Donor conceived people

If you’ve decided you’re ready to use donor eggs to have a baby, but you’re still unsure whether fresh donor eggs or frozen eggs are the right choice, it’s likely you have a lot of questions about the difference between the two options. After all, picking an egg donor is overwhelming enough; deciding between whether to use fresh or frozen donor eggs shouldn’t add another layer of confusion to the process. 

We’ll break down exactly what you need to know about the two different methods and how to choose which one is right for you. 

Fresh donor eggs: pros and cons

When talking about the difference between fresh donor eggs and frozen donor eggs, it’s important to remember that one of the key points is that “fresh” donor eggs haven’t yet been retrieved. Using fresh donor eggs means that the oocytes (eggs) are retrieved only after you match with a donor.

There are several reasons some intended parents choose to use fresh donor eggs, especially if both your budget and timing are flexible. 

First, you may have access to a higher number of eggs from a fresh donor cycle compared to a frozen egg batch. When using a fresh egg donor, she will go through an IVF cycle. This means that there is the potential to have more eggs available from a fresh egg donor cycle than you would receive in a frozen donor egg “batch”. With Family by Co, our egg donors split the yield of retrieved eggs and freeze their half for their own reproductive future — while donating half to your family.

Frozen donor eggs: pros and cons

If you are using frozen donor eggs, the retrieval process has already taken place (so you may be skipping a waiting period), and you can begin the fertilization and implantation process shortly after selecting your donor. This method can possibly cut time from your process and make becoming a parent all that much closer to becoming a reality.

Because a frozen donor has completed most or all of her medical screening in advance of matching, it can bring a little more certainty to the process. With screening results in hand, you’ll have more certainty over whether a donor is the right fit for your family-building goals from the outset. 

However, if you’re hoping to have more than one child, you may not have access to as many frozen eggs as you’d like. Typically, when frozen donor eggs are used they are released in batches of around six—with the option to use multiple batches if they are available. 

Fresh donor eggs vs frozen donor eggs: which is right for you?

Ultimately, for many intended parents, the choice between a fresh or frozen egg donor often comes down to finding the right donor. Both options have their merits, and the best choice for you will depend on your specific circumstances, preferences, and the connection you feel with potential donors.

If you're open to either journey, we recommend exploring both options. Consider your priorities:

• Is time a critical factor for you? If so, frozen egg donation might be your best bet.
• Do you feel strongly about using fresh eggs? Then fresh egg donation could be the way to go.
• Is the ability to meet your donor before the retrieval important to you? With donors in our  fresh egg donation program, you could have this opportunity.
• Are you looking for the highest level of financial protection? The Frozen Baby Guarantee might be particularly appealing.
  

At Cofertility, we're committed to supporting you through every step of your journey, regardless of which program you choose. Our team is here to answer your questions, address your concerns, and help you navigate this important decision.

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Roughly 20% of single-parent households are single fathers, a group that has grown substantially in the past few decades. This translates to over 2.2 million single-parent households being led by dads (unfortunately the census doesn't ask how many of those men are single dads by choice). Research shows that single fathers provide healthy and supportive environments for their children, and actually spend more time with their children than do fathers in any other family structure.

How to have a child as a single dad by choice

There are a few options for building your family as a single dad by choice. Adoption and foster care are available domestically, and some international countries allow single-parent adoption. A single man who wants to be genetically related to their child can pursue egg donation, coupled with a gestational carrier (often called a “surrogate”) who carries the pregnancy but does not have shared genetics with the child. Both of these options take time and money, but are well worth the effort.

As egg donation and surrogacy become more widely available, the number of single fathers by choice is increasing – and we are proud to serve this incredible group of intended parents! 

Considerations for anyone considering parenthood

There are two major considerations that any parent – single or coupled – must think about on their path to parenthood.

The first is the financial costs of having and raising a child. These costs vary widely depending on location and preferences. The Brookings Institution found that the cost to raise a child from birth is $310,605 per child (for a middle-class family with two children). Of course, if you live in a major city like San Francisco or New York City, expect that number to at least double. This also does not include the cost of college, an expense that continues to increase. 

The second consideration is support. Parenting, especially in the early days, is a full-time role. Think about your village, and what you need to fully support your future family. Do you live near family members who are willing to help? If you work, will the child attend daycare or will you hire a nanny? Think about the day-to-day and how you will juggle parenthood with everything else in your life. 

Advice from the daughter of a single dad

I was raised by a single father (albeit by divorce and not by choice). I had a happy upbringing, and am very close to my father to this day. One of my fondest memories is when we fixed up a vintage car together. My dad shared his life passions with me (namely cars) and I had plenty of family and friends to round out my exposure to other interests. The best part of our relationship had nothing to do with his status as a single dad. In fact, I don’t even think about him that way. He’s just my dad – a loving, supportive, dorky parent who helped shape me into the person I am today. 

Resources

• Men Having Babies is a non-profit dedicated to providing gay men with educational and financial support to achieve parenthood; we love their events and attend their annual conference!
• The National Council for Adoption has great resources for pursuing single parent adoption
• The Single Parents Alliance of America (SPAA) is comprised of information resources, programs and savings for single parents across the United States
• The Single Fathers By Choice Facebook group is an online support community of over 1,000 people who have decided to become parents on their own
• SoloParent.org is a site run by a single-dad to support solo parents of faith. They also offer online and in-person support groups
• Single Parent Advocate is a non-profit committed to educating, equipping and empowering single parents with resources, practical assistance, emotional encouragement and social networking to better their lives, and those of their children
• Parents Without Partners (PWP) is a non-profit providing single parents and their children with an opportunity for enhancing personal growth, self-confidence, and sensitivity towards others by offering an environment for support, friendship and the exchange of parenting techniques
• Fatherly is the leading digital media brand for dads
• Fatherhood.gov is a site for dads looking for tips, hints, and even deals for dads and kids
• Nathan Chan is the single dad and influencer behind the lifestyle blog Single Daddy By Choice

At Cofertility, we honor your choice to pursue egg donation and support many single fathers. Our donors aren’t doing it for the cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family. 

As someone raised by a single father, I know first hand that single dads are more than capable of raising happy, healthy children. If we can help you build your family, please reach out!

Your doctor told you that donor eggs are your best option for starting (or growing) your family. Now, you may be curious to know what the success rates are. Donor egg success rates can look high, which can be confusing when you compare them to some of the other numbers at play.

We broke down some of the numbers you’re likely to come across when looking at the different types of success rates. We explained what they mean and where they come from.

What are donor egg success rates?

What are your chances of having a baby with donor eggs? Depending on your individual circumstances, the chances of having a baby using a donor egg may be significantly higher than the chances of having a baby with In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) using your own eggs.

IVF success rates are impacted by things like age, genetics, and other medical conditions that impact egg quality. Donor eggs may eliminate these factors. That doesn’t mean that IVF can’t be successful on its own (it can!); but, some people, especially those with low egg quality or quantity, will experience a higher rate of success if they undergo IVF with the aid of donor eggs.

Success rates at the beginning and end of the process

IVF is a multistep process, and each step along the way has its own specific success rate. It’s hard to account for all the variables that are possible with each donor and recipient; however, there are some consistencies. Please note: while these figures are well established, success is not guaranteed when it comes to donor eggs or IVF.

Frozen eggs retrieved from women under the age of 36 have a 95 percent survival rate after being thawed. This figure can present a huge relief for hopeful parents who are worried about the cost associated with obtaining eggs and fearful of the disappointment that could come along with not even getting past the first stage of the process. While those numbers are strong, they drop slightly to 85 percent when accounting for eggs that were retrieved from women over the age of 36.

And that’s not the only good news. Around 53 percent of all donor egg cycles will result in a little bundle (or in some cases, bundles) of joy that you’ve been dreaming of.

How are these numbers reported?

A division of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) that tracks Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) collects these statistics. ART covers all fertility treatments where eggs or embryos are used.

Most fertility clinics in the United States report their ART numbers to the CDC, which they then review and report. The CDC's most recent report was 2019’s Fertility Clinic Success Rates Report. This found that 2.1% of babies born in America each year are the result of ART. You can check out the Society For Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART)’s website; there, search for your clinic to find out how their numbers stack up.

Success rates at Cofertility

For those who match with a donor in our fresh egg donation program, the average number of mature eggs a family receives and fertilizes is 12. The number of eggs retrieved varies by patient and cycle, but can be predicted by a donor’s age, AMH, and antral follicle count, all of which will be known to you after the donor’s initial screening. Qualified candidates have an ample ovarian reserve for both their own needs and sharing. Egg share donors also often work closely with a fertility doctor to determine, based on their own medical history, the optimal number of eggs needed for their own future family-building goals. Should it make sense for the donor, they may choose to pursue a second egg-sharing cycle to maximize the chances of success for everyone.

Matching with a donor in our frozen program can provide the opportunity to move forward with your family-building plans faster, as frozen eggs can be fertilized or shipped to your clinic immediately or as soon as the cycle is complete. Donors undergoing frozen cycles complete equally rigorous ovarian reserve testing. While the total number of frozen eggs available will vary based on the donor’s retrieval outcomes, every frozen match is guaranteed to have a minimum of at least 6 frozen eggs.

To learn more about these programs and the differences between them, click here.

In 2023, Cofertility was named one of the Best Egg Donor Programs by Egg Donor Connect. That’s because we’re shaking things up and doing things differently around here. Our unique model has landed us features in FastCompany, Fortune, Women’s Health, TechCrunch, Business Insider, and more.

We take our jobs seriously, and would be honored to work with you on this journey.

How using an egg donor increases your rate of success

There are several reasons why you might find yourself considering an egg donor as you plan your family.

Poor ovarian reserve or low egg quality

If your doctor told you that you have a low egg count (diminished ovarian reserve) or poor egg quality, using donor eggs may help increase your chances of having a baby with IVF. This is because egg donors are generally young with a high egg count and quality. A reproductive endocrinologist (REI) also screens and approves donors.

