surrogacy

If you are considering using a surrogate and an egg donor to help you start or grow your family, the order in which you find a surrogate or egg donor will depend on your individual circumstances and needs. In this guide, we’ll go over a few things to consider when deciding whether to find a surrogate or an egg donor first.

Surrogacy vs. egg donation

Surrogacy is a process in which a woman carries and delivers a child for someone else. If you are considering using a gestational carrier (aka surrogate), you will likely need to work with an agency to help match with someone who has been pre-qualified to carry your child. You will also need to work through the legal and medical aspects of surrogacy, including the surrogacy agreement and the medical screening and evaluation process.

An egg donor is a woman who donates her eggs to another person or couple. If you are considering using an egg donor, you will need to match with an egg donor who is willing to donate her eggs to you. You will also need to consider the medical and legal aspects of using an egg donor, including the egg donor agreement and the medical screening, evaluation, and retrieval process.

Who would need both a surrogate and egg donor?

There are lots of cases where families need both a gestational carrier and egg donor to have a child. Here are a few examples:

• Infertility: Some individuals or couples may be unable to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term due to infertility. In these cases, they may consider using both a surrogate and an egg donor to help them increase their chances of having a child.
• Single individuals: Some single individuals, especially those born male, may consider using a surrogate and an egg donor, along with their own sperm or donor sperm, to help them become parents.
• LGBTQ+ couples: Some same-sex couples may consider using a surrogate and an egg donor to help them become parents. For example, a gay male couple may use a surrogate and an egg donor to carry and give birth to a child that is genetically related to one of the men.
• Medical conditions: Some individuals or couples may have medical conditions that prevent them from getting pregnant, undergoing IVF, and/or carrying a pregnancy to term. In these cases, they may consider using both a surrogate to carry their child for them.

So which comes first, egg donor or surrogate?

In most cases, we recommend starting by matching with an egg donor. Many surrogacy agencies cannot sign up families who do not yet have healthy embryos to transfer. This is because gestational carriers are in high demand and they don’t want to wait months after matching in order to start the transfer process. On the other hand, once you have embryos made through donor eggs, those can be frozen and used at any point in the future.

You could also begin the search for a gestational carrier and an egg donor at the same time, knowing that the waitlist for a gestational carrier is far longer than the process to get donor eggs.

How long does it take to match with an egg donor?

The timeline can vary, but in total the process from match to cycle with Cofertility is generally be two to four months. Once you create a free account, you’ll gain access to our matching platform and can start to learn more about our donors. After you match with a Split member (who will be freezing her eggs and donating half to your family), we begin the process of scheduling her screening and testing with your clinic, which generally takes a few weeks. Once your doctor gives the go-ahead, we’d set a date for the cycle at a time that is mutually convenient. 

You may decide to fertilize the embryos as soon as the eggs are retrieved or you can freeze the eggs and thaw them to be fertilized at a later date. If you do create embryos at the time of retrieval, they can be frozen in storage until you match with a surrogate or are ready to move forward with the transfer.  

How long does it take to match with a surrogate?

The process of matching with a surrogate varies in length and may depend on a variety of factors, including the location and availability of surrogates, the intended parents' preferences and requirements, and the legal and medical requirements involved in the surrogacy process based on your state. In general, the process of finding a surrogate may take several months to a year.

Learn more

Ultimately, the decision of whether to find a surrogate or an egg donor first will depend on your individual circumstances and needs. It may be helpful to speak with your doctor to determine the best course of action for your situation.

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. Create a free account today!

For a growing number of gay dads, egg donation and surrogacy can be a way to grow a family. However, the laws governing these options can vary from state to state, and it's important to understand the legal landscape before pursuing either route. In this article, we’ll discuss some things to know as you begin your journey.

Can gay men legally become parents?

Gay men can absolutely become parents, but the legal landscape surrounding LGBTQ+ parenting rights can be complex, and there are still some challenges that gay dads may unfortunately face. You’ll need a great lawyer who knows the specific laws of your state (if you work with Cofertility, we can help you find one). 

There are no federal laws that prevent gay men from using donor eggs and a gestational carrier, but the laws can vary depending on the state. Some states have laws that specifically prohibit surrogacy arrangements, or only allow it when both parents are genetically related to the child. Other states make it difficult to get both parents on the birth certificate. 

Surrogacy and egg donation laws by state

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) has a comprehensive guide to surrogacy laws across the United States. The guide outlines the surrogacy laws for each state, including whether surrogacy is legal, the type of surrogacy arrangements permitted, the eligibility criteria for intended parents and gestational carriers, and any specific legal requirements, such as pre-birth orders or post-birth adoption procedures. 

In general, the states that are currently most difficult (or impossible!) include: 

• Arizona expressly prohibits surrogacy. Arizona courts sometimes grant pre-birth parentage orders when both the Intended Parents are genetically related to the child. If an egg donor is used and at least one of the Intended Parents is genetically related to the child, a pre-birth order may be possible, depending on the judge. Second-parent adoptions are also prohibited in Arizona.
• Indiana law makes gestational surrogacy contracts void and unenforceable as against public policy. While some courts have begun issuing pre-birth parentage orders, they are usually not granted if an egg donor was used. 
• Louisiana only allows surrogacy for married heterosexual couples who are both genetically related to the child (i.e., neither a sperm or egg donor was used).
• Michigan considers surrogacy contracts to be void and unenforceable. Courts may still grant pre-birth orders if no payment or compensation has been made to the surrogate, but they will not allow second-parent adoptions.
• Nebraska considers surrogacy contracts to be void and unenforceable, however “the language of the statute does allow surrogacy practice in limited scenarios”. 

Remember that laws can be complex and change at any time, so it's crucial to consult with an experienced reproductive lawyer to ensure you understand the legal implications in your specific situation. If you work with Cofertility, we can help you find a great lawyer to help navigate this process.

What is second-parent adoption?

Even if a child is biologically related to one of the dads, without a legal adoption, the non-biological parent may not have any legal parenting rights to their child. This means that if the biological parent passes away or becomes incapacitated, the non-biological parent, even if they have been an equal parent, may not have any legal rights to parenting. This is where second-parent adoption comes in.

In some states, the non-biological parent may be able to establish legal parentage through a pre-birth order or a marriage or domestic partnership. However, second-parent adoption is often the most secure way for non-biological parents to establish their parental rights and ensure that their child is legally protected.

