female infertility

In recent years, advancements in reproductive technologies have given hope to many individuals and couples struggling with infertility. In vitro fertilization (IVF) in particular has enabled more people to become parents and grow their families. Some estimate that there have been over eight million babies born via IVF (including my own!). And 1 in 8 IVF cycles are estimated to involve eggs retrieved from a donor. 

For women who are in their 40s and considering IVF, a common question arises: should I use my own eggs or donor eggs? In this article, we’ll review valuable insights and information to help you make an informed decision on your IVF journey.

How successful is IVF with your own eggs at 40?

Unfortunately, as we age our fertility naturally declines, and this decline becomes more significant after the age of 35. By the age of 40, a woman's ovarian reserve (the number and quality of eggs she has) is often diminished. Consequently, the success rates of IVF using a woman's own eggs decrease with age.

According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) ​​Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) data, the live birth rate per IVF cycle for women over 40, using their own eggs, is 7.6%. This means that out of every 100 IVF cycles, only 7-8 result in a live birth. 

While age plays a huge role in your chances of success, there are other factors that influence IVF outcomes including overall health, previous pregnancies, sperm health, the quality of the clinic, and the quality of the embryos. It is important to have realistic expectations when considering IVF with one's own eggs at the age of 40. A fertility doctor should be able to give you an idea of your chances of success with a proper fertility evaluation. 

Should I try IVF with my own eggs or go straight to donor eggs?

Deciding whether to try IVF with your own eggs or proceed directly to donor eggs is a deeply personal and complex choice. Several factors should be taken into consideration, including your age, ovarian reserve, overall health, previous fertility history, and emotional readiness.

For those in their early 40s with a good ovarian reserve and no underlying fertility issues, attempting IVF with your own eggs may be a reasonable option. A fertility doctor can evaluate your specific circumstances and provide guidance based on their expertise.

On the other hand, some people want the fastest and most likely path to a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. Especially if your journey has already been long, hard, and expensive, the decision to use donor eggs may bring renewed hope. 

If your ovarian reserve is significantly diminished, or if previous attempts at IVF have been unsuccessful, using donor eggs may offer a higher chance of success. Donor eggs come from egg donors who have passed rigorous screening including ovarian reserve, reproductive health, general health, and genetics. This can increase the chances of achieving a successful pregnancy and live birth.

What is the success rate of IVF with donor eggs?

Donor egg IVF has the highest success rate of any fertility treatment. This means that donor eggs can drastically increase your chances of success! Around 53 percent of all donor egg cycles will result in at least one live birth. This percentage varies depending on the egg donor, recipient body mass index, stage of embryo at transfer, the number of oocytes retrieved, and the quality of the clinic.

At every age, the chances of birth with donor eggs is better, but those who benefit the most from donor eggs are women over 35 and those with low ovarian reserve. In fact, about one-quarter of women over 40 who succeeded with IVF did so through the use of donor eggs. 

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The chart was made using the SART Patient Predictor for an average woman (5’4”, 150 lbs) with diminished ovarian reserve. As you can see, the chances of live birth after one donor egg cycle is 54% for recipients under 40, and only goes down slightly after this.

What is the risk of miscarriage with donor eggs?

The short answer is that using donor eggs decreases the risk of miscarriage for most women. Especially for those who experienced previous miscarriages due to chromosomal abnormalities. Because egg donors are young (under 33) and medically cleared, outcomes with donor eggs are better than outcomes with a patient’s own eggs. 

Age is a significant factor in miscarriage risk. As women age, the quality of their eggs decreases, and the risk of chromosomal abnormalities increases, which can lead to miscarriage. By using younger, healthier eggs from a donor, the risk of chromosomal abnormalities is significantly reduced.

Furthermore, the donor egg IVF process involves extensive screening of the donor to ensure that she is in good health and has a low risk of genetic disorders. This can further reduce the risk of miscarriage, as genetic disorders can be a significant contributor to pregnancy loss.

Pros and cons of using donor eggs vs. your own eggs

Let’s go over some of the advantages and disadvantages of using donor eggs for IVF.

The pros of using donor eggs include:

• Better egg quality: Eggs from donors tend to have better genetic quality, potentially reducing the risk of chromosomal abnormalities and genetic disorders.
• More embryos: A medically cleared egg donor is likely to lead to more embryos, often giving families more options, including gender selection. 
• Increased success rates: Donor eggs come from young (under 33), healthy donors, which can improve the chances of successful fertilization, implantation, and pregnancy – getting a baby in your arms sooner.

The challenges of using donor eggs include:

• Emotional considerations: Using donor eggs may bring up complex emotional issues, such as feelings of loss, grief, or concerns about genetic connections. It is important to seek counseling or support to address these emotions.
• Financial costs: Using donor eggs adds an additional expense to the IVF process. 

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing. We didn’t invent the concept of egg sharing, but we are the first to take it national (and even global!). 

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

For those who match with a donor in our fresh egg donation program, the average number of mature eggs a family receives and fertilizes is 12. The number of eggs retrieved varies by patient and cycle, but can be predicted by a donor’s age, AMH, and antral follicle count, all of which will be known to you after the donor’s initial screening. Qualified candidates have an ample ovarian reserve for both their own needs and sharing. Egg share donors also often work closely with a fertility doctor to determine, based on their own medical history, the optimal number of eggs needed for their own future family-building goals. Should it make sense for the donor, they may choose to pursue a second egg-sharing cycle to maximize the chances of success for everyone.

Matching with a donor in our frozen program can provide the opportunity to move forward with your family-building plans faster, as frozen eggs can be fertilized or shipped to your clinic immediately or as soon as the cycle is complete. Donors undergoing frozen cycles complete equally rigorous ovarian reserve testing. While the total number of frozen eggs available will vary based on the donor’s retrieval outcomes, every frozen match is guaranteed to have a minimum of at least 6 frozen eggs.

To learn more about these programs and the differences between them, click here.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

How much do donor eggs cost?

The cost of egg sharing can vary based on whether you opt for a fresh or frozen donation cycle as well as other factors like the fertility clinic or donor's location. Unlike traditional egg donation, donors in egg sharing programs do not receive cash compensation, which can reduce your overall expenses.

For a more detailed breakdown of Cofertility's pricing, including estimates, you can visit our pricing page. All of our pricing also includes our Baby Guarantee, our promise that if for any reason outside your control your initial match does not lead to a live birth, we’ll re-match you for free until that happens.

Summing it up

While IVF with one's own eggs can still offer a chance of success after 40, the use of donor eggs can significantly increase the chances of achieving a successful pregnancy and live birth.

Deciding between using your own eggs or donor eggs for IVF is a deeply personal choice that may be weighing on you. If you are hesitating to use donor eggs, we highly recommend connecting with a parent or support group of others who have walked down this path. We have never met a parent through egg donation who has regretted their decision. A fertility psychologist who has experience in this area can also provide guidance.

Ultimately, the goal is to make an informed choice that aligns with your desires, values, and the best chances of achieving a healthy pregnancy and fulfilling parenthood. Wherever you land, we wish you all the best.

Read more:

• Does Using Donor Eggs Decrease the Risk for Miscarriage?
• I'm a Fertility Psychologist. Here's What I Want You to Know About Growing Your Family Through Egg Donation
• 35 Questions to Ask Your Doctor About Using Donor Eggs
• 10 Facts You Need To Know About Using Donor Eggs

Every National Infertility Awareness Week, we like to reflect upon the true meaning of “infertility awareness”. All year, we take every chance we get to increase awareness of infertility in an effort to provide proactive fertility education and de-stigmatize all paths to parenthood.

This is important because infertility can feel incredibly isolating due to lack of openness and understanding from the general public. While infertility does not discriminate, it often catches its victims off guard. Due to a lack of awareness (or just a lack of acceptance), we’re taught from an early age that getting pregnant is easy. In reality, this isn’t the case for everyone — one in four American couples struggle to conceive — and the additional stigmatization of infertility just kicks those suffering from it while they’re down. 

We’re here to change that. Myself and my co-founders all experienced challenging journeys to build our families, and we know, first-hand, that words matter. So this National Infertility Awareness Week, we’re proposing a vocabulary overhaul when it comes to outdated and straight-up offensive fertility terminology. 