Age

A woman’s chance of success with IVF is highly correlated with her age. This means, using a donor egg from a younger woman could increase your chances of success. According to the Society For Assisted Reproductive Technology, the most important factor for success when doing IVF, is the age of the woman.

• Women under the age of 30 have the highest success rate, at around 50 percent per IVF cycle.
• Women over the age of 40 have success rates that range from five to 20 percent per IVF cycle.
• When the oocytes—which are the eggs that will eventually be fertilized and become embryos—are retrieved from an egg donor (under the age of 33), those success rates trend towards the higher end of the spectrum.

Genetic disorders

Some couples carry a genetic disorder that they do not want to pass down to their children. If you’ve been diagnosed with such a disorder, you can use a donor egg to avoid having a child with that condition.

Premature Ovarian Insufficiency

Some women have something called premature ovarian insufficiency (sometimes called primary ovarian insufficiency) which causes the ovaries to stop releasing eggs and producing estrogen. Doctors may diagnose this condition in women under the age of 40.

Surgical or cancer interventions

If you’ve received chemotherapy for cancer you may have a lower than expected egg supply for your age. If you have had your ovaries removed surgically, donor eggs may be the only way you’re able to proceed on your reproductive journey.

Get more information

Just by doing this research, you’re already on the right path towards starting (or growing) your family. To browse our platform of incredible egg donors, click here.

When you decide to build your family with donor eggs, you’re forced to contend with a lot of unknowns. You may be asking yourself questions like, “what if she doesn’t pass her screening,” or “what if the cycle doesn’t yield any healthy embryos?”

These concerns are compounded by the fact that any fertility treatment comes with a hefty price tag. We know that IVF and egg donation are huge expenses for families because we’ve been there. While we can’t promise perfection, we have devised the most parent-friendly guarantee on the market. We hope this brings you peace of mind and shows you how committed we are to helping you build your family. 

Cofertility’s baby guarantee

While some agencies require you to pay extra to receive any form of a guarantee, Cofertility’s baby guarantee is built into our pricing. We want to help you bring your baby home, and we’ll re-match you for free until that happens.

What does this mean? If the donor doesn’t clear her screening… we’ll rematch you. If the cycle doesn’t lead to any blastocysts… we’ll rematch you. If none of the blastocysts turn into a pregnancy… we’ll rematch you.

In short, if at any point along your egg donation journey, something out of your control prevents you from bringing your baby home, we’ll re-match you for free or we’ll offer you a full or partial refund if you do not move forward with another donor. 

How our guarantee applies to fresh egg donation

When you match with a donor in our fresh egg donation program, you’ll put down a $500 deposit that places a five day hold on the match. After your kickoff call, you’ll sign a formal agreement with Cofertility and pay the Cofertility Coordination Fee. Both the deposit and the Coordination Fee come with our Baby Guarantee. 

The guarantee is detailed in your contract, but covers the following scenarios:

• The donor does not pass her initial screening, which may include her AMH being too low, failing a genetic screen or psychological evaluation, or just generally not passing your clinic’s donor criteria 
• The egg retrieval fails or is canceled, which includes your doctor canceling the round or no mature eggs being retrieved
• No pregnancy is achieved, which extends from the eggs failing to fertilize through to no embryos transferring or no pregnancies making it to a live birth

If the Baby Guarantee comes into effect with a fresh donor cycle, you’ll be required to pay the clinic expenses associated with your new donor’s screening and retrieval.

If you’re using a gestational carrier, this guarantee will also extend to her as applicable (e.g., the embryo transfer).

Why we don’t guarantee a number of eggs in our fresh donation program

Cofertility’s egg sharing model allows women to freeze their eggs for free when they donate half of the eggs retrieved in the cycle to your family. With Cofertility’s model, you’ll never pay the donor any cash compensation and you’ll benefit from a more collaborative, empathy-driven experience.

On top of this, very few organizations offer guarantee programs for fresh egg donation. And when there is a guarantee, it is typically a premium package that’s based on a specific number of eggs retrieved or embryos created.

At Cofertility, we understand that the number of eggs that you’ll need depends on you and your family-planning goals. For some, one cycle may yield enough eggs to grow the family of your dreams. Others may be interested in completing a second cycle, either with the same or a different donor.

Because of this, we wanted to rightsize our guarantee to fit all family-building plans. Our commitment to you is the same regardless of how you envision your family.

How our guarantee applies to frozen egg donation

When you match with a donor in our frozen egg donation program, the entire cost of your match comes with our Baby Guarantee. This goes above and beyond what you’ll find with any other frozen donation offering, which is nearly always limited to guaranteeing a single blastocyst or a single euploid embryo.

With Cofertility’s frozen program you are always guaranteed a minimum of 6 frozen eggs, though the number could be higher depending on the donor’s retrieval outcomes.

What’s more, if for any reason outside your control the frozen eggs that you receive do not lead to a live birth, we’ll rematch you with a new donor with an equivalent number of eggs for $0.

In this case, the only costs you’d need to pay are the additional shipping and fertilization expenses at the clinic. Put another way, if you received 8 frozen eggs that did not lead to a live birth, we’ll match you with a donor with at least 8 frozen eggs until you achieve the desired outcome.

If you rematch with a donor who has more frozen eggs available, you will be responsible for covering the difference in cost.

If you prefer to match with a donor in the fresh program, your Coordination Fee will be waived but you'll be responsible for the administrative and medical costs associated with her fresh donation cycle. Importantly, any administrative, medical or cycle-related fees paid to third parties or scheduled for payment (e.g., the donor’s genetic screening, donor’s travel to clinic) are not refundable once incurred.

Summing up our commitment to you

Building your family through donor eggs should be a beautiful experience, but that doesn’t mean that it will come without stressors. While we can’t control every outcome, we’ve worked hard to ensure that our guarantee protects you through every twist and turn. If you have any questions about our pricing or guarantee, please don’t hesitate to reach out. 

IVF with donor eggs has a much higher success rate than IVF with a patients' own eggs. However, it’s still not 100%. In this article, we will go over the reasons for using donor eggs, how long it takes to use donor eggs, the chances of it working, and why donor egg cycles sometimes fail.

Reasons for egg donation

According to the CDC, a substantial 12% of all IVF cycles in the U.S., over 16,000 a year, involve eggs retrieved from a donor. And donor-egg IVF has the highest success rate of any fertility treatment. 

There are myriad reasons families turn to donor eggs to build their family. For heterosexual couples, the reason is usually due to poor egg quality or quantity, recurrent miscarriages, genetic mutations, or repeated IVF failure.

Read more in Seven Reasons Families Use Donor Eggs

How long does it take to get pregnant with donor eggs?

For someone who has spent a lot of time, effort, and money on failed IVF, you may be eager to move forward with donor eggs and have a baby ASAP. The good news is that the chances of success with donor eggs has more to do with the age of the donor than the age of the mother (or gestational carrier). 

The time to match with a donor can be just days (we have hundreds of pre-qualified donors ready to match with your family). After that, a donor cycle with fresh eggs can take 60-90 days from match to completion of the cycle whereas a donor cycle with frozen eggs can be quicker.

As you can see from the SART data above, the chances of getting pregnant per cycle is much higher with donor eggs and the gap increases with age of the patient. 

Read Dr. Meera Shah’s article Donor Egg Success Rates: a Breakdown.

How many donor eggs do I need?

One 2015 study of 647 frozen donor eggs found that:

• 97.1% survived thawing
• 85.3% of the eggs fertilized
• 59.1% made it to blastocyst
• 84.2% of blastocysts were euploid (genetically normal)

So three donor eggs would yield a little over one genetically normal embryo on average while nine donor eggs would be expected to yield three to four euploid embryos on average. Keep in mind that this will vary depending on a lot of factors other than the egg, including the quality of the sperm and the quality of the clinic.

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Another study found the average number of eggs retrieved from donors aged 25-29 was 18 eggs, and for ages 30-35 was 16 eggs. 

At Cofertility, for those who match with a donor in our fresh egg donation program, the average number of mature eggs a family receives and fertilizes is 12. The number of eggs retrieved varies by patient and cycle, but can be predicted by a donor’s age, AMH, and antral follicle count, all of which will be known to you after the donor’s initial screening. Qualified candidates have an ample ovarian reserve for both their own needs and sharing. Egg share donors also often work closely with a fertility doctor to determine, based on their own medical history, the optimal number of eggs needed for their own future family-building goals. Should it make sense for the donor, they may choose to pursue a second egg-sharing cycle to maximize the chances of success for everyone.

Matching with a donor in our frozen program can provide the opportunity to move forward with your family-building plans faster, as frozen eggs can be fertilized or shipped to your clinic immediately or as soon as the cycle is complete. Donors undergoing frozen cycles complete equally rigorous ovarian reserve testing. While the total number of frozen eggs available will vary based on the donor’s retrieval outcomes, every frozen match is guaranteed to have a minimum of at least 6 frozen eggs.
To learn more about these programs and the differences between them, click here.

Does donor egg IVF work for the first time?

IVF cycles using donor eggs certainly have a higher success rate than using a patient’s own eggs, especially for patients who have had failed cycles or recurrent miscarriages. So while for many families, donor eggs work the first time, for others it does not work on the first try. 

Why do donor egg cycles fail?

It can be very frustrating when a donor egg cycle fails, either due to fertilization, implantation failure, chemical pregnancy, or miscarriage. And unfortunately, most of the time, it’s hard to know exactly why. 

We know that sperm plays a huge role in fertilization and embryo quality, but there’s so much we still don’t know about sperm. Even sperm that passes sperm quality and fragmentation tests with flying colors can be the cause of poor fertilization or even miscarriage.

There could also be implantation failure or miscarriage due to uterine lining issues, endometrial receptivity, or immunological factors. We still don't completely understand implantation, and unfortunately many patients never find out why they miscarried a genetically normal embryo.

