Donor conceived people

If you’re considering using an egg donor, you might be wondering, “just how exactly can I find one?” There are so many different things to think about, like what qualities or attributes you care most about. With all of these new thoughts swirling around your head, you might be wondering where to even begin. Fortunately, we’ve got you covered. Read on to find out what you need to do to begin your hunt for an egg donor.

Here’s how you find an egg donor

Sometimes, the fertility clinic that’s helping you through your in vitro fertilization (IVF) will have a selection of approved and vetted donors for you to choose from. Other times, you may opt to contract with an outside agency or donor egg bank, or a matching platform like ours, to find your perfect match.

You may even already have a donor in mind, especially if you have a close friend, sister, or cousin who has already volunteered for the position.

1. Working with Family by Co

Finding your egg donor match on the Family by Co platform has its advantages. Not only will you know that all women on our platform aren’t doing it for cash (rather, to help another family while freezing their own eggs for free), you can also rest assured that all donors on our platform have undergone a rigorous screening process and are all-around incredible. We’d love to help build your family.

2. Using your clinic

If you’re using your fertility clinic, you may need to go through their pre-approved registry to find a donor. This might mean going on a waiting list, since your clinic is likely to have other hopeful parents interested in donor eggs. 

3. Using an outside agency

For those who are able to pick a donor outside of their clinic’s network, there are egg donor agencies that help to match potential donors with hopeful parents. While they may have a larger pool to choose from than your clinic, you may also find yourself vying for the same donor eggs as several other families. Additionally, there may be additional fees involved in going through an agency.

4. Using a frozen donor egg bank

There are also frozen donor egg banks available for hopeful parents looking to secure eggs from a larger pool of donors. 

If you’re considering a donor egg bank, you’ll just want to confirm that your clinic will allow you to make the transfer from an outside source.

5. Sourcing your own donor

There are two very different scenarios when it comes to finding your own egg donor:

• Using the eggs of someone you know: When you do this, it’s very important that you are both on the same page about what will take place and how you’ll handle everything, from medical payments to potential emotional conflicts down the road. You’ll also need a clear and concise legal contract drawn up by a lawyer spelling out the terms of your arrangement. Some clinics will even require both parties to undergo a psychological evaluation.
• Asking around: Intended parents might post on social media about what they’re looking for, or take out an ad in the paper.

There’s really no wrong way to find an egg donor, but some ways are certainly more complicated than others. For instance, when you’re sourcing your own donor you’ll likely need to take care of all of the legal, psychological, and medical screenings yourself. Additionally, you’ll need to help coordinate pieces of the retrieval process.

Considerations when trying to find an egg donor

It can be overwhelming when you sit down and start reviewing possible egg donor candidates, but some things should definitely be top priorities when it comes to selecting the best potential donor.

Donor health

If you’re hoping to find an egg donor, first and foremost, you’ll want to make sure any candidates you look at are healthy and have no major medical problems. Our matching platform adheres to all industry guidelines when it comes to donor screening. And, for the most part, most donor matching services or fertility clinics will have screened donors in advance. However, you should still give any health records you receive a thorough review. 

You’ll want to not only check for any obvious issues, but also be mindful of how your genetic makeup or that of the person whose sperm you’ll be using, could potentially cause problems. For example, make sure your egg donor does not carry the same recessive genetic disease as the fertilizing male partner.

You will also want to see if they have any family history of any major medical issues that might be genetic. If you have any questions, talk to your doctor about specific concerns. 

Donor appearance

While this can seem superficial, appearance can be important, especially if you’re hoping to use donor eggs from someone that is a close match to your own personal appearance. For example, if you’re petite, you may prefer to use eggs from a petite donor as well. Our platform provides photos of the donor, both as a child and also as an adult as well. This can give you an idea of the donor’s physical traits. 

Donor values, personality, and education

Similarly, if you enjoyed your time at college so much you went back for your Masters degree, you may want to find a donor that shares your passion for learning. It’s okay to want to have certain things in common with your donor — and sharing values is important! When you find your donor match with Family by Co, we’ll conduct a background check to verify education and employment. 

Good luck!

Beginning your quest for the perfect egg donor can feel overwhelming, but it’s also the beginning of an exciting and hopeful time. Choosing a donor can be a special time in your life because it’s the beginning of a new part of your journey. One that we hope will end with you holding a beautiful baby. We’re here to help make that happen.  

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If you’re an intended parent who is planning to use an egg donor to help build your family, you’re probably wondering how much that egg donor is going to cost.

You’re certainly not alone on this journey — there were 24,042 donor egg cycles in the US in 2019, the most recent year for which data was available from the CDC. That’s up nearly 6,000 from data collected just nine years prior.

But knowing you’re far from alone doesn’t answer a question that’s been weighing heavily on your mind: How much does using an egg donor really cost? Is any of this covered by insurance?

How much does it cost to use an egg donor?

There’s no way around it — there are costs involved in getting pregnant with donor eggs. After all, there’s a lot that goes into retrieving eggs from an egg donor, fertilizing them and growing embryos in the lab, and then transferring an embryo into the uterus.

Typical egg donor costs can range anywhere from $5,000 – $30,000, but fees can go much higher. So what goes into that big range? Let’s take a look at some of the biggest cost factors, so you know what to expect along the way.

Costs of using a fresh egg donor through an agency

One option is to work with a donor egg agency to find a donor that will go through a fresh IVF cycle.

Egg donor agency fees

The Cost: $5,000 to $9,000

An egg donor agency will identify women interested in donating their eggs, and likely perform some initial health screenings on prospective donors to ensure they’re qualified to donate. In return, you’ll pay the agency a fee for helping you find your perfect match.

Donor compensation

The Cost: $5,000 to $60,000

Wait, can the range really be that wide? Well, yes.

There are no federal laws that regulate how much an egg donor can — or even should — be compensated. Some states, like New York, forbid donors from being paid for their eggs themselves, but allow for donors to be compensated for things like medical risks, physical discomfort, and inconvenience. Others, like Maine, have no regulations on the process.

That means donor fees can range wildly, and some donors are compensated five digit fees as high as $60,000 — particularly donors who attend Ivy League schools. Typically, however, the range for a donor fee is closer to $5,000 to $10,000 for a single egg donation cycle, says Janene Olega, a reproduction lawyer from Maine. That compensation may increase if a donor agrees to additional cycles, she adds.

Legal fees

The Cost: $1,500 to $2,250

You need to set aside money for legal fees which will be used to put together a contract to protect both the rights of the donor and your rights as the intended parents. You will also be required to pay the legal fees for the donor who will need her own lawyer to review the contract.

If you need to go to court to establish your parental rights, you may also need to hire a lawyer. Unfortunately, parentage intent laid out in egg donor contracts is not necessarily enforceable in all states without a court order to enforce it, Hasenbush explains. Because donor eggs are not biologically related to the child’s mother, that can sometimes present a problem without proper legal steps.

The good news: If a judge declares a single parent or a couple parents of a child, that judgment is required by the US Constitution to stand in every state in the union!

Egg retrieval and fertility medicine

The Cost: $9,500 to $25,000

Medical fees for a fresh egg donation cycle will include the cost of screening the egg donor, the stimulation cycle and the egg retrieval.

First things first: In order to donate, all egg donors go through a number of health screenings, including infectious disease testing, genetic carrier screening and a physical exam. After these screenings, your doctor will either approve or decline an egg donor.

Your agency may have already done certain screenings as part of their fee, but depending on your situation, you may end up wanting additional testing — for example, if you or your partner are carriers of a genetic condition and you want to ensure your donor isn’t. Be sure to ask your agency upfront about what screening is included in their fee.

Egg donors then use injectable medications to help their ovaries produce mature eggs. The cost of injectable medications will depend on the dose of medication needed, but generally these medications cost at least $2,000.

Throughout the stimulation cycle, the egg donor will be seen for regular monitoring visits including ultrasounds and labs. The cost of the monitoring will depend on how many visits the donor needs throughout her cycle. Most stimulation cycles involve between 5-8 visits to the clinic for monitoring. Some clinics will charge a flat fee for the cycle and others will charge per monitoring visit.

When ready, an egg donor undergoes a medical procedure called an egg retrieval. During the egg retrieval, egg donors go under anesthesia (costing about $700) and a fertility physician removes eggs from her ovaries. The egg retrieval procedure can cost as much as $7,800, but costs will vary depending on your specific clinic.

Laboratory fees and embryo transfer

The Cost: $3,500 to $10,000

Yes, this is another large range. However, there are a few variables to consider.