Here are several fertility terms we commonly hear — in doctor’s offices, news articles, and more — that we think need to be replaced:

Fertility

• “Insurance policy” → optionality: when a woman decides to freeze her eggs, she's giving herself optionality should she experience fertility challenges down the line. While Cofertility’s mission with Freeze by Co is to enable more proactive, empowering egg freezing, we are always transparent about the fact that egg freezing is never an insurance policy.
• Poor sperm quality → sperm-related challenges: when a man experiences low sperm count or motility, or irregular morphology that may result in an unsuccessful fertilization or pregnancy. The same can apply to “poor egg quality,” and we support a similar change to reference egg-related challenges.
• Inhospitable uterus → uterine challenges: when uterine conditions, like endometriosis, cause difficulty getting or staying pregnant.
• Poor ovarian reserve → diminished ovarian reserve: when a woman’s egg count is lower than average for her age.
  

Egg donation and surrogacy

• Donor mother/parent → egg donor: the woman who donated her eggs to fertilize an embryo resulting in a child is an egg donor. The intended parents are that child’s parents, full stop.
• Surrogate mother → gestational carrier: Similar to “donor mother,” a gestational carrier, while doing an amazing thing (carrying the pregnancy of a transferred embryo using another woman’s egg) is not that child’s mother. Gestational carriers are incredible, but should not be confused with a child’s actual parents. 
• Anonymous egg donation → non-identified egg donation: we believe anonymous egg donation is a thing of the past — not only can it have negative effects upon donor-conceived children, it’s also unrealistic with the rise of consumer genetic testing. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) recently recommended this lexicon replacement as well. At Cofertility, we discuss the concept of disclosure at length with all donors and intended parents. You can read more about our stance on “anonymous” egg donation here.
• Buying eggs → matching with an egg donor: No one involved in this process should feel like eggs are being bought or sold (that goes for the egg donor, the intended parents, and the donor-conceived person). Rather, working with an egg donor is a beautiful way of growing a family and should feel the opposite of transactional. 
• “Using” an egg donor → working with/matching with an egg donor: An egg donor should feel like a perfect fit with your family and someone who should be respected, not “used”. Our unique model — where women can freeze their eggs for free when they donate half of the eggs retrieved to another family — honors everyone involved. Learn more here! 
  

Pregnancy loss

• Spontaneous abortion → pregnancy loss: Honestly, this term is beyond cruel given what it describes — losing a pregnancy prior to 20 weeks.
• Implantation failure → unsuccessful transfer: When an IVF embryo transfer doesn’t result in a success, that doesn’t mean it — or your body — was a failure. 
• Chemical pregnancy → early pregnancy loss: Calling a pregnancy “chemical” discredits what it actually is — a pregnancy. And losing it should be categorized as such. 

Let’s hold ourselves accountable

During National Infertility Awareness Week, consider this our rally cry for evolved terminology around the #ttc process. We’ll plan to hold ourselves accountable, but beyond talking the talk, we aim to walk the walk. 

Our goal is to make the actual family-building process more positive and accessible for anyone pursuing third party reproduction. With Family by Co, all egg donors give half of their eggs retrieved to intended parents and freeze the other half for themselves for free to preserve some of their own fertility for the future. This way, they’re able to give a life-changing gift, but also consider their own ambitions and lifestyle choices. We feel this is significantly more ethical than other donation options out there, and our intended parents love the transparent nature of our platform. 

Let’s challenge each other to evolve the surrounding verbiage. Because the family-building process should feel as good as possible, in spite of challenges along the way.

‍Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

For women in their 40s and 50s who want to build or grow their family, the dream of becoming a mother may still be within reach through the use of donor eggs. With advancements in reproductive technology, donor egg in vitro fertilization (IVF) has become a viable option for more people. In this article, we’ll cover everything you need to know about getting pregnant with donor eggs in your 40s and 50s.

How does donor egg IVF work?

Donor egg IVF involves the use of eggs donated by another woman, typically a healthy individual under the age of 34. These eggs are retrieved from the donor and fertilized with sperm in a laboratory setting. The resulting embryos are then transferred to the recipient's uterus, where they have the potential to implant and develop into a pregnancy.

IVF can be broken down into three phases: 

1. The retrieval phase, where the eggs are matured and extracted
2. The embryo phase, where eggs are fertilized and monitored in the lab
3. And the transfer phase, where an embryo is transferred to the uterus of the intended mother or gestational carrier

With donor eggs, the egg donor undergoes the retrieval (phase 1) and then her job is done. The eggs are then fertilized with the sperm of the intended father (or a sperm donor) and grown under the careful eye of a trained embryologist. At this point, some families opt to do genetic testing. Once the embryo is ready, the intended mother, or a gestational carrier, takes over to carry the pregnancy to term.

Unless your doctor has determined that it is impossible or dangerous for you to safely carry a pregnancy, you can absolutely undergo IVF and get pregnant with donor eggs. 

Donor eggs increase your chances of a healthy pregnancy

Here’s some good news: donor eggs can drastically increase your chances of success. Around 53 percent of all donor egg cycles will result in at least one live birth. This percentage varies depending on the egg donor, recipient body mass index, stage of embryo at transfer, the number of oocytes retrieved, and the quality of the clinic.

At every age, the chances of birth with donor eggs is better, but those who benefit the most from donor eggs are women over 35 and those with low ovarian reserve. In fact, about one-quarter of women over 40 who succeeded with IVF did so through the use of donor eggs. 

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The chart was made using the SART Patient Predictor for an average woman (5’4”, 150 lbs) with diminished ovarian reserve. As you can see, the chances of live birth after one donor egg cycle is 54% for recipients under 40, and only goes down slightly after this.

Can a 40-something year old get pregnant with donor eggs?

Yes, women in their 40s may be able to get pregnant with donor eggs. Donor egg IVF offers a viable solution for women in this age group who have experienced a decline in their own egg quality and quantity. As you can see from the chart above, the chances of getting pregnant in your 40s with donor eggs is much higher than with your own eggs.

Studies show that your chances of success using donor eggs does not diminish in your 40s. You read that right! A 30-year-old vs. a 40-year-old carrying a pregnancy with donor eggs will have about the same chances of success. Using donor eggs can greatly increase your chances of a healthy baby well into your 40s and even 50s.

Even though many women in their 40s and 50s can carry a pregnancy when using donor eggs, some need to use a gestational carrier for a variety of reasons. It’s important to note that carrying a pregnancy in your 40s and 50s does carry increased risks of pregnancy complications like hypertensive disorders and gestational diabetes.

What is the success rate of IVF with donor eggs over 40?

The success rate of IVF with donor eggs is generally higher for women over 40 compared to using their own eggs. According to various studies, the success rates for this procedure can range from 50% to 70% or even higher, depending on the individual circumstances and the quality of the embryos transferred. It is important to remember that success rates can vary. A fertility doctor can give you a personalized assessment.

Can a 50 year old woman get pregnant with donor eggs?

Yes, it may be possible for a 50 year old woman to get pregnant with donor eggs. While fertility declines with age, donor eggs can still offer a chance for women in their 50s to experience pregnancy and motherhood. 

In a study of women who became pregnant from egg donation, researchers at Columbia University found that women over age 50 do not appear to face any greater risk than those under 43. That doesn’t mean there’s no risk in pregnancy over 50, and anyone in this age group should undergo thorough medical screening before attempting pregnancy to ensure the best possible outcome.

Can a menopausal woman get pregnant with donor eggs?

While menopause marks the end of a woman's reproductive years, donor eggs can still provide an opportunity for menopausal women to experience pregnancy. The absence of menstruation and ovulation in menopausal women means they are unable to produce viable eggs. However, by using donor eggs, a menopausal woman can still carry a pregnancy and experience the joy of motherhood.

How many tries does it take to get pregnant with donor eggs?

For many people beginning the journey to use donor eggs, you may have already tried unsuccessfully with your own eggs and are eager to get pregnant as quickly as possible. Well here’s the good news: it is estimated that the probability of success reaches roughly 90% after three embryo transfers. This of course varies patient to patient, and your doctor should be able to give you a better idea of your chances based on your medical history. 

Is there an age limit for IVF with donor eggs?

Technically, there is no age limit (legal or otherwise) in the United States for pursuing IVF with or without donor eggs. But ASRM discourages IVF for females older than 55, and some clinics set their own age limits for patients they will treat. 

