fertility emotions

Thanks to advancement in reproductive technology, egg freezing can offer women the opportunity to preserve their fertility while they focus on other aspects of their lives. But what if they have pursued their education, advanced in their careers, and are happily settled with their forever person, when life takes a left turn? Significant life changes such as divorce may also prompt women to consider egg freezing as a way to preserve their fertility for future family-building purposes. This option may allow them the time needed to heal without feeling pressured to rush into finding a new partner and give them the space to make informed decisions about their future.

The emotional impact of divorce

Divorce or a breakup can be an incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing life event. The end of a relationship can bring about feelings of loss, grief, loneliness, and uncertainty. Divorce can impact various aspects of one's life, including future plans— plans that may have included children. A divorce or breakup can raise concerns about future fertility issues, especially for women over the age of 35. 

How egg freezing works, and how much it costs

The process of egg freezing typically begins with ovarian stimulation where the woman undergoes hormonal treatments to stimulate the ovaries. The goal is to produce multiple eggs in one cycle as typically only one egg is produced in a cycle. Once the eggs have reached maturity, they are retrieved via an out-patient procedure where a thin needle is inserted into each follicle, and the eggs are retrieved. Once retrieved, the eggs are cryopreserved using vitrification, a rapid cooling technique. The frozen eggs are then stored in cryogenic tanks until they are ready to be used.

There are a few factors that determine success rates. By success rates we are referring to a live birth outcome using the frozen eggs. Generally, women under 35 have better outcomes and the more eggs retrieved, the higher the likelihood of success. A recent study found that irrespective of age at freezing, a significantly high live birth rate was achieved when the number of eggs frozen per patient was 15 or more. 

The process of freezing eggs can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $20,000 and above. Costs include things like the initial consultation and testing, ovarian stimulation and egg retrieval, the egg freezing procedure, medication, and storage fees. Once the eggs are ready to be used, there are costs involved for thawing and then fertilizing to create embryos. After that there are fees for embryo testing and the transfer. If a sperm donor is used, there are various costs involved with that as well.

Learn more about our Split program, where qualified women can freeze their eggs for free when donating half to a family that couldn’t otherwise conceive. 

Navigating the decision-making process

Egg freezing allows women to take control of their fertility and help them make informed decisions about their reproductive future, with or without a partner.  However, there is still some concern about whether those who choose this option will regret their decision, especially given the costs involved. This article looks at several studies that explore this idea of regret. Overall, it was surmised that the only regret most had was they wished they had done it sooner.

Deciding to freeze eggs after a breakup or divorce can be a complex and personal decision. So it is important to feel and process emotions, seek support when needed, and make decisions that feel right for you and your future goals. It is understandable that following a breakup or divorce, there may be uncertainty about future relationships. So the decision to freeze eggs may involve deciding how to move forward with one's fertility independent of a partner. 

It’s also normal to have mixed feelings about the decision to freeze eggs, including relief at having a plan in place for the future but also sadness about the circumstances that led to the decision, and anxiety about the unknowns ahead. So it is very important to find healthy ways to manage stress and anxiety during this time. Which includes self-care, self-compassion, and leaning on support systems.

As important as it is to plan for the future, it is also important to keep in mind that plans always evolve over time. So I encourage you to remain flexible. Be prepared to adjust plans as  circumstances change. For example, at what point will you consider a sperm donor? If you find a new partner will you use frozen eggs or will you try to get pregnant on your own? If you do  get pregnant without using the frozen eggs,  what happens to the frozen eggs? Do they remain stored for a certain period of time? Are they donated? Or are they disposed?

Summing it up

Divorce or a break up brings about significant life changes, including changes in family planning. Freezing eggs provides a way to preserve fertility options for the future, allowing individuals to take time to decide on family planning when they're ready, whether it's with a future partner or as a single parent. It also allows individuals to focus on their emotional healing without feeling rushed into making decisions. By offering a way to preserve fertility and extend the window for family planning, egg freezing has become a valuable option for women navigating life changes.