For everyone using an egg donor to create embryos, after the egg retrieval, the eggs will be fertilized with sperm and grown into embryos in the laboratory. An embryo will then be transferred into the uterus of an intended parent and any extra embryos can be frozen for future use.

Post-retrieval, intended parents may spend about $3,500 to $5,000 for the laboratory fees associated with fertilization and culture of embryos. Some intended parents may choose to do genetic testing on embryos (PGT-A). Genetic testing may cost approximately $3,000 in addition, but that cost might depend on the number of embryos tested.

Finally, the mother-to-be will need to prepare her uterus for an embryo transfer. The cost of an embryo transfer, including medications, monitoring visits and the embryo transfer procedure may be around $5,000, depending on your specific clinic and the medications used.

You may also need to consider the costs of freezing extra embryos that aren’t used right away. The freezing fee may be approximately $2,000 with a storage cost of around $300-600 per year. You may not have extra embryos to freeze — but it’s good to keep the costs in mind ahead of time.

The cost of donor eggs through an egg donor bank

Some intended parents use a donor egg bank to find already frozen eggs. In that case, the donor egg bank will already have frozen eggs available. This means the donors have already gone through the medical screening process, stimulation cycle, retrieval and legal consultation.

The costs of using a donor egg bank are somewhat similar to using an agency. The egg bank covers the donor costs, then charges the potential parent or parents a fee.

Going this route is also a lot faster — after all, eggs are already frozen. But there are still fees to contend with.

Egg donor bank fee

The Cost: $2,400 to $6,000 (per egg)

If you’re going the route of using frozen donor eggs from an egg bank, the costs are a bit more straightforward.

An egg donor bank takes care of much of the work of screening donors, helping them through the process of taking medicines, egg retrieval, and even takes care of legal fees, and getting legal permission from the donor for the use of their eggs.

As an intended parent, you then pay the egg donor bank a fee, either per egg or batch of eggs, depending on the donor egg bank. This is different from going the agency route, where you pay for the donor’s individual cycle.

Are there any other fees?

Laboratory fees and embryo transfer

The Cost: $3,000 to $5,000

Similar to going with an agency, the donor’s medical fees aren’t the only ones to think about here!

Whether you opt to use an egg donor agency or an egg donor bank, you will also have to pay medical fees for the in vitro fertilization process, including medications that an intended parent will have to take, and the transfer process.

Will insurance cover egg donation?

The answer to this question is a tough one: while there are some insurers that cover fertility treatments for the intended parent, they may not cover egg donor cycles.

Right now just 19 states require insurers to cover fertility treatments in some capacity. Even in those states, the amount of coverage varies. In California, New York, and Louisiana, for example, insurers are not allowed to cover IVF, a procedure that is necessary for intended parents who have turned to egg donation.

You may want to start by calling your insurance company directly. If your employer supplies your health insurance, their human resources department may also be helpful in pointing you to parts of your policy that can help cover the costs of your fertility journey. If they don’t already cover it, consider pushing them for this benefit — you’d be surprised what a difference some persistence can make.

How can I get financial help for egg donation?

Even if health insurance doesn’t cover your fertility treatments or only covers a small portion of the costs, there are other options:

• Tax deductions — If your insurer hasn’t covered the costs of your fertility expenses, talk to your accountant. Some medical expenses for egg donation may be used as tax-write-offs, although there are limitations. For example, write-offs do not apply if the intended parents have used a gestational carrier to conceive.
• Grants and discounts — Yup, there is money out there to help intended parents achieve their dreams! There are grants available to folks who have served in the armed forces, money for those who live in specific states, and more.

Bottom Line: While there are costs involved in using an egg donor, the growing number of intended parents opting for this route means there are more and more options out there for you.

If you’re thinking that a surrogate might be the answer to your “how will I become a parent” question, you’ve probably already started doing some math in your head to figure out how you’re going to cover all those surrogacy costs.

But just how much does working with a surrogate cost? You’ll likely be using a gestational carrier — that’s the term you’ll hear thrown around a lot to describe a woman who gets pregnant to help someone else fulfill their dreams of parenthood but is not biologically related to the baby. She is impregnated via in vitro fertilization (IVF) and carries an embryo made up of someone else’s sperm and someone else’s egg.

But does she get compensated? And what about the surrogacy costs after the baby is born?

How much does working with a surrogate cost?

The cost of surrogacy can run you anywhere from $100,000 to $200,000 in the United States — depending on where you live, who your gestational carrier is, and just exactly what fertility services you need along the way. It’s a pretty big range — and you’re probably wondering what’s included in that figure. 

According to Amira Hasenbush, a California lawyer and founder of All Family Legal who specializes in surrogacy, it can totally vary depending on the individual or couple’s needs and decisions.

What do surrogacy costs include?

Even if the costs are still a question mark, by now you’re probably familiar with the basics of the surrogacy process. A gestational carrier becomes pregnant, and after 40 weeks (give or take), a baby is born. But it’s the lead-up to the day that you get to hold your sweet little bundle of joy that will determine which end of that price range you’ll end up on. 

You’ll likely need to pay for IVF in some capacity, whether it’s to fertilize an embryo from you and your partner or via donor eggs or sperm. IVF costs can totally vary between $8,000 - $30,000, but can have varying degrees of insurance coverage depending on where you live.  In addition to those fees, here’s what other surrogacy costs could include.

Agency fees

First things first! You’ll need to find a surrogate, and you may need to engage an agency to help you find the perfect person. Or maybe you’re lucky, and you’ve already got someone in your life who’s more than happy to help make your parenting dreams come true by carrying the baby. If that’s so, you can likely strike the surrogacy agency fee from your list. Next, however, you’ll have to consider whose eggs will provide half of the baby's DNA.

Egg donor compensation and medical coverage

If you’ll be going the egg donor route, you can review the Family by Co matching platform to see if you find a good fit for your family. Our model of free egg freezing when our donors give half of their eggs to another family who can’t conceive ensures that all donors on the platform are not only altruistic, but ambitious and excited to preserve their own fertility. 

To better understand costs involved with working with Family by Co, please review more about our commitment here.  

Sperm donation

If you need donated sperm to help this process along. If you don’t have a friend or family member on board to help (which most of us don’t), expect to pay somewhere around $700 to $1,000 to get frozen sperm from a sperm donation bank. 

Embryo donation

For parents-to-be who opt for an already fertilized egg, there can be cost savings — many embryo donations are handled by religious non-profits that will match unused embryos to would-be parents for free. You’ll still need to consider the costs of the IVF procedure, however, just as you will with sperm and egg donations or even transferring your own embryo into your gestational carrier’s uterus. 

Legal fees

Agreements will need to be made with the egg donor if you have one, as well as the surrogate herself. Intended parents pay not only their own legal fees but those of their donor or surrogate, Hasenbush says. These fees vary by location, and again by what a parent- or parent-to-be needs in the process, but overall the lawyer and legal fees could cost around $8,000 - $15,000. 

Insurance

Your surrogate is also going to need insurance “The medical/insurance often surprises folks,” Hasenbush warns. “The insurance coverage needs professional review to make sure it covers surrogacy.  Premiums can be very high, and if they buy surrogacy-specific insurance, it is particularly expensive.”  

Some surrogates have health plans that will cover her costs once she starts getting treated by an OB, but it’s important to get this all evaluated up front, and to have it re-evaluated every fall to make sure that it hasn't changed from one year to the next, Hasenbush says. Some other insurance stuff to keep in mind:

• Out-of-pocket maximums start over each calendar year.
• Some insurance companies have a lien policy where they can put a lien on the surrogate's compensation to recoup their costs. This doesn't mean that the surrogate loses her compensation, Hasenbush says, but it does mean the intended parents have to set aside the maximum amount that the lien could be as an additional amount in escrow for if/when the insurance company requests it.
• Some surrogacy contracts require other insurances for the surrogate including life insurance and loss of reproductive organs insurance (should something happen during the pregnancy).
• Egg donor and IVF complications insurance may also be recommended.

Surrogate base compensation

Unless you have a family member or friend who will be acting as gestational carrier, one of the biggest costs will be compensating the surrogate herself — anywhere from $35,000 to over $55,000. This is the portion of pay to the surrogate that acts as a salary for the service she’s providing, but it’s not all she gets. 

Multiples compensation

Expecting twins or triplets? You may need to pay an extra $5,000 to $10,000 as part of your surrogate’s base fee. 