Failure could also be due to the quality of the clinic you are working with. We know that IVF success rates vary from clinic to clinic. You can find the success rates of your clinic on the CDC’s SART website – however, keep in mind that some clinics have better success rates because they turn away patients with low chance of success, and other clinics have worse success rates because they work with anyone.

And sometimes, a donor egg cycle can fail simply due to bad luck. Even with improved chances of success with a transfer of a euploid embryo from donor eggs, pregnancy is not a 100% guarantee. 

Cofertility’s Baby Guarantee

When you decide to build your family with donor eggs, you’re forced to contend with a lot of unknowns. You may be asking yourself questions like, “what if she doesn’t pass her screening,” or “what if the cycle doesn’t yield any healthy embryos?” 

These concerns are compounded by the fact that any fertility treatment comes with a hefty price tag. While some agencies require you to pay extra to receive any form of a guarantee, Cofertility’s Baby Guarantee is built into our pricing. We want to help you bring your baby home, and we'll re-match you for free until that happens.

This means that if at any point along your egg donation journey, something out of your control prevents you from bringing your baby home, we'll re-match you for free or we'll offer you a full or partial refund if you do not move forward with another donor.

Read more about our Baby Guarantee.

When you have a child (donor conceived or not), it is common for others to comment on their resemblance or lack thereof to you or your family. While these remarks may be well-intentioned, they can sometimes be uncomfortable or insensitive for parents of donor-conceived children. 

This article will discuss common comments and provide examples of how you could respond, empowering you to handle such situations with grace and confidence.

Why do people always comment on my donor conceived child’s resemblance?

Let’s consider the perspective of the individuals making these remarks. Most often, the commenters may not be aware of your child's donor-conceived status, and their intentions may not necessarily be malicious. Their comments about resemblance may stem from a genuine curiosity or a desire to find common ground. Remember that their lack of awareness is not a reflection of your family's worth or validity.

Remember that their lack of awareness is not a reflection of your family's worth or validity.

For whatever reason, society often emphasizes the importance of physical resemblance within families, perpetuating the notion that resemblance is the primary indicator of kinship. Commenters may unintentionally subscribe to these societal expectations, unaware of the broader definition of family and the significance of emotional connections and shared values. You could use the opportunity to teach them about donor-conceived families, but it is not your job to educate people so only do so if you want to. 

While commenters may not have ill intentions, their lack of sensitivity in discussing resemblance can be hurtful. They may not realize the potential impact of their words on your child or the emotional journey you have embarked on as a parent. You can approach these situations with patience and understanding, or simply ignore them. But understanding how they make you feel, and why they make you feel that way, is important. 

Why am I sensitive to these comments in the first place?

Navigating comments about your donor-conceived child's resemblance can evoke strong emotional reactions for some people. If this is you, try and understand why you may feel triggered in such situations. By recognizing and acknowledging these triggers, you can respond more effectively and maintain emotional well-being. 

Let’s dive into five reasons these questions, even when well-intentioned, may feel uncomfortable:

1. Identity and belonging. Comments about your child's resemblance, or lack thereof, to you or other members of your family may trigger feelings of insecurity, cause you to question your child's identity, or raise concerns about their sense of belonging. As a parent, you may find yourself seeking validation or affirmation that your child is accepted and loved by your family and friends. Remember that your child's identity is multifaceted and extends beyond physical resemblance. Embrace the uniqueness of your family's story and focus on fostering a strong bond based on love, shared experiences, and values.
2. Protectiveness and defensiveness. When someone comments on your child's resemblance, it is natural to feel protective and defensive. You may fear that these comments could potentially harm your child's self-esteem or create a sense of otherness. These emotions stem from a place of love and concern for your child's well-being. Responding with assertiveness and educating others about donor conception can help create a supportive environment for your child and alleviate your own feelings of defensiveness.
3. External validation. Comments about your child's resemblance may trigger a desire for external validation as a parent. You may feel the need to prove that your family is just as loving and connected as any other. Remember that your worth as a parent does not depend on your child's physical resemblance or genetic ties to you. Embrace the love, effort, and dedication you invest in nurturing your child, regardless of genetic similarities.
4. Fear of judgment. Comments about your child's resemblance may awaken fears of being judged or scrutinized by others. You may worry about societal expectations or face insensitive remarks that question the legitimacy of your family. It is important to remember that your family's structure and the way you chose to build it is a personal decision. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who understand and respect your choices, and focus on creating a loving environment for your child.
5. Unresolved grief. Navigating comments about your donor-conceived child's resemblance may also stir up unresolved feelings of grief or loss associated with infertility or the absence of a genetic connection. Acknowledge and allow yourself to process these emotions. Seeking support from therapists, support groups, or online communities can provide a safe space to share your experiences and connect with others who have gone through similar journeys. 

Understanding the emotional triggers associated with comments about your donor-conceived child's resemblance is crucial for maintaining your emotional well-being and responding effectively. By recognizing the underlying emotions, such as concerns about identity and belonging, protectiveness, the need for external validation, fear of judgment, and unresolved grief, you can navigate these conversations with resilience and grace. 

Remember, you are not alone, and seeking support from understanding communities can provide comfort and empowerment as you continue to embrace and celebrate your unique family.

What people may say and options for responding

Okay now that we have a better understanding of why these feelings arise when people make certain comments, let’s review some common comments and provide examples of how you could potentially respond.

Here are some examples of things you may hear as a parent (regardless of how your child was conceived!):

• "Your child doesn't look like you at all!"
• “Your child looks just like you!”
• "Who does your child take after?"
• “Who does your child look like, her mommy or daddy?”
• “Where did he get those dimples / green eyes / big feet?”

Here are some approaches on how to address commenters while promoting understanding and respect:

Answer with a non-answer

In the face of rude or insensitive comments about your donor-conceived child's resemblance, one viable response is choosing to ignore them by replying with a non-answer. It is no one’s business if your child is genetically related to you, and you don’t have to share that information if you don’t want to. Sometimes disengaging from these interactions through a quick non-answer can be the best way to preserve your emotional well-being. 

Examples of how to brush off these comments:

• “Thanks!”
• "Thanks, we appreciate your observation!"
• “We embrace our child's unique qualities that make them who they are."
• “Genetics are fascinating aren’t they?”
• “Oh you think so?”
• "We believe that family is about love and connection, and we're grateful for the strong bond we share."
• "Genetics can be intriguing, can't they? So many interesting traits!"
• "Oh, you think so? Well, we think our child is pretty amazing just the way they are. Thanks!"
• "Our family celebrates the unique qualities that make each of us who we are. It's what makes us special."

Educate and inform

You could also take the opportunity to educate and share information about the unique ways families are created and the love that binds them together, emphasizing that genetics do not define the strength of a family bond.

• "Thank you for noticing! We believe that family resemblance goes beyond physical appearance. We focus on fostering love, support, and shared values to create a strong bond within our family."
• "It's interesting you bring up genetics. We believe that what truly matters is the deep love and connection we share as a family, regardless of any physical similarities."
• "We appreciate your comment. Our family embraces the beauty of diversity and the joy of creating our own unique story. Genetics may be one piece of the puzzle, but love and a strong bond are what truly define us."
• "We've learned that family resemblance is about more than just genetics. Our family is built on love, shared values, and the unique journey we've taken together."
• "Thank you for your observation! We've come to realize that family is not solely defined by genetics. Our bond is built on love, support, and the shared experiences we cherish together."
• "Every child is a blend of nature and nurture. We cherish our child's individuality and celebrate the unique qualities they bring to our family."

By educating and sharing these perspectives, you can help broaden others' understanding of what truly defines a loving and connected family, beyond genetics.

Share your story of donor conception

Taking this a step further, you could also take the opportunity to share personal insights and experiences, to help enlighten others about the unique journey of donor conception and the depth of love within your family. This may not be appropriate for questions from strangers, but certainly something to consider with friends or others who are a bigger part of your life.

• "Thank you for your comment. In our family, love knows no bounds. We have been blessed with a beautiful journey of donor conception, which has taught us that family is more so built on love, trust, and shared values, rather than physical resemblance."
• "I appreciate your observation. Our family's story is unique, and we celebrate the love and joy that brought us together. Genetics may not connect us biologically, but the bond we share is incredibly strong."
• "You're right, our family doesn't share physical traits, but we have something even more powerful - a bond founded on love and a deep understanding of each other's hearts. It's the essence of what makes our family beautiful."
• "I understand that physical resemblance can be a topic of curiosity. For us, family goes beyond genetics. It's about the love, support, and shared experiences that shape our journey together. That's what truly defines us."
• "Thank you for your comment. Our family embraces the uniqueness of our story. Donor conception allowed us to experience the incredible gift of parenthood and create a strong bond based on love and trust. It's an incredible journey that we cherish every day."

Offer personal insights into your family's experience, highlighting the values, love, and support that shape your unique family dynamic. By sharing your perspective, you can challenge preconceived notions and broaden their understanding of what constitutes a loving and connected family.

Regardless of how you respond, try to maintain a composed demeanor when responding to comments, as it sets a positive tone for the conversation. Responding with anger or defensiveness may escalate the situation and hinder productive dialogue.

If a comment ever crosses boundaries or becomes intrusive, assertively express your boundaries while maintaining respect and dignity. Remember that you have the right to protect your child's privacy and ensure both yours and their emotional well-being.

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

Every National Infertility Awareness Week, we like to reflect upon the true meaning of “infertility awareness”. All year, we take every chance we get to increase awareness of infertility in an effort to provide proactive fertility education and de-stigmatize all paths to parenthood.

This is important because infertility can feel incredibly isolating due to lack of openness and understanding from the general public. While infertility does not discriminate, it often catches its victims off guard. Due to a lack of awareness (or just a lack of acceptance), we’re taught from an early age that getting pregnant is easy. In reality, this isn’t the case for everyone — one in four American couples struggle to conceive — and the additional stigmatization of infertility just kicks those suffering from it while they’re down. 

