I'm a Psychologist: Here's How to Talk to Your Partner About Donating Your Eggs

Considering egg donation is an extremely rewarding experience, and one that you may want  to share with your family, friends and significant other. And because of the nature of the entire process — the lengthy application that asks about your family medical history, a psychological and medical evaluation, hormone injections and medical retrieval ( where you will need someone to accompany you after) —   it is definitely not something you should do alone. And donating your eggs doesn't just impact you, it can very well impact your partner, your family and future children.  So, if you’re thinking to yourself, “I am ready to donate my eggs to help out another family. Now how do I tell people I’m donating my eggs?” — we’re here for you.

One of the most important people to start this conversation with is your partner. Having an open and honest conversation is a great way to ensure that both of you are on the same page and have a clear understanding of what donating your eggs means. Here are some tips on how to approach the conversation.

Educate yourself first

Since you have already decided that egg donation is for you, you have most likely already done a lot of research. But, explaining it to someone else can be another story.  Especially if they start asking about how it may impact them in the future. our partner might have questions about the egg retrieval procedure and the potential risks, they may also ask about what happens to your eggs after you donate them, and what happens when that egg becomes a human and wants to meet you.  So make sure you spend some time doing the research for yourself. You can do that by talking to Cofertility, an IVF doctor or fertility psychologist. Ask a lot of  questions. Do your homework.  You want to become an expert so that you’re ready to field those important questions that will be asked.

Start with your partner

Once armed with all your egg donation knowledge, start the conversation with your partner. Having an open and honest conversation is a great way to ensure that both of you are on the same page and have a clear understanding of what donating your eggs means. Here are some tips on how to approach the conversation.

Talk about what this means for your future

Donating your eggs is a huge decision that can have an impact on your life far beyond your retrieval, so it’s important to have an open and honest discussion with your partner about what that might look like. For example, if you’re participating in Cofertility’s Split program (where you donate half of your retrieved eggs and keep half for yourself for for free for your own future use) and you and your partner think you may want to have children of your own in the future, it will be important for those children to know about your egg donation. After all, they’ll likely have at least one biological half-sibling out there that they may be curious about someday. Additionally, when you match with intended parents, both parties will agree on a desired disclosure status and outline what the relationship between you (the donor), the intended parents, and the donor-conceived child will look like. So it will be important for your partner to be in-the-know about the details 

Prepare for their questions

If you think through the possible questions they could ask, you’ll feel more prepared and confident in answering them. This could include:

• Why are you donating your eggs?
• What are the potential risks and side effects of egg donation?
• What is the egg donation procedure like?
• Will donating your eggs impact our ability to have children of our own someday (hint: it won’t)
• What do you imagine our relationship with the recipient family will look like?
• Are there any potential emotional or psychological effects of egg donation?
• Do you think you’ll donate more than once?

Obviously you can’t predict every question that may be thrown your way. And if they ask a question that throws you off, you can just say “Great question, let me think about how to best answer that and get back to you”. 

Revisit the conversation often

A decision as meaningful as donating your eggs should never be a one-and-done conversation, so keep this conversation an ongoing one. It’s likely that your perspectives will evolve over time, so it’s important to keep the conversation fresh so you can address any concerns as they come up. If at any time you or your partner have questions, our team at Cofertility is always here to help.

Summing it up

By donating your eggs, you’re truly making a life-changing impact on another family’s life, by giving them the opportunity to grow the family of their dreams. You should feel 100% confident in this decision before going into it, and having a supportive partner will make the egg donation process infinitely easier. Open and honest communication is key to any healthy relationship, and by involving your partner in this conversation early on, you’ll be setting yourself up for a successful donation experience that you can feel good about.