Individual state laws surrounding this process can be complex. The National Center for Lesbian Rights has a great PDF outlining Adoption by LGBT Parents. The states that make it hardest for unmarried same-sex couples include:

• Alabama
• Arizona
• Kansas
• Kentucky
• Mississippi
• Nebraska
• North Carolina
• Ohio 
• Utah
• Wisconsin 

It is essential to work with an experienced attorney who can guide you through the legal landscape and ensure that your family is protected.

The good news is that "parentage" laws are passing in many states that legally protect LGBTQ+ families. These laws recognize a non-biological parent as a legal parent without requiring a costly and time-consuming second parent adoption process. 

What is a pre-birth order?

A pre-birth order is a legal document that establishes the intended parents as the legal parents of a child before the child is born. Without a pre-birth order, the state law would presume that the person giving birth is the biological and legal parent of the child. 

A pre-birth order is important because it ensures that your parental rights are established from the moment of birth.  The laws surrounding pre-birth orders vary by state, and the requirements for obtaining one can be complex. In some states, like Alabama, the intended parents must be married in order to obtain a pre-birth order.

Summing it up

For a growing number of gay dads, egg donation and surrogacy can be a way to grow a family. However, the laws governing these options can vary from state to state, and it's important to understand the legal landscape and protect your family. 

If there’s anything to take away from this article, it’s the importance of working with an experienced attorney (we can introduce you to one!) who is familiar with the laws in your state to ensure that your parental rights are protected. Your attorney can help guide you through the process of obtaining a pre-birth order and ensure that all necessary legal requirements are met. We wish you all the best!

Read more:

• LGBTQ+ Fertility Information and Resources
• What Fertility Options are Out There for LGBTQ Families?
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation
• How to Start a Family as a Single Dad by Choice

‍Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

As families are built in different ways, it's essential to have age-appropriate books to help children understand the processes and the love that forms families. Below are children’s books that tackle infertility, egg donation, embryo donation, and surrogacy in ways that children can understand.

Best children’s books about infertility

"Wish" by Matthew Cordell

The book: Wish is about an elephant couple that embarks on a life together, with thoughts of children far away—at first. But as the desire for a child grows, so do unexpected challenges. And it's only after thwarted plans and bitter disappointment that their deepest wish miraculously comes true.

The author: Matthew Cordell is the acclaimed author and illustrator of the 2018 Caldecott winner Wolf in the Snow. He is also the author and illustrator of Trouble Gum and the illustrator of If the S in Moose Comes Loose, Toot Toot Zoom!, Mighty Casey, Righty and Lefty, and Toby and the Snowflakes, which was written by his wife.

Why we love it: Although this book does not specifically discuss egg donation, it beautifully illustrates the angst of waiting for a child, the fear that it may not happen, and the joy when the wish finally comes true. It will make any parent who struggled with infertility tear up!

"To the Moon and Back for You" by Emilia Bechrakis Serhant

The book: "To the Moon and Back for You" is a beautifully written and illustrated children's book that tells the story of a mother's journey through infertility, surrogacy, and the ultimate joy of becoming a parent.

The author: Emilia Bechrakis Serhant is a lawyer, philanthropist, and television personality, best known for her appearances on the Bravo reality television series "Million Dollar Listing New York." She wrote "To the Moon and Back for You" based on her own experiences with infertility and surrogacy, as a way to help other families who are going through similar struggles.

Why we love it: We love how "To the Moon and Back for You" offers a heartfelt and honest portrayal of the emotional journey that many families go through when facing infertility and surrogacy. The book's illustrations are gorgeous, and the message of love and perseverance is both uplifting and inspiring. It's a great resource for families who have gone through infertility and surrogacy or for those who want to teach their children about the many ways that families can be created.

I'm Very Ferris: A Child's Story about In Vitro Fertilization

The book: "I'm Very Ferris" is a heartwarming and informative children's book that follows the story of a little boy named Ferris who was conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF). It explores the journey of Ferris' parents as they went through the process of IVF and the joy they felt when they finally had their baby boy.

The author: Tess Kossow is a mom who went through the journey of IVF herself. She wrote "I'm Very Ferris" as a way to help families who are going through the same struggles, and to celebrate the love and joy that comes with building a family through IVF.

Why we love it: We love how "I'm Very Ferris" celebrates the beauty of IVF and the strength and resilience of families who go through infertility. The illustrations are bright and colorful, and the writing is heartfelt and relatable, making it a great read for both children and adults. The message of hope and perseverance is both uplifting and inspiring, and the book is a great resource for families who want to teach their children about the many ways that families can be created.

Miracle by Jason Pinter

The book: When rabbits Merle and Pearl meet on one beautiful day, they know that they have found true joy. Yet while they couldn’t be happier with each other, there’s one teeny, tiny thing missing...a child of their own. Merle and Pearl dream of expanding their nest by bringing a baby bunny into the world, but they face unforeseen challenges along the way. Determined to make their dreams come true, Merle and Pearl will do whatever it takes to find their Miracle—even if it means going deep under the sea, trekking across vast desert sands, or rocketing far out into the stars.

The author: Jason Pinter is the bestselling author of the Henry Parker series, which have over one million copies in print worldwide and have been published in over a dozen countries, as well as the Middle Grade adventure novel Zeke Bartholomew: SuperSpy. 

Why we love it: This book is a powerful testament to the power of unwavering love. This touching story is sure to resonate with many readers, making it a must-have and a must-read. After finishing this book, you'll find yourself holding your loved ones just a little tighter and cherishing each moment just a little more.

Best children’s books about egg donation

"A Tiny Itsy Bitsy Gift of Life, an Egg Donor Story" by Carmen Martinez Jover

The book: "A Tiny Itsy Bitsy Gift of Life" tells the story of a couple who are struggling to have a baby. They decide to use an egg donor, and the book explains the process in simple terms that children can understand. The book emphasizes the idea that even though the baby may not have the same genes as the parents, it will still be loved and cherished just as much.

The author: Carmen Martinez Jover is a clinical psychologist who specializes in infertility counseling. She has written several children's books about infertility and ART, including "A Tiny Itsy Bitsy Gift of Life." Jover is also the co-founder of a fertility clinic in Spain.

