Navigating Social Media with Infertility: A Guide to Improving Your Feed

Social media's incessant flow of perfectly filtered life updates and photos can be a double-edged sword. For those who are dealing with infertility, a simple scroll through a feed can sometimes turn into a painful reminder of what we are struggling with. An ad for diapers, pregnancy announcements, gender reveals, or family vacation photos can all trigger feelings of sadness and loss. 

These digital fragments, seemingly innocuous to others, can become acute pain points, echoing the unfulfilled desires and dreams of those grappling with infertility. In a space designed for connection, sharing, and joy, the unintended emotional toll can be heavy. 

If social media is bringing you daily triggers, I wrote this guide for you. It’s a guide to help tailor your social media environment, and serves not just as a practical tool but as a necessary aspect of self-care and emotional wellbeing. This guide aims to provide clear instructions and support, enabling you to create a more controlled and comforting digital experience.

How the algorithms works against you 

Algorithms are the unseen force shaping what we see and interact with online. Social media platforms leverage sophisticated machine learning and data analysis to create a feed tailored to our interests, behaviors, and interactions. However, for those grappling with infertility, these algorithms can inadvertently contribute to emotional distress. 

The algorithms work by tracking your interests and behavior. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest analyze your clicks, likes, shares, and time spent on specific content to understand your interests. If you've ever looked at baby products or followed pregnancy-related accounts, the algorithm remembers. This informs personalized advertising, where advertisers target you with specific content. Algorithms also suggest posts, accounts, and hashtags to follow. While this usually helps discover content that aligns with your interests, it can backfire if you're trying to avoid specific triggers.

Simultaneously, “cookies” record your visits to other websites, such as online stores looking at baby products or blogs about parenting. These digital crumbs allow advertisers to follow you back to social media, serving ads that align with your browsing history. The integration of algorithms with cookies means that a casual glance at a baby stroller can transform into a series of targeted ads on your social media feed.

Despite the overwhelming influence of these invisible algorithms powering our online experience, the reality is that you have the ability to take control and change the way these algorithms affect you. You can transform your social media experience into one that supports rather than undermines your emotional well-being. 

You're not entirely at the mercy of the machines. You have tools at your disposal, and the agency to shape a better online experience. In the sections below, we will explore specific strategies and methods to do just that. 

How to reduce triggering posts and ads on social media 

Let’s dive into the strategies for changing your social media algorithms. 

Unfollow or mute those who tend to post triggering content

You know those friends and influencers who continually post content that might be triggering. Their posts are not ill-intended, but they can still sting. If they aren’t a friend, you can simply unfollow them as a necessary step in self-care. But if they’re someone you can’t simply unfriend without some drama, try muting them. 

Muting someone is a feature that allows you to temporarily hide their content without unfollowing or unfriending them. 

• Instagram: Allows you to mute posts and stories from specific users without unfollowing them. Just tap the three dots in the top right corner of the post, and select "Mute."
• Facebook: You can "snooze" friends for 30 days, which is akin to a temporary mute. Click the three dots at the top right of a post and select "Snooze for 30 days."
• X (Twitter): You can mute accounts, meaning you will not see their posts in your timeline. Click on the three dots next to the Tweet, then click "Mute @[username]."
• Pinterest: Pinterest does not have a specific mute feature, but you can unfollow users by clicking on their profile and hitting the "Unfollow" button. If you want to give feedback on a particular pin, click on the three dots and choose "Hide Pin."
• TikTok: Allows you to mute users. Just go to the profile of the person you want to mute, tap the three dots in the top right corner of the screen, and select “Mute.”
• Threads: Allows you to mute users. Go to the profile of the user you want to mute. Tap the three-dots-in-a-circle icon in the top right corner and select “Mute.”

Change your advertising settings

It is not just posts from friends that can be triggering; targeted advertising related to pregnancy and babies can be equally distressing. After I lost my twins in the second trimester, I could avoid the baby aisle at Target but I had to manually shut off the pregnancy and newborn ads on social media platforms. 