Additional surrogate fees

Typically, surrogacy contracts include an itemized list of compensations that come on top of that base, so that your gestational carrier will be covered for other difficulties and expenses she’ll incur while pregnant. That can include things such as

• Lost wages for surrogate when she is on bed rest or traveling for the surrogacy
• Lost wages for a surrogate’s partner while she’s on bed rest or traveling for the surrogacy
• Surrogate (often and a companion) travel for medical visits, including visits for embryo transfers, regular check-ups, and any other pregnancy-related doctor visits
• A monthly allowance to cover odds and ends such as parking at doctor’s offices, postage, etc.
• Clothing allowance for maternity clothes
• Additional compensation if delivery has to happen via C-section instead of via a vaginal birth
• Childcare and housekeeping costs if the surrogate is placed on bed rest
• Therapy coverage for the surrogate to work with a counselor during the pregnancy if she wishes to

Escrow fees

Surrogate and egg donor fees are typically held in an escrow account. Intended parents will place money upfront in a special, locked account according to the agreement outlined in the contract. Many surrogates are paid in monthly installments after pregnancy is confirmed.   

Any medical out-of-pocket surrogacy costs not covered by insurance

From over-the-counter medications to medications and procedures the insurance company decides not to cover, there may be additional costs that add up.

Surrogacy costs after baby is born

Once the big day arrives and your baby is born, you’re going to have a ton of diapers to buy. But before you start thinking about all the costs of getting a child to 18, you’ve still got some surrogacy-related bills you’ll need to pay.

• Legal fees: Yup, there are more of them after the baby’s born. Because your baby was delivered by a gestational carrier — even if the baby is biologically related to you — you may have to establish parenthood in the eyes of the court, which means attorney fees and court costs. If you traveled internationally to find a surrogate, you may also have to pay to establish your child’s citizenship.
• Breast milk: You may want your surrogate to pump her breast milk for your baby. If she’s amenable, you’ll need to compensate her as well as paying for her supplies such as the breast pump and bottles. If she isn’t local, you’ll also need to factor in shipping costs for the milk.
• Lost wages: Maternity leaves aren’t just for moms to bond with baby — they’re also for a woman to recover from delivery. You should expect to pay your surrogate for the time she may be out of commission after the baby comes — anywhere from four to 8 weeks.
• Health costs for the surrogate: As her body heals, you’ll likely still be paying for your surrogate’s medical care. Health and life insurance premiums are typically paid by the parents for at least three months after the delivery, but it could be extended to six months if there were complications during the pregnancy or delivery, Hasenbush notes.

Is that everything?

The fertility journey can be a bumpy road, and sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t cooperate. If a surrogate does not get pregnant after three rounds of IVF or if she suffers a miscarriage, you may need to find an alternate surrogate and this could incur more fees. Your agency will help you find another surrogate most likely, but you may not recoup the money paid to or on behalf of the first surrogate.

Anything else?

At the end of the day, surrogacy does cost money. There’s just no way around that. But we recommend you take advantage of the resources out there — talk to the doctors and lawyers in the business and form your team to make it happen. We’re here for you, keeping our fingers crossed.

When you identify as LGBTQ+, you know from the get-go that having a baby is probably going to be just a little bit more complicated for you than it was for your cousin Mackenzie and her boyfriend. 

So what do you do?

First a little good news: An increasing number of fertility clinics in the United States are throwing open their doors to make sure members of the LGBTQ+ community can live their dreams of becoming parents. No matter your sexual orientation or gender identity, there are options open for you in the fertility world. 

I identify as a...

Lesbian

Pregnancy comes down to two things: An egg and sperm. Once these come together, ideally, they make an embryo, which grows into a baby, and you know where this is going.

Sperm donation

You can ask a friend or family member, or you can opt for donor sperm purchased from a sperm bank.

Intrauterine insemination (IUI)

Once you’ve got your sperm lined up, an OB/GYN or reproductive endocrinologist can insert it directly into the uterus in a process known as IUI. Hopefully (fingers crossed!) the sperm will do its job and fertilize the egg on its own.

In vitro fertilization (IVF)

This process takes some of the “hopefully” out of the fertilization equation. A reproductive endocrinologist will collect your eggs and send them to the lab. Once they get there, a specialist called an embryologist will take your donor sperm and use it to fertilize the egg(s), creating embryos. One or more of those embryos will then be transferred into the uterus, where the hope is they’ll implant and you’ll become pregnant.  

Gestational surrogacy/reciprocal IVF

Typically, when a woman carries a baby created with an egg that isn’t biologically hers, it’s called gestational surrogacy. If you’re opting to carry a baby created with your partner’s egg, that’s called reciprocal IVF. This option is growing in popularity, Diaz says, as it offers each mom an added connection to their baby.

Sometimes, couples even opt to undergo IVF together, each carrying the embryo created with the other’s egg—so they can both enjoy the process of pregnancy and bringing their partner’s biological child into the world.  

Gay man

You already know you’ve got the sperm part of the baby-making equation. Now you just need two things: An egg...and someone to carry the baby through nine months of pregnancy to make your dreams come true.

Egg donation

Just like sperm donation, eggs can be procured from a “known” donor such as a friend or family member. You can also match with a new egg donor on a platform like Family by Co. 

Surrogacy via IUI

Friend? Family member? Stranger? Any one of these folks could potentially carry a baby created with their own egg and your sperm inserted into the uterus via IUI. Known as traditional surrogacy, this process is only legal in some states, which limits its usefulness for many couples. It also means your surrogate will have a biological connection to baby—which can get complicated and that relationship should be worked out ahead of time.

As for which male partner will have a biological connection, even though both partners can provide sperm samples for insertion during IUI, there are no guarantees, Dr. Diaz says. “The strongest sperm usually prevails,” he notes.

Gestational surrogacy via IVF

As with lesbian couples, this option means no biology tying the pregnant woman to the baby. It requires a donor egg from another female, but it’s legal in more states than traditional surrogacy (although still not all). As for which partner has the biological link to the baby, only one sperm can technically fertilize the donor egg. That said, IVF does allow for two embryos to be transferred — one fertilized by one partner’s sperm and the other fertilized by the second partner’s sperm. If both transferred embryos implant, each partner will have a biological link to one of their twins. 

Transgender man or woman

If you’re transgender and thinking about having a baby, the path for you is a matter of personal preference and how far along you are in your transition, Dr. Diaz explains.

“If hormonal therapy has already been started, the hormones can be temporarily discontinued,” he says, “inducing the genitals to resume production of sperm or eggs respectively within 2 or 3 months.”

That could mean a biological tie to baby for either a transgender man or a transgender woman. As for carrying the baby, if the uterus has not been removed, that can be an option for someone assigned female at birth, although it requires remaining off of hormones for the entirety of the pregnancy.

If you’re early on in your transgender transition but plan on having kids down the line, Dr. Diaz recommends freezing your sperm or eggs before proceeding with transition to ensure you have a supply when you’re ready for a baby. The frozen gametes can be used later on via IUI or IVF.

Bottom line

Families look different, and they’re made differently too. So call that fertility clinic. They can help you find the right way to make your family grow.

While surrogacy has opened the possibility of parenthood to so many who may not otherwise be able to carry a child on their own, surrogacy laws can be pretty darn confusing. But don’t worry, we’ve got your back. Before committing to surrogacy, let’s untangle the various complex legal questions that this form of assisted reproduction raises.  

Here’s an overview of surrogacy laws to hopefully make this process a little less complicated.

First things first: lawyer up

To make surrogacy laws less straightforward, in the United States, there are actually no national policies or laws governing surrogacy, and state laws vary widely state by state. While some states are more surrogacy-friendly, other state surrogacy laws actually make it a crime to pay for a surrogate. Mind blown, right?  

Some states may not even have laws directly addressing surrogacy at all.  What’s more, there are a few different ways to define surrogacy—traditional (using the surrogate’s eggs) and gestational (with no biological link between the surrogate and baby). Different states treat these forms of surrogacy differently.

Basically, surrogacy brings up a ton of stuff to figure out. Hiring a surrogacy attorney for the process is important to protect the rights of both intended parents and prospective surrogates.  Being informed about any restrictions or unique laws will allow for a much smoother process, and enable you to feel calm, cool and collected as you gear up for parenthood.

Protect those rights

One critical reason to hire a lawyer to dig into those surrogacy laws is to protect the parties’ rights. Each state will likely have different requirements to establish those rights, and an attorney will know what those steps are in your unique situation.  

For example, in some states, even though a gestational surrogate is not genetically related to the baby, she may have rights to the child, or the intended parents may not have automatic rights to the child, (particularly if a sperm, egg or embryo donor is used). Wild, but true. An attorney knowledgeable in your state’s surrogacy laws and requirements will ensure that you avoid any custody disputes over a child born via surrogate.