Why we love it: We love the colorful illustrations in this book, and the way it explains the egg donation process in a way that is easy for children to understand. The book emphasizes the importance of love and family, regardless of genetic relatedness, and it is a great resource for parents who are considering egg donation as a way to build their family.

"The Pea That Was Me: An Egg-Donation Story" by Kim Kluger-Bell

The book: "The Pea That Was Me" is a story about a couple who want to have a baby but cannot do so without the help of an egg donor. The book uses simple language and colorful illustrations to explain the egg donation process. It also emphasizes the importance of love and family, regardless of genetic relatedness.

The author: Kim Kluger-Bell is a clinical social worker who specializes in infertility counseling. She has written several children's books about infertility and ART, including "The Pea That Was Me." Kluger-Bell is also the co-founder of a support group for families who have used egg donation to conceive.

Why we love it: We love how this book explains the egg donation process in simple terms that children can understand. The illustrations are beautiful, and the book emphasizes the idea that love is what makes a family, regardless of genetics. It is a great resource for parents who are considering egg donation as a way to build their family.

"You Were Meant For Me" by Sheri Sturniolo

The book: You Were Meant For Me: Mom*Dad*Donor shows how the love and generosity of others can grow into the most wonderful gift. This book is a kid-friendly look into the unique ways that some families are grown and the journey of love that brings them together.

The author: Sheri Sturniolo is a Pediatric Registered Nurse and mother to a son and daughter—both born through the awesome gift of donors. Through her personal journey and experiences, Sheri hopes to offer a valuable tool to families searching for ways to make sense of their unique creation story. Sheri lives with her husband, son and daughter (both conceived through embryo adoption) in the San Diego area.

Why we love it: Using symbolism and sweet rhyming lyrics, You Were Meant For Me introduces the complicated topic of being born from sperm, egg or embryo donation, to a young child. By giving children the “pieces of the puzzle,” this book sparks their imagination and stimulates them to ask questions.

"Happy Together: an egg donation story" by Julie Marie

The book: Happy Together, an egg donation story uses clear language and cheerful illustrations to join Mommy and Daddy bear on the journey to fulfill their greatest wish of becoming parents. With help from a doctor, an egg from a special lady called a donor and Daddy’s seed, a baby grew in Mommy’s tummy and was welcomed with great joy.

The author: As a mother through egg donation, author Julie Marie found various paths to parenthood were underrepresented in children's literature. Julie wrote Happy Together to help parents share their special family building story with their child.

Why we love it: This tender book is a favorite amongst donor-egg parents, and it’s no surprise. The story is simple enough for even young kids to understand, yet it explains the process of donor eggs well. 

“Daddy, What Is An Embryo?: A Tale of Egg Donation” by J.D. Quarles

The book: When Ruthie discovers frog eggs in their pond, her father finds the perfect moment to tell her the story of how she was conceived with the help of an egg donor, and how this amazing process helped bring her parents' dreams to life. 

The author: After having his daughter at 46 years old, using both a surrogate and egg donor, J.D. Quarles wrote books in an effort to help his daughter understand the amazing process that brought her into this world. While watching his daughter's comprehension of this process develop, he decided to publish the books to help others in similar situations.

Why we love it: We love how "Daddy, What Is An Embryo?" takes a complex medical process and explains it in a way that is easy for young children to understand. The illustrations are beautiful, and the story emphasizes the idea that families come in all shapes and sizes. It's a great resource for families who have used or are considering using egg donation to conceive, as well as for families who want to teach their children about different ways of building a family.

Best children’s books about surrogacy

"The Very Kind Koala: A Surrogacy Story for Children" by Kimberly Kluger-Bell

The book: "The Very Kind Koala" tells the story of a kind koala who agrees to carry a baby for a couple who cannot do so on their own. The book explains the process of surrogacy in a way that is easy for children to understand. It emphasizes the idea that families come in all shapes and sizes and that what

The author: Kimberly Kluger-Bell is a clinical social worker who specializes in infertility counseling. She has written several children's books about infertility and ART, including "The Very Kind Koala." Kluger-Bell is also the co-founder of a support group for families who have used surrogacy to conceive.

Why we love it: We love the cute and colorful illustrations in this book, and the way it explains the surrogacy process in a way that is easy for children to understand. The book emphasizes the idea that love and family come in all shapes and sizes and that what matters most is the love that a family shares.

“The Kangaroo Pouch: A story about surrogacy for young children” by Sarah A. Phillips

The book: Oliver, a young kangaroo whose mother becomes a surrogate for the Bouncing-Hopalots and delivers their baby to them, narrates this heartwarming tale and shows what the gestational surrogacy process is all about from start to finish.

The author: Sarah A. Phillips is an author living in Illinois with her family and dog. She writes for children (and the young at heart) from picture books on up to young adult novels. Her first picture book, "The Kangaroo Pouch," was published in 2007 and due to its popularity worldwide, has gone on to be published in both French and Spanish.

Why we love it: The Kangaroo Pouch" is a beautifully written and illustrated book that celebrates the love and joy that comes with surrogacy. It's a great addition to any family's library and a must-read for anyone who wants to teach their children about surrogacy in a way that is compassionate and easy to understand.

"Sophia's Broken Crayons: A Story of Surrogacy from a Young Child's Perspective" by Crystal A. Falk

The book: "Sophia's Broken Crayons: A Story of Surrogacy from a Young Child's Perspective" tells a story of surrogacy from a young child’s perspective in a practical way that children can understand and grasp. A little girl by the name of Sophia is heartbroken after she discovers all of her crayons are broken. Sophia’s friend’s share their crayons with her as she experiences seeing her parents choose to give the gift of surrogacy to their friends. 

The author: Crystal A. Falk is an attorney and mother of two children, both of whom were born via surrogacy. She wrote "Sophia's Broken Crayons" to help children understand and normalize the surrogacy process.

Why we love it: We love how "Sophia's Broken Crayons" handles the topic of surrogacy in a gentle and accessible way. The story is relatable and easy to follow, making it a great conversation starter for families who are navigating the complexities of assisted reproduction. The book also includes a helpful Q&A section at the end, which answers common questions that children may have about surrogacy. Overall, "Sophia's Broken Crayons" is a beautiful book that celebrates the love and connection between families, regardless of how they come to be.

