10 Things Your Fertility Clinic Won't Tell You About Using Donor Eggs

If you’re considering using donor eggs to grow your family, chances are, you’ve already gone down a long and winding road with your fertility clinic. Even if you are part of a same-sex couple or a single parent by choice, using donor eggs is a significant decision and one that involves many conversations with doctors, embryologists, and other experts. But, while fertility clinics provide crucial medical and procedural guidance, there are aspects of egg donation they might not fully discuss. 

Here are ten important factors to consider that may not be covered in depth with your fertility clinic:

1. The myth of true anonymity in egg donation

Traditionally, egg donation could be “anonymous,” “semi-anonymous,” or “known,” with the implication being a sliding scale of intended parent awareness of the donor’s identity. However, true anonymity is impossible to promise due to advances in DNA testing and the popularity of genealogy websites. 

Even if you choose an “anonymous” donor, there is a possibility that your child could identify their biological donor or other genetic relatives in the future through consumer DNA tests. This emerging reality should be considered when deciding on the type of donor you wish match with.

Because of this, at Cofertility, we prefer to utilize the terms “disclosed” vs. “undisclosed,” while offering total flexibility to our intended parents as well as donors on the level of transparency and/or communication they desire, if any. To learn more about our approach to disclosure, click here. 

2. Younger donors aren't always the better choice

While it might seem intuitive to opt for the youngest egg donor available, research indicates that this isn't always the best option. A study found that egg donors aged 25-29 tend to actually have a higher success rate of live births compared to those under 25. Another study echoes this, showing that donors aged 30-34 have the highest incidence of live births. Factors such as emotional maturity and the donor’s life experiences also play critical roles in the donation process, impacting aspects from egg quality to the donor's reliability and commitment to the process.

3. Genetic screening has its limitations

Fertility clinics often reassure prospective parents with the extensive genetic screening that donors undergo. However, it's important to understand that these tests do not cover every possible genetic condition. Genetic science is constantly evolving, but the tests that are available today still have limitations. This means even if all your genetic tests come back clear, there remains a residual risk of genetic disorders and chromosomal abnormalities, a fact that holds true for both conventional IVF and donor egg IVF.

To learn more about the ins and outs of embryo genetic screening, click here.

4. You might experience periodic grief — and that’s okay 

Many intended parents, even those who are fully informed and have made a thoughtful decision to use donor eggs, may experience periodic grief over a lack of shared genetics with their child. It's normal, especially for women, to feel a sense of loss for the genetic link that does not exist when using donor eggs, and these feelings can surface even after your child is born and is perfectly healthy.

If you’re growing your family via egg donation, consider your support system. You might want to seek more counseling to navigate the complex emotions you may feel at some point throughout the process. 

5. Your child may have half-siblings 

Another seldom-discussed reality is that your child may have genetic half-siblings out there, especially if the donor has participated in multiple cycles. As DNA testing becomes more common, there is a possibility that these siblings will find and contact each other. This can be an important consideration for families when thinking about the future implications for your child and family dynamics.

Unlike traditional egg donation, egg sharing programs like Cofertility’s result in fewer donation cycles per donor and thus, fewer genetic half-siblings per child. This is because women participating in egg sharing programs are not influenced by cash and instead are motivated by their own fertility futures while doing something incredibly kind and meaningful for another family. 

6. Early disclosure to children is generally better

Evidence suggests that donor-conceived individuals benefit from early disclosure about their origins. Knowing their genetic background from a young age helps in forming a well-rounded sense of identity, and keeping such information a secret can lead to significant emotional turmoil if the child discovers the truth later in life — not dissimilar to if the child had been adopted.  

Discussions about how and when to tell a child about their donor origins should be an integral part of the decision-making process for using donor eggs. For more on how to talk to your donor-conceived child about their origin story, click here. 

7. Your emotional experience may vary from your partner’s 

If you’re part of a couple, the decision to use donor eggs might affect you and your partner differently. While one may feel relief at the possibility of ending a difficult fertility journey, the other might struggle with grief from the loss of a genetic connection. These emotions can evolve over time and might impact your relationship in various ways. It's beneficial for both partners to engage in open communication about their feelings and seek professional guidance along the way if you haven’t already been connected with someone through your clinic. 

8. An egg donor’s lifestyle plays a large role in her health 

An egg donor’s lifestyle plays a crucial role in the success of egg donation cycles, yet those factors can be glossed over during initial discussions at fertility clinics. Prospective parents should be aware that the donor's diet, exercise habits, and overall medical history can significantly influence the quality of the eggs retrieved. 

While all donors undergo medical screening, understanding the extent of their health and lifestyle commitments can provide deeper insight into the potential success of the donation. This includes their history with substances like alcohol and tobacco, their diet, and their general approach to wellness, all of which can affect egg quality and the outcome of IVF cycles.

9. Legal and ethical considerations are substantial

The legal aspects of egg donation can vary significantly by location, especially if you’re a gay dad. Intended parents should be aware of the legal framework governing egg donation and the rights of all parties involved, including the donor and the future child. For example, you’ll need to consider the rights of the child to know their genetic origins and the implications of donor disclosure. We recommend consulting with a legal expert who specializes in reproductive law to ensure that all contracts are comprehensive and protect the rights and responsibilities of all parties. If you work with Cofertility, we’ll make sure to connect you with a legal expert in our network. 

10. Your egg donation cycle can impact the rest of your family — in a good way! 

Your decision to use donor eggs can also impact any existing children and extended family. With different genetic connections, it’s possible for family dynamics and individual identities within the family to change, and grandparents and other relatives might have varied reactions to the use of donor eggs. At Cofertility, we view this as an opportunity to engage in meaningful conversations about what makes a family. 

We know a family is what you make it, but be prepared to address questions and provide explanations that reinforce family bonds and the validity of all family members' relationships, regardless of genetic connections. While you don’t owe an explanation to anyone except your child, you may have to address this issue with others down the line anyway, and it’s important to think about what you might say if needed. For more helpful guidance, click here.

Summing it up

Choosing to work with an egg donor to grow your family is a decision not to be taken lightly. Some considerations might be more obvious than others, but it’s important to think the entire process through — medical, procedural, ethical, financial, legal, and emotional — so your journey feels good for everyone involved.

If you’re considering using donor eggs, find your match on Family by Co today. On our platform, you can review incredible, kind women who are eager to help grow your family while preserving their own fertility future. All women donating their eggs through Cofertility freeze half of their eggs retrieved for free when donating the other half to another family that can’t conceive. This model not only supports your path to parenthood, but also respects the donor’s long-term well-being and reproductive choices. 

Wishing you lots of luck on your journey.