We’re here to change that. Myself and my co-founders all experienced challenging journeys to build our families, and we know, first-hand, that words matter. So this National Infertility Awareness Week, we’re proposing a vocabulary overhaul when it comes to outdated and straight-up offensive fertility terminology. 

Here are several fertility terms we commonly hear — in doctor’s offices, news articles, and more — that we think need to be replaced:

Fertility

• “Insurance policy” → optionality: when a woman decides to freeze her eggs, she's giving herself optionality should she experience fertility challenges down the line. While Cofertility’s mission with Freeze by Co is to enable more proactive, empowering egg freezing, we are always transparent about the fact that egg freezing is never an insurance policy.
• Poor sperm quality → sperm-related challenges: when a man experiences low sperm count or motility, or irregular morphology that may result in an unsuccessful fertilization or pregnancy. The same can apply to “poor egg quality,” and we support a similar change to reference egg-related challenges.
• Inhospitable uterus → uterine challenges: when uterine conditions, like endometriosis, cause difficulty getting or staying pregnant.
• Poor ovarian reserve → diminished ovarian reserve: when a woman’s egg count is lower than average for her age.
  

Egg donation and surrogacy

• Donor mother/parent → egg donor: the woman who donated her eggs to fertilize an embryo resulting in a child is an egg donor. The intended parents are that child’s parents, full stop.
• Surrogate mother → gestational carrier: Similar to “donor mother,” a gestational carrier, while doing an amazing thing (carrying the pregnancy of a transferred embryo using another woman’s egg) is not that child’s mother. Gestational carriers are incredible, but should not be confused with a child’s actual parents. 
• Anonymous egg donation → non-identified egg donation: we believe anonymous egg donation is a thing of the past — not only can it have negative effects upon donor-conceived children, it’s also unrealistic with the rise of consumer genetic testing. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) recently recommended this lexicon replacement as well. At Cofertility, we discuss the concept of disclosure at length with all donors and intended parents. You can read more about our stance on “anonymous” egg donation here.
• Buying eggs → matching with an egg donor: No one involved in this process should feel like eggs are being bought or sold (that goes for the egg donor, the intended parents, and the donor-conceived person). Rather, working with an egg donor is a beautiful way of growing a family and should feel the opposite of transactional. 
• “Using” an egg donor → working with/matching with an egg donor: An egg donor should feel like a perfect fit with your family and someone who should be respected, not “used”. Our unique model — where women can freeze their eggs for free when they donate half of the eggs retrieved to another family — honors everyone involved. Learn more here! 
  

Pregnancy loss

• Spontaneous abortion → pregnancy loss: Honestly, this term is beyond cruel given what it describes — losing a pregnancy prior to 20 weeks.
• Implantation failure → unsuccessful transfer: When an IVF embryo transfer doesn’t result in a success, that doesn’t mean it — or your body — was a failure. 
• Chemical pregnancy → early pregnancy loss: Calling a pregnancy “chemical” discredits what it actually is — a pregnancy. And losing it should be categorized as such. 

Let’s hold ourselves accountable

During National Infertility Awareness Week, consider this our rally cry for evolved terminology around the #ttc process. We’ll plan to hold ourselves accountable, but beyond talking the talk, we aim to walk the walk. 

Our goal is to make the actual family-building process more positive and accessible for anyone pursuing third party reproduction. With Family by Co, all egg donors give half of their eggs retrieved to intended parents and freeze the other half for themselves for free to preserve some of their own fertility for the future. This way, they’re able to give a life-changing gift, but also consider their own ambitions and lifestyle choices. We feel this is significantly more ethical than other donation options out there, and our intended parents love the transparent nature of our platform. 

Let’s challenge each other to evolve the surrounding verbiage. Because the family-building process should feel as good as possible, in spite of challenges along the way.

‍Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

Part of our work is honoring the unique experiences of the humans we are helping create. As such, we are constantly seeking input and advice from the donor conceived community. 

Being donor conceived can mean different things to different people, as their experience is as varied and unique as any other child. Some people who were donor-conceived feel a strong sense of connection to their biological family, while others don’t even think about it. Some are curious about their genetic origins and seek out information about the donor, while others are not interested in learning more. Some people may struggle with questions about identity and family, while others may not feel that their donor conception has had a significant impact on their life. Overall, the experience of being donor conceived can be complex and nuanced, and can vary depending on their upbringing and the level of openness and honesty within their family. 

In this article, we  share the unique perspectives of four donor-conceived adults.

The respondents:

• Emma is a nurse, author, and donor conceived adult who has been vocal about her life experiences 
• Jackson is a 30-something, donor conceived engineer in Florida
• Libby is a donor conceived small business owner from Massachusetts 
• Melissa is egg donor conceived and the VP of Development at the US Donor Conceived Council

How did you find out you were donor-conceived?

Emma: I have always known that I was donor conceived or at least I have no memory of not knowing. My parents made a book about their long journey to create a family and how lucky they were to have me – we read the book as a nighttime story or whenever I wanted to from, I was 2-3 years old. This book meant that we don’t really know when I understood but we have drawings I made of egg and supercells from when I was 5 years old. 

Jackson: I found out I was donor conceived in a funny way, actually. I was 17, about to graduate high school, and I was sitting at a Dairy Queen with my identical twin brother and we both got a Facebook friend request from the same person at the same time, so we thought that was really weird. We responded and asked how she knew us. She said she was our sister, and we didn't believe her - so we asked her the name of our parents. She got it right, so then we went home and asked our dad what this was all about. He then let us know that he was waiting until we were 18 (so a few months from then) to let us know, but they had used an egg donor/surrogate to conceive us after my mom had a number of late term miscarriages. I never felt any resentment towards any party involved (my parents, the egg donor, or the egg donor's children) but it was a bit jarring at the time and definitely weird for her to have reached out to us that way. 

Libby: My moms were very transparent about a multitude of things as I grew up. While they couldn't always keep up with my speedily-moving brain and mouth, they tried their best and always explained things to me thoroughly. The first conversation I remember having about it was in first grade. We had to do some type of family tree assignment - and despite living in one of the most progressive towns at the time, I didn’t have anyone with two moms or two dads in my class. I felt alone and confused when I saw everyone drawing and talking about their mom and dad. I’m sure there were kids who had just one parent or another family member who had guardianship, but I was so focused on why my tree didn’t look the same. 

When I brought my tree home, I had questions and they gave me answers in a developmentally appropriate way. I asked so many questions and they answered every single thing. They connected me with children in the area that were donor conceived or adopted. As time went on, I started to understand that families are families and that’s the end of that. It doesn’t matter what your family looks like, as long as there’s safety and love in it – “love makes a family” was said frequently in my home.‍

I started to understand that families are families and that’s the end of that. It doesn’t matter what your family looks like, as long as there’s safety and love in it – “love makes a family” was said frequently in my home.‍

I thought it was so cool that my donor was willing to help families, and I thought it was equally cool that I had more siblings! I would always wonder what they’d look like and how much we’d look alike. I didn’t think much about the donor as much as I did the siblings.

My two brothers had different donors than me, so we’d always ask our moms about the prominent features that each donor had. For legal reasons, they were unable to disclose much because they weren’t given much information, as the donor wanted to be an “identity release” type of donation – I would be able to make contact with him once I turned 18 if I wanted to. I didn’t have much desire for that though, I just wanted to know my siblings.

Melissa: My parents told my brother and me three weeks before I turned 22. It was so unexpected that at first, I thought they were playing a joke on us. My mother said that it had been on her mind all week and she just decided it was time to come clean, so after a long day of doing post-Christmas returns together she sat us down to break the news.

How has being donor-conceived impacted your life?

Emma: It has meant different things to me throughout life so far. Most significantly it has made me feel special, wanted, and extremely loved in my family. As a child I spoke a lot about it and tried to explain to people whenever relevant. Then I had a period where we talked a lot about features I have that might come from my donor. It was not in any negative way, more curious. As an adult I found out that I was lactose intolerant which I inherited from the donor. Before I started to share my story, my conception did not impact my adult life very much. Today it is a huge part of my life trying to create resources and sharing my experience for others to have some inspiration to navigate the difficult decisions of donor conception 

Jackson: It really hasn't impacted my life in any way. After we found out we were donor conceived, we took a bit to process it and then moved on with life pretty much the exact same and went off to college. My mom is my mom, and I'm glad my parents were able to find a way to have us. We don't really ever talk about being donor conceived, but I will say there is some mystery around my medical history and if anything has popped up in the donor's family history since. I'm sure I could ask my parents to look into it if I really wanted. 

Libby: Being donor conceived impacted my life because I am here, as cheesy as that sounds! My donor was able to help my moms have children and I will always be thankful for that. I’m so unbelievably proud of the family I have and I’m so happy to have expanded my family all across the US by connecting with my donor siblings. One of my donor siblings recently moved closer to me and we met in July of this year, and I consider her to be one of my best friends. I am incredibly passionate about inclusive, accessible, and affirming healthcare – including reproduction services – and being donor conceived is one of the driving forces behind that.

Melissa: Growing up, I spent years feeling like something was… off. Like I didn’t completely see myself on the maternal side of my family. When I first found out I was donor conceived, it was very surreal. I remember just driving around that night in a haze. In a lot of ways though, learning the truth made so much sense. It was almost a relief to know that I wasn’t crazy for feeling out of place my whole life. Nothing had been wrong with me. There was an explanation that entire time. But, it wasn’t a fix-all. There are certain day-to-day experiences that are unique to being donor conceived. Before I knew I was DC, I was unknowingly giving incorrect family medical history to all of my doctors. Between learning the truth and connecting with the donor, I had to tell so many doctors that I actually didn’t know anything about my maternal side. Luckily now I’ve successfully connected with the donor, but so many DCP don’t have that luxury either because they can’t find the donor, the donor has passed away, or the donor refuses to speak to them.