Best children’s books about embryo donation

"Hope & Will Have a Baby: The Gift of Embryo Donation" by Irene Celcer

The book: "Hope & Will Have a Baby" is a heartwarming story of a couple named Hope and Will who want to have a baby but are having trouble getting pregnant. The book explains the process of egg donation in simple, child-friendly terms, and emphasizes that all families are different and that love is what makes a family.

The author: Irene Celcer is a clinical psychologist who specializes in infertility counseling. She has written several children's books about infertility and ART, including "Hope & Will Have a Baby." Celcer is also the founder of a support group for families who have used egg donation to conceive.

Why we love it: We love how this book explains the concept of egg donation in a way that is easy for children to understand. The illustrations are beautiful, and the book has a reassuring tone that emphasizes the importance of love and family. It is a great resource for parents who are considering egg donation as a way to build their family.

“Made With Love: The sweetest allegory for embryo donation and adoption” by Whitney Williams

The book: "Made with Love" is a beautiful and heartwarming allegory that explains the concept of embryo donation and adoption through the story of two cookie families as they go through the trials and tribulations of infertility on one side and the decision to donate extra embryos on the other. 

The author: Whitney Williams is a Christian wife and mother to three boys, the youngest two of whom she and her husband adopted as embryos. She works from home for WORLD Magazine. She graduated from Baylor University in 2008 with a bachelor's in journalism. 

Why we love it: We love how "Made with Love" presents the concept of embryo donation and adoption in a way that is easy for children to understand. The illustrations are beautiful, and the story emphasizes the idea that families are built on love and the desire to care for one another. It's a great resource for families who have used or are considering using embryo donation or adoption to build their families, as well as for families who want to teach their children about different ways of building a family.

“Remy's Blueprints: A (Double) Donor Conception Story for Mom/Dad Families” by Sharon Leya 

The book: “Remy's Blueprints” is about an adorable kid named Remy who adores her Mommy and Daddy who are architects. It follows her adventure as she discovers how she was brought into the world. 

The author: Sharon Leya is the author of the My Donor Story series, a series of children's books that lovingly explains donor conception, and uses simple language to illustrate the basic concepts of genetics. 

Why we love it: Sharon Leya's book gently and lyrically explains the complex concepts of donor conception, genetics, and pregnancy in a way that helps children appreciate and love their unique origins. Through metaphors and a message of love, Leya guides young readers through a journey of understanding their conception and family building, offering a valuable resource for families who have used donor conception or for those who want to teach their children about different ways of building a family. Overall, Leya's book is a touching and informative read that helps children embrace the beauty of their own unique story.

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Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. 

‍Create a free account today!

At Cofertility, we believe in the equal right to parent. LGBTQ+ families have historically faced more rigorous scrutiny and challenges than heterosexual families regarding their rights to be or become parents, including discriminatory laws making it difficult in some states for both parents to be on the birth certificate. We stand by protections for LGBTQ+ parents and their children, and support all families equally. 

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Building a family is a dream for many couples, and for gay dads, egg donation and surrogacy can be a great way to bring a child into their lives. However, the process can be complex and overwhelming, especially for those who are new to it. In this article, we'll answer some common questions that hopeful gay dads often ask us about egg donation and surrogacy.

What comes first, finding the surrogate or the egg donor?

This is a common question among those considering egg donation and surrogacy. Both the egg donor and surrogate are essential for the process, and in most cases, it’s recommended to start by matching with an egg donor and making embryos. 

This is because many surrogacy agencies usually cannot sign up families who do not yet have healthy embryos to transfer. Gestational carriers are in high demand and they don’t want to wait months after matching in order to start the transfer process. On the other hand, once you have embryos made through donor eggs, those can be frozen and used at any point in the future.

You could also begin the search for a gestational carrier and an egg donor at the same time, knowing that the waitlist for a gestational carrier is far longer than the process to get donor eggs.

Are you able to use both of our sperm?

Yes, there are a couple of ways we’ve seen this done! When the eggs are retrieved, the clinic can fertilize half of them with one partner’s sperm, and the other half with the other partner’s sperm. However, this doesn’t guarantee the same number of embryos from each partner since fertilization rates can vary depending on a variety of factors (including sperm health). Sometimes it’s recommended that couples undergo two egg retrievals with the same donor to increase the chances of multiple embryos from each partner.

We’ve also seen biracial couples find two donors – one that looks like each partner. They then fertilize the eggs with the sperm of the other partner. 

How are egg donors screened?

Our team screens egg donors through a rigorous, multi-step process to ensure each person is qualified and prepared to become an egg donor, going above and beyond FDA and ASRM-recommended screening guidelines. Before donors can be listed on our platform, we review their personal and family medical history and collect information on their lifestyle and behavioral habits. Most importantly, we meet 1:1 with every donor to get at the core of who she is as a person — her values, her goals, her personality. This allows us to provide you with the most thoughtful match possible. 

Once you move forward with a match, the donor will undergo a physical examination, psychological evaluation, and full genetic screen. Your doctor will review these results and give us the green light to move forward. We will also ensure that donors are screened for background and education checks.

How do you find an egg donor?

The first step is to fill out a short form in which you share more about your family and what you’re looking for in an egg donor. You’ll then gain free and immediate access to our matching platform. 

You can search our platform by many attributes, including education, race, height, hair color, and other features. Browse the profiles and learn more about the incredible donors we work with. We’re able to recruit the best donors because our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

When you’ve found a donor you want to move forward with, press the “Place a Hold” button at the top of her profile. From there, you’ll put down a $500 deposit to place a hold on that match. 

How long does it take to match with an egg donor?

The timeline can vary, but in total the process from match to cycle with Cofertility is generally be two to four months. Once you create a free account, you’ll gain access to our matching platform and can start to learn more about our donors. After you match with a Split member (who will be freezing her eggs and donating half to your family), we begin the process of scheduling her screening and testing with your clinic, which generally takes a few weeks. Once your doctor gives the go-ahead, we’d set a date for the cycle at a time that is mutually convenient. 

You may decide to fertilize the embryos as soon as the eggs are retrieved or you can freeze the eggs and thaw them to be fertilized at a later date. If you do create embryos at the s of retrieval, they can be frozen in storage until you match with a surrogate or are ready to move forward with the transfer.  