For females over 45 years old, ASRM advises:

• “Comprehensive” medical testing for cardiovascular and metabolic fitness to ensure the safety of the mother and baby during pregnancy 
• Psychosocial evaluation to determine if support is in place to raise a child to adulthood
• Counseling patients on potential increased medical risks related to pregnancy

There is no official recommendation when it comes to the age of a male intended parent.

Supporting mothers of all ages

There is no age limit for men having children and there is no maximum age for US domestic adoption – so why would we put an age restriction on mothers via egg donation? Generally, these restrictions are for her own health during pregnancy. 

All pregnancies have risks, and pregnancy after 50 is no exception. One small study followed 45 healthy mothers ages 50-63 who used donor eggs, and found that 35% experienced pregnancy-related hypertension (high blood pressure), 20% experienced gestational diabetes, and 78% had a cesarean section. These numbers are higher than the general population. 

But what if a gestational carrier (surrogate) carries the donor egg pregnancy? Then the argument turns to the ability to parent. 

ASRM lays out some compelling arguments in favor of donor egg IVF for women over 45:

• Older people (grandparents) raise children all the time in our society, and successfully at that. So there’s no reason to think older parents wouldn’t have the physical and psychological stamina for raising children.
• Older men often have children, and there is no set age limit for males in IVF. So why create limits for women?
• Our society respects the rights of individuals to make reproductive choices regardless of age or life expectancy. For example, we don’t ban someone with a terminal illness from becoming a parent. So why stop someone else because of their age?

Benefits of having children later

Becoming a parent at an older age certainly has pros and cons, and is different for everyone. But here are some benefits to having children in your 40s and 50s:

• Financial security: older parents tend to have more financial freedom and savings, making the financial commitment of parenting less daunting.
• Emotional maturity: Older parents feel more ready and mature. In a study of older parents, 72% of mothers and 57% of fathers expressed that the emotional maturity associated with age provided a clear advantage to having children later in life.
• Smoother parenting: One study found that older maternal age was associated with fewer behavioral, social and emotional difficulties
• More life experiences: People who start families later in life have had more opportunity to check things off their bucket list – travel, work accomplishments, hobbies – and may not feel like parenting is as much of a compromise in their lives. Plus, they have more to teach their littles! 

Celebrities who got pregnant after 45 

An unassisted pregnancy after age 45 is rare, and even with IVF, the chances of getting pregnant with your own eggs at 45 is just 5% (it’s 1% at age 50). Getting pregnant after 45 generally means someone used frozen eggs (either from their younger self, or from an egg donor). Here are some celebrities to remind you that you are not alone!

• Susan Sarandon, 45
• Chloë Sevigny, 45
• Savannah Guthrie, 45
• Jane Kaczmarek, 46
• Halle Berry, 47
• Cameron Diaz, 47
• Holly Hunter, 47
• Kelly Preston, 47
• Tamron Hall, 48
• Rachel Weisz, 48
• Geena Davis, 48
• Hilary Swank, 48
• Beverly D'Angelo, 49
• Laura Linney, 49
• Janet Jackson, 50
• Naomi Campbell, 50 
• Hoda Kotb, 52
• Nichole Kidman, 53
• Salma Hayek, 54
• Naomi Watts, 54

Tens of thousands of families have babies each year through egg donation, and celebrities are no different. While some celebrities choose to speak openly about their decision to use donor egg IVF, others choose not to. Looking at the data, we can speculate that many people over 45 (celebrity and otherwise) use frozen eggs to conceive. But if those frozen eggs were from their own egg freezing cycle years ago, or from a donor egg freezing cycle, is their story to tell.

Find an egg donor through Cofertility

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Donor empowerment. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

For those who match with a donor in our fresh egg donation program, the average number of mature eggs a family receives and fertilizes is 12. The number of eggs retrieved varies by patient and cycle, but can be predicted by a donor’s age, AMH, and antral follicle count, all of which will be known to you after the donor’s initial screening. Qualified candidates have an ample ovarian reserve for both their own needs and sharing. Egg share donors also often work closely with a fertility doctor to determine, based on their own medical history, the optimal number of eggs needed for their own future family-building goals. Should it make sense for the donor, they may choose to pursue a second egg-sharing cycle to maximize the chances of success for everyone.

Matching with a donor in our frozen program can provide the opportunity to move forward with your family-building plans faster, as frozen eggs can be fertilized or shipped to your clinic immediately or as soon as the cycle is complete. Donors undergoing frozen cycles complete equally rigorous ovarian reserve testing. While the total number of frozen eggs available will vary based on the donor’s retrieval outcomes, every frozen match is guaranteed to have a minimum of at least 6 frozen eggs.

To learn more about these programs and the differences between them, click here.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Summing it up

Getting pregnant with donor eggs in your 40s or 50s may be possible, although ASRM discourages it for women over 55, and fertility clinics may set their own age limit. Anyone over 45 is recommended to undergo comprehensive medical testing, counseling, and a psychosocial evaluation. There are pros and cons to becoming a parent at any age, and these should be carefully considered when making the decision. We wish you all the best!

If you are pursuing donor eggs, we’d love to help. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. 

Sign up for a free account today. 

FAQ

What is donor egg IVF?

Donor egg IVF is an IVF cycle that uses a medically-cleared woman's eggs, which are then fertilized and implanted into the uterus of the intended mother or gestational carrier. 

What is “advanced maternal age” (over 35) and “advanced reproductive age” (over 45)?

Advanced maternal age is a not-so-great term used by the medical community to describe a potential pregnancy for women over 35. Advanced reproductive age refers to women over 45.  Interestingly, there is no similar term for males trying to conceive at any age. 

Am I too old to become a parent?

This is a question only you can answer. How is your health? Do you have a support system that could help raise the child if anything were to happen to you? Are you financially ready? These are questions any parent, at any age, should ask before building a family. 

Does your age matter with donor eggs?
While age can impact a woman's own fertility, the option of using donor eggs opens doors to motherhood, even for those in their 40s and 50s. At every age, the chances of birth with donor eggs is better, but those who benefit the most from donor eggs are women over 35 and those with low ovarian reserve.

How can I find an egg donor?

Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. Create a free account today to get started!

Whether you are someone who is struggling with infertility or other reproductive issues, or you’re a single male or gay male couple who hopes to have biological children, you may be considering donor eggs as an option for your family-building goals. While this can be a challenging time, it's important to know that there are options available to help you achieve your dreams of starting a family.

But first, you may be asking yourself “how do I know if I need donor eggs?” While there are a number of reasons one may turn to egg donation for their family-building, in this article we will discuss some of the most common scenarios.

I’m struggling with infertility

Infertility affects about 1 in 8 couples worldwide, and sometimes it can be due to the quality of the eggs. As we age, our eggs decrease in quantity and quality, making it more challenging to conceive. If you have been trying to conceive for a year or more without success, and your doctor has confirmed that there may be an egg quality or quantity issue, then donor eggs may be an option for you. 

I’m a single or gay dad

While heterosexual couples or women often find out later in life that they need to pursue egg donation, gay or single men are typically in a different situation, in that they have always known they would need donor eggs in order to have a biological child.

While not all people will find this to be a priority to them, working with an egg donor and a surrogate allows gay and single men the opportunity to have a genetic link to their child, which is one reason you may consider egg donation over adoption to grow your family.

I'm over 40

If you are over 40 and struggling with infertility, using donor eggs may provide you with a better chance of success. Donor eggs are generally from qualified egg donors who are between the ages of 23-34, which can increase the chances of successful fertilization, pregnancy, and delivery.  If you are over 40 and have been trying to conceive without success, you may consider using donor eggs to achieve your dream of parenthood. 

I’ve been diagnosed with Premature ovarian failure (POF)

Premature ovarian failure (POF) is a condition in which the ovaries stop functioning before the age of 40. Those with POF have reduced or no ovarian function, making it difficult or impossible to conceive with your own eggs. If you have POF, you may be a candidate for using donor eggs, as your own eggs may not be viable for conception. Donor eggs can provide you with a higher chance of a successful pregnancy and delivery.

I had chemotherapy and/or radiation

Cancer treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation can damage the ovaries and reduce or eliminate the chances of conceiving with your own eggs. If you have had cancer treatment and your fertility has been affected, you may consider using donor eggs to achieve pregnancy. Donor eggs provide a higher chance of success compared to using your own eggs after cancer treatment.

