide you through the legal landscape and ensure that your family is protected.

Summing it up

If you are a gay dad expecting a child through donor eggs and surrogacy, you’ll need to know the laws and parental recognition requirements of the state and country where the child is born as well as where you reside. We highly recommend working with a family lawyer who specialties in third party reproduction. If you work with us at Cofertility, we can help recommend a lawyer from our network. 

All parents – regardless of sexual orientation – deserve to be on their child’s birth certificate. As legal and social narratives continue to evolve, the hope is for a future where the question of whose names appear on a birth certificate is merely procedural, not a battleground for recognition or rights.

While significant strides have been made, the variability in legal recognition across jurisdictions highlights the need for ongoing advocacy and reform. Ultimately, the goal is to ensure that all families, regardless of their makeup, are afforded equal respect and protection under the law, reflecting the diverse and evolving nature of family in the 21st century.

Read more:

• LGBTQ+ Fertility Information and Resources
• What Fertility Options are Out There for LGBTQ Families?
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation
• Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads

As a reproductive endocrinologist (aka a fertility doctor), every day I witness firsthand the profound yearning to build a family. For many individuals and couples, the path to parenthood may not be a straightforward one. Fortunately, advancements in assisted reproductive technologies (ART) have opened doors to alternative family-building options. Third-party reproduction (TPR) can offer hope for those facing fertility challenges or seeking alternative means to complete their families. But what is it?

In this article, I'll dive into the world of TPR, exploring its various facets, the science behind it, and the unique considerations involved. Whether you're a couple struggling with infertility, a single parent by choice, or an LGBTQ+ individual seeking to build a family, understanding TPR can empower you to make informed decisions about your fertility journey.

What is third-party reproduction?

When you hear the term third-party reproduction, it’s referring to a range of techniques that involve using genetic material or gestational services from a third party, someone who is not the intended parent, to achieve pregnancy. This broadens the possibilities for those who may not be able to conceive using their own gametes (eggs and sperm) or carry a pregnancy themselves. Here's a breakdown of the types of TPR:

• Sperm donation: Viable sperm from a carefully screened donor is used to fertilize eggs through intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF).
• Egg donation: Donor eggs, retrieved from a healthy egg donor who has undergone rigorous medical and psychological evaluation, are fertilized with the intended father's sperm or donor sperm for implantation in the uterus via IVF.
• Embryo donation: Frozen embryos created by another family undergoing IVF are donated to another couple or individual for implantation. 
• Gestational surrogacy: A gestational carrier, also known as a surrogate, carries a pregnancy for the intended parents using an embryo created either through the intended parents' own gametes or donated sperm and eggs. The gestational carrier has no genetic link to the baby.
• Double donor: Both donor sperm and donor egg come together in IVF. 

More and more families are turning to third-party reproduction to build their families. Third-party reproduction is part science and medicine, and part generosity from someone else who wants to help you build your family. There is a lot of coordination and legal work involved to protect all parties, and if you work with a group like Cofertility, we will help you all along the way. 

What types of families use third-party reproduction?

Third-party reproduction (TPR) opens doors for a diverse range of individuals and couples who may not be able to conceive unassisted or carry a pregnancy to term. I have worked with so many different types of families, who come to me for various reasons. Here's a closer look at some of the families who find hope and fulfillment through TPR:

• Couples facing infertility:  Infertility, the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse, affects millions of couples worldwide. TPR can offer hope for those struggling with infertility due to various factors including low sperm count, blocked fallopian tubes, or hormonal imbalances.  For these couples, TPR, whether through sperm donation, egg donation, or even embryo donation, allows them to experience the joy of parenthood and build their families.
• Single parents by choice:  An increasing number of single intended parents are opting for TPR to build their families. They can utilize sperm donation, egg donation, and/or surrogacy to create their dream families.  
• LGBTQ+ families: TPR plays a significant role in expanding family-building options for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples. Same-sex male couples can utilize egg donation and surrogacy to have a biological child within their family. Lesbian couples have the option of using sperm donation, either from a known or anonymous donor, and either partner can carry the pregnancy or utilize a gestational carrier.  Transgender individuals can also explore TPR options to complete their families.
• Individuals with medical conditions:  Certain medical conditions may render pregnancy unsafe or even impossible. Uterine fibroids, endometriosis, or a history of complex medical procedures or births are just some examples.  TPR, through gestational surrogacy, allows these women to experience parenthood by having a genetically related child (through egg donation and sperm from their partner) or by adopting an embryo.
• People with genetic concerns:  For couples at risk of passing on a known genetic condition to their biological children, TPR offers a path toward a healthy family.  Preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) can be performed on embryos created through IVF, allowing for the selection of embryos free from the identified genetic condition.  This can give couples peace of mind and increase their chances of having a healthy child.