Read more

• Amanda Goetz on Egg Freezing After Divorce
• We Asked Four Women: Did You Freeze Eggs or Embryos?
• A Breakdown of Egg Freezing Success Rates by Age

Freeze your eggs with Cofertility

Cofertility is a human-first, tech-enabled fertility ecosystem that provides people agency over if, how, and when they have babies — today or someday. We have two programs for egg freezers:

1. Our Split program offers women a chance to freeze their eggs for free when donating half of the eggs retrieved to a family who cannot otherwise conceive. If you qualify for the program and decide to donate half of your retrieved eggs, every expense associated with the egg freezing procedure —  medications, supplements, travel if necessary, insurance, and 10 years of storage — are completely free of charge. We don’t even need a payment or credit card up front, as the family you match with covers all the expenses.
2. Our self-pay Keep program allows women to freeze their eggs and keep them all for their future use. Through Keep, we offer our members partnerships and discounts to lighten the financial load of egg freezing, as well as access to our member community.

The benefits of working with Cofertility include:

• Power of choice: Freeze your eggs more affordably or, if you qualify, freeze for free when you give half to a family who can’t otherwise conceive.
• Community: Our inclusive online spaces allow you to connect with others going through the process in our private online community.
• Compassion: We’ll always treat you with care, and our Split program gives you the opportunity to make someone’s family building dreams a reality.
• Data-driven: We provide you with trustworthy guidance and evidence-based research so you can make informed decisions about your fertility.
• Free egg freezing: Freeze and store your eggs for 10 years, entirely for free if you qualify for our Split program.

Ready to learn about more affordable (even free!) egg freezing with Cofertility? Fill out this quick quiz to learn about our accessible egg freezing options and see if you qualify for our programs — it only takes one minute.

Have you ever considered donating your eggs? It's a decision that can profoundly impact not only your life but also the lives of another family that could not otherwise conceive. However, it's not a choice to be made lightly. As you consider this possibility, you may find yourself grappling with myriad questions and emotions. Is egg donation right for you? How will it affect your life, both now and in the future? What are the physical and emotional implications?

In this article, we'll explore the key factors to consider when deciding if egg donation is the right choice for you. From understanding the medical process to examining your motivations and considering the long-term impacts, we'll provide you with a comprehensive guide to help you navigate this complex decision. Whether you're seriously considering donation or just starting to explore the idea, this information will help you make an informed choice that aligns with your values and life goals. Let's dive in and discover if egg donation might be your path to making a difference in someone else's life.

Understanding the egg donation process

To decide if egg donation is right for you, you should first understand what it entails. Egg donation is a process in which a woman donates her eggs to another person or couple (known as the recipients, or intended parents) with the aim of helping them conceive a child. During the initial egg donor process, the potential donor undergoes rigorous medical, psychological, and genetic screening to ensure they qualify according to industry guidelines. 

Once deemed fit, the egg donor is matched with intended parents. After legal documents are completed, they begin the egg retrieval process, which includes hormonal treatments to stimulate your ovaries to produce multiple eggs in one cycle. Typically, after about a week of hormone treatments, the eggs are retrieved through a 30-minute outpatient surgery.

The retrieved eggs are fertilized with sperm (either from the intended father or sperm donor) to create embryos. The resulting embryos are then transferred to the recipient’s uterus (intended mother or gestational carrier), or they may be frozen for future use.

The growing acceptance of egg donation

Data from fertility clinics and SART registries indicate a steady increase in the number of egg donation cycles performed over the last decade. As women are becoming more educated about their biology paired with growing support for diverse families, and advances in technology, egg donation is gaining greater acceptance as a viable option to have a child. Changes in legal and ethical guidelines have also helped regulate egg donation, making it safer and more transparent for all parties involved.

Even though the need for egg donation is increasing and social and regulatory factors are changing the landscape, potential donors need to be fully educated about the medical procedures and potential side effects including psychological implications.  Donating eggs can have emotional consequences, such as feelings of attachment or concerns about the future children born from the donation. Access to psychological counseling can help donors process their emotions and make informed choices. Informed decision-making empowers potential egg donors to make choices that are right for them, ensuring they are fully aware of and comfortable with the implications of their decision.

Making an informed choice

A fertility psychologist can play a crucial role in helping the donor with the decision-making process by helping ensure that potential donor makes well-informed, emotionally sound decisions. 

The psychological evaluation is the first step in ensuring that the egg donor is psychologically stable and capable of handling the emotional aspects of egg donation. At the same time, the evaluation can help identify any pre-existing mental health conditions that could be exacerbated by the donation process. The psychologist can also provide follow-up counseling to help the donor process their experience and any feelings that may surface afterward.