Surrogacy agreements

Intended parents and gestational carriers also usually put together a “surrogacy agreement.”  While surrogacy contracts aren’t always enforceable, in states where they are, it’s smart to retain a good attorney to help draft the contract between the parties. Many fertility clinics may even require a surrogacy agreement before moving forward with actual medical procedures. It’s just good to iron out logistics ahead of time. Makes sense, right?

The surrogacy agreement will answer many of the complicated legal questions that may arise during pregnancy and may also prevent disputes by laying out various “ifs and thens” beforehand.  Some topics to cover might include: the method of pregnancy, sensitive issues like termination and selective reduction, requirements and restrictions during the pregnancy, birth arrangements, custody, and financial compensation.

Some state-specific surrogacy laws to consider

Now that you’ve gotten the download on why it’s important to consider surrogacy laws, let’s dive into some state-specific laws, shall we? Here’s a quick overview of what surrogacy looks like in a few states that have more complex surrogacy laws, for better or for worse.  

California surrogacy laws: as friendly as they come

California Code, Family Code section 7960 governs California surrogacy laws. Unsurprisingly, California has a great reputation for being super surrogacy-friendly. Unlike some other states, California surrogacy laws allow intended parents to establish legal parentage rights before birth without requiring separate adoption proceedings. And good news for the LGBTQ+ community in California: you’re included in all of this, too, married or not (yay!). Unfortunately, that’s not the case in all states, so it’s worth calling out here.

But don’t get too excited yet. Surrogacy in California isn’t 100% simple, and California law does maintain certain requirements. For example, California surrogacy laws require that intended parents and carriers are represented by separate legal counsel and the parties will need to create a California surrogacy legal contract before beginning any medical intervention.

New York surrogacy laws: surrogacy agreements recently approved

New York has recently changed courses with respect to surrogacy contracts. The Child-Parent Security Act (CPSA) took effect on February 15, 2021 and amended various laws establishing the statutory framework for assisted reproduction and legal parentage. The CPSA is detailed, and complex — all the more reason to lawyer up. In fact, parties to New York surrogacy agreements must be represented by separate legal counsel, just like in California.

Here are a few highlights: 

The CPSA only applies to gestational surrogacy. Traditional compensated surrogacy agreements are still prohibited. 

Under the CPSA, married as well as unmarried couples can obtain a court order declaring them legal parents, same-sex and different sex couples alike.  

A surrogacy agreement will need to meet certain criteria to be enforceable. For instance, the surrogate’s rights must be protected including: the right to make all health and welfare decisions regarding herself and the pregnancy, the right to terminate, reduce or continue the pregnancy, and the right to request and receive counseling to be paid for by intended parents among others. 

Interestingly, New York will create a voluntary tracking registry to collect data on the long-term impact of surrogacy.

Texas surrogacy laws: careful with those dollars

Section 160 of the Texas Family Code governs gestational surrogacy. Making sure to abide by the code section, intended parents and gestational carriers may enter into a written agreement governing surrogacy which will be judicially approved prior to the start of the surrogacy process. 

When it comes to Texas surrogacy laws, the funkiest part is definitely the payment piece. Navigating the surrogate’s compensation in Texas is complex, and it’s important to understand what’s legal and what isn’t.

• Legal: In Texas, a gestational surrogate may receive base compensation to cover her time, the physical risks surrogacy poses, and any lost wages.  
• Not legal: Paying a woman in exchange for birthing a baby—the compensation must strictly be in exchange for time and effort.

Also, in Texas, current surrogacy laws only apply to married couples (same-sex as well as opposite sex). However, courts do sometimes issue parentage orders to unmarried couples pursuing surrogacy in Texas.

You got this

The roadmap to surrogacy definitely varies widely depending on the state’s laws. Importantly, the surrogate’s state of residence—not yours—is likely where the majority of the legal process will take place, and her state will impact the journey the most. Interstate surrogacy is an option, particularly if your state is not surrogacy-friendly.  

Surrogacy agencies and attorneys will help detangle this complicated web, protect your rights, and hopefully make things much less overwhelming. In the meantime, we’re here for you along the way.  

If you’ve got any state-specific surrogacy tips, throw them in the comments!  

Disclaimer: This document is provided for information purposes only and is not intended as legal advice. If you need legal advice regarding your specific situation, we strongly recommend that you consult a competent, licensed family law attorney who is familiar with these issues. It is also important that you understand that the information provided here in no way constitute, and should not be relied upon, as legal advice.

In vitro fertilization (IVF) using donated eggs, or donor egg IVF, has revolutionized the way people approach family building. For many individuals and couples, it offers an opportunity for one parent to have a biological connection where it may not have been possible otherwise. 

We spoke to several parents who conceived their children via donor eggs to learn more about their experiences and what they want others to know.

The decision to use donor eggs

For most parents who conceived via an egg donor, the decision to use this approach comes after much reflection and research. Many report trying other methods, including fertility treatments, before turning to donor egg IVF.

While the process of using donor eggs can be daunting, many parents report feeling a sense of relief once they made the decision. "It was like a weight was lifted off our shoulders," says Megan*, a mother of two via donor eggs. "We had been trying for years with no success, and once we made the decision to use donor eggs, it was like a weight was lifted off our shoulders. We finally had a plan in place."

The emotional rollercoaster of donor egg IVF

For parents who use donor eggs, the emotional journey of IVF can be intense. There can be a range of feelings involved, including grief, loss, guilt, and anxiety. This is especially true for those who experience a failed cycle or miscarriage.

"I wish I had known just how emotional it was going to be," says Sarah, a mother via donor eggs. "I went into it thinking it was just a medical procedure, but it's so much more than that. You're creating a life, and it's emotional and intense. It's important to have a support system in place."

Genetic connection: the pros and cons

One of the most significant considerations for parents who use donor eggs is the lack of genetic connection between the parent and child. While some parents report feeling a sense of loss or grief around this fact, others find that it is not a significant issue.

"I was worried about the genetic connection at first," says Chase, a father of two via donor eggs. "But now that they're here, it's not something that I think about very often. They're our children, and that's what matters."

Another consideration is how to approach the topic of donor eggs with the child. Many parents choose to be open and honest about their child's conception, while others wait until the child is older to broach the subject.

"There's no right or wrong way to approach it," says Lisa, a mother of one via donor eggs. "But the important thing is that you approach it."

Navigating societal stigmas

Despite the increasing prevalence of donor egg IVF, there can still be societal stigmas and misconceptions surrounding the procedure. Some parents report feeling judged or misunderstood by others, including family members.

"I wish people understood that it's not something we did lightly," says Jennifer, a mother of one via donor eggs. "It was a difficult decision, and it's not something we take lightly. We wanted to have a family, and donor eggs gave us that opportunity."

Moving forward: advice for other parents

For parents who are considering using donor eggs, the advice from those who have gone through the process is invaluable. Here are some tips and recommendations to keep in mind:

• Seek support: Whether it's from a therapist, support group, or loved ones, having a support system in place can be incredibly helpful.
• Educate yourself: Do your research and learn as much as you can about the process and what to expect.
• Be open and honest: Whether it's with your partner, family, or child, being open and honest about your journey can help foster a sense of understanding and acceptance.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help: IVF can be expensive and overwhelming, but there are resources available to help offset costs and provide guidance.

In the end, the decision to use donor eggs is a personal one that requires careful consideration and reflection. However, for those who embark on this journey, the rewards can be immeasurable.

As Kamala, a mother of twins via donor eggs, says, "I wouldn't change a thing. Our children are our world, and we're so grateful for the opportunity to have them in our lives. They are ours."

*Names have been changed

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Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

Donor egg IVF has become an increasingly common option for those who face obstacles in their journey to conceive. LGBTQ+ families, those who experience fertility challenges, and individuals with genetic disorders are among the many who benefit from using donor eggs. 

We spoke to five parents who used donor eggs to conceive their children, and asked them what they wished they had known before starting the journey. Here’s what they had to say. 

"I wish I knew that genetic connection doesn't define love"

The realization that genetic connection does not define the love between parent and child (or any two relatives for that matter!) is a significant one that many parents through egg donation come to embrace. While it can be a difficult concept to grapple with initially, the love and bond that develops between parent and child is not contingent upon shared DNA. The experience of raising a child through donor eggs can be just as fulfilling and meaningful as any other parenting journey, and the love between parent and child can be just as strong and deep.

Tiffany and James* struggled with infertility for years before turning to donor eggs. Tiffany admits that she initially worried about the lack of genetic connection with her child, but quickly realized that it didn't matter. "The moment I held my son in my arms, I knew that genetics didn't define the love I have for him," she says. "He's my child, no matter how he was conceived."