How are surrogates screened?

This depends on the agency. Ideally, surrogates undergo extensive screening to ensure that they are physically and emotionally capable of participating in the egg donation and surrogacy process. Screening typically involves medical tests, background checks, and psychological evaluations. Potential surrogates are also required to provide detailed medical and personal histories.

The screening process helps ensure that the surrogate is a good candidate for the process and that there are no potential health or psychological risks.

How are surrogates matched?

Surrogacy is a little different from matching with an egg donor. Generally, you will tell the agency your preferences including health history, personality traits, and geographic location. After getting off the waitlist, the agency will share a profile of a gestational carrier who fits your profile. You will meet the surrogate to see if it’s a mutual match, and if so, go from there. 

How long does it take to match with a surrogate?

The process of matching with a surrogate varies in length and may depend on a variety of factors, including the location and availability of surrogates, your preferences and requirements, and the legal and medical requirements involved in the surrogacy process based on your state. In general, the process of finding a surrogate may take several months to a year.

What type of testing is necessary before treatment?

Before beginning moving forward with treatment, both partners will need to undergo some medical and psychological tests. It ultimately depends on the clinic and the requirements of your state, and may include blood tests, semen analysis, psychological screening, and physical exams. 

These tests will help determine if there are any underlying medical conditions that may affect the success of the treatment. And the psychological tests are also necessary to ensure that both partners are mentally prepared for the emotional journey of surrogacy and egg donation.

Can we both legally be parents?

Gay men can absolutely become parents, but the legal landscape surrounding LGBTQ+ parenting rights can be complex, and there are still some challenges that gay dads may unfortunately face. You’ll need a great lawyer who knows the specific laws of your state (if you work with Cofertility, we can help you find one). 

There are no federal laws that prevent gay men from using donor eggs and a gestational carrier, but the laws can vary depending on the state. Some states have laws that specifically prohibit surrogacy arrangements, or only allow it when both parents are genetically related to the child. Other states make it difficult to get both parents on the birth certificate. Read more about Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads.

How can I find an LGBTQ+ friendly clinic?

We can help! Finding a fertility clinic that is LGBTQ+ friendly can be important for gay couples who are considering egg donation and surrogacy. 

We have a network of fertility clinic partners that are as dedicated to serving LGBTQ+ families as we are. We’ll ensure your family is treated with the care and respect you deserve as you embark on this exciting journey. 

Why you should work with Cofertility

We are honored that you are considering us as part of your family-building journey. As you can see, we’re doing things differently around here! 

Family by Co is our human-centered matching platform for intended parents pursuing egg donation. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. 

Here’s how we’re different:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens. 
• Donor empowerment. In our unique Split model, donors aren’t doing it for money. They get to keep half of the eggs retrieved, empowering them to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support. A match is just the beginning. We offer families access to educational modules, support groups, and communication tools for life.

Part of serving families is recognizing the unique life experiences of the humans we’re helping bring into this world. These children are so precious and wanted, and the world is just starting to understand the nuances of not sharing genetics with one’s parents. This is why we provide families with evidence-based tips and guidance for raising happy, healthy donor-conceived children, as well as tools for families and donors to communicate at a mutually-agreed upon level. 

Please reach out if we can help! 

More resources:

• LGBTQ+ Fertility Information and Resources
• Donor eggs for LGBTQ+ families
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation

Gestational surrogacy involves a woman agreeing to carry and give birth to a baby for someone else. After the baby is born, the gestational carrier (GC) gives custody and guardianship to the intended parent or parents via a legal document. This document states that the baby is not hers and that she has zero claim over the baby and surrenders all rights. The baby may have all, partial or none of the DNA from the intended parents. Due to medical reasons, carrying your own baby may not be a possibility and that may create some very strong negative feelings. Feelings of guilt, anger, loss and failure are very common. 

The grief of not carrying your child

Grief is something that is experienced after a deep and meaningful loss. We usually think of grief in terms of a death. However, grief in surrogacy is also very real, as the death of the dream of having and carrying a child of your own, may no longer be a reality. 

During the surrogacy process, grief can be felt after failed IVF attempts or miscarriages. There may be grief about the loss of a biological connection if donor gametes need to be used. There may be grief about missing out on the pregnancy milestones such as feeling the baby kick. There may even be anticipatory grief of believing that one may be unable to bond with the baby after birth. 

Stages of grief and how they manifest

Grief during surrogacy can manifest itself in many ways. It doesn’t always manifest as sadness as we would expect. During surrogacy, the intended parent(s) may go through stages of denial, anger, depression, and even guilt. 

Denial

Denial is typically the first way grief manifests during surrogacy.  Unless you have always known that you will not be able to carry your own child, that realization that you will not be carrying and birthing your own child, can be a difficult pill to swallow. Because you may look or feel healthy, you may not believe what you are being told.  You may refuse to believe that this is true. 

Anger

Anger can be aimed at self, partners or doctors. Even at random pregnant women walking down the street. Since this all seems very unfair, you may be easily set off by the most minor things. Your reactions may vary from minor irritability to intense rage. 

Depression

When the sadness just doesn’t go away. When it becomes more and more difficult to engage with life, depression may be setting in. There may be a sense of hopelessness and a loss of interest in things that used to create joy and happiness. There may be sleep issues - too much sleep or not sleeping at all. There may be a lack of appetite and social isolation. 

Guilt

Surrogacy guilt is real. The feeling that it is your fault and that maybe you are a bad person or are doing something wrong can start to appear as you go through a surrogacy. It may manifest as embarrassment, shame or a sense of inferiority. 

It is important to understand that all these feelings and emotions are normal. It is also important to understand that with the right help, these feelings can be processed and managed. You can get to the other side. 

How to deal with questions from nosy people

Sometimes questions that we consider to be personal are unavoidable. If you are using a gestational carrier to have a baby and you ask for maternity leave or tell people you are expecting when you’re not visibly pregnant, you can only expect people to be curious.

Luckily you have options. You are never obligated to tell anyone anything. It is afterall a personal matter and you are in charge of who gets to know what information. You can decide to share and tell your story while leaving out some information. You can do this by crafting an answer that you feel comfortable with. Write out some answers and start testing them - how does it feel when you say it? 