What’s your relationship like with the donor and their family?

Emma: I don’t know my donor. He was anonymous and I have never wanted to learn more about him, and I have never done any DNA testing. I think about him with gratitude but that is all I need so far. 

Jackson: My twin brother and I are Facebook friends with a few of them, since that day at Dairy Queen. We had a few back and forth conversations with them but that's it. We're happy to let them loosely follow along our lives via Facebook but that's the extent I'm comfortable with. I haven't had the desire to meet them or the egg donor in person.

Libby: I do not currently communicate with my donor, but my oldest donor sibling reached out to him and he said he was willing to talk with us whenever. I connected with a majority of my siblings through Ancestry, oddly enough – some of those siblings had already talked with each other for awhile, and we would all just be added to the Facebook group chat once more of us popped up! We did lots of digging to find our donor (we had some information about where he went to school, the years he went, the fraternity he was in, what sports he played, and some other stuff – but no name). I felt like a detective trying to cross-reference the little information we had. Some of us feel differently about talking to the donor, which is completely understandable; so, we agreed to table it for a little while and revisit the idea at a later date. I feel indifferent about contacting him. I’m open to doing it but I don’t feel this burning desire. 

Melissa: It actually took me three years to contact the donor. I dreaded the possibility that she might react poorly. I really didn’t want to be in a position where I was trying to delicately explain the harmlessness of wanting to just know who my own relatives are. Luckily though, I never had to do that. The donor was very receptive to contact. She even acknowledged on her own that it was her ethical duty to share her family medical history, and that I was probably much more surprised to learn I was donor conceived than she was to get a message from me. That validation was meaningful if only because it’s a rare experience for DCP [via anonymous donation]. Now, we talk occasionally over the phone; she lives far from me so we’ve never met in person. She has no siblings or children, which probably makes it easier in some ways. Since we’re both adults, there’s a hint of “what do we do now?” energy, but overall it’s a very civil acquaintanceship and it’s been really cool getting to see how many traits and quirks we share.

What would you tell an intended parent considering using donor eggs to conceive?

Emma: I would tell them to start talking to their child as soon as possible. I think this is very valuable for both parent and child. The parents as they get to rehearse and get familiar with sharing their story before the child starts to ask difficult questions. For the child so that they grow up knowing about their conception story. Research has shown that this is the best for the child and has also been very important to me and my relationship to my parents. 

Jackson: Go for it! It's an incredible thing that can allow you to have the child you always wanted. I'd encourage them to have conversations with the children about being donor conceived at a younger age so it is something they intrinsically know as opposed to finding out at a Dairy Queen at age 17, but I don't think it has to be a requirement if that's not what you want to do as long as you are open and ready to having a conversation with them down the line.

Libby: Research the agency you’re considering to use! Find one that sits well with you. You deserve to feel heard and supported - not just by your loved ones, but by the professionals who will be assisting you throughout this journey. When it comes to egg donation – there are so many companies out there, but a lot of them come at a steep cost and lack psychological support. They feel very transactional because of that. Please be transparent and honest with your child(ren) when they start asking questions. Be willing to explore those feelings and questions with them, whatever they may be. There’s some wonderful children’s literature out there about being donor-conceived and it can help pique their curiosity at an early age. Connect with other families that have donor-conceived children. Remember that using donor eggs does not make you any less of a parent – and that your journey is beautiful and valid.

Melissa:  Overall, I would urge all prospective parents to go with as little anonymity as possible. It really makes a world of a difference to a donor conceived person to have that access and information about their origins from day one. It’s also crucial that you listen to, and learn from, donor conceived adults. This especially includes the ones you don’t want to listen to. The industry that creates us is systematically flawed, so even if you love your children more than anything in the world, that won’t prevent them from having DC-related problems. Learning about the experiences of DCP will ultimately help you support your donor conceived children. Building a family with donor conception doesn’t stop when the baby is born. It will be a part of your family story for the rest of your life, and for the rest of your children’s lives.

‍

‍Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

Breastfeeding is a way of providing nourishment to newborns and infants. It has been widely recognized as the best form of nutrition for infants and has many benefits for both the mother and the baby. However, breastfeeding is not always easy and it's not for everyone. 

And if you are pursuing donor eggs to grow your family, you may be wondering if you will be able to breastfeed if the child is not genetically related to you. In this blog post, we will answer all your questions. Let’s dive in!

First off, what are the benefits of breastfeeding? 

There are loads of benefits to breastfeeding, including:

• Nutritional benefits: Breastmilk is the perfect food for infants as it contains all the necessary nutrients in the right proportions, including proteins, carbohydrates, fats, vitamins and minerals. Additionally, breastmilk changes to adapt to the baby's needs as they grow and develop.
• Health benefits: Breastfeeding can reduce the risk of certain illnesses and conditions in both the mother and the baby. For the baby, it can reduce the risk of infections, allergies, asthma, and obesity. For the mother, it can reduce the risk of breast and ovarian cancer, osteoporosis and postpartum depression.
• Bonding: Breastfeeding can create a special bond between the mother and the baby as it involves physical and emotional contact. Additionally, the release of the hormone oxytocin during breastfeeding can promote feelings of calm and well-being in both the mother and the baby.
• Convenience: Breastfeeding can be convenient as it does not require any preparation, bottles, or clean-up and it's always available and at the right temperature!

But – let’s not act like it’s easy. What are the challenges of breastfeeding?

Breastfeeding can be a wonderful experience for both the mother and the baby, but it can also be really hard, or even impossible. Here are a few common challenges that mothers may face when breastfeeding:

• Physical challenges: Breastfeeding can be physically challenging, especially in the first few weeks. Some mothers may experience sore nipples, engorgement, and mastitis. Additionally, some mothers may have difficulty producing enough milk or have a medical condition that makes breastfeeding difficult.
• Time-consuming: Breastfeeding can be time-consuming, especially for mothers who are working or have other responsibilities. It can be difficult to schedule feedings around other activities and it can be challenging to pump and store milk when away from the baby.
• Social and emotional challenges: Breastfeeding can be difficult in social situations and some mothers may feel self-conscious breastfeeding in public. Additionally, some mothers may experience emotional challenges such as postpartum depression or feelings of isolation.
• Limited flexibility: Breastfeeding can limit a mother's flexibility as it requires the baby to be close by and available for feedings. This can make it difficult to travel or have a night out without the baby.

So can I breastfeed a donor-conceived baby if they are not genetically related to me?

Yes – in general, most mothers are able to breastfeed their donor-conceived child. But, it depends on the individual case and the methods used to achieve the pregnancy. 

If you carry the pregnancy, your body will work the same way it would if you got pregnant any other way. Lactation is a biological, hormonal response that occurs during and after pregnancy. Whether your baby was conceived from your own eggs or donor eggs, your body will trigger specific hormones to initiate milk production. So if breastfeeding is easy or hard for you – know that it would be that way regardless of the genetics of the baby. 

Can I breastfeed if I use a surrogate?

Yes – it is possible for some women who did not get pregnant to breastfeed their child; but it’s  not easy. This process is known as induced lactation, a process in which a woman can stimulate milk production through a combination of techniques such as hormone therapy, breast pumping, and/or breast massage.

The process of induced lactation can take several weeks or months, and you’ll need to work closely with a lactation consultant to ensure the process is done safely and effectively. The amount and quality of milk production can vary greatly and in some cases, it might not be enough to fully sustain an infant, therefore the use of formula may be necessary (and that’s OK!).

Induced lactation is not an easy process and it may require a lot of time, effort, and dedication. You should also consider the emotional and psychological aspects of this process, as it may bring up feelings of sadness, disappointment, or loss, especially if the woman has a history of infertility or has gone through a difficult pregnancy.

Will breastfeeding pass on my DNA?

If you breastfeed a donor-conceived child, they will not receive your DNA through the breastmilk. DNA is the genetic material that is responsible for the inherited traits and characteristics of an individual. It is present in every cell of the body and is passed onto offspring through the egg and sperm cells. Breastmilk is produced by the mammary glands and contains a mix of different nutrients, antibodies, and hormones that are beneficial for the growth and development of a baby, but it does not contain DNA.

The benefits of breastfeeding your donor-conceived child

In addition to providing an important source of nutrition and immune support for your baby, breastfeeding can play a significant role in the bonding and attachment between a mother and her donor-conceived child. The act of breastfeeding can release hormones like oxytocin in both the mother and the child, which can help to promote feelings of love, calm and bonding. 

One study of mothers who breastfeed their children found that they exhibit more maternal sensitivity. Maternal sensitivity was defined as the synchronous timing of a mother’s responsiveness to her child, her emotional tone, her flexibility in her behavior and her ability to read her child’s cues. However, the effect sizes were small, so don’t stress out if breastfeeding isn’t possible.

Summing it up

If you have a baby through donor eggs, and you carry the pregnancy, you can breastfeed just as you would otherwise. Even if you use a gestational carrier (surrogate), breastfeeding is still possible, although more difficult, through induced lactation. This is a process in which you stimulate milk production through a combination of techniques such as hormone therapy, breast pumping, and/or breast massage. There are a lot of pros and cons to breastfeeding, and it’s best to work with your provider to determine what’s best for your family. We are wishing you all the best on your journey!

When it comes to starting or expanding a family, many couples and individuals may turn to assisted reproductive technologies (ART) such as in vitro fertilization (IVF) to help them achieve their goal. One aspect of IVF that many patients are offered– whether using their own eggs or donor eggs – is preimplantation genetic testing (PGT). But is it necessary to do PGT testing with embryos made from donor eggs? Let’s dive in and find out. 

What is PGT?

PGT is short for PGT-A, or “Preimplantation Genetic Testing for Aneuploidies,” and you may also hear it referred to as PGS (“Preimplantation Genetic Screening”) or PGD (“Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis”) which are various forms of testing embryos. 