"I wish I knew that it's okay to grieve the loss of genetic connection”

For the Smith family, the decision to use donor eggs came after years of failed fertility treatments. While they’re overjoyed to have her twin daughters, Sarah says she wishes she had allowed herself more time to grieve the loss of genetic connection. "I was so excited to just move forward and finally have a baby, I didn’t give myself time to grieve," she says. “It wasn’t until years later when I finally started seeing a therapist that I realized I had underlying insecurities and grief that I needed to process.” 

“I wish I knew that everyone comments on your child’s features, whether your child is genetically related to you or not"

Rachel and her husband now have two children - one biological and one donor-conceived. Rachel shares that one of the most surprising things she's encountered is how people always try to ask where certain traits come from. "It doesn't matter if your child is genetically related to you or not - people are always trying to find similarities," she says. "I never realized it until I had a donor-conceived child, but people are constantly asking where certain traits come from, from height to personality to hair color" Rachel advises other parents to embrace the unique traits and qualities of each child and not worry too much about what others think. "At the end of the day, every child is a miracle and a blessing," she says.

"I wish I knew there is absolutely no shame in using donor eggs"

"I wish I knew there is absolutely no shame in using donor eggs," says Liz, a mother of two donor-conceived children. Liz went through several rounds of IVF before deciding to use donor eggs. "At first, we felt like we were going too far to have a child," she says. "But once we made the decision to use donor eggs, we realized that there was no shame in doing what was best for our family." Liz urges other parents considering donor eggs to remember that their decision is a personal one, and that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to fertility struggles. "There is no right or wrong way to start a family, as long as there is love and commitment," she adds.

"I wish I knew that it's important to talk about the process with your child"

For Rohan and his husband, using donor eggs to conceive their daughter was a no-brainer. However, as their daughter got older, they realized the importance of talking openly and honestly about the process with her. "We didn't want her to find out later and feel like we had kept something from her," Rohan says. "So we started talking about it early on and she's grown up knowing that she was conceived with help from a donor."

Using donor eggs to conceive can be a complicated and emotional process, but these parents have all found their own unique ways of navigating it. Whether it's acknowledging the loss of genetic connection or celebrating the love and connection they have with their child, each of them has a story to tell about their journey to parenthood. And their stories offer a reminder that there's no one "right" way to build a family.

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

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*Names have been changed.

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When it comes to the development of a child, the age-old debate of nature vs. nurture comes into play. While genetics (nature) play a significant role in a child's development, environmental factors and upbringing (nurture) also have a significant impact. This debate can be particularly relevant for intended parents via egg donation who may have questions about what traits their child may inherit from the egg donor and how environmental factors may affect their child's development. In this article, we'll explore the science behind nature vs. nurture and what parents via egg donation need to know.

The science behind nature vs. nurture

The debate of nature vs. nurture has been ongoing for centuries. Nature refers to the genetic makeup of an individual, including physical characteristics, personality traits, and behaviors. Nurture, on the other hand, refers to the environmental factors that can influence a person's development, such as upbringing, education, and life experiences.

Both nature and nurture play a role in a child's development. In fact, many experts now believe that it's not a matter of nature vs. nurture, but rather how the two interact and influence each other. For example, a child may have a genetic predisposition to a certain trait or behavior, but whether or not that trait is expressed can depend on environmental factors.

What parents via egg donation need to know

For parents via egg donation, it's important to understand that while genetics do play a role in a child's development, the environmental factors that a child is exposed to can also have a significant impact. Here are some key things to keep in mind:

• Genetics: While a child conceived through egg donation will not share genetic material with one or both parents, they will still inherit genetic traits from the egg donor. It's important for parents to understand the genetic history of the egg donor and any potential health risks or conditions that may be passed on. If you work with Cofertility, we require all donors to undergo genetic testing. 
• Epigenetics: Environmental factors in the womb and early childhood can influence how genes are expressed. This is known as epigenetics, and it can play a significant role in a child's development. For example, a child may inherit a genetic predisposition to a certain condition, but whether or not that condition is expressed can depend on environmental factors. 
• Upbringing and environment: Environmental factors such as upbringing, education, and life experiences can have a significant impact on a child's development. Parents via egg donation should take an active role in creating a supportive and nurturing environment for their child. This can include things like providing a stable home environment, engaging in regular family activities, and providing opportunities for education and socialization.
• Communication: It's important for parents to communicate openly and honestly with their child about their origins. Children conceived through egg donation may have questions about their genetic background and it's important for parents to be prepared to answer these questions in an age-appropriate way.

The importance of nurture

The parents who raise, love, support, and care for a child play a crucial role in shaping who they become as adults. Whether biological or non-biological, both parents' contributions are invaluable. For non-biological parents, feeling confident and secure in their parental role is especially important to effectively support their donor conceived child. This includes being available to address any challenges their child may face and honoring their curiosity about an unknown genetic family. By walking beside their child, non-biological parents can help foster a strong sense of identity and belonging in their child, regardless of genetic connections.

Is the baby biologically yours if you use an egg donor?

If you use an egg donor, the baby will not be biologically related to you, as the genetic material comes from the donor. However, you may be able to still carry and deliver the baby. And certainly they will be your child! The impact you will have by caring for this child and loving this child will shape who they become. 

One study found that children in egg donation families rated their relationships with their mothers as higher in warmth and enjoyment than did children in IVF families. The authors concluded “It is possible that having waited so long to have their children, egg donation mothers are especially committed to parenthood when their children do arrive”.

What we can learn from adoption

Our learnings about nature vs nurture in adoption can teach us a great deal about egg donation. In adoption, we see that genetics are only one piece of the puzzle in shaping a child's life, as environment and upbringing play a significant role as well. Similarly, in egg donation, genetics from the donor play a role in the child's biological makeup, but the environment in which they are raised and the relationships they form also significantly impact their development.

Similarly, the experience of being donor-conceived can be compared to that of being adopted in terms of identity formation. Donor-conceived children may have questions and curiosity about their genetic heritage and biological roots. In adoption, we have learned that open communication about a child's origins and creating a supportive and accepting environment for their identity formation is crucial to their emotional well-being. The same is true for egg donation: it’s important to be open and honest with your child about their origin story. 

Overall, the learnings from adoption reinforce the importance of a supportive and loving environment for children, regardless of genetic connections. In egg donation, it is essential to prioritize communication, openness, and honesty in discussing the child's origins and supporting their identity formation.

Bottom line

While the debate of nature vs. nurture may never be fully resolved, it's clear that both genetics and environmental factors play a significant role in a child's development. For parents via egg donation, it's important to understand the genetic and environmental factors that can impact their child's development and to take an active role in creating a nurturing and supportive environment for their child. By doing so, parents can help promote healthy gene expression and ensure that their child has the best possible chance for a happy and healthy life.

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More resources:

• Will My Baby Look Like Me If I Use an Egg Donor?
• Will a Donor Conceived Child Have My DNA?
• We Asked Four Donor Conceived People About Their Life, Here's What They Said

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Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

If you are considering conceiving with donor eggs, you may have questions regarding the different types of donation and how they may impact your child. But before you even begin your search for that perfect match, it is essential that you ask yourself a few questions. First, what is anonymous egg donation? Second, does true anonymity exist? Three, why do I want to work with an anonymous donor? Fourth and maybe most important, how will it impact my future child?

What is anonymous egg donation?

Anonymous or undisclosed donation is one where you do not exchange contact information with your donor. Although you will have access to photographs and demographic information, you will never meet or communicate directly with your donor. You may never know who this person is exactly or how their future may unfold. With an undisclosed donation, you could arrange to have the information available to your child down the road (this is sometimes called Open ID).

In contrast, with a disclosed donation you and your donor exchange contact information and communicate directly. This communication can be only for the duration of the medical protocol or it can continue for as long as you wish.  This option keeps the door open for you or your child to reach out to the donor with questions and for you to learn about any changes to their medical history. 

Does true anonymity exist?

It is important to understand that true anonymity can never be guaranteed. Because of the readily available at-home DNA testing, a child can easily discover their true origins. And now with changing laws and depending on where you live, anonymity may not even be an option. And because many people are active on the internet with social media and personal and professional profiles, it is not very difficult to find someone. Meaning not only could you find them, but they could also find you or your child. 

Read more: Why We Don’t Believe in Anonymous Egg Donation

Why do I want to work with an anonymous donor? 

