At Cofertility, our team makes all the difference in how we support our members. Each month, we introduce you to one of the dedicated people working behind the scenes to make your experience better.

This month, we're sitting down with Erin Graham, one of our Member Advocates. Erin brings a rare combination of personal and professional experience to her role. As a three-time gestational carrier, she understands firsthand the emotional and practical aspects of fertility care. Her background includes working at an online fertility marketplace where she matched patients with providers, and at a surrogacy and egg donation agency where she coordinated family-building journeys. With a Bachelor of Science in Social Work and certification as a lactation counselor through the ALPP, Erin combines professional training with lived experience to support our members.

Let's get to know Erin better through some questions about her role, her unique perspective, and what drives her work:

Q: What drew you to working at Cofertility? 

The first thing that really drew me to Cofertilty is the human-centered approach to building a family with third party reproduction. The journey to parenthood can be full of unexpected twists and turns which can really take its toll emotionally.  I believe it’s deeply important to meet each individual where they’re at and from my first conversation with the team, I felt a strong sense of alignment on that.

Q: How did your experience as a gestational carrier shape your approach to supporting members? 

The commitment it takes to complete three journeys as a gestational carrier (surrogate) is not for the faint of heart. It is a long road and requires time, dedication, a strong support system, diligent follow-through, and the proper mindset. 

I felt so passionately about helping people build the families they dreamed of, and that was the fuel for all three journeys, which now extends to every member I support. That is what fuels the work I do every day. Additionally, my experience with the surrogacy process helps guide conversations for those intended parents who will need the help of a gestational carrier to bring their baby (or babies!) home.

Q: Can you walk us through what a typical day looks like for you? 

Each day as a Member Advocate is different. I don’t always know exactly what will unfold. But one consistent thing is that it all starts with coffee! That’s my first stop of the day, and I allow it to work its magic while I organize my priorities for the day ahead and create my to-do list. I’m on the East Coast, so the mornings are a little quieter which allows me the time to set myself up for success and start each day organized and refreshed. From there, it’s about balancing meetings, high-priority match-related tasks, and consistently monitoring my messages in case anything urgent comes up. I try to step away for some short breaks to take my dog for a walk which really helps me stay focused and calm even when those unexpected twists and turns come up. I enjoy the flexibility of remote work and don’t feel a need to have a hard stop time, but I do prioritize time with my family in the evenings and on weekends. That said, I don’t have a hard stop to my day and sometimes the work necessitates jumping online on a weekend to help a Split Member with her cycle. I’ve learned how to balance that with time away to keep myself in the right mindset to stay at my best.

Q: What's the most rewarding part of supporting members through their family-building process? 

There is so much about this work that is rewarding. I love receiving updates from intended parents (especially when they share baby photos)! I love when a Split Member feels empowered by the egg freezing process and excited for their future. I love facilitating match meetings and watching the bond and commitment to one another strengthen throughout a match. The way they root for one another and the gratitude they feel toward each other is beautiful. 

Q: Is there a particular member story that has stuck with you? 

Each match leaves a unique fingerprint on my heart. General themes that have stood out to me are the moments that showcase perseverance, resilience and gratitude. Creative ways we’ve collaborated to overcome an unexpected challenge, moments where members express how much our support has meant to them and how it shaped their experience.   

Q: How do you approach supporting members who might be feeling anxious or uncertain? 

This goes back to the first question, where I mentioned the importance of meeting people where they’re at. Anxiety and uncertainty are perfectly normal feelings to have and my role is to provide clarity, information and resources in a compassionate way. I may not have every answer, but what I will do is be straightforward and help them navigate any ambiguity, fears, doubts and questions so that they come away feeling more confident and informed.

Q: What's one thing you wish more people knew about egg donation? 

The time and commitment required to see it through. There is a rigorous screening process to be cleared to donate. Some testing can take weeks to get results, some testing has to be completed on a specific cycle day, and there may be unexpected follow-up testing. The legal phase also requires careful consideration. I also wish there was a greater understanding that it’s not a perfect science. There are biomarkers and studies that can give us an idea of what to expect, but each individual cycle is different, and sometimes results fall outside of what is expected. I think it’s important to be emotionally prepared for the possibility that things may not go as expected. I guess that’s two things! I could fill a book with what I wish people knew and I’m learning more every day. 

Q: If you could give one piece of advice to someone just starting their family-building process, what would it be? 

Prioritize self-care - whether that means setting boundaries, taking time to focus on a hobby, going to a spa, hiking  - anything that brings balance and helps you focus on your overall well-being. Consider joining a support group (online or in person) to avoid feeling isolated. While every journey is unique, sharing experiences can help manage your expectations. Trust your path, be patient with yourself, and know that you’re not alone in this process.

Q: Outside of work, what do you enjoy doing? 

I love cooking and trying new foods, a good binge-worthy show snuggled up with my dog, and quality time with my family. One of my favorite things we do is each picking out a Lego set and sitting around the table assembling them together.

Q: How do you practice self-care while supporting members through emotional moments? 

This probably sounds simplistic, but quiet time to step away and process. I make time for myself every day to go for a walk with my dog. I find it really helpful to have those quiet moments to evaluate my state of mind and examine anything that feels off so I can re-frame it. The act of walking and the fresh air and natural light seem to help that process for me.

Q: What's one of your proudest moments as a Member Advocate? 

Moments where members have expressed that I’ve made them feel heard, validated, and supported. There is so much that is out of our control which can create worry, stress, and frustration. Any time I’m able to ease or prevent that feels like a win. Sometimes it’s navigating a really tricky timeline, lending an ear when life necessitates a last-minute change in plans, or facilitating a change in care team to ensure the member feels comfortable with their care team and treatment plan. Whatever the challenge or scenario, everyone deserves to feel heard and have their concerns taken seriously.