I've had repeated IVF failure with my own eggs

Those who have experienced repeated IVF failure with their own eggs, even if they are still relatively young, may be a candidate for donor egg IVF. This can be due to poor egg quality or other factors. If you've tried multiple rounds of IVF without success, using donor eggs can dramatically increase your chances of bringing your baby home.

I have low ovarian reserve

Depending on your age, those with a low ovarian reserve may not produce enough viable eggs to achieve a successful pregnancy. If you’re in this boat, donor eggs can help make up for your diminishing egg quantity.

I have a genetic disorder

If you or your partner carries a genetic disorder that could be passed on to your child, using donor eggs may be an option to reduce the risk of passing on the disorder. Many genetic disorders are caused by mutations in a person's DNA, and some of these mutations can be passed down to their children. If you have been diagnosed with a genetic disorder that could be passed on to your child, using donor eggs from a donor without the genetic mutation can significantly reduce the risk of your child inheriting the disorder. 

I’ve had recurrent pregnancy losses

If you have experienced recurrent pregnancy losses, using donor eggs may be an option to increase your chances of a successful pregnancy and delivery. Recurrent pregnancy loss is typically defined as the loss of two or more pregnancies, and it can be caused by a variety of factors such as genetic abnormalities, hormonal imbalances, or anatomical issues. Using donor eggs may increase the likelihood of successful fertilization and implantation, which may reduce the risk of pregnancy loss.

Cofertility can help

At Cofertility, we are striving to give you the best egg donation experience possible. We believe matching with an egg donor should be a positive experience. It sounds obvious, right? But the largely unregulated egg donation market has led to some sketchy practices. We want to bring ethics and transparency to an industry where most agencies don’t even have an "About Us" page. 

If you're looking for an egg donor — for any of the reasons listed above — you may already feel like the odds are stacked against you. The last thing you need is to feel like you’re “shopping” for a human who plays a critical role in your family-building journey. And we’ll never make it feel that way.

We are honored that you are considering us as part of your family-building journey. Create a free account today to begin meeting our donors. And please reach out if we can be of any assistance!

Social media's incessant flow of perfectly filtered life updates and photos can be a double-edged sword. For those who are dealing with infertility, a simple scroll through a feed can sometimes turn into a painful reminder of what we are struggling with. An ad for diapers, pregnancy announcements, gender reveals, or family vacation photos can all trigger feelings of sadness and loss. 

These digital fragments, seemingly innocuous to others, can become acute pain points, echoing the unfulfilled desires and dreams of those grappling with infertility. In a space designed for connection, sharing, and joy, the unintended emotional toll can be heavy. 

If social media is bringing you daily triggers, I wrote this guide for you. It’s a guide to help tailor your social media environment, and serves not just as a practical tool but as a necessary aspect of self-care and emotional wellbeing. This guide aims to provide clear instructions and support, enabling you to create a more controlled and comforting digital experience.

How the algorithms works against you 

Algorithms are the unseen force shaping what we see and interact with online. Social media platforms leverage sophisticated machine learning and data analysis to create a feed tailored to our interests, behaviors, and interactions. However, for those grappling with infertility, these algorithms can inadvertently contribute to emotional distress. 

The algorithms work by tracking your interests and behavior. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest analyze your clicks, likes, shares, and time spent on specific content to understand your interests. If you've ever looked at baby products or followed pregnancy-related accounts, the algorithm remembers. This informs personalized advertising, where advertisers target you with specific content. Algorithms also suggest posts, accounts, and hashtags to follow. While this usually helps discover content that aligns with your interests, it can backfire if you're trying to avoid specific triggers.

Simultaneously, “cookies” record your visits to other websites, such as online stores looking at baby products or blogs about parenting. These digital crumbs allow advertisers to follow you back to social media, serving ads that align with your browsing history. The integration of algorithms with cookies means that a casual glance at a baby stroller can transform into a series of targeted ads on your social media feed.

Despite the overwhelming influence of these invisible algorithms powering our online experience, the reality is that you have the ability to take control and change the way these algorithms affect you. You can transform your social media experience into one that supports rather than undermines your emotional well-being. 

You're not entirely at the mercy of the machines. You have tools at your disposal, and the agency to shape a better online experience. In the sections below, we will explore specific strategies and methods to do just that. 

How to reduce triggering posts and ads on social media 

Let’s dive into the strategies for changing your social media algorithms. 

Unfollow or mute those who tend to post triggering content

You know those friends and influencers who continually post content that might be triggering. Their posts are not ill-intended, but they can still sting. If they aren’t a friend, you can simply unfollow them as a necessary step in self-care. But if they’re someone you can’t simply unfriend without some drama, try muting them. 

Muting someone is a feature that allows you to temporarily hide their content without unfollowing or unfriending them. 

• Instagram: Allows you to mute posts and stories from specific users without unfollowing them. Just tap the three dots in the top right corner of the post, and select "Mute."
• Facebook: You can "snooze" friends for 30 days, which is akin to a temporary mute. Click the three dots at the top right of a post and select "Snooze for 30 days."
• X (Twitter): You can mute accounts, meaning you will not see their posts in your timeline. Click on the three dots next to the Tweet, then click "Mute @[username]."
• Pinterest: Pinterest does not have a specific mute feature, but you can unfollow users by clicking on their profile and hitting the "Unfollow" button. If you want to give feedback on a particular pin, click on the three dots and choose "Hide Pin."
• TikTok: Allows you to mute users. Just go to the profile of the person you want to mute, tap the three dots in the top right corner of the screen, and select “Mute.”
• Threads: Allows you to mute users. Go to the profile of the user you want to mute. Tap the three-dots-in-a-circle icon in the top right corner and select “Mute.”

Change your advertising settings

It is not just posts from friends that can be triggering; targeted advertising related to pregnancy and babies can be equally distressing. After I lost my twins in the second trimester, I could avoid the baby aisle at Target but I had to manually shut off the pregnancy and newborn ads on social media platforms. 

Advertisers know how to utilize sophisticated algorithms and user data to target individuals with specific content. This results in ads for baby products or parenting services being presented to those who have recently engaged with related content. For someone grieving a loss or grappling with infertility, these ads can be more than mere marketing messages; they can become haunting reminders of dreams unfulfilled and hope deferred, reinforcing a cycle of emotional distress that one might be striving to overcome. 

• Instagram: Allows you to change ad preferences. Go to “Settings and privacy,” then “Accounts Center,” then tap on “Ad preferences.” There, you can manage ad topics and remove interests related to pregnancy or babies. 
• Facebook: If your Instagram and Facebook accounts are tied to the same phone number, you don’t have to do this again as ad settings for Instagram will automatically apply for Facebook as well. 
• X: Click on “Privacy and safety,” then “Ads preferences.” Turn off personalized ads, so you get generic ads instead of those tailored to your activity. 
• Pinterest: Allows you to turn off personalized ads. Click on “settings,” select "Privacy and data," and uncheck personalized ads.
• Google: With My Ad Center and About this Ad, you can block ads you don’t want to see. On any ad itself, select “More,” and then drop down to select “Block ad.”
• TikTok: Go to “Settings and privacy” and tap “ads” to see how your ads are personalized. You can turn off any interests that TikTok may have added. It can also be helpful to switch genders to confuse the app. 

Improve the algorithm by setting content preferences

The algorithms that govern your social media feeds aren't immutable; you can actively tailor them to suit your needs. By hiding certain words, phrases, or even emojis that might be triggering, you can create a more personalized and considerate online environment. Here's how to do that on different platforms:

• Instagram: Go to “Settings and Privacy,” then go to “Hidden Words” and choose the words or phrases you don’t want to see on your feed or in your DMs. 
• Pinterest: Go to “Settings” and “Tune your home feed” where you can add/remove interests, boards, and pins. 
• Facebook: You can see and adjust your Facebook Feed preferences by going to “Settings and privacy” then clicking on “Feed.” 
• Twitter: Allows you to mute words, phrases, or hashtags. Go to "Settings and privacy," click on "Privacy and safety," then click "Mute and block” where you can choose muted words that won’t show up in your timeline.
• TikTok: Limit content by going to “Settings and privacy” then “Content preferences.” There you can filter keywords that you don’t want to see. 

Refill your feed with content that makes you happy

Okay now that you have removed a lot of accounts, ads, and keywords that could be triggering, it’s time to add back in some content that will make you happy. Find joy in funny animal videos? Love food tutorials? Following accounts that focus on interests rather than personal life events can provide a welcome distraction.