PGT testing looks at an embryo to see if it contains the correct amount of chromosomes. Embryos with the right number of chromosomes — 46 — are considered “euploid,” and those with extra chromosomes or chromosome deletions are considered “aneuploid.” PGT is a way to screen for genetic disorders in embryos created through IVF before they are transferred to the uterus. 

PGT testing and age

Here’s an annoying fact: the percentage of embryos that are euploid decreases as we get older. So not only do we have fewer eggs as we age, but the chances that any one egg turns into a healthy baby decreases too.

One study of over 15,000 embryos found that the lowest risk for embryonic aneuploidy was between ages 26 and 30, and that older age groups had the lowest chance of a genetically normal embryo. 

As you can see, chromosomal abnormalities of embryos are normally due to the age of the egg (or rather, the age of the mother or egg donor at the time the egg is retrieved). Since donors are under the age of 33 and healthy, embryos made with donor eggs have a good chance of being genetically normal. So, is it still worth PGT testing donor egg embryos? That leads us to the next section…  

The upside of PGT testing donor eggs

There are definitely some benefits to testing donor eggs:

• Gender selection. PGT testing allows for gender selection. Most clinics allow you to know each embryo’s gender, which can be helpful for families that have a preference.
• Rule out sperm issues. PGT testing of embryos made from donor eggs may also be suggested for couples with male infertility, especially if the sperm has shown chromosome translocations or abnormalities.
• Pick the healthiest embryos. PGT can detect genetic disorders such as cystic fibrosis, Tay-Sachs disease, and sickle cell anemia, allowing for the selection of embryos that do not carry these disorders.

The downside to PGT testing

However, a lot of fertility doctors will say it’s okay to pass on genetic testing with embryos made from donor eggs. Here’s why:

• It’s expensive.The cost of PGT can vary depending on the type of testing done and the clinic you're working with, but it can be thousands of dollars. 
• Added time. It can take some testing companies weeks to give you the results. Time goes so slowly during IVF, and adding additional time can be a major downer. 
• False positives or negatives. PGT can be prone to false positives or negatives, meaning an embryo that is genetically normal could be labeled as abnormal, or vice versa. 
• There’s a small risk to the embryo. The biopsy process, which removes cells from each embryo to be sent for testing, has a chance of damaging the embryo. Also because the embryo must be frozen in order to do PGT testing, there’s risk in having to be thawed and unthawed. 

But the biggest downside is that PGT might not even improve the chances of pregnancy for those using donor eggs! Remember that chart you saw above? If embryos are made from donor eggs, where the donor is under 35… the chances of each embryo being euploid is pretty high. 

Let’s look at the data. A 2020 study looked at 1,291 donor-egg cycles across 47 IVF clinics– 262 cycles with PGT testing and 1,029 without. Live birth rates occurred:

• 53.8% of donor-egg cycles with PGT testing 
• 55.8% of donor-egg cycles with without PGT testing

Yes, you read that right. The donor-egg cycles that skipped PGT actually had higher live birth rates than those who paid to have the embryos PGT tested. The researchers concluded that PGT testing in donor egg-recipient cycles does not improve the chance for live birth, nor does it decrease the risk for miscarriage. But it does increase cost and time for the patient. 

Summing it up

PGT can be a useful tool for patients who are at risk for passing on a genetic disorder or have a family history of a particular condition, however it may not be that useful for those using healthy donor eggs. The financial cost, time, false positives or negatives, and risks to the embryo are all important factors to consider. This is definitely a question and conversation you want to have with your doctor who can help you make the best decision. Good luck!

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. 

If you are considering using an egg donor to start a family, you may be wondering if there will be a physical resemblance between you and your child. While it is true that the genetic makeup of a child will come from the egg donor and the father (or sperm donor), there are a few factors to consider when thinking about how closely the child may resemble the intended parent. Let’s dive in.

Will my donor-egg child look like me?

The answer is maybe. There is always a chance – whether genetic, adopted, or born through donor eggs – that a child won’t look like you. There’s also a chance that they will! I know plenty of genetically related children that look nothing like their mother or siblings. But I also know a lot of donor-egg children that look *exactly* like their mothers. In fact, I had no idea one of my closest friends used donor eggs to conceive her children until she confided in me when I began my donor egg journey.

Many families choose to match with a donor with similar physical features, especially for unique features like red hair, blue eyes, or being really tall. But keep in mind – picking a donor that looks like you in no way guarantees the child will look like you or the donor! 

What your child will derive from you

While I haven’t seen any research on donor-conceived children and how often they look like their family, we can look to some established research in the adoption space (although it’s not a perfect parallel, since with adoption the child is not genetically related to either parent and with donor eggs the child is often related to the father). 

One famous study of 7,230 parent-child pairs (504 adoptive) looked to see whether there were any physical similarities between parents and children. They found significant similarities in the stature and weight of the adoptees and their parents. This is no surprise, as we know there are non-genetic sources of human dimensional variability. Think about it this way – you may have an innate musical talent, but how musical you end up being depends a lot on nurture and what you are exposed to growing up. The same goes for certain features, like weight.  

“Looking” like someone is often just as much facial expressions and mannerisms as it is facial features. We can look to adoption research to understand attunement, which is how children can soak up their parent’s facial expressions in response to certain events. We know that children pick up physical cues, facial expressions, emotional response, and speech patterns from their parents. So even if you are not genetically related to your child, they may just roll their eyes or giggle the way you do. 

The genetics of donor eggs

When using donor eggs to conceive a child, the egg will be fertilized with sperm, either from the intended father or a sperm donor. The resulting embryo will contain the genetic material from both the egg donor and the intended father (or sperm donor), and will be genetically different from you. However, the child may have physical characteristics that resemble you, your partner, or the donor.

The egg donor's genetic makeup will contribute to the child's genetic makeup. For example, certain physical characteristics such as eye and hair color, skin tone, and facial structure. The egg donor's genetic makeup may also determine the child's risk for certain inherited diseases or genetic disorders. While egg donors do undergo screening for many genetic conditions, it's impossible to screen for every possible genetic disorder. 

All that being said – genetics are complex and many physical characteristics are determined by a combination of genetic and environmental factors. 

Will my baby have my DNA if I use a donor egg?

If you use a donor egg to conceive a child, the child will not have your DNA. The egg used to make embryos will come from a separate individual, the egg donor, and will contain her genetic material. The child will be genetically related to the egg donor, and will share a portion of the same DNA as the egg donor, and will not have any of your DNA (unless, of course, that egg donor is a relative of yours).

However, the child will be related to you in a legal and social sense as you will be the parent raising the child. You will have a legal relationship with the child as the parent, and you will have a social relationship with the child as the caregiver and nurturer.

Additionally, if you are able to carry the pregnancy, that will play a huge role. While the egg donor contributes 50% of the DNA to the genetic makeup of the child, research discussed in a 2014 Frontiers in Cell and Developmental Biology article shows that it is actually the birth mother who determines which of these genes get turned on or off. Things like maternal diet, stress during pregnancy and smoking can all make a difference in what genes get expressed.

Is an egg donor considered the biological mother?

An egg donor is considered the biological mother in the sense that she is the one who provides the egg that is fertilized and used to create an embryo. However, the egg donor is not the mother in the traditional sense, as she does not carry the pregnancy or raise the child.  The intended mother (or a gestational carrier) carries the pregnancy and gives birth to the child and raises and shapes the child’s entire life.

An egg donor has no legal rights or responsibilities to the child, and her role is limited to providing the egg for the conception process. It’s important to have the right legal agreement in place with an egg donor. If you work with Cofertility, we will make sure the legal part runs smoothly. 

What about epigenetics? 

Epigenetics refers to the study of changes in the expression of genes that do not involve changes to the underlying DNA sequence. These changes can be caused by a variety of factors, including environmental influences and lifestyle choices.

One factor that can play a role in the epigenetics of a child conceived through egg donation is the mother (or gestational carrier) carrying the pregnancy. The environment and lifestyle choices during pregnancy can affect the epigenetics of the developing fetus. For example, your diet, exposure to toxins, and stress levels can all have an impact on the epigenetics of the fetus.

Additionally, your own health and genetics can also influence the epigenetics of the growing baby. For example, certain genetic variations may affect your ability to detoxify certain chemicals, which can then affect the epigenetics of the fetus.Your own environment and lifestyle choices during pregnancy, as well as your own health and genetics, can all have an impact on the epigenetics of your egg-donor baby. 

Will my donor egg baby feel like mine?

A lot of moms using donor eggs to start a family wonder whether or not the child will feel like "theirs". And the answer is absolutely.  Every parent-child relationship is unique and what may be true for one family may not be for another. For some intended parents, the bond with their child may be immediate and strong, while for others, it may take time to develop. It's important to be open to the possibility that the bond may develop differently than expected, and to give yourself and your child the time and space to grow together.

Consider the role of parenting in forming a parent-child bond. The act of parenting, including bonding through nurturing, feeding, and raising a child, can create a strong emotional connection between a parent and child, regardless of genetics. The same goes for any potential siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents your child may have. 

When I think about the people I am closest to in this world – my step mom, my step sister, my adopted brother, my husband – none of them share my genetics. But they have shaped my life, and we have formed bonds far stronger than I have with many of my genetic relatives. Can you think about people in your life like this to help your mind transcend the idea that bonds are only capable through genetics? I have found this to be a helpful exercise.

Summing it up

It's important to understand that physical traits are determined by a combination of genetic and environmental factors. While the egg donor's genetic makeup will contribute to the child's physical characteristics, other factors such as the child's environment and upbringing can also play a role. 

Remember that inheritance is complex and that other factors such as environment and the characteristics of the egg donor can also play a role. But if physical resemblance is a concern, you may want to consider selecting an egg donor with similar physical characteristics.

We can help! Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

Amanda Troxler has been practicing family formation law since 2013, representing hundreds of intended parents, gestational carriers, and donors a year, including some of the donors within Cofertility’s Split program. 

