How to Find Happiness for Others When You're Struggling with Infertility

Experiencing infertility can be a rollercoaster of emotions. While you're struggling to conceive, it can be particularly difficult to share in the joy of others as they announce pregnancies or welcome new babies into the world. I’m a fertility psychologist and I have worked with countless individuals struggling with infertility. This article explores the complex emotions surrounding infertility and offers strategies for navigating this challenging terrain.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Struggling with infertility can be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience. It can make it difficult to find joy and happiness for others, especially those who are experiencing the very thing you desire most. It's natural to feel sadness, anger, or even envy when you're struggling with infertility and are watching others around you achieve their family building goals. Acknowledging these feelings rather than suppressing them can be the first step towards healing. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without judgment. Understand that feeling these feelings does not make you a bad person; it makes you human. It’s a natural reaction to a difficult situation.

Cultivate Self-Compassion

During this time, be aware of how you speak to yourself. It is very easy for self-criticism to show its face during difficult times. When you catch yourself, think how would I speak to a friend going through a similar situation? Would I tell them to get over it? Or that they must have done something to deserve this? Probably not. So, talk to yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would a friend in a similar situation. 

Cultivating self-compassion is a helpful starting point to healing. So is engaging in self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit.  Things like journaling, art, music, exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time in nature or with loved ones are just a few things that you can do. 

Embrace Gratitude 

This can be such a difficult time that it can seem impossible and maybe even annoying to focus on the positive aspects of life. But sometimes keeping a gratitude journal where you list things you're thankful for each day can help shift your focus away from what you believe you lack to what you actually  have. Acknowledge and celebrate small victories in your life, even if they seem unrelated to your fertility journey. Reflect on how your experiences have shaped you and consider the personal growth that has come from facing these challenges. Even if doing some of these things shifts your mind a tiny bit, each day those tiny movements add up. Like they say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. 

Establish Healthy Boundaries

It's important to set boundaries as this is a form of self-care and a way to protect your emotional health. Recognize what situations, conversations or people cause you the most stress and start putting up the boundaries. If attending baby showers is too painful, it's okay to not attend. But there may be times that you feel obligated to attend so you can find ways to be happy for others that feel right for you. This might mean sending a card or a gift instead of attending in person or spending time together after the event. 

Seek Support and Community

Talking to others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly helpful. Consider joining a support group, where you can share your experiences and feelings with others who are facing similar challenges without fear of judgment. A professional therapist can also be beneficial in that they can provide you with tools and can offer a safe space to express your emotions  in a healthy way.

Navigating infertility is a deeply personal journey. By acknowledging your feelings, practicing self-compassion, seeking support, and setting boundaries, you can begin to find happiness for others while also caring for your own emotional well-being. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own needs and to seek help when needed. It's okay to not feel happy for others immediately. With time you can find a way to balance your own struggles with genuine happiness for others.