Parents who want to have an anonymous donor typically say that they want to take this path because they believe anonymity will allow them to establish clear boundaries and to protect the mother–child relationship. They believe that having the donor in the picture may complicate the donor–child relationship and undermine the intended mother’s ability to feel secure in her role as mother.  

Interestingly, studies have found that anonymity did not make a difference in how a mother felt about her identity or role as mother after the baby was born, even if she expressed both ambivalence and uncertainties about the non-genetic relationship with their child.  In the end she still felt confident and secure in her identity as the child’s mother. 

How will choosing an anonymous egg donor impact my future child?

Studies show that being open with the child born via donor about his or her conception is important for their identity formation. Donor conceived children are curious about their origins so matching with a known donor means that your child can have the knowledge they are seeking about their origins. 

Donor conceived people have spoken about their experiences of being donor conceived and it is pretty apparent that knowing the donor, in some capacity, is very important to them. In a recent survey, 70% of donor-conceived respondents believed they were harmed by not knowing their donor’s identity, and 80% believed they had been harmed by not knowing their donor’s medical history.

Should I use an anonymous egg donor? 

One major reason for choosing a known donor is information. And information can be powerful. Having more information about the donor specifically as it pertains to their medical history can help you be aware of any changes to the donor’s medical history in the future. 

What are my options at Cofertility?

Most families we work with choose a disclosed relationship. In a disclosed donation with Cofertility, you and the donor will exchange contact information and can communicate directly. 

In an undisclosed donation, you will not exchange contact information and only communicate via Cofertility. We highly encourage disclosed donations as we’ve met with the US Donor Conceived Council and heard from the donor conceived community that disclosed is best for the donor conceived child. However, if you choose to move forward with an undisclosed donation after learning about the potential implications for your child, we will honor that decision. 

Summing it up

The decision to use an anonymous egg donor is a personal one that requires careful consideration. While anonymity may seem like a desirable option at first, it is important to remember that it may not provide long-term protection for the parent-child relationship, and could have lasting impacts on the child's sense of identity and well-being. 

As a result, choosing a disclosed donor may provide more benefits in the long run, particularly when it comes to providing vital medical information and supporting a child's curiosity about their origins. Ultimately, it is up to you to weigh the pros and cons of different donor options and make an informed decision that best supports the well-being of their donor-conceived child.

In the dynamic landscape of third-party reproduction, the advent of Open ID egg donation marks a significant shift in egg donation. It's a model that places a strong emphasis on honesty, transparency, and the best interests of all parties involved: the donors, the intended parents, and most importantly, the donor-conceived children. At Coertility, we advocate for Open ID agreements when direct disclosure is not possible, shifting the traditional paradigm to honor the needs and rights of every individual involved in the process.

What is Open ID egg donation?

Open ID, sometimes referred to as Identity Release, egg donation refers to a practice wherein the egg donor agrees to have her identity disclosed to the child born from her donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically at 18 years. Unlike traditional anonymous egg donations, Open ID egg donation recognizes the potential need for children to access vital information about their genetic heritage, medical history, and potentially, their donor's identity.

In some countries, like the UK, open ID is the law. Since 2005, every child born via donor gametes in the UK has the right to personal non-identifying information about the donor (such as a physical description, year of birth, and medical history) at age 16. Upon turning 18, they are entitled to identifying information including the donor’s name and last known address. 

Disclosed vs undisclosed vs open ID egg donation

Navigating the world of egg donation involves understanding various terminologies and models of donation. At Cofertility, we have two main types of egg donations - disclosed and undisclosed, each of which can provide a different level of contact and communication between the intended parents and the donor. For families and donors that chose undisclosed donation, open ID is an alternative. 

Disclosed Donation

A disclosed donation is when the donor and the intended parents mutually agree to exchange contact information and communicate directly with each other. This model facilitates open communication and interaction, fostering a deeper understanding and connection between the parties. Disclosed donations often provide an opportunity for both the donor and the intended parents to establish rapport and ease any potential anxieties associated with the process.

This doesn’t mean that the donor is in the family’s life. The disclosure status is separate from any potential relationship that you have with the donor. For example, you may have a disclosed donation, in which you share contact information but decide not to maintain any regular communication. 

Undisclosed Donation

In contrast to the disclosed model, an undisclosed donation at Cofertility means that the intended parents and the donor do not exchange contact information and communicate solely through our team. We act as an intermediary, relaying information and facilitating discussions between both parties. This model provides a layer of privacy while still enabling crucial information exchange.

Open ID egg donation

For those who choose an undisclosed donation, open ID is an alternative. This model allows for the donor's identity to be disclosed to the child resulting from the donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically 18 years.

This arrangement respects the potential desire of the donor conceived child to know more about their genetic background and potentially connect with the donor. The open ID agreement is often structured based on the comfort and consent of all parties involved and takes into consideration the best interest of the donor conceived person.

At Cofertility, we encourage both disclosed and open ID agreements, as we believe in the importance of honoring the rights and curiosity of donor-conceived people. This approach demonstrates our commitment to transparency, honesty, and respect for all parties involved in the deeply personal process of egg donation.  At baseline, studies show the benefits of being honest with your child about his or her donor conceived origins

Why Cofertility supports open ID egg donation

At Cofertility, we firmly believe that anonymous egg donation belongs to the past. With the advancements in genetic testing and the increasingly interconnected world we live in, the promises of anonymity given by many egg donation agencies are simply wrong. In a world where genetic testing is widely accessible, there are no guarantees of a completely anonymous gamete donation.

But that doesn’t mean that a disclosed donation is right for every family. And we think it’s important to us to be mindful of unique circumstances and inclusive of cultures that still prefer undisclosed donations. We hold space for those intended parents and strive to help them reach an arrangement with their donor that honors their cultural needs alongside the donor conceived person’s lived experience. In these cases, open ID is an option that gives the parents privacy they desire, while giving the donor conceived child a chance to know who the donor is if they choose to as an adult.

Prioritizing the child's best interest

We are very explicit with the families we work with about the research indicating the benefits of being open with children about their donor-conceived roots. We encourage disclosed donations and are eager to connect intended parents with evidence-based research and experts who can discuss the topic further. We encourage both egg donors and intended parents to consider the best interests of the potential donor-conceived child in this process. For many donor-conceived individuals, knowing their genetic background is an essential part of their identity.

Open ID egg donation allows these donor-conceived individuals to access this vital information, enhancing their understanding of their own identity. It also provides them with the option to connect with their donor, should they wish to do so, once they reach adulthood.

This model not only respects the curiosity and rights of the donor-conceived child but also acknowledges the donor's role in the conception process. It also allows intended parents to answer any questions their child might have about their genetic background honestly and openly.

Building relationships: a customized approach

At Cofertility, we believe in the power of relationships. We work closely with all parties involved in the egg donation process to build a relationship that feels right for them.

We guide donors and intended parents through the complexities of agreements (including open ID agreements), ensuring that they understand the potential future implications and are comfortable with the level of contact agreed upon. Each egg donation agreement is customized based on the comfort level and wishes of all parties, ensuring a mutual understanding and respect for everyone's preferences.

Summing it up

Open ID egg donation is a progressive approach that honors the needs, rights, and best interests of donors, families, and donor conceived offspring. At Cofertility, we're committed to transparency, honesty, and respect for all parties involved in this deeply personal process.

In a world of ever-evolving third party reproduction, we are dedicated to moving with the times, staying up to date with the latest research, and promoting practices that reflect the reality of today's world. Our focus remains on building strong relationships, facilitating open communication, and ultimately, serving the best interests of donor-conceived children. 

As we help build families, we invite you to join us in embracing this approach, paving the way for a more transparent, respectful, and child-centered egg donation process.

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

At Cofertility, we pride ourselves on guiding our members through the journey of egg donation, ensuring a supportive, transparent, and ethical process for all parties involved. One aspect of this process involves helping our members understand the various terms used within the realm of egg donation, and pros and cons of each type of disclosure status. 

Each relationship is unique and depends on both the desires of the donor and family, as well as what’s best for any future donor conceived children. 

This guide is meant to aid you in making informed decisions that align with your personal beliefs, comfort level, and the best interest of any potential donor conceived children.

Let’s dive into the terms:

• Anonymous egg donor: an outdated term used to describe someone whose identity is not shared with the family. In today’s age of social media and genetic testing, we think “anonymous” is a misnomer. 
• Non-anonymous egg donor: an outdated term used to describe when an egg donor and intended parents have each other’s contact information.
• Known egg donor: usually used to describe an egg donor who knows the intended parents, like a family member or friend.
• Unknown egg donor: an egg donor that does not know the intended parents, and vice versa.
• Disclosed donation: the intended parents and egg donor exchange contact information and communicate directly. This does not mean they have an ongoing relationship, just that they have the names of one another. 
• Undisclosed donation: the intended parents and egg donor do not exchange contact information.
• Open ID: the intended parents and egg donor do not exchange contact information, but the egg donor agrees to have her identity disclosed to the child born from her donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically at 18 years.
• Identity-release: another term for open ID.