Avoid social media when you're feeling especially down

The online world will always be there, but sometimes a break is necessary. If you’re feeling particularly sad one day, step away from the apps and find solace in the real world.

The bottom line

In a digital era where our lives are intertwined with social media, navigating the online world can be both empowering and perilous. The very platforms that offer connection and inspiration can also become minefields of triggers and distress, especially for those dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss.

Your virtual environment can and should be a sanctuary, reflecting your needs and nurturing your emotional health.

Through the conscious and intentional modification of settings and preferences, you can reshape your social media experience. From muting and unfollowing content that triggers pain to fine-tuning advertising settings, the power to create a safe and supportive online experience rests in your hands.

But this journey is also about mindfulness and introspection. Knowing when to embrace the virtual world and when to seek refuge in the tangible one is a subtle art of balance. Replacing the triggers with content that resonates with joy, humor, and personal interests can breathe fresh air into your digital life.

Ultimately, the algorithms, the advertisers, and the endless stream of posts don't define your online experience—you do. With the tools and insights shared in this guide, you're well-equipped to turn social media into a space of comfort rather than conflict.

In the end, social media is not just a reflection of what algorithms think we want to see; it's a reflection of who we are, what we value, and how we choose to engage with the world around us. The control is yours.

Whether you're contemplating surrogacy as an intended parent or surrogate, or simply aiming to better understand this evolving domain of third-party reproduction, here are facts you should know about surrogacy.

1. Two main types of surrogacy exist

There are generally two kinds of surrogacy: traditional and gestational. In traditional surrogacy, the same person is both the egg donor and the gestational carrier, making her the biological mother. In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate carries a pregnancy but has no genetic link to the child. Gestational surrogacy is more commonly used today. 

2. Surrogacy laws vary widely by state and country

Surrogacy laws are not uniform and can differ dramatically from state to state in the U.S. and among different countries. Some states have permissive laws, while others may criminalize surrogacy agreements. 

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) has a comprehensive guide to surrogacy laws across the United States. The guide outlines the surrogacy laws for each state, including whether surrogacy is legal, the type of surrogacy arrangements permitted, the eligibility criteria for intended parents and gestational carriers, and any specific legal requirements, such as pre-birth orders or post-birth adoption procedures. 

Read more: What Do I Need to Know About Surrogacy Laws?

3. Nearly 5% of IVF embryo transfers are to a gestational carrier

In 2020, the latest year where we have data, 4.7% of embryo transfer cycles used a gestational carrier. That’s up from 2% in 2013.

Considering that 2% of annual births in the U.S. are from IVF, that would mean roughly 4,000 births each year are to gestational carriers.

4. Gestational carriers must pass strict requirements

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) has established recommended requirements for surrogates. These requirements are designed to ensure the health and well-being of both the carrier and the baby. Key requirements include:

• Age criteria: Surrogates must be legally adult, with a preferred age range of 21 to 45 years. In certain cases, carriers older than 45 years may be considered, but all involved parties must be fully informed about the increased pregnancy risks associated with advanced maternal age.
• Previous pregnancy success: It is essential for a surrogate to have experienced at least one successful pregnancy prior to becoming a gestational carrier for another couple. This criterion helps to gauge the surrogate’s ability to carry a pregnancy to term.
• Limit on previous deliveries: A surrogate should not have had more than five total deliveries in the past, and no more than three of these should have been cesarean sections. This limitation is to reduce health risks associated with multiple pregnancies and deliveries.
• Stable family environment: The surrogate must have a supportive and stable family setting. This support system is crucial in helping her handle the added stress and responsibilities that come with being pregnant as a gestational carrier.
• Psychological screening: Undergoing psychological evaluation is mandatory for all surrogates. This screening ensures that the surrogate is mentally and emotionally prepared for the unique challenges of gestational surrogacy.

These guidelines are in place to safeguard the interests and health of both the gestational carrier and the intended parents, and to promote a successful and healthy surrogacy arrangement.

5. Surrogacy is expensive

The cost of surrogacy can run you anywhere from $100,000 to $200,000 in the United States — depending on where you live, who your gestational carrier is, and just exactly what fertility services you need along the way. 

Read more: Can Someone Break Down the Costs of Surrogacy?

6. There are many reasons someone may need a gestational carrier (and being a celebrity is not one of them)

There are many reasons someone may need a gestational carrier to have a baby, including:

• Same-sex male couples or single men: those who wish to have a biological child but require a surrogate for gestation
• Absence or problems with the uterus: women who are born without a uterus or have uterine abnormalities that prevent a healthy pregnancy.
• Severe health risks: conditions like severe heart disease or other serious illnesses where pregnancy could be life-threatening.
• History of recurrent miscarriages: individuals who have experienced multiple miscarriages due to unknown or unresolvable causes.
• Post-hysterectomy: women who have had a hysterectomy due to cancer or other medical conditions.
• Previous pregnancy complications: a history of severe complications during pregnancy that pose a risk in future pregnancies.
• Immune system disorders: conditions where the body's immune system adversely affects pregnancy.

Despite the headlines of celebrities (Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Rebel Wilson) going the surrogacy route – simply being rich or famous is not a reason for needing a gestational carrier, and most fertility doctors do not allow non-medically necessary cases. 

Read more:

• Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads
• What Should I Know Before I Get Serious About Surrogacy?
• What Do I Need to Know About Surrogacy Laws?
• Surrogacy Questions Gay Dads Should be Asking
• Surrogacy: Coping With The Grief Of Not Carrying Your Child

As a reproductive endocrinologist (aka a fertility doctor), every day I witness firsthand the profound yearning to build a family. For many individuals and couples, the path to parenthood may not be a straightforward one. Fortunately, advancements in assisted reproductive technologies (ART) have opened doors to alternative family-building options. Third-party reproduction (TPR) can offer hope for those facing fertility challenges or seeking alternative means to complete their families. But what is it?

In this article, I'll dive into the world of TPR, exploring its various facets, the science behind it, and the unique considerations involved. Whether you're a couple struggling with infertility, a single parent by choice, or an LGBTQ+ individual seeking to build a family, understanding TPR can empower you to make informed decisions about your fertility journey.

What is third-party reproduction?

When you hear the term third-party reproduction, it’s referring to a range of techniques that involve using genetic material or gestational services from a third party, someone who is not the intended parent, to achieve pregnancy. This broadens the possibilities for those who may not be able to conceive using their own gametes (eggs and sperm) or carry a pregnancy themselves. Here's a breakdown of the types of TPR:

• Sperm donation: Viable sperm from a carefully screened donor is used to fertilize eggs through intrauterine insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF).
• Egg donation: Donor eggs, retrieved from a healthy egg donor who has undergone rigorous medical and psychological evaluation, are fertilized with the intended father's sperm or donor sperm for implantation in the uterus via IVF.
• Embryo donation: Frozen embryos created by another family undergoing IVF are donated to another couple or individual for implantation. 
• Gestational surrogacy: A gestational carrier, also known as a surrogate, carries a pregnancy for the intended parents using an embryo created either through the intended parents' own gametes or donated sperm and eggs. The gestational carrier has no genetic link to the baby.
• Double donor: Both donor sperm and donor egg come together in IVF. 

More and more families are turning to third-party reproduction to build their families. Third-party reproduction is part science and medicine, and part generosity from someone else who wants to help you build your family. There is a lot of coordination and legal work involved to protect all parties, and if you work with a group like Cofertility, we will help you all along the way. 

What types of families use third-party reproduction?