Coping strategies

The path through grief is winding and often disorienting. But equipped with coping strategies and the validation that your emotions are to be honored, not ignored, you are better poised to traverse this emotional landscape. Here are some coping strategies to try:

Find support through counseling or support groups

Navigating the emotions when using a gestational carrier often necessitates external assistance for emotional equilibrium. The act of consulting a therapist or joining a support group can serve as a respite from the mental weight one is carrying. Therapeutic interventions have been shown to improve emotional well-being and reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety). In the company of a trained therapist or a community of people sharing similar experiences, you are granted the space to explore your emotions and thoughts candidly. The collective wisdom found in these gatherings might provide unanticipated insights or coping strategies that you hadn't previously considered.

Communicate with your partner, friends, or loved ones

Solitude might offer a temporary refuge, but enduring support often lies in meaningful dialogues with those who share your life. Quality communication fosters emotional intimacy and provides a backdrop against which you can more fully understand your own feelings and concerns. By confiding in someone you trust, you externalize your emotions, creating room for insight and understanding to settle in.

Spend time with people you love

In the abyss of grief, companionship can be a lifeline. While the impulse to isolate may be strong, seclusion seldom serves the healing process. Human interaction releases oxytocin, a hormone proven to reduce stress and create feelings of well-being. Time spent with loved ones offers a reprieve, however brief, from the emotional turmoil you're enduring.

Spend time doing things you love

When enshrouded in grief, it's all too easy to forget the activities that once elicited joy. Though it may require a conscious effort, engaging in a beloved pastime can redirect focus and uplift spirits. Whether it's reading a treasured book or painting a canvas, these activities serve as emotional anchors, grounding you in a reality that still contains elements of pleasure and fulfillment.

Listen to your body

Grief can be visceral, a physical ache that demands your attention. If you feel the urge to cry, let the tears come. Emotional tears have been found to contain stress hormones and are thought to be a way for the body to achieve emotional release. Denying your body's signals to grieve can delay healing, whereas acknowledging them can pave the way for emotional relief.

Give yourself compassion

Self-compassion is not merely an emotional indulgence but a psychological necessity. Self-compassion is often linked to better mental health outcomes and resilience. It provides you with the psychological space to accept your feelings without judgment. Offering yourself compassion means acknowledging that grief is an inherently human experience, worthy of patience and understanding.

Keep a journal

Writing down your thoughts and feelings is akin to speaking them out loud but in a more introspective manner. By committing your feelings to paper, you're not only creating an emotional release valve but also establishing a written record that can help you track your emotional journey and healing progress over time.

Maintain a healthy lifestyle

A robust mind is often housed in a robust body. Regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep can have a profound effect on emotional health. It may be tempting to neglect these basics when grief strikes, but maintaining a healthy lifestyle provides the physiological support needed to cope effectively with emotional strain.

As you journey through, remember, the path is not to be walked alone. Seek and extend support; empathy and understanding are companions you need not leave behind.

Conclusion

Surrogacy can be an emotionally challenging journey. One fraught with many ups and downs. Aside from the complex medical procedures and legalities and costs, there needs to be an acknowledgement of the grief that also accompanies the process. 

Seeking support and resources before embarking on the journey, during and even after are important to managing emotions and the psychological impact of surrogacy. So prioritizing support is vital for the well-being of everyone involved. Cofertility is here to guide you every step of the way. 

Read more:

• What Should I Know Before I Get Serious About Surrogacy?
• Can Someone Break Down the Costs of Surrogacy?
• What Do I Need to Know About Surrogacy Laws?

Whether you're contemplating surrogacy as an intended parent or surrogate, or simply aiming to better understand this evolving domain of third-party reproduction, here are facts you should know about surrogacy.

1. Two main types of surrogacy exist

There are generally two kinds of surrogacy: traditional and gestational. In traditional surrogacy, the same person is both the egg donor and the gestational carrier, making her the biological mother. In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate carries a pregnancy but has no genetic link to the child. Gestational surrogacy is more commonly used today. 

2. Surrogacy laws vary widely by state and country

Surrogacy laws are not uniform and can differ dramatically from state to state in the U.S. and among different countries. Some states have permissive laws, while others may criminalize surrogacy agreements. 

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) has a comprehensive guide to surrogacy laws across the United States. The guide outlines the surrogacy laws for each state, including whether surrogacy is legal, the type of surrogacy arrangements permitted, the eligibility criteria for intended parents and gestational carriers, and any specific legal requirements, such as pre-birth orders or post-birth adoption procedures. 

Read more: What Do I Need to Know About Surrogacy Laws?

3. Nearly 5% of IVF embryo transfers are to a gestational carrier

In 2020, the latest year where we have data, 4.7% of embryo transfer cycles used a gestational carrier. That’s up from 2% in 2013.

Considering that 2% of annual births in the U.S. are from IVF, that would mean roughly 4,000 births each year are to gestational carriers.

4. Gestational carriers must pass strict requirements

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) has established recommended requirements for surrogates. These requirements are designed to ensure the health and well-being of both the carrier and the baby. Key requirements include:

• Age criteria: Surrogates must be legally adult, with a preferred age range of 21 to 45 years. In certain cases, carriers older than 45 years may be considered, but all involved parties must be fully informed about the increased pregnancy risks associated with advanced maternal age.
• Previous pregnancy success: It is essential for a surrogate to have experienced at least one successful pregnancy prior to becoming a gestational carrier for another couple. This criterion helps to gauge the surrogate’s ability to carry a pregnancy to term.
• Limit on previous deliveries: A surrogate should not have had more than five total deliveries in the past, and no more than three of these should have been cesarean sections. This limitation is to reduce health risks associated with multiple pregnancies and deliveries.
• Stable family environment: The surrogate must have a supportive and stable family setting. This support system is crucial in helping her handle the added stress and responsibilities that come with being pregnant as a gestational carrier.
• Psychological screening: Undergoing psychological evaluation is mandatory for all surrogates. This screening ensures that the surrogate is mentally and emotionally prepared for the unique challenges of gestational surrogacy.

These guidelines are in place to safeguard the interests and health of both the gestational carrier and the intended parents, and to promote a successful and healthy surrogacy arrangement.

5. Surrogacy is expensive

The cost of surrogacy can run you anywhere from $100,000 to $200,000 in the United States — depending on where you live, who your gestational carrier is, and just exactly what fertility services you need along the way. 

