How Working With an Anonymous Egg Donor May Impact Your Child's Life

If you are considering conceiving with donor eggs, you may have questions regarding the different types of donation and how they may impact your child. But before you even begin your search for that perfect match, it is essential that you ask yourself a few questions. First, what is anonymous egg donation? Second, does true anonymity exist? Three, why do I want to work with an anonymous donor? Fourth and maybe most important, how will it impact my future child?

What is anonymous egg donation?

Anonymous or undisclosed donation is one where you do not exchange contact information with your donor. Although you will have access to photographs and demographic information, you will never meet or communicate directly with your donor. You may never know who this person is exactly or how their future may unfold. With an undisclosed donation, you could arrange to have the information available to your child down the road (this is sometimes called Open ID).

In contrast, with a disclosed donation you and your donor exchange contact information and communicate directly. This communication can be only for the duration of the medical protocol or it can continue for as long as you wish.  This option keeps the door open for you or your child to reach out to the donor with questions and for you to learn about any changes to their medical history. 

Does true anonymity exist?

It is important to understand that true anonymity can never be guaranteed. Because of the readily available at-home DNA testing, a child can easily discover their true origins. And now with changing laws and depending on where you live, anonymity may not even be an option. And because many people are active on the internet with social media and personal and professional profiles, it is not very difficult to find someone. Meaning not only could you find them, but they could also find you or your child. 

Read more: Why We Don’t Believe in Anonymous Egg Donation

Why do I want to work with an anonymous donor? 

Parents who want to have an anonymous donor typically say that they want to take this path because they believe anonymity will allow them to establish clear boundaries and to protect the mother–child relationship. They believe that having the donor in the picture may complicate the donor–child relationship and undermine the intended mother’s ability to feel secure in her role as mother.  

Interestingly, studies have found that anonymity did not make a difference in how a mother felt about her identity or role as mother after the baby was born, even if she expressed both ambivalence and uncertainties about the non-genetic relationship with their child.  In the end she still felt confident and secure in her identity as the child’s mother. 

How will choosing an anonymous egg donor impact my future child?

Studies show that being open with the child born via donor about his or her conception is important for their identity formation. Donor conceived children are curious about their origins so matching with a known donor means that your child can have the knowledge they are seeking about their origins. 

Donor conceived people have spoken about their experiences of being donor conceived and it is pretty apparent that knowing the donor, in some capacity, is very important to them. In a recent survey, 70% of donor-conceived respondents believed they were harmed by not knowing their donor’s identity, and 80% believed they had been harmed by not knowing their donor’s medical history.

Should I use an anonymous egg donor? 

One major reason for choosing a known donor is information. And information can be powerful. Having more information about the donor specifically as it pertains to their medical history can help you be aware of any changes to the donor’s medical history in the future. 

What are my options at Cofertility?

Most families we work with choose a disclosed relationship. In a disclosed donation with Cofertility, you and the donor will exchange contact information and can communicate directly. 

In an undisclosed donation, you will not exchange contact information and only communicate via Cofertility. We highly encourage disclosed donations as we’ve met with the US Donor Conceived Council and heard from the donor conceived community that disclosed is best for the donor conceived child. However, if you choose to move forward with an undisclosed donation after learning about the potential implications for your child, we will honor that decision. 

Summing it up

The decision to use an anonymous egg donor is a personal one that requires careful consideration. While anonymity may seem like a desirable option at first, it is important to remember that it may not provide long-term protection for the parent-child relationship, and could have lasting impacts on the child's sense of identity and well-being. 

As a result, choosing a disclosed donor may provide more benefits in the long run, particularly when it comes to providing vital medical information and supporting a child's curiosity about their origins. Ultimately, it is up to you to weigh the pros and cons of different donor options and make an informed decision that best supports the well-being of their donor-conceived child.