Third-party reproduction (TPR) opens doors for a diverse range of individuals and couples who may not be able to conceive unassisted or carry a pregnancy to term. I have worked with so many different types of families, who come to me for various reasons. Here's a closer look at some of the families who find hope and fulfillment through TPR:

• Couples facing infertility:  Infertility, the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse, affects millions of couples worldwide. TPR can offer hope for those struggling with infertility due to various factors including low sperm count, blocked fallopian tubes, or hormonal imbalances.  For these couples, TPR, whether through sperm donation, egg donation, or even embryo donation, allows them to experience the joy of parenthood and build their families.
• Single parents by choice:  An increasing number of single intended parents are opting for TPR to build their families. They can utilize sperm donation, egg donation, and/or surrogacy to create their dream families.  
• LGBTQ+ families: TPR plays a significant role in expanding family-building options for LGBTQ+ individuals and couples. Same-sex male couples can utilize egg donation and surrogacy to have a biological child within their family. Lesbian couples have the option of using sperm donation, either from a known or anonymous donor, and either partner can carry the pregnancy or utilize a gestational carrier.  Transgender individuals can also explore TPR options to complete their families.
• Individuals with medical conditions:  Certain medical conditions may render pregnancy unsafe or even impossible. Uterine fibroids, endometriosis, or a history of complex medical procedures or births are just some examples.  TPR, through gestational surrogacy, allows these women to experience parenthood by having a genetically related child (through egg donation and sperm from their partner) or by adopting an embryo.
• People with genetic concerns:  For couples at risk of passing on a known genetic condition to their biological children, TPR offers a path toward a healthy family.  Preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) can be performed on embryos created through IVF, allowing for the selection of embryos free from the identified genetic condition.  This can give couples peace of mind and increase their chances of having a healthy child.

Regardless of the specific route taken through TPR, the common thread is the unwavering desire to build a loving family.  While genetics play a role, the emotional bonds cultivated through love, nurturing, and shared experiences are the true cornerstones of a family. Studies have shown that children born through TPR thrive in loving environments and develop strong attachments to their intended parents.

The emotional journey of TPR

The decision to pursue TPR is rarely made lightly. It's often born out of a deep longing for parenthood and may be accompanied by a spectrum of emotions. Intended parents may experience a mix of hope, excitement, anxiety, and sometimes even a sense of grief if facing infertility or the inability to use their own genetic material. Open communication is absolutely vital – between intended parents, with any known donors or gestational carrier, with your agency, and within oneself.  Exploring personal feelings and expectations throughout the process  is essential for ensuring everyone is emotionally aligned.

Donors and gestational carriers also carry complex emotional feelings throughout the process.  Donors may derive a sense of altruism and fulfillment from helping others build families.  Gestational carriers often express feelings of deep satisfaction from carrying a child for intended parents who cannot do so themselves.  However, feelings of uncertainty, potential vulnerability, and even moments of hesitation are also natural parts of the experience.

Psychological support in the form of counseling provides a safe space to unpack these emotions for everyone involved.  It can help intended parents cope with potential setbacks, foster healthy communication with stakeholders, and build a strong emotional foundation as they navigate their unique path to parenthood.

If you work with Cofertility, we have a fertility psychologist on our team who supports all parties involved. 

Do I need a doctor who specializes in third-party reproduction?

The short answer is yes! Building a family through third-party reproduction involves a mix of medical, legal, and emotional considerations. While seeking guidance from any fertility doctor is a good starting point, partnering with a board-certified reproductive endocrinologist who specializes in TPR will go a long way. These specialists possess in-depth knowledge of the various TPR techniques, from sperm and egg donation to embryo donation and gestational surrogacy. Their expertise allows them to create tailored treatment plans that perfectly align with your unique circumstances – whether that means selecting the right donor, navigating IVF procedures, or understanding complex legal agreements.

A fertility doctor with TPR experience understands the potential risks and necessary medical monitoring throughout the process. They ensure your safety and well-being, always keeping your best interests in mind. Perhaps just as importantly, they offer compassionate support throughout your emotional journey, answering any questions and providing a safe space to process the complex feelings that may arise.  Building a trusting relationship with your doctor is important when making personal decisions that affect your ability to build a family.

Finding the right specialist takes a little research. Look for board-certified reproductive endocrinologists affiliated with reputable fertility clinics that offer comprehensive TPR services. Ask for recommendations from trusted sources or schedule consultations with a few specialists to find a provider whose approach aligns with your needs. Ask them about their experience with TPR, and how they approach treatment differently. Ultimately, a specialist in TPR will be your invaluable guide, increasing your chances of a positive outcome on your path to creating the family you've always dreamed of.

Summing it up

Third-party reproduction (TPR) is a powerful testament to where science and compassion meet. It expands our horizons of possibility, offering alternative paths to parenthood for many individuals and couples. Whether it's sperm donation, egg donation, embryo donation, or working with a gestational carrier – the techniques behind TPR are ever-evolving, giving more people the chance to fulfill their dreams of family.

While the science is complex, the heart of TPR is simple: it's about love, determination, and the generosity of those who offer the incredible gift of helping others build their families. Naturally, navigating the medical, emotional, and legal aspects of TPR necessitates a guiding hand. That's where a specialized reproductive endocrinologist, a team like Cofertility, and a strong support system are invaluable, turning what can seem daunting into a well-supported, empowering journey.

If this is a path calling to you, know that you're not alone. Seek out the knowledge and support that will enable you to make informed choices and feel confident at every step along the way.  The joy of parenthood, experienced through whichever means resonate with you, is a beautiful path of unwavering love.

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg-sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud of the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Read more:

• Double Donor IVF: Making Embryos with Donor Eggs and Sperm
• Reciprocal IVF: What Should My Partner and I Consider?
• Gay Men Having Babies: Four Genetic Options with Donor Eggs

Experiencing infertility can be a rollercoaster of emotions. While you're struggling to conceive, it can be particularly difficult to share in the joy of others as they announce pregnancies or welcome new babies into the world. I’m a fertility psychologist and I have worked with countless individuals struggling with infertility. This article explores the complex emotions surrounding infertility and offers strategies for navigating this challenging terrain.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Struggling with infertility can be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience. It can make it difficult to find joy and happiness for others, especially those who are experiencing the very thing you desire most. It's natural to feel sadness, anger, or even envy when you're struggling with infertility and are watching others around you achieve their family building goals. Acknowledging these feelings rather than suppressing them can be the first step towards healing. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without judgment. Understand that feeling these feelings does not make you a bad person; it makes you human. It’s a natural reaction to a difficult situation.

Cultivate Self-Compassion

During this time, be aware of how you speak to yourself. It is very easy for self-criticism to show its face during difficult times. When you catch yourself, think how would I speak to a friend going through a similar situation? Would I tell them to get over it? Or that they must have done something to deserve this? Probably not. So, talk to yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would a friend in a similar situation. 

Cultivating self-compassion is a helpful starting point to healing. So is engaging in self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit.  Things like journaling, art, music, exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time in nature or with loved ones are just a few things that you can do. 

Embrace Gratitude 

This can be such a difficult time that it can seem impossible and maybe even annoying to focus on the positive aspects of life. But sometimes keeping a gratitude journal where you list things you're thankful for each day can help shift your focus away from what you believe you lack to what you actually  have. Acknowledge and celebrate small victories in your life, even if they seem unrelated to your fertility journey. Reflect on how your experiences have shaped you and consider the personal growth that has come from facing these challenges. Even if doing some of these things shifts your mind a tiny bit, each day those tiny movements add up. Like they say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. 

Establish Healthy Boundaries

It's important to set boundaries as this is a form of self-care and a way to protect your emotional health. Recognize what situations, conversations or people cause you the most stress and start putting up the boundaries. If attending baby showers is too painful, it's okay to not attend. But there may be times that you feel obligated to attend so you can find ways to be happy for others that feel right for you. This might mean sending a card or a gift instead of attending in person or spending time together after the event. 

Seek Support and Community

Talking to others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly helpful. Consider joining a support group, where you can share your experiences and feelings with others who are facing similar challenges without fear of judgment. A professional therapist can also be beneficial in that they can provide you with tools and can offer a safe space to express your emotions  in a healthy way.

Navigating infertility is a deeply personal journey. By acknowledging your feelings, practicing self-compassion, seeking support, and setting boundaries, you can begin to find happiness for others while also caring for your own emotional well-being. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own needs and to seek help when needed. It's okay to not feel happy for others immediately. With time you can find a way to balance your own struggles with genuine happiness for others.

Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR) is a condition that affects many women, often catching them off guard as they embark on their journey to parenthood. While receiving a DOR diagnosis can be challenging, understanding the condition is the first step in navigating your reproductive options. This article aims to demystify DOR, explore its prevalence, discuss the chances of conception, and outline the available options for those diagnosed with this condition.

What is diminished ovarian reserve (DOR?)

Diminished ovarian reserve refers to a reduction in the quantity of your remaining eggs. Every female is born with all the eggs she'll ever have, and this number naturally declines with age. However, some experience a faster decline than expected for their age, leading to a diagnosis of DOR.