Considering your motivations

Women consider egg donation for various reasons. You may be influenced by altruistic motives, such as wanting to help someone struggling with infertility. The compensation – either financial or the opportunity to freeze your eggs for free - might be appealing. For some, the personal fulfillment of knowing they've made a meaningful contribution to someone else's life offers a sense of purpose.

Also, certain personality traits may play a role in donating. One study found agreeable, extraverted, and open/intellectual participants reported more civic engagement, especially volunteerism and charitable giving.

Reflecting on your motivations is essential to ensure you're making a well-informed, emotionally sound decision that aligns with your personal values and beliefs. This reflection can help you set realistic expectations about the outcomes and the process, reducing the risk of disappointment.

Evaluating emotional readiness

It's normal to have mixed feelings about egg donation. Some women are certain from the outset that they want to donate, while others may be intrigued by the idea but have concerns. If you're on the fence, it's important to spend time researching and gathering information to understand how donation could impact your life.

It’s important to recognize that having mixed feelings or being uncertain about egg donation is a common experience. Many women go through a period of contemplation before making their final decision. There is no right or wrong way to feel - each woman’s journey is unique, and it is okay to take the time needed to make an informed decision. And that is the key… ensuring informed decision making. 

Consider the potential for feelings of grief, loss, or attachment to offspring, even if you intellectually understand your role as a donor, not a parent. Remember, there's a significant difference between being a donor and being a parent. As a donor, you provide genetic material but don't play a role in the child's upbringing.

How will I feel after donating my eggs?

There is always the potential for feelings of grief, loss, or regret after donating one’s eggs. Some egg donors have concerns about the genetic connection to offspring and worry about developing emotional attachments to the children born, even if they are not involved in their upbringing. Some have concerns about whether the offspring might seek them out – especially if they aim to be anonymous. There can be grief for the loss of relationship with the child conceived from their eggs, even if the donor intellectually understands the nature of the donation. Donors might regret their decision if they feel they were not fully informed about the process or its implications, or if they felt pressured into donating. 

However, research shows that egg donors are generally happy with their decision and usually do not regret it – especially if they have had comprehensive counseling, informed decision-making, and strong support systems in place.

A very important point to remember is that there is a big difference between being a donor and being a parent. As a donor, a woman provides the genetic material (egg) that contributes to the creation of a child. However, she does not play a role in the child's upbringing. Parents are the ones who are responsible for the social, emotional, and physical upbringing of the child. This includes providing care, nurturing, education, and support throughout the child's life.

Assessing the impact on future relationships

Egg donation can have a significant impact on future relationships and family dynamics. Understanding and addressing these potential impacts is crucial. It’s important to discuss egg donation with future partners, as it’s a significant part of one’s personal history and can impact the relationship. Partners may have varying reactions, from supportive to concerned. Discussing potential implications and addressing any worries can help manage these reactions.

Seeking professional guidance

Speaking with a fertility psychologist can be extremely beneficial. They can help you:

• Process your emotions and expectations regarding the donation process
• Practice conversations with family members
• Address potential questions and reactions
• Teach communication techniques to ensure discussions are clear yet sensitive to family dynamics

Counseling offers a safe environment and allows donors to express their fears, anxieties, and expectations regarding the donation process. A psychologist can also help donors feel confident and clear about the decision.

If you work with Cofertility, we cover the cost of speaking with a fertility psychologist, like myself. 

Egg sharing

For many women considering egg donation, egg sharing programs like the one offered by Cofertility present an attractive alternative to traditional donation. In this model, you freeze half of your retrieved eggs for your own future use while donating the other half to intended parents. 

This approach can feel like a win-win situation for many potential donors. It allows you to contribute to someone else's family-building journey while also preserving your own fertility options. Many women find this option aligns better with their personal goals and values, as it combines altruism with potential personal benefit. If you're unsure about traditional egg donation, exploring an egg sharing program might help you find a path that feels right for you.

Making an informed decision

Deciding to donate your eggs is a complex decision that requires careful consideration of personal motivations, medical and psychological impacts, and potential effects on future relationships. Thoroughly researching and reflecting on these key points, along with seeking support and counseling, can help ensure that your decision is well-informed and aligns with your values and long-term well-being.

Remember, there's no right or wrong way to feel about egg donation. Each woman's journey is unique, and it's okay to take the time you need to make an informed decision. By carefully considering these factors, you'll be better equipped to determine if egg donation is right for you.