Regardless of the specific route taken through TPR, the common thread is the unwavering desire to build a loving family.  While genetics play a role, the emotional bonds cultivated through love, nurturing, and shared experiences are the true cornerstones of a family. Studies have shown that children born through TPR thrive in loving environments and develop strong attachments to their intended parents.

The emotional journey of TPR

The decision to pursue TPR is rarely made lightly. It's often born out of a deep longing for parenthood and may be accompanied by a spectrum of emotions. Intended parents may experience a mix of hope, excitement, anxiety, and sometimes even a sense of grief if facing infertility or the inability to use their own genetic material. Open communication is absolutely vital – between intended parents, with any known donors or gestational carrier, with your agency, and within oneself.  Exploring personal feelings and expectations throughout the process  is essential for ensuring everyone is emotionally aligned.

Donors and gestational carriers also carry complex emotional feelings throughout the process.  Donors may derive a sense of altruism and fulfillment from helping others build families.  Gestational carriers often express feelings of deep satisfaction from carrying a child for intended parents who cannot do so themselves.  However, feelings of uncertainty, potential vulnerability, and even moments of hesitation are also natural parts of the experience.

Psychological support in the form of counseling provides a safe space to unpack these emotions for everyone involved.  It can help intended parents cope with potential setbacks, foster healthy communication with stakeholders, and build a strong emotional foundation as they navigate their unique path to parenthood.

If you work with Cofertility, we have a fertility psychologist on our team who supports all parties involved. 

Do I need a doctor who specializes in third-party reproduction?

The short answer is yes! Building a family through third-party reproduction involves a mix of medical, legal, and emotional considerations. While seeking guidance from any fertility doctor is a good starting point, partnering with a board-certified reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in TPR will go a long way. These specialists possess in-depth knowledge of the various TPR techniques, from sperm and egg donation to embryo donation and gestational surrogacy. Their expertise allows them to create tailored treatment plans that perfectly align with your unique circumstances – whether that means selecting the right donor, navigating IVF procedures, or understanding complex legal agreements.

A fertility doctor with TPR experience understands the potential risks and necessary medical monitoring throughout the process. They ensure your safety and well-being, always keeping your best interests in mind. Perhaps just as importantly, they offer compassionate support throughout your emotional journey, answering any questions and providing a safe space to process the complex feelings that may arise.  Building a trusting relationship with your doctor is important when making personal decisions that affect your ability to build a family.

Finding the right specialist takes a little research. Look for board-certified reproductive endocrinologists affiliated with reputable fertility clinics that offer comprehensive TPR services. Ask for recommendations from trusted sources or schedule consultations with a few specialists to find a provider whose approach aligns with your needs. Ask them about their experience with TPR, and how they approach treatment differently. Ultimately, a specialist in TPR will be your invaluable guide, increasing your chances of a positive outcome on your path to creating the family you've always dreamed of.

Summing it up

Third-party reproduction (TPR) is a powerful testament to where science and compassion meet. It expands our horizons of possibility, offering alternative paths to parenthood for many individuals and couples. Whether it's sperm donation, egg donation, embryo donation, or working with a gestational carrier – the techniques behind TPR are ever-evolving, giving more people the chance to fulfill their dreams of family.

While the science is complex, the heart of TPR is simple: it's about love, determination, and the generosity of those who offer the incredible gift of helping others build their families. Naturally, navigating the medical, emotional, and legal aspects of TPR necessitates a guiding hand. That's where a specialized reproductive endocrinologist, a team like Cofertility, and a strong support system are invaluable, turning what can seem daunting into a well-supported, empowering journey.

If this is a path calling to you, know that you're not alone. Seek out the knowledge and support that will enable you to make informed choices and feel confident at every step along the way.  The joy of parenthood, experienced through whichever means resonate with you, is a beautiful path of unwavering love.

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg-sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud of the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Read more:

• Double Donor IVF: Making Embryos with Donor Eggs and Sperm
• Reciprocal IVF: What Should My Partner and I Consider?
• Gay Men Having Babies: Four Genetic Options with Donor Eggs