DOR is not the same as infertility. While it can make conception more challenging, it doesn't necessarily mean pregnancy is impossible. Instead, think of DOR as a warning sign that your reproductive window may be shorter than anticipated. The sooner you get a DOR diagnosis. The sooner you can begin to explore your reproductive options, including treatments like in vitro fertilization (IVF) or egg freezing, and potentially increase your chances of achieving a successful pregnancy.

How common is diminished ovarian reserve?

The prevalence of DOR increases with age, but it can affect women of all ages. According to one study, approximately 10% of women seeking fertility treatment are diagnosed with DOR. However, this number may not accurately represent the general population, as many women with DOR may not seek fertility treatment or may remain undiagnosed.

Age is the most significant risk factor for DOR. As women approach their late 30s and early 40s, the likelihood of experiencing DOR increases significantly. However, DOR can also occur in younger women too, sometimes due to genetic factors, medical treatments like chemotherapy, or unknown causes.

Some lifestyle factors have also been known to contribute to a diminished ovarian reserve. Smoking is one of the most significant factors, as a history of heavy smoking can accelerate the loss of eggs and may lead to earlier menopause. 

Diagnosing diminished ovarian reserve

Diagnosis of DOR typically involves a combination of blood tests and ultrasound imaging. The most common blood tests measure levels of follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and anti-Müllerian hormone (AMH). High FSH levels or low AMH levels can indicate DOR. Additionally, an ultrasound to count antral follicles (small follicles in the ovaries) can provide further insight into ovarian reserve.

It's worth noting that these tests provide a snapshot of your current ovarian reserve, not a prediction of your ability to conceive. A low ovarian reserve doesn't necessarily mean you can't get pregnant, just as a high reserve doesn't guarantee conception.

Chances of getting pregnant with diminished ovarian reserve

The probability of achieving pregnancy without assistance (meaning “the old fashioned way”) when diagnosed with DOR varies widely depending on individual factors, including age, the severity of the condition, and overall health. A study published in JAMA found that women aged 30-44 with low AMH (an indicator of DOR) did not have a significantly different probability of conceiving after six months of trying.

However, these statistics don't tell the whole story. Some women with DOR do conceive unassisted, while others may require IVF or donor egg IVF. Every woman's fertility journey is unique, and statistics can't predict individual outcomes.

Options for women diagnosed with DOR

If you are facing infertility due to DOR or other reasons, the good news is that there are options. Here are some paths you might consider:

1. Fertility treatments

For women with DOR who wish to conceive using their own eggs, fertility treatments can potentially improve the chances of pregnancy. These may include:

• Ovulation Induction: Medications to stimulate egg production
• Intrauterine Insemination (IUI): A procedure where sperm is placed directly into the uterus
• In Vitro Fertilization (IVF): A process where eggs are fertilized outside the body and then transferred to the uterus

It's worth noting that success rates for these treatments may be lower in women with DOR compared to those with normal ovarian reserve. A fertility doctor can give you a better idea of your chances of success based on your unique health history. 

2. Egg donation

For some women with DOR, using donor eggs may offer the best chance of achieving pregnancy. This option allows for the experience of pregnancy and childbirth, even if the child isn't genetically related to the mother. Success rates with egg donation are generally higher than when using your own eggs

3. Adoption

Adoption is another path to parenthood for those diagnosed with DOR. While it doesn't involve a genetic connection or the experience of pregnancy, it offers the opportunity to provide a loving home to a child in need.

Conclusion

DOR is a challenging diagnosis, but it doesn't have to mean the end of your dreams of parenthood. By understanding your condition, exploring your options, and working closely with healthcare providers, you can make informed decisions about your fertility journey.

Remember, DOR is a medical condition, not a personal failing. It's okay to feel frustrated, sad, or anxious about this diagnosis. Many women find it helpful to seek emotional support, whether through counseling, support groups, or open conversations with loved ones.

Ultimately, the path you choose will depend on your personal circumstances, values, and goals. Whether you decide to pursue fertility treatments, consider egg donation, explore adoption, or take a different route entirely, know that there are multiple ways to build a family and experience the joys of parenthood.

Your fertility journey may not look exactly as you imagined, but with perseverance, support, and the right medical guidance, you can navigate the challenges of DOR and move forward with hope and determination.

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg-sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud of the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is often seen as a beacon of hope for those struggling with infertility. However, the journey to parenthood through IVF isn't always straightforward, and for many, it can end in disappointment. If you're reading this because your IVF treatment didn't result in a successful pregnancy, know that you're not alone. At Cofertility, we understand the emotional toll this can take, and we're here to support you through this challenging time.

In this article, we'll explore the reality of IVF success rates, reasons why IVF might not work, and most importantly, what steps you can take moving forward. We'll discuss how to process your emotions, decide whether to continue treatment, and understand your options, including egg donation. We'll also walk you through what to expect after a failed IVF cycle and provide guidance on making the difficult decision to try again or explore other paths to parenthood. Our goal is to provide you with comprehensive, compassionate information to help you navigate this challenging phase of your fertility journey.

The reality of IVF success rates

Before we dive into next steps, it's important to understand that IVF failure is more common than many people realize. According to the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART), the average live birth rate for IVF across all age groups is around 30% per egg retrieval. This means that for about 70% of cycles, IVF doesn't result in a live birth.

These statistics aren't meant to discourage you, but to help you understand that if IVF didn't work for you, you're in the company of many others who have faced similar challenges. It's a difficult reality, but it's also an opportunity to reassess, regroup, and consider your options moving forward.

Reasons IVF doesn't work

Understanding why IVF might not have been successful can be crucial in deciding your next steps. While every situation is unique, here are some common reasons why IVF cycles may not result in pregnancy:

• Age factor: As women age, both the quantity and quality of eggs decrease, making the number of viable embryos per cycle fewer.
• Embryo quality: Sometimes, even if fertilization occurs, the resulting embryos may not be of high enough quality to implant successfully.
• Implantation issues: In some cases, the uterine environment may not be receptive to embryo implantation.
• Genetic factors: Chromosomal abnormalities in embryos can prevent successful implantation or lead to early miscarriage.
• Underlying health conditions: Certain medical conditions, such as endometriosis or autoimmune disorders, can affect IVF success rates.
• Lifestyle factors: Smoking, excessive alcohol consumption, and being significantly overweight or underweight can all impact IVF success.
• Unexplained factors: Often, despite everything appearing to be optimal, IVF still doesn't result in pregnancy for reasons that aren't fully understood.

What to do when IVF doesn't work?

1. First, process and give yourself time to grieve

The emotional impact of a failed IVF cycle shouldn't be underestimated. It's completely normal and valid to feel a range of emotions - disappointment, anger, sadness, or even a sense of loss. It is so important to acknowledge these feelings and give yourself time to process them.

Consider the following steps:

• Allow yourself to feel: Don't try to suppress your emotions. It's okay to cry, to be angry, or to feel whatever you're feeling.
• Seek support: Talk to your partner, friends, or family. Consider joining support groups or speaking with a therapist who specializes in fertility issues.
• Practice self-care: Engage in activities that bring you comfort and joy. This might be anything from reading a book to taking a relaxing bath or going for a walk in nature.
• Take time off if needed: If possible, take some time off work or reduce your commitments to focus on your emotional wellbeing.

Remember, there's no set timeline for grieving. Be patient with yourself and take the time you need.

2. Then decide if you want to keep trying with IVF

After you've had time to process your emotions, the next step is to consider whether you want to continue pursuing fertility treatments. This is a personal decision that depends on various factors, including:

• Your emotional readiness
• Your financial situation
• Your age and overall health
• Your doctor's recommendations
• Your personal values and beliefs

It's important to have open and honest conversations with your partner (if applicable) about your feelings and expectations moving forward. Remember, it's okay if you're not on the same page immediately - these discussions often take time.

3. Know your options, including egg donation

If you decide to continue your fertility journey, it's important to understand all your options. These may include:

• Trying another round of IVF
• Exploring egg donation
• Looking into embryo adoption
• Considering traditional adoption
• Choosing to live child-free

At Cofertility, we specialize in egg donation and believe it can be a wonderful option for many individuals and couples. Egg donation can significantly increase the chances of a successful pregnancy, especially for those who have had multiple failed IVF cycles or who are of advanced maternal age.