Read more: Can Someone Break Down the Costs of Surrogacy?

6. There are many reasons someone may need a gestational carrier (and being a celebrity is not one of them)

There are many reasons someone may need a gestational carrier to have a baby, including:

• Same-sex male couples or single men: those who wish to have a biological child but require a surrogate for gestation
• Absence or problems with the uterus: women who are born without a uterus or have uterine abnormalities that prevent a healthy pregnancy.
• Severe health risks: conditions like severe heart disease or other serious illnesses where pregnancy could be life-threatening.
• History of recurrent miscarriages: individuals who have experienced multiple miscarriages due to unknown or unresolvable causes.
• Post-hysterectomy: women who have had a hysterectomy due to cancer or other medical conditions.
• Previous pregnancy complications: a history of severe complications during pregnancy that pose a risk in future pregnancies.
• Immune system disorders: conditions where the body's immune system adversely affects pregnancy.

Despite the headlines of celebrities (Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Rebel Wilson) going the surrogacy route – simply being rich or famous is not a reason for needing a gestational carrier, and most fertility doctors do not allow non-medically necessary cases. 

Read more:

• Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads
• What Should I Know Before I Get Serious About Surrogacy?
• What Do I Need to Know About Surrogacy Laws?
• Surrogacy Questions Gay Dads Should be Asking
• Surrogacy: Coping With The Grief Of Not Carrying Your Child

Can a gay couple put both names on the birth certificate?

Who is on the birth certificate with gay dads?

The question of whose names appear on a birth certificate when a child has two dads is one we hear a lot. This question not only touches on the legal mechanisms at play but also the emotional and societal implications of such recognition, or the lack thereof, for LGBTQ+ families.

In this article, we’ll discuss parental recognition, and how birth certificates work for babies with gay dads.

Can gay men legally become parents?

Gay men can absolutely become parents, but the legal landscape surrounding LGBTQ+ parenting rights can be complex, and there are still some challenges that gay dads may unfortunately face. You’ll need a great lawyer who knows the specific laws of your state (if you work with Cofertility, we can help you find one). 

There are no federal laws that prevent gay men from using donor eggs and a gestational carrier, but the laws can vary depending on the state. Some states have laws that specifically prohibit surrogacy arrangements, or only allow it when both parents are genetically related to the child. Other states make it difficult to get both parents on the birth certificate. 

Can gay dads put both names on the birth certificate?

The short answer to this question is that it depends on where the baby is born. The legal acknowledgment of gay fathers on birth certificates is not uniform across jurisdictions, reflecting a patchwork of policies that navigate parental rights. 

In many countries and states within the United States, legal advancements have facilitated the listing of both fathers on a child's birth certificate, particularly in cases of adoption or when using assisted reproductive technologies (ART), including surrogacy and donor egg in vitro fertilization (IVF).

However, this progress is not universal. Unfortunately, in jurisdictions with more conservative legal frameworks, challenges persist. There, the non-biological parent among gay fathers may have to undergo adoption procedures to be recognized legally, a process that can be both time-consuming and financially burdensome.

Read more in Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads

What you should know about birth certificates and surrogacy

Donor egg IVF plays a pivotal role for gay fathers in starting their families, and the legal system significantly affects whose names appear on the birth certificate. In cases where a gestational carrier is involved, legal parentage may initially rest with the surrogate and, depending on the location, the biological father (the one whose sperm was used). Subsequent legal steps are often necessary to establish the non-biological father's legal parentage.

Countries and states that have embraced more inclusive definitions of family have implemented procedures to simplify the recognition of gay fathers from the outset. For instance, pre-birth orders and parentage judgments can establish both fathers' legal parentage before the child's birth, ensuring their names are on the birth certificate from day one.

The unfair psychological and social implications of parental right challenges for gay dads

The inclusion of both gay fathers on a birth certificate transcends legal formalities, bearing significant psychological and social implications for the entire family. This recognition affirms the fathers' relationship to their child and each other, providing a sense of legitimacy and security that benefits the child's emotional well-being. It can also impact practical matters, from medical decisions and schooling to inheritance rights and social services.

The absence of a legal bond can render the non-biological parent's relationship with their child vulnerable, particularly in situations of medical emergencies or separation. It's a stark reminder of the ongoing disparities facing LGBTQ+ families, despite strides toward equality.

The legal battle for fair parental recognition

Legal battles have often paved the way for changes in policy regarding the recognition of gay fathers on birth certificates. Cases brought before courts have challenged discriminatory practices, leading to landmark rulings that favor the equal treatment of LGBTQ+ families. These legal precedents not only affect the families involved but also set the stage for broader legal and societal shifts.

Resolve, a non-profit I’m on the board of, has tirelessly fought to help forward positive family building bills as well as work to stop harmful legislation from being enacted into law. As part of our overall mission to increase access to care, we will continue fighting for future families for the LGBTQ+ community.

Resolve tracks and advocate for LGBTQ+ legislation in gestational surrogacy, adoption policies and bills, and increasing infertility insurance coverage. Here is where you can learn more about Resolve’s LGBTQ+ specific legislative initiatives.

What is second-parent adoption?

Even if a child is biologically related to one of the dads, without a legal adoption, the non-biological parent may not have any legal parenting rights to their child. This means that if the biological parent passes away or becomes incapacitated, the non-biological parent, even if they have been an equal parent, may not have any legal rights to parenting. This is where second-parent adoption comes in.

In some states, the non-biological parent may be able to establish legal parentage through a pre-birth order or a marriage or domestic partnership. However, second-parent adoption is often the most secure way for non-biological parents to establish their parental rights and ensure that their child is legally protected.

Individual state laws surrounding this process can be complex. The National Center for Lesbian Rights has a great PDF outlining  Adoption by LGBT Parents. The states that make it hardest for unmarried same-sex couples include:

• Alabama
• Arizona
• Kansas
• Kentucky
• Mississippi
• Nebraska
• North Carolina
• Ohio 
• Utah
• Wisconsin 

Especially if you live in one of these states, you’ll want to work with an experienced attorney who can guide you through the legal landscape and ensure that your family is protected.

