Working with an Egg Donor After Secondary Infertility

Primary infertility is when a couple has not gotten pregnant after one year of actively trying. However, when a couple already has one biological child and is unable to have a second, it is known as secondary infertility. If you are experiencing secondary infertility, and want to learn and understand more about it and how egg donation may work in this situation, read on. 

Primary infertility impacts one in five couples whereas secondary infertility impacts one in 10 couples. With both types of infertility, one cause that can be attributed is age. By age 30, a woman’s fertility begins to decline. By the time a woman reaches the age of 45, getting pregnant naturally is very unlikely. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommends that if you are under 35 years of age and have been actively trying to conceive for up to a year, or if you are over 35 years of age and have been actively trying to conceive for up to six months without success, then it is time to see a fertility specialist.

Although the causes of primary and secondary infertility are pretty much the same, the emotional impact can differ. However there is hope in that fertility treatments for both types of infertility are the same and both have high success rates.

Trying for a second child

People experiencing secondary infertility may have had no issues having their first child. Regardless of their experience getting pregnant the first time, they usually had dreams for multiple children with hopes of having at least one sibling for their child. Having problems getting pregnant the second time around can sometimes be even more stressful and painful than  primary fertility because many times secondary fertility can be overlooked or neglected, and it can feel very lonely. 

The thinking that “well at least you have one” does not make it easier to relinquish the dream of having more than one child. Along with the shock and frustration of not being able to get pregnant again, there can come a sense of guilt because you should feel grateful for the one you have.  Or feeling selfish because there are so many that can’t or don't even have one child. And there can also be a sense of sadness because you are not able to give your child a sibling. 

How to have a baby with donor eggs after secondary infertility

If you have been told that your egg quality or quantity is insufficient, then it may be time to turn to donor eggs. Depending on your individual circumstances, the chances of having a baby using a donor egg may be significantly higher than the chances of having a baby with IVF using your own eggs. Around 50 percent of all donor egg cycles result in a pregnancy, giving hope of keeping the dream of more than one child a viable option. Although your second and first child may not be full genetic siblings, if the sperm used to create the embryo is the same as the first, then your children will be 50% biologically related. 

Is a donor egg pregnancy different?

Every pregnancy is different. So a pregnancy using donor eggs could look different than your first pregnancy.  Not because the embryo is created with a donor egg but maybe because of your age, or due to the fact that you are already caring for a young child and depending on their age, you may not be getting a lot of sleep or rest. Your life circumstances could be different the second time around - such as a different job, different responsibilities, and obligations than before etc.  There are many factors that could impact how this pregnancy looks and feels. 

Read Will a Donor Conceived Child Have My DNA?

Will the bonding experience be different for a donor-conceived child?

Once the baby is born, the bonding experience between you and the new baby will probably look and feel different than the first one as well. But not because they are donor-conceived! Most second time parents say they are more relaxed the second time around because they know what to expect and some find they can enjoy the infant stage a little bit more than they did the first time around. However, some find it to be a bit more difficult because they already have a child who may have some difficulties adjusting to this new life without all the attention.

How do you know if turning to donor eggs is right for you? 

Think about your motivation to have a second child, what is it and how strongly motivated are you to have another? How do you view the role and importance of a sibling in the life and development of your first child? What might the future look like if it included one child versus more than one? If the motivation and desire is very strong, and if you have tried all means to get pregnant again, then donor eggs might be right for you.

Read Donor Egg Success Rates: a Breakdown 

You may want to have a child that physically looks like you or your first child, and that can carry a lot of stress around using donor eggs. Really when looking for an egg donor, you want to find someone who could fit into your family. Maybe someone who has freckles like your sister or curly hair like your mother. Maybe you come from a family of chess players and you want someone who also loves chess. At the end of the day you want to always come back to your why… Why do you want a second child and how strong is your motivation and desire to have another?  

You don’t have to struggle alone. There are many community resources dedicated to people experiencing secondary infertility and Cofertility is one of them. We work to make this a warmer, more human centric process, by offering community and support throughout this journey. 

Our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg-sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud of the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!