The problem with “anonymous” egg donation

Traditionally, egg donations were often declared "anonymous," meaning the identities of the egg donor and the intended parents were kept secret from each other. However, in today's world, where genetic testing is widely accessible, we believe no donation can be truly anonymous. We caution against believing anyone who tells you otherwise!

Read more about why we don’t believe in anonymous egg donation.

Known and unknown egg donation

A known donor is someone that you have some level of connection with - be it a friend,  a family member, or an acquaintance. In the early days of donor egg IVF, working with a known donor wasn’t the norm because it was thought that having a relationship with the donor could create confusion between the parties. But now, with more education and research being done on this type of donation, more people are turning to family and friends to help with building a family. 

Yet most egg donation cycles are with "unknown" egg donors, where there is no previous relationship. You can have an “unknown” egg donor that you get to know, or they can remain undisclosed. 

Disclosed and undisclosed egg donation

Disclosed and undisclosed are the terms we prefer to use at Cofertility to describe the two types of disclosure agreements possible.

In a disclosed donation with Cofertility, you and the donor will exchange contact information and can communicate directly. We highly encourage this model as it promotes transparency and aligns with feedback from the donor-conceived community.

In an undisclosed donation, you do not exchange contact information and only communicate via Cofertility. Although we recommend disclosed donations, we respect the individual's choice for undisclosed donation after understanding the potential implications for the donor-conceived child.

Regardless of your donation disclosure status being disclosed or undisclosed, you may choose to meet the donor during the matching period without exchanging contact information. 

The scope and degree of communication in a disclosed donation (both during and post-match) is what both parties make of it and can be outlined in your legal agreement. Communication can range from sharing an annual holiday card to direct, regular communication between the donor and your donor-conceived child. 

Your disclosure status does not necessarily dictate the relationship with the donor. For instance, you may opt for a disclosed donation, where you share contact information, but decide against maintaining regular communication.

Open ID egg donation

For those who choose an undisclosed donation, open ID (sometimes called identity release) is an alternative. This model allows for the donor's identity to be disclosed to the child resulting from the donation once the child reaches a certain age, typically 18 years.

This arrangement respects the potential desire of the donor conceived child to know more about their genetic background and potentially connect with the donor. The open ID agreement is often structured based on the comfort and consent of all parties involved and takes into consideration the best interest of the donor conceived person.

Read more about Open ID

Exploring real-life scenarios: understanding the fluidity of relationships in egg donation

Every single relationship is different, and ultimately up to the intended parents and egg donor to decide. To illustrate how the various terms and models of egg donation work in practical scenarios, let’s explore three real-life examples:

Scenario 1: Unknown, undisclosed donor with Open ID agreement

In this scenario, a family chooses to work with an unknown, undisclosed donor they find through Cofertility. This means that the family and the donor do not exchange contact information, and all communication is handled through Cofertility. This ensures a certain level of privacy and confidentiality while still allowing the exchange of crucial information.

However, the family decides to opt for an Open ID agreement. This arrangement acknowledges the potential curiosity of the donor-conceived child about their genetic roots. Once the child reaches age 18, they will be granted the opportunity to learn about the donor’s identity and, if mutually agreed upon, potentially establish a connection.

Scenario 2: Known, disclosed donor 

In the second scenario, a family chooses to work with a known, disclosed donor who happens to be a relative – in this case, a sister. This situation represents one of the highest levels of openness in egg donation, with full knowledge and likely frequent contact between the donor and the intended parents.

In such a model, there's often an ongoing relationship between the donor and the child. The child grows up knowing about their genetic heritage, understanding that their aunt was the generous person who made their existence possible. 

Scenario 3: Unknown, disclosed donor 

In our third example, a family works with an unknown, disclosed donor. Here, while the donor's identity is initially unknown, the family and the donor exchange contact information via Cofertility and choose to maintain a certain level of contact.

In this case, the family sends the donor a card every year, marking the child's birthday or a holiday, for instance. The donor is not a major part of the family’s day-to-day life, but there's a small bridge of connection that keeps her updated and maintains a cordial relationship. This scenario underlines the flexibility within the disclosed donation model, wherein the extent and nature of communication can be customized to each party's comfort level.

These examples illustrate that egg donation relationships can vary immensely and can be tailored to meet the unique needs, comfort levels, and preferences of all parties involved. At Cofertility, we are committed to facilitating such arrangements that respect and honor the donors, the intended parents, and the donor-conceived children

The power of choice: respecting cultural preferences & unique circumstances

While we advocate for disclosed or open ID donations, and the benefits of being open with children about their donor-conceived origins, we respect the cultural needs and unique circumstances of those who prefer undisclosed donations. At Cofertility, we strive to connect intended parents with research and experts, aiding in informed decision-making, and respecting cultural considerations.

Understanding these terms and the principles behind them can make your journey through egg donation smoother and more transparent. At Cofertility, we are here to guide you, ensuring a process that honors all parties involved, including the donor, the intended parents, and most importantly, the donor conceived children.

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing. 

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

For families built through egg donation, acknowledging and honoring the egg donor can be a meaningful way to celebrate your child's conception story. While every family's approach will be different, here are five thoughtful ways to recognize the important role your egg donor played in helping create your family.

1. Create a special keepsake

Consider creating a memory book or box dedicated to your family's egg donation story. This could include photos of your family, mementos from your fertility journey, and age-appropriate information about egg donation. As your child grows, this keepsake can serve as a tangible connection to their origins and a starting point for conversations about their unique beginnings.

2. Honor Donor Conception Awareness Day

Donor Conception Awareness Day, observed annually on April 27, provides a perfect opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate your family's unique egg donation journey. This day shines a spotlight on donor conception, raising awareness and offering support to families built through this special process. You might mark this day by:

• Having a family discussion about donor conception, tailored to your child's age and understanding
• Reading books about donor-conceived families together
• Participating in online or local events organized by donor conception support groups
• Sharing your family's story (if you're comfortable) on social media to raise awareness
• Making a small donation to an organization that supports donor-conceived families or fertility treatment access

By observing this day, you're not only honoring your egg donor but also helping your child foster a sense of connection with the broader community of donor-conceived individuals and their families.

3. Practice gratitude

Make expressing gratitude for your egg donor a regular part of your family's routine. This could be as simple as saying "thank you" to the donor during bedtime prayers (if you do those) or including them in what you're thankful for during holiday gatherings. This could be as simple as expressing thanks during bedtime rituals, sharing a moment of gratitude at the dinner table, or including them in what you're thankful for during holiday gatherings.

4. Support egg donation causes

Consider getting involved with organizations that support egg donation or fertility treatments. This could mean participating in awareness events, volunteering, or making donations. Involving your child in these activities as they get older can help them feel proud of their origins and understand the broader context of assisted reproduction.

5. Write letters to your donor

Even if you have an undisclosed donation arrangement, writing letters to your donor—whether or not you actually send them—can be a meaningful way to express your gratitude and reflect on your family's milestones. These letters can become part of your child's keepsake collection, offering them insight into your feelings about the donation as they grow older.

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By openly acknowledging and appreciating your egg donor's role, you're helping to foster a positive sense of identity for your child and reinforcing the love and intention that went into creating your family.

There’s no one way to approach honoring your egg donor. The most important thing is to find something that feels authentic and comfortable for your family. 

As you navigate this aspect of your family's story, we are here to support you. Whether you're just starting your egg donation journey or looking for ways to discuss donation with your growing child, we're here to provide resources and support every step of the way.

Read more:

• Nine Things To Know About Raising A Donor-Conceived Child
• Will My Donor Conceived Child Want To Meet Their Donor?
• I'm a Fertility Psychologist. Here's What I Want You to Know About Growing Your Family Through Egg Donation
• How to Talk to Your Donor-Conceived Child About Their Conception Story

As parents considering building your family through egg donation, you have likely thought a lot about your child’s origin story. At Cofertility, we believe in empowering families and transforming the narrative around donor conception. 

In this article, we'll explore how our unique approach to egg donation not only helps you build your family but also creates a more ethical, open, and empowering experience for both donors and intended parents. We'll discuss the shift in focus from financial transactions to shared journeys, the importance of transparency and community, and how Cofertility is shaping a new era of family building where every child's origin story is one of hope, connection, and empowerment.