Summing it up

If you are a gay dad expecting a child through donor eggs and surrogacy, you’ll need to know the laws and parental recognition requirements of the state and country where the child is born as well as where you reside. We highly recommend working with a family lawyer who specialties in third party reproduction. If you work with us at Cofertility, we can help recommend a lawyer from our network. 

All parents – regardless of sexual orientation – deserve to be on their child’s birth certificate. As legal and social narratives continue to evolve, the hope is for a future where the question of whose names appear on a birth certificate is merely procedural, not a battleground for recognition or rights.

While significant strides have been made, the variability in legal recognition across jurisdictions highlights the need for ongoing advocacy and reform. Ultimately, the goal is to ensure that all families, regardless of their makeup, are afforded equal respect and protection under the law, reflecting the diverse and evolving nature of family in the 21st century.

Read more:

• LGBTQ+ Fertility Information and Resources
• What Fertility Options are Out There for LGBTQ Families?
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation
• Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads

For gay men embarking on the journey to fatherhood, egg donation and surrogacy offer a promising path to creating the family they've always dreamed of. This route to parenthood, while filled with excitement and hope, also comes with a unique set of considerations and decisions. Among these, the role of genetics in egg donation is a topic we’re often asked about. 

Many prospective gay dads find themselves grappling with questions about genetic inheritance, donor matching, and the biological connections that will shape their future child. This article aims to demystify these genetic factors, providing a comprehensive guide to understanding the role of DNA in egg donation. By breaking down the science into accessible terms and exploring the practical implications, we hope to equip prospective gay dads with the knowledge they need to navigate this journey with confidence. 

Whether you're just starting to explore your options or you're further along in the process, this guide will offer valuable insights to help you make informed decisions as you take this exciting step towards fatherhood.

Understanding genetics in reproduction

Genetics plays a big role in human reproduction, influencing everything from physical traits to predispositions for certain health conditions. Each biological parent contributes 50% of their genetic material to their offspring, resulting in a unique combination that determines the child's characteristics.

During the reproductive process, an egg and sperm each contribute 23 chromosomes, forming a complete set of 46 chromosomes in the resulting embryo. These chromosomes carry thousands of genes that influence traits such as eye color, height, and even aspects of personality and intelligence.

In third-party reproduction, genetic material or gestational services from a third party, someone who is not the intended parent, is utilized to have a baby. This broadens the possibilities for those who may not be able to conceive using their own gametes (eggs and sperm) or carry a pregnancy themselves. If donor eggs are used, as is the case with gay dads, then the child will share DNA with the egg donor.

While genetics play a significant role, environmental factors also contribute to a child's development. The interplay between genetics and environment, known as epigenetics, is a growing field of study that highlights the complexity of human development.

Using donor eggs

For gay male couples, creating a family often involves using donor eggs and a surrogate. The egg donation process typically begins with selecting a donor, followed by in vitro fertilization (IVF) where the donor's eggs are retrieved and fertilized with sperm from one (or both!) of the intended fathers.

At Cofertility, the egg donor selection process is thoughtful and comprehensive. Potential donors undergo rigorous screening, including genetic, medical, and psychological evaluations. Intended parents can review detailed profiles of donors on our website, which include information about physical characteristics, medical history, educational background, and personal interests.

Once your family matches with a donor, her eggs are retrieved and fertilized in a laboratory setting. Or, if you match with an egg donor who has already frozen her eggs, the eggs will be shipped to your fertility clinic. The resulting embryos are then transferred to a surrogate who will carry the pregnancy to term. This process allows gay couples to have a child who is genetically related to one of the fathers.

Read more in Gay Men Having Babies: Four Genetic Options with Donor Eggs

The genetic influence of the egg donor

The egg donor contributes half of the genetic material to the child, influencing many physical and potentially some behavioral traits. This genetic contribution means that the choice of egg donor can have a significant impact on the future child's characteristics.

When selecting an egg donor, intended parents often consider factors ranging from physical appearance to health history, ethnicity, and even talents. If one intended father is providing the sperm, some couples may seek a donor who shares similar traits to the non-biologically related father to create a sense of physical connection with both parents.

Genetic screening is a required part of the egg donation process. Donors undergo genetic testing to identify whether they are carriers for any potential hereditary conditions. This screening helps minimize the risk of passing on any genetic disorders to the child.

Balancing genetic and non-genetic factors in donor selection

While genetics are important, they're not the only factor to consider when choosing an egg donor. Non-genetic aspects such as the donor's personality, values, and life experiences can also be significant. Some intended parents find comfort in choosing a donor whose personal qualities align with their own.

It's also important to remember that while genetics influence many traits, they don't determine everything about a person. Environmental factors, including parenting and life experiences, play a substantial role in shaping a child's development and personality.

We live in a world where adoption, step and foster families and blended families are the norm. 

Research shows that in general, there are no differences in the bonds created between parents and children born unassisted versus those born through surrogacy or egg donation. 

The psychological impact

The decision to use an egg donor can have psychological implications for both the intended parents and the future child. For the parents, it may involve coming to terms with the lack of a genetic connection for one father. It's normal to experience a range of emotions during this process, and many find it helpful to work with a mental health professional who specializes in fertility and family building.

For the child, questions of identity and genetic origins may arise as they grow older. Being open and honest about the child's conception story from an early age can help foster a healthy understanding of their unique family structure.

Read more in I'm a Fertility Psychologist. Here's What I Want You to Know About Growing Your Family Through Egg Donation

Summing it up

Understanding the role of genetics in egg donation is important for gay couples pursuing fatherhood. While genetics play a significant role in shaping a child's characteristics, it's important to remember that love, nurture, and shared experiences are equally vital in creating a family bond.

As you navigate egg donation, don't hesitate to reach out to us. We can help provide support and educational information tailored to your unique situation.

Cofertility is committed to supporting LGBTQ+ families throughout their family-building journey. We aim to make the path to parenthood as smooth as possible for gay dads-to-be. Remember, your journey to fatherhood is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach. Trust in your ability to make the best decisions for your future family, and embrace the exciting path ahead. Your family’s story has many authors, and science is just one of them.

Read more:

• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation
• Which Should I Find First: An Egg Donor or a Surrogate?
• Preparing for Parenthood as a Gay Couple Using Donor Eggs: Tips from a Fertility Psychologist
• Gay Men Having Babies: Four Genetic Options with Donor Eggs