She is also an egg donor and was raised by a single gay dad. Between her personal and professional experiences, she has an invaluable amount of perspective to offer. We were delighted to chat with Amanda about her own journey, and her view on the evolving fertility and family building landscape. 

Lauren: We talk to intended parents a lot about the importance of sharing their child’s conception story. Can you start by sharing more about your experience learning about your own conception? 

Amanda: I definitely draw parallels between my own upbringing and donor conception.  My biological parents are both gay. They met in West Hollywood in the 1980s and my father was interested in having a child.  

I don’t remember all the specifics of learning my conception story, but my dad was open and transparent. He answered my questions and was happy for me to know my biological mother’s name and to share photographs.  As I grew older, I was frustrated that I had a biological connection to someone who lived in close proximity, but who I never met.

Growing up, my father told me that I could reach out to my biological mother when I was 18.  His reasoning was centered on the fact that there weren’t strong parentage laws in the 80s, particularly for single gay men. Part of why I joined the field is to strengthen parental laws so that we can invite donors into the families without worrying about whether it’ll create legal insecurity for the child. 

L: Do you know of any siblings from your biological mother?

A: When I was nine years old, I received a letter from a genetic aunt saying that I had a sister. I don’t know how many nine year olds have “secret siblings,” but it got me excited, and nervous. Of course, I couldn’t do much with the information. If it was today and I could have googled her, I imagine I’d have found her right away.

L: Did you eventually connect with your biological mother?

A: We met when I was 19 (so about 17 years ago!).  We first started to exchange emails and then had phone calls. I met my biological mother and sister in person during  winter break when I was in college. I have developed a relationship with both of them and they both attended my wedding! I don’t consider my relationship with my mother to be a parent/child relationship, since she didn’t raise me, but I’m really grateful for our connection. It also helped me make sense of personality traits that I never felt I had in common with my father: such as my desire for adventure and my boldness.

L: After this experience, you went on to become an egg donor yourself. What inspired you to do this? 

A: I deeply believe in providing family building options for gay people, single people, and people with fertility struggles.  I believe in helping others when we can, and this was one way that I could help.  I’ve donated several times. One couple I donated to has two young boys who my own son has now met.  It’s been amazing to maintain a relationship with them because I get to see them develop.  There are parts of their personalities that remind me of myself.  At the same time, they are their own people– wholly unique and different from anyone else. 

L: What relationship did you want to have with the intended parents? 

A: My preference was always to be a known donor. However, agencies at the time were pushing anonymity on both donors and IPs. Many IPs were led to believe that an anonymous relationship was preferable for both parties and most deferred to that. If I knew what I know now, I wouldn’t have donated anonymously. It’s taken some time, but I think we’re getting to a point where both parties are reconsidering what’s acceptable and what’s best for the donor conceived person. 

I like the saying “love is not like a pie.” Just as parents can love more than one child, donor conceived people can form meaningful relationships with genetic relatives and love their parents. Also, as a parent, you can never have too many people care about your child.

As a parent, you can never have too many people care about your child.  

L: Do you have any advice for parents who might be thinking about having a similar conversation with their child some day?

A: Be open and honest.  Start early and tell your story often. Keeping secrets implies that you believe your child’s conception is worth hiding. There is nothing shameful about donor conception and you should make this clear to your child from the get go.  

Read more:

• Disclosed vs. Undisclosed Donation: What's the Difference?
• Nine Things To Know About Raising A Donor-Conceived Child
• I'm a Fertility Psychologist. Here's What I Want You to Know About Growing Your Family Through Egg Donation
• How to Start a Family as a Single Dad by Choice

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If you are considering using an egg donor to start a family, or have already done so, you may find it helpful to learn more about the donor egg parenting process by reading books on the topic. Reading books on egg donation can help you to understand the process of having and raising a donor conceived child. It can also help you to gain insight into the experiences of others who have gone through the process, which may be helpful as you navigate your own decision-making process.

Below is a list of some of our favorite books on egg donation – both for those considering using donor eggs, as well as those raising donor conceived children. We also share some of our favorite children’s books on the topics. Happy reading!

Best books for parents considering using donor eggs

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"Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation" by Ellen Sarasohn Glazer & Evelina Weidman Sterling

The book: Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation (Second Edition) is an authoritative guide to negotiating the complex and emotive issues that arise for those considering whether or not to pursue egg donation. It presents information clearly and with compassion, exploring the practical, financial, logistical, social and ethical questions that commonly arise. 

The authors: Ellen Sarasohn Glazer is a clinical social worker specializing in infertility, adoption, third party reproduction, pregnancy loss and parenting after infertility. The long awaited arrivals of daughters Elizabeth and Mollie inspired Ellen's work in the field of reproductive medicine. Evelina Weidman Sterling works as a public health educator and researcher specializing in reproductive and women's health issues. 

Why we love it: This book spells it all out – including the ethical and emotional aspects of egg donation. After reading it, you will be in a far better position to decide if this family building option is right for you and, if so, to proceed as a more empowered parent. 

"Donor Family Matters" by Wendy Kramer

The book: Donor Family Matters: My Story of Raising a Profoundly Gifted Donor-Conceived Child, Redefining Family, and Building the Donor Sibling Registry is the story of Wendy's journey as the mother of a donor conceived profoundly gifted child, Ryan, whose relentless curiosity—under the tenacious guidance and support of his mother— led to his reunion against all odds not only with his biological father, Donor 1058, but also with 19 of his donor conceived half-siblings scattered across the continent.

The author: Wendy is the Co-Founder, Chair, and Executive Director of the Donor Sibling Registry. She has co-authored many published papers on donor-conception, has reviewed abstracts for ASRM and has also been a peer reviewer for the journals Human Reproduction, Reproductive BioMedicine Online, Frontiers in Global Women's Health, and the Journal of Comparative Effectiveness Research. She was Associate Producer on the Style Network's 2011 Emmy-nominated show Sperm Donor and on MTV News & Docs 2013 docu-series Generation Cryo. Wendy and her son Ryan have appeared on 60 Minutes, Oprah, Good Morning America, and many other news shows and publications.

Why we love it: This memoir provides a raw and honest account of raising a donor-conceived child as a single mother, and helping her son be the first donor-conceived person to find his biological father (donor) via a commercial DNA test, in 2005. 

Best books for parents raising donor-conceived children

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"Let’s Talk about Egg Donation" by Marna Gatlin

The book: Let’s Talk about Egg Donation: Real Stories from Real People tells true stories of families who are parenting via egg and embryo donation. Their stories are woven throughout the book to craft an informative, easy-to-read narrative that focuses on positive language choices.

The author: Marna Gatlin is the founder and Executive Director of Parents via Egg Donation (PVED), a non-profit organization created to provide an informational and supportive environment where parents and parents-to-be can learn and share information about all facets of the egg donation process.
Why we love it: This is the first book written by parents through egg donation that gives you age-appropriate scripts for how to take the scary out of talking to your kids about the special way in which they were conceived.

"Three Makes Baby" by Jana M. Rupnow LPC

The book: Three Makes Baby: How to Parent Your Donor-Conceived Child offers education and awareness so parents can guide their donor conceived children through various stages of development with age-appropriate conversations.

The author: Jana M. Rupnow, LPC is an internationally recognized fertility mental health expert and author. She received a bachelor of science from Texas A&M University and a master of arts, in professional counseling from Amber University. Jana has a master's degree in professional counseling and has practiced as a licensed professional counselor since 2010. Jana has helped thousands of people facing the psychological and social challenges of infertility as well as those preparing for third-party family building and adoption. She also knows what it's like to experience infertility. She and her husband had male-factor, secondary infertility and adopted their daughter from China. 

Why we love it: This book is often recommended by fertility doctors and fertility mental health professionals – and there’s a reason why. The author uses research and best practices to lay out solid advice for parents of donor-conceived children.

Best children’s books about egg donation

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"From the Start" by Stephanie Levich

The book: From the Start: A Book About Love and Making Families is an inclusive and heartfelt love letter to adopted children and children born through the help of fertility treatments such as IVF, sperm and egg donation, or surrogacy. The book focuses on hope and gratitude to highlight the special roles fertility doctors, donors, surrogates, and adoption play in helping hopeful parents start or grow their families. 

The authors: Alana Weiss and Stephanie Levich have been best friends since they were teenagers and are both mothers as a result of IVF. They have always been open about their fertility challenges and feel deeply grateful for their children and the extraordinary way they were conceived. Additionally, Stephanie is the founder of Family Match Consulting, an internationally renowned fertility consulting firm based in Los Angeles that specializes in egg/ sperm donation and surrogacy. She is also an adoptee.

Why we love it: The ways that we build our families are more dynamic than ever – this book highlights how special each of those paths can be. 

"Happy Together" by Julie Marie

The book: Happy Together, an egg donation story uses clear language and cheerful illustrations to join Mommy and Daddy bear on the journey to fulfill their greatest wish of becoming parents. With help from a doctor, an egg from a special lady called a donor and Daddy’s seed, a baby grew in Mommy’s tummy and was welcomed with great joy.

The author: As a mother through egg donation, author Julie Marie found various paths to parenthood were underrepresented in children's literature. Julie wrote Happy Together to help parents share their special family building story with their child.

Why we love it: This tender book is a favorite amongst donor-egg parents, and it’s no surprise. The story is simple enough for even young kids to understand, yet it explains the process of donor eggs well. 

"A tiny itsy bitsy gift of life" by Carmen Martínez Jover

The book: A tiny itsy bitsy gift of life, an egg donor story is a touching story of how a happy couple of rabbits have their own baby by means of egg donation. Using rabbits in this story enables children to easily understand their conception in a simple and loving way. It is through storytelling that parents can explain and help children understand these infertility treatments.