Reframing the donor's role

Traditional egg donation often involves a transactional approach, with donors primarily motivated by financial compensation. This can create a sense of unease for intended parents, who may worry about the donor's true intentions or the potential for exploitation. Plus, donor conceived people often feel uneasy about cash compensation being part of their origin story. A Harvard study found that the majority of donor conceived people feel the exchange of money for donor gametes is wrong.

Cofertility flips the script. Our unique egg sharing model allows women to freeze their eggs for free by donating half of the retrieved eggs to another family who couldn't otherwise conceive. This reframes the donor's role. It's not about compensation; it's about securing their own reproductive future while helping others build their families.

This shift has many implications for the child's origin story. Instead of a narrative focused on a financial transaction, it becomes a story of shared empowerment and mutual benefit. Your child's story begins with a woman who chose to invest in her own future and, in doing so, made the incredible gift of parenthood possible for you.

Openness and transparency

Secrecy and shame have long shrouded donor conception. Many intended parents struggle with how and when to tell their child about their origins. This can lead to anxiety, fear, and even a sense of betrayal if the child discovers the truth later in life.

Cofertility champions openness and transparency from the start. We encourage intended parents to be open with their children about their donor conception story, providing resources and support to navigate these conversations.

Our platform allows for varying levels of openness, from sharing basic donor information to facilitating future contact if both parties desire. This empowers the child with knowledge about their origins and fosters a sense of agency in their own identity formation. Learn more about our disclosure options here. 

A human-centered experience

Traditional egg donation can feel transactional and impersonal, with donors reduced to anonymous profiles and statistics. Cofertility prioritizes human connection and support. Our matching platform allows intended parents and donors to connect on a more personal level, sharing stories and building relationships based on shared values and goals.

This human-centered approach transforms the donor conception narrative. It's not just about a medical procedure; it's about the connection between two parties, each making a courageous choice to shape their future and the future of a child.

Addressing ethical concerns

The ethics of egg donation and compensation have been debated for years. Some argue that paying for eggs exploits women and commodifies reproduction. Others believe that women should be compensated for their time, effort, and potential risks associated with egg retrieval.

Cofertility offers a solution that addresses these ethical concerns. Our egg sharing model provides a pathway for women to access egg freezing without the financial burden, while also ensuring that donors are not solely motivated by monetary gain.

This ethical approach allows intended parents to feel confident that their child's origin story is rooted in empowerment and shared benefit, not exploitation or financial desperation.

Building a supportive community

Cofertility is more than just a matching platform; it's a community. We provide support and resources for both intended parents and donors throughout their journey. This includes:

• Educational materials
• Life-long support 
• Access to mental health professionals

By fostering a sense of community, we aim to reduce the stigma and isolation often associated with donor conception. We believe that open, honest conversations and shared experiences can empower everyone involved to navigate the challenges and celebrate the joys of building families through egg donation.

Looking ahead

The future of family building is evolving, and Cofertility is at the forefront of this transformation. We're committed to creating a more ethical, transparent, and supportive model for egg donation, one that empowers women and transforms the narrative around donor conception.

We believe that every child deserves to know their origin story, and we're proud to be part of creating a future where those stories are filled with hope, empowerment, and the celebration of human connection.

When we started Cofertility, we wanted to make an impact on an industry in desperate need of change. Of the many things we wanted to do differently was giving intended parents and donors more choices about their relationships. Most agencies offered just one path: anonymous donation. Even though we knew that some parents, donors, and even donor-conceived children wanted more, the industry kept pushing for anonymity. 

This didn't sit well with us. We believed everyone deserved more options, more transparency, and higher standards across the board. That's why we created choices for both disclosed and undisclosed donation – because we know that when it comes to family building, one size doesn't fit all.

Since then, I've had countless conversations with intended parents about one of the most significant decisions they'll make in their family-building process: choosing between disclosed and undisclosed egg donation. 

This article will explain these options, explore the considerations of this choice, and share insights from experts and research. I'll also discuss how relationships can evolve over time and what we've learned from the donor-conceived community. 

What's the difference between disclosed and undisclosed egg donation?

Let's start with clear definitions: 

• In a disclosed donation, both you and your donor exchange contact information and can communicate directly. 
• With an undisclosed donation, communication happens through Cofertility, and identifying information isn't shared. 
• There's also a middle ground called Open ID, where information becomes available to your child later in life.

While every family's story is unique, we've seen beautiful relationships develop across the spectrum of disclosure options. Some families maintain light but warm contact through annual updates. Others have developed closer bonds that enrich everyone involved. And some prefer minimal contact while appreciating having open channels if needed.

Read more: Understanding the Language of Egg Donation Disclosure: Anonymous, Known, Disclosed, Open ID

What these relationships look like in practice

The terms "disclosed" and "undisclosed" might sound black and white, but the reality is far more nuanced. Here's how different arrangements might work:

Disclosed relationships can include:

• Annual updates or holiday cards
• Sharing milestone moments like first steps or graduation
• Direct communication between donor and child (if mutually agreed)
• Minimal direct contact but open lines of communication if needed
• Regular check-ins or meetings
• Social media connections

Undisclosed relationships might involve:

• Updates or questions shared through Cofertility
• No direct contact between parties

Why we encourage disclosed donation

At Cofertility, we generally recommend disclosed donation arrangements. This position comes from extensive research and, most importantly, from listening to donor-conceived individuals themselves. The US Donor Conceived Council has been clear: donor-conceived individuals having access to information about one's genetic origins is valuable for identity formation and emotional well-being.

However, we understand that every family situation is unique. While we advocate for disclosure, we respect that after careful consideration, some families and egg donors may choose an undisclosed arrangement. Our role is to support you in making an informed decision that works for your family.

The beauty of disclosure is flexibility. You can start with minimal contact and adjust over time as comfort levels change and relationships develop. Other families start with more contact, which gradually declines over time. 

Making this big decision

When making this decision, consider not just your current comfort level but your child's future needs. Research shows that donor-conceived people often have questions about their genetic origins. A disclosed arrangement keeps doors open for:

• Identity exploration
• Relationship building (if desired)
• Cultural or ancestral connections

Regardless of your disclosure choice, we require all donors to update us about relevant changes in their medical history. This information is shared with recipient families in both disclosed and undisclosed arrangements.

Consider these questions as you decide:

• What information might your child want access to later?
• How comfortable are you with different levels of contact?
• What are your partner's feelings about disclosure?
• How might your comfort level change as your child grows?
• What resources would you want available to your child?

If you are having a hard time making this decision, we highly recommend talking to a fertility psychologist to help you think through the decision. 

Common concerns about disclosure

Disclosure is a new concept for many families. After all, egg donation has been traditionally “anonymous,” with no contact or information shared between families and egg donors. Because of this, some intended parents share worries about disclosure. Let's address the most common ones:

Privacy and boundaries 

"What if the donor wants too much involvement?" This is where clear agreements come in. You can set specific boundaries about contact frequency and type. Remember, "disclosed" doesn't mean "unlimited access."

Impact on parenting 

Some worry that disclosure might confuse their child about who their "real" parents are. Research shows that openness actually strengthens family bonds by eliminating secrecy and building trust. Children are remarkably capable of understanding nuanced family relationships when explained appropriately.

Extended family reactions 

You might worry about how grandparents or other family members will respond to ongoing donor contact. While these concerns are valid, we've found that family members often become more comfortable with disclosure over time, especially when they understand the benefits to the child.

Creating your family agreement

Whatever level of disclosure you choose, you and the egg donor will negotiate and sign a contract that is a clear legal agreement that can outline:

• Communication expectations
• Boundaries for all parties
• Update frequency and type
• Social media guidelines
• Future contact possibilities
• Medical information sharing

Final thoughts

The disclosure decision should not be made lightly. While we advocate for openness based on research and feedback from the donor-conceived community, we respect each family's right to choose their path. Our commitment is to support you with resources, guidance, and respect for whatever level of disclosure you select.

It’s good to know if undisclosed or disclosed is a better fit for your family before you begin your egg donor search. As you browse donor profiles on our database, you can see the disclosure preferences of each donor. 

Remember that this decision, while important, is just one part of your family-building story. What matters most is the love, care, and thoughtfulness you bring to creating and nurturing your family.

Read more:

• Why We Don’t Believe in Anonymous Egg Donation
• I'm a Fertility Psychologist. Here's What I Want You to Know About Growing Your Family Through Egg Donation
• The Parent-Child Relationship in Families Created Using Donor Eggs