Advertisers know how to utilize sophisticated algorithms and user data to target individuals with specific content. This results in ads for baby products or parenting services being presented to those who have recently engaged with related content. For someone grieving a loss or grappling with infertility, these ads can be more than mere marketing messages; they can become haunting reminders of dreams unfulfilled and hope deferred, reinforcing a cycle of emotional distress that one might be striving to overcome. 

• Instagram: Allows you to change ad preferences. Go to “Settings and privacy,” then “Accounts Center,” then tap on “Ad preferences.” There, you can manage ad topics and remove interests related to pregnancy or babies. 
• Facebook: If your Instagram and Facebook accounts are tied to the same phone number, you don’t have to do this again as ad settings for Instagram will automatically apply for Facebook as well. 
• X: Click on “Privacy and safety,” then “Ads preferences.” Turn off personalized ads, so you get generic ads instead of those tailored to your activity. 
• Pinterest: Allows you to turn off personalized ads. Click on “settings,” select "Privacy and data," and uncheck personalized ads.
• Google: With My Ad Center and About this Ad, you can block ads you don’t want to see. On any ad itself, select “More,” and then drop down to select “Block ad.”
• TikTok: Go to “Settings and privacy” and tap “ads” to see how your ads are personalized. You can turn off any interests that TikTok may have added. It can also be helpful to switch genders to confuse the app. 

Improve the algorithm by setting content preferences

The algorithms that govern your social media feeds aren't immutable; you can actively tailor them to suit your needs. By hiding certain words, phrases, or even emojis that might be triggering, you can create a more personalized and considerate online environment. Here's how to do that on different platforms:

• Instagram: Go to “Settings and Privacy,” then go to “Hidden Words” and choose the words or phrases you don’t want to see on your feed or in your DMs. 
• Pinterest: Go to “Settings” and “Tune your home feed” where you can add/remove interests, boards, and pins. 
• Facebook: You can see and adjust your Facebook Feed preferences by going to “Settings and privacy” then clicking on “Feed.” 
• Twitter: Allows you to mute words, phrases, or hashtags. Go to "Settings and privacy," click on "Privacy and safety," then click "Mute and block” where you can choose muted words that won’t show up in your timeline.
• TikTok: Limit content by going to “Settings and privacy” then “Content preferences.” There you can filter keywords that you don’t want to see. 

Refill your feed with content that makes you happy

Okay now that you have removed a lot of accounts, ads, and keywords that could be triggering, it’s time to add back in some content that will make you happy. Find joy in funny animal videos? Love food tutorials? Following accounts that focus on interests rather than personal life events can provide a welcome distraction.

Avoid social media when you're feeling especially down

The online world will always be there, but sometimes a break is necessary. If you’re feeling particularly sad one day, step away from the apps and find solace in the real world.

The bottom line

In a digital era where our lives are intertwined with social media, navigating the online world can be both empowering and perilous. The very platforms that offer connection and inspiration can also become minefields of triggers and distress, especially for those dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss.

Your virtual environment can and should be a sanctuary, reflecting your needs and nurturing your emotional health.

Through the conscious and intentional modification of settings and preferences, you can reshape your social media experience. From muting and unfollowing content that triggers pain to fine-tuning advertising settings, the power to create a safe and supportive online experience rests in your hands.

But this journey is also about mindfulness and introspection. Knowing when to embrace the virtual world and when to seek refuge in the tangible one is a subtle art of balance. Replacing the triggers with content that resonates with joy, humor, and personal interests can breathe fresh air into your digital life.

Ultimately, the algorithms, the advertisers, and the endless stream of posts don't define your online experience—you do. With the tools and insights shared in this guide, you're well-equipped to turn social media into a space of comfort rather than conflict.

In the end, social media is not just a reflection of what algorithms think we want to see; it's a reflection of who we are, what we value, and how we choose to engage with the world around us. The control is yours.