The author: Carmen Martínez Jover was born in Walton-on Thames, Surrey, England and now  lives in Mexico City. Her years of infertility prompted her to paint the roller coaster of emotions through an autobiography. As an adoptive mother she believes that storytelling can help parents share their children’s conception story and wrote this story for children conceived through egg donation.

Why we love it: We know it’s important to talk to donor-conceived children early and often about their conception story, and this book is a great way to do that. Using rabbits in this story enables children to easily understand their conception in a simple and loving way. 

"You Were Meant For Me" by Sheri Sturniolo

The book: You Were Meant For Me: Mom*Dad*Donor shows how the love and generosity of others can grow into the most wonderful gift. This book is a kid-friendly look into the unique ways that some families are grown and the journey of love that brings them together.

The author: Sheri Sturniolo is a Pediatric Registered Nurse and mother to a son and daughter—both born through the awesome gift of donors. Through her personal journey and experiences, Sheri hopes to offer a valuable tool to families searching for ways to make sense of their unique creation story. Sheri lives with her husband, son and daughter (both conceived through embryo adoption) in the San Diego area.

Why we love it: Using symbolism and sweet rhyming lyrics, You Were Meant For Me introduces the complicated topic of being born from sperm, egg or embryo donation, to a young child. By giving children the “pieces of the puzzle,” this book sparks their imagination and stimulates them to ask questions.

"Wish" by Matthew Cordell

The book: Wish is about an elephant couple that embarks on a life together, with thoughts of children far away—at first. But as the desire for a child grows, so do unexpected challenges. And it's only after thwarted plans and bitter disappointment that their deepest wish miraculously comes true.

The author: Matthew Cordell is the acclaimed author and illustrator of the 2018 Caldecott winner Wolf in the Snow. He is also the author and illustrator of Trouble Gum and the illustrator of If the S in Moose Comes Loose, Toot Toot Zoom!, Mighty Casey, Righty and Lefty, and Toby and the Snowflakes, which was written by his wife.

Why we love it: Although this book does not specifically discuss egg donation, it beautifully illustrates the angst of waiting for a child, the fear that it may not happen, and the joy when the wish finally comes true. It will make any parent who struggled with infertility tear up!

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Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. 

‍Create a free account today!

When conducting your initial research on egg donation you were most likely focused on the short-term process like how to find the right match for your family. But now you might specifically want to know more about the long-term experiences of parents and children in families created using egg donation once the baby arrives. 

As a fertility psychologist, I often get asked what it feels like to have a baby born via egg donation, and if the baby will feel like their child or if they will be able to bond. In this guide, we’ll go over several studies that illustrate the parent-child relationship in families created using egg donation, and hopefully give you peace of mind!

Infant days: bonding with your donor-conceived child

No matter how your child is conceived, the answers to these questions are not black and white. Because just like any other pregnancy, some parents immediately feel a parental connection, even while their child is in-utero. And for some it may take months post-delivery. And even once the baby arrives, it can be very normal to feel uncertain about having a baby using someone else’s DNA. But these feelings tend to dissipate. A recent study conducted in 2020 found that women who were pregnant via egg donation had concerns about whether the child would feel like their own, but by the end of the first year, they felt secure and confident as the child’s mother. 

Early childhood: relationship satisfaction 

In terms of parental psychological health, studies have established that egg donation parents are psychologically well-adjusted in terms of their levels of depression, anxiety, parenting stress, and relationship quality with their partner. They also reported lower levels of parenting stress compared with IVF and sperm donation parents when children were ages three to eight years old.  And, egg donation mothers reported greater relationship satisfaction than IVF and sperm donation mothers. Similarly, fathers' depression scores did not differ between family types, but egg donation fathers reported lower levels of anxiety than comparison groups. At age 12, no differences were found between family types in mothers' levels of depression, anxiety, or relationship satisfaction. So basically, parental psychological health is not much impacted by how their baby was born. 

Another study also found no differences between egg donation, sperm donation, and natural conception mothers or fathers in levels of parenting stress, depression, anxiety, or relationship satisfaction when children were one year of age. At ages two and three, no differences were found between family types for mothers or fathers on any of the psychological health measures. When children were age 10, egg donation mothers did not differ in their scores for maternal distress compared with sperm donation or natural conception mothers.

A US-based study of 31 egg donation families with a child aged six months to five years found that when assessing family interactions, the sample scored lower than norms on conflict scores, and higher than norms on cohesion scores. Meaning, parents whose child was born via egg donation had better perceptions of interpersonal relationships within the family than a normative sample.

Parents whose child was born via egg donation had better perceptions of interpersonal relationships within the family than a normative sample.

Another study found that egg donation mothers expressed greater enjoyment in motherhood and greater warmth toward their infant than natural conception mothers, and greater pleasure in proximity to the infant. Greater emotional involvement with the baby was also found among gamete donation parents compared with natural conception parents.

How do children feel about being donor-conceived? 

What about the emerging research on donor conceived children’s perspectives of the quality of their relationships with their parents and their own psychological well-being? The European Study of Assisted Reproduction found children conceived through egg donation to be well-adjusted in terms of their socioemotional development at ages both three to eight years of age and at age 12. 

Relationship quality collected using a semistructured interview designed to obtain children's perspectives on family relationships indicated that children in egg donation, sperm donation, and natural conception families viewed their parents similarly in terms of their affection, harshness, and anger. No differences were found between groups at either age in children's interview ratings of maternal or paternal warmth and affection, availability, or amount of interests/activities shared with parents. Unlike in natural conception families, egg donation children did not report a decline in shared activities with their mothers and fathers between the two timepoints. And in another study, when children were asked about whether they would change anything about their family, the vast majority said that they would keep their family the same as it is, suggesting contentment with their current situation.

When [donor-conceived] children were asked about whether they would change anything about their family, the vast majority said that they would keep their family the same as it is, suggesting contentment with their current situation

Longitudinal research shows that children born via egg donation do not differ in their psychological adjustment from children born through other forms of assisted reproduction or through natural conception. At all timepoints egg donation, children were similar to comparison groups of behavioral and socioemotional adjustment and in adolescence they showed similar scores for self-esteem and positive psychological functioning. 

Overall, studies that have looked at the long-term outcomes regarding family well being and the quality of relationship between parent and child indicates that families conceived via egg donation function well in terms of child adjustment, parental psychological health, and parent-child relationship quality. Some researchers conclude that this may be because those  who continue to have fertility treatments despite failures may have strong coping skills and thus may not be as affected by everyday parenting issues. With regard to the quality of parent-child relationships, researchers have consistently found a high quality of parenting relationship  between parent and child across studies. 

If you are considering using a surrogate and an egg donor to help you start or grow your family, the order in which you find a surrogate or egg donor will depend on your individual circumstances and needs. In this guide, we’ll go over a few things to consider when deciding whether to find a surrogate or an egg donor first.

Surrogacy vs. egg donation

Surrogacy is a process in which a woman carries and delivers a child for someone else. If you are considering using a gestational carrier (aka surrogate), you will likely need to work with an agency to help match with someone who has been pre-qualified to carry your child. You will also need to work through the legal and medical aspects of surrogacy, including the surrogacy agreement and the medical screening and evaluation process.

An egg donor is a woman who donates her eggs to another person or couple. If you are considering using an egg donor, you will need to match with an egg donor who is willing to donate her eggs to you. You will also need to consider the medical and legal aspects of using an egg donor, including the egg donor agreement and the medical screening, evaluation, and retrieval process.

Who would need both a surrogate and egg donor?

There are lots of cases where families need both a gestational carrier and egg donor to have a child. Here are a few examples:

• Infertility: Some individuals or couples may be unable to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term due to infertility. In these cases, they may consider using both a surrogate and an egg donor to help them increase their chances of having a child.
• Single individuals: Some single individuals, especially those born male, may consider using a surrogate and an egg donor, along with their own sperm or donor sperm, to help them become parents.
• LGBTQ+ couples: Some same-sex couples may consider using a surrogate and an egg donor to help them become parents. For example, a gay male couple may use a surrogate and an egg donor to carry and give birth to a child that is genetically related to one of the men.
• Medical conditions: Some individuals or couples may have medical conditions that prevent them from getting pregnant, undergoing IVF, and/or carrying a pregnancy to term. In these cases, they may consider using both a surrogate to carry their child for them.

So which comes first, egg donor or surrogate?

In most cases, we recommend starting by matching with an egg donor. Many surrogacy agencies cannot sign up families who do not yet have healthy embryos to transfer. This is because gestational carriers are in high demand and they don’t want to wait months after matching in order to start the transfer process. On the other hand, once you have embryos made through donor eggs, those can be frozen and used at any point in the future.

You could also begin the search for a gestational carrier and an egg donor at the same time, knowing that the waitlist for a gestational carrier is far longer than the process to get donor eggs.

How long does it take to match with an egg donor?

The timeline can vary, but in total the process from match to cycle with Cofertility is generally be two to four months. Once you create a free account, you’ll gain access to our matching platform and can start to learn more about our donors. After you match with a Split member (who will be freezing her eggs and donating half to your family), we begin the process of scheduling her screening and testing with your clinic, which generally takes a few weeks. Once your doctor gives the go-ahead, we’d set a date for the cycle at a time that is mutually convenient. 

You may decide to fertilize the embryos as soon as the eggs are retrieved or you can freeze the eggs and thaw them to be fertilized at a later date. If you do create embryos at the time of retrieval, they can be frozen in storage until you match with a surrogate or are ready to move forward with the transfer.  

How long does it take to match with a surrogate?

The process of matching with a surrogate varies in length and may depend on a variety of factors, including the location and availability of surrogates, the intended parents' preferences and requirements, and the legal and medical requirements involved in the surrogacy process based on your state. In general, the process of finding a surrogate may take several months to a year.

Learn more

Ultimately, the decision of whether to find a surrogate or an egg donor first will depend on your individual circumstances and needs. It may be helpful to speak with your doctor to determine the best course of action for your situation.

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. Create a free account today!