Our unique Split program allows intended parents to receive half of the eggs retrieved from a donor, while the donor keeps the other half for her own family-building journey. This approach not only makes egg donation more accessible but also creates a special connection between donors and recipients.

What is the process after a failed IVF?

If you decide to pursue further treatment after a failed IVF cycle, the process typically involves the following steps:

1. Follow-up consultation: Your fertility doctor will review your cycle in detail, discussing what went well and what could be improved.
2. Additional testing: Your doctor may recommend further tests to identify any issues that might have contributed to the unsuccessful cycle.
3. Treatment plan adjustment: Based on the review and any new test results, your doctor may suggest modifications to your treatment plan. This could involve changes in medication, different timing, or alternative options like egg donation.
4. Mental health support: Some clinics offer counseling services or can refer you to mental health professionals specializing in fertility issues.
5. Physical preparation: If you decide to try again, you may choose to wait for a certain period to allow your body (and mind) to recover. Use this time to focus on your overall health and wellness.

Looking ahead with hope

Regardless of the path you choose, know that there is hope. At Cofertility, we've seen many individuals and couples find their way to parenthood through various means, including egg donation. We've also supported those who have chosen to embrace a child-free life and find fulfillment in other ways.

If you're considering egg donation as your next step, we're here to guide you through the process with compassion and expertise. Our team understands the challenges you've faced and is committed to providing you with the support and information you need to make the best decision for your family.

Remember, your worth is not defined by your fertility journey. You are strong, resilient, and deserving of support and love, regardless of the outcome of your IVF treatment. Whatever you decide, we at Cofertility are here to support you every step of the way.

For those struggling with infertility, the holiday season can intensify emotional challenges as celebrations often center around family and children. This guide explores practical strategies for managing holiday-related stress, understanding your emotional responses, and building resilience during this sensitive time.

Holiday-related anxiety and depression can be particularly high for those facing fertility challenges, as the season often emphasizes themes of family, children, and togetherness, potentially creating feelings of inadequacy, sadness, and envy. Holiday cards, pregnancy announcements, or events centered around children may serve as triggers, amplifying feelings of loss or grief. The societal expectation to feel and display happiness and joy during the holidays can exacerbate feelings of isolation and sadness when one is privately struggling.

How stress affects the brain

Social triggers that evoke strong emotional responses can have not only psychological impacts but also significant neurological impacts. One of the first areas of the brain that gets impacted during stress is the limbic system. The limbic system detects and processes emotional stimuli - especially stimuli perceived as threatening. This activation heightens emotional arousal and contributes to feelings of fear, anger, or shame. The prefrontal cortex (PFC), responsible for executive functions like decision-making and emotion regulation, attempts to interpret and manage the emotional response to triggers. It may struggle to regulate the limbic system’s response effectively in stressful or triggering situations, especially if the trigger is deeply personal or recurrent. Because the prefrontal cortex is struggling, the Hypothalamus-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) Axis is activated, releasing cortisol, the stress hormone, which prepares the body for a fight-or-flight reaction. Chronic exposure to triggers can dysregulate the HPA axis, leading to prolonged stress and health issues such as fatigue, anxiety, and depression.

Building emotional resilience through reframing

By addressing the psychological dimensions of social triggers, individuals can build emotional resilience, which is the ability to adapt and recover from stress while maintaining psychological well-being. The ability to reframe negative experiences and see challenges as opportunities for growth is central to resilience. Reframing involves identifying negative thought patterns and replacing them with more balanced or constructive perspectives. With fertility challenges, reframing helps shift the focus from loss and longing to aspects of life that can still bring fulfillment, allowing space for gratitude, flexibility, and self-compassion during a difficult time.

An example of how reframing may be used: 

“I can’t enjoy the holidays because they remind me of what I don’t have—a family with children." 

That thought might be reframed as: 

“This year may look different than I hoped, but it gives me the chance to focus on what I can enjoy and appreciate right now, such as spending time with my loved ones and creating traditions for myself. Building a family may take longer than expected, but that doesn’t diminish my worth or my ability to find moments of joy."

Using mindfulness to prevent anxiety spirals

Sometimes it can be difficult to reframe a thought when the mind is racing. Anxiety is such a fast-paced emotion that it can be hard to not jump from thought to thought to thought and end up spiraling. Spiraling can be prevented by using mindfulness to stay present in the moment, to be aware enough of our thoughts that we can catch them, reframe them, and be intentional with our reactions. Neurologically, mindfulness reduces activity in the limbic system, thereby strengthening PFC regulation and reducing cortisol levels. Lower cortisol levels protect the brain from stress-related damage in parts of the brain vital for emotional regulation.

An example of how mindfulness may be used: 

You are at a holiday gathering and someone makes an insensitive comment about when you’ll have kids.

Mindful response may include S.T.O.P:

• Stop
• Take a 4 - 7 - 8 breath
• Observe (your emotions, physical sensations, and thoughts without judgment) and ground yourself
• Proceed by calmly and saying, “That’s a sensitive topic for me right now.”  

The role of self-compassion in emotional healing

Even if we are being mindful and reframing our thoughts, we may still hear that self-critical voice that loves to self-punish. This is where practicing self-compassion comes in. Neurologically, self-compassion has shown to reduce the limbic systems hyperactivity, helping us feel less overwhelmed by negative emotions. It also strengthens the PFC allowing for better regulation of the limbic system’s responses, leading to greater emotional stability.
An example of how self-compassion may be used: 

You feel overwhelmed seeing social media posts of friends celebrating the holidays with their children.
A self-compassionate response may include:

• Recognizing your feelings with kindness: “It’s okay to feel this way. This is really hard, and I’m not alone in this struggle.”
• Reassuring yourself as you would a friend: “I’m doing the best I can, and it’s okay to focus on my healing during this season.”
• Engaging in an act of self-care, like taking a walk, or treating yourself to a comforting activity.

Understanding trauma responses to fertility challenges

Fertility challenges can be deeply traumatic. While the experience varies from person to person, infertility often involves a profound sense of loss, unmet expectations, and challenges to one’s identity and future. During the holiday season, trauma responses to fertility challenges can manifest in emotional, physical, and behavioral reactions. It is not unusual to feel profound sorrow when seeing children, pregnant family members, or holiday traditions centered on family and children. Anger, irritability, shame, guilt, hopelessness and even detaching from feelings altogether are all very common and normal trauma responses. 

It is also not unusual to experience physical symptoms such as a racing heart, shallow breathing, or sweating when confronted with triggers (e.g., a holiday card featuring a family with children). Feeling drained and developing headaches, stomachaches, or other physical discomforts are also typical. On top of the emotional and physical responses, we have cognitive responses such as “I will never have children” or “I don’t belong here” play on a loop and only exacerbate the other symptoms. All of these things combined then create our behavioral responses. Meaning the things we do in response. For example, skipping holiday gatherings to avoid potential triggers. Engaging in perfectionist behaviors to "prove" worth in other areas, such as hosting the perfect holiday event. Using food, alcohol, or other substances as a coping mechanism to regain a sense of control.
Some ways to cope with these types of trauma responses include:

• Grounding techniques, such as 4 - 7 - 8 breathing or naming objects in the room, to stay present during triggering moments.
• Setting boundaries by politely declining invitations 
• Leaning on trusted friends, family or partner
• Reminding yourself that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to prioritize your needs.

Finding your own path through the holidays

The holidays can be an emotional minefield for individuals with fertility challenges as it often brings heightened emotions, societal pressures, and reminders of what you may feel is missing. The contrast between the joy others seem to experience and the sadness or grief you may be feeling can amplify the sense of loss. Therefore, emotional resilience is crucial during the holiday season. 

Reframing helps shift the focus from loss and longing to aspects of life that can still bring fulfillment. Mindfulness helps you become aware of your emotions, while self-compassion allows you to address those emotions with kindness and care. Together, these tools enhance the brain's capacity to regulate emotions, foster positive self-reflection, and reduce the harmful effects of stress. Over time, these neurological changes make it easier to approach challenges with kindness and emotional strength.

Understand that the magic of the season doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s. It's okay to experience the holidays differently this year or frankly any year. Even though you might be experiencing a difficult journey, it’s possible to find moments of beauty and peace. Whether it's the peaceful quiet of a winter morning, the sound of holiday music, or the taste of a comforting food, small moments of magic exist. Focus on those moments of beauty and allow them to fill your heart, even if just for a brief moment.