egg donors

Navigating the world of third party reproduction as intended parents can be overwhelming. There are many factors to consider when making decisions about your family's future. One question that often arises in this context is: "Does AMH matter when choosing an egg donor?" This article aims to shed light on AMH, detailing the role of AMH in fertility and its relevance in the egg donor selection process.

Understanding AMH

Anti-Mullerian Hormone, known as AMH, is an essential biomarker for assessing ovarian reserve, which is the quantity of eggs that are currently available in the ovaries for fertilization.

AMH levels naturally decline with age, but remain fairly stable throughout the menstrual cycle. AMH is used to give a snapshot of ovarian reserve at any point in time. Higher AMH levels are generally indicative of a larger ovarian reserve, while lower levels suggest a diminished ovarian reserve.

AMH and egg donation

When choosing an egg donor, intended parents often wonder how much they should pay attention to the donor's AMH levels. To answer succinctly: Yes, AMH does matter when choosing an egg donor, but it is only one piece of the larger puzzle.

A donor's AMH level provides valuable information about how she might respond to the fertility medications used during the egg retrieval process. Generally, donors with above-average AMH levels are likely to produce a larger number of eggs during a single retrieval cycle. This could potentially result in a greater number of embryos available for transfer and freezing.

Because AMH is a good predictor of ovarian response, a fertility doctor will use the egg donor’s AMH levels (amongst other biomarkers) to determine the drugs and dosages during the procedure. 

AMH measurements vary across clinics, so it’s best to use the reference range provided by the lab. In general, you can interpret their AMH level this way:

• Above 1.0 ng/ml (nanograms per deciliter): Normal
• Below 1.0 ng/ml: Showing weakness in the ovarian reserve
• Below 0.5 ng/ml: Showing severe weakness in the ovarian reserve

A very high level of AMH could be a sign of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which may require specific fertility treatment and/or medications. 

While AMH is a good measure of egg quantity, it does not directly reflect egg quality. Other factors, such as the donor's age, overall health, lifestyle, and genetic screening results, also play vital roles in determining egg quality and should be considered in the selection process.

The bigger picture: beyond AMH

While AMH levels serve as an important marker in the donor selection process, it's critical to note that a successful pregnancy depends on many more factors. Donors should have a minimum AMH of 2.0 ng/ml – beyond that, you should look at the egg donor’s qualifications holistically.   

A donor's medical history, genetic screening results, antral follicle count, lifestyle, and physical health should all be considered alongside AMH levels. This comprehensive evaluation aids in the selection of a donor who is likely to provide high-quality eggs that can lead to a successful pregnancy.

Furthermore, the health of the intended mother (or gestational carrier) plays a very important role in the success of the embryo transfer and subsequent pregnancy. Her overall health, uterine environment, and the expertise of the fertility clinic are all crucial pieces in the journey towards a successful pregnancy.

Egg donors at Cofertility

At Cofertility, we take an integrated approach to egg donor selection. We understand that while AMH is a valuable marker of ovarian reserve (which is why all our donors have an AMH over 2 ng/ml), but it's not the only factor that matters. That's why we conduct a comprehensive evaluation of all potential donors, examining medical history, conducting thorough genetic screening, psychological screening, and assessing overall health and lifestyle. We also meet with each donor 1:1 to get to know them personally. 

We aim to provide our intended parents with the most complete picture possible, ensuring that you have all the necessary information to make an informed and confident decision. Our team of fertility experts is here to guide you through this complex process and assist you every step of the way in your journey towards parenthood.

Summing it up

In the quest for the perfect egg donor, AMH plays an important role, but it should not be the sole deciding factor. A successful pregnancy depends on a multitude of factors, each playing their part in the intricate dance of assisted reproduction. 

At Cofertility, we strive to provide the best possible support for intended parents and ensure that your journey towards parenthood is as smooth as possible.

About us

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Maybe you’ve already found your Cofertility egg donor. Or, you know you want to work with us and are in search of the perfect match. This is an exciting time in your family building journey, and you probably feel a broad mix of emotions. Whether you’re eager, relieved, or even a little bit nervous for what happens next(!), now it’s time to get through some logistics related to the fertility clinic.

In general, Cofertility can work with any US-based fertility clinic that reports their results to SART (Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology) and works with a certified lab. Or, if you’re outside of the US, the donor can undergo her retrieval at one of our partner clinics, and have them shipped to your clinic worldwide. 

If you have not yet selected a clinic, we’re happy to suggest one from our network of preferred providers. If you’re already working with a clinic and want to stay with them, we support you continuing to work with your existing care team. 

We recommend that intended parents focus first and foremost on finding your perfect match. Then we can work together to determine the path forward with your clinic. But, to ensure that you feel prepared for all that’s to come, we’ve compiled a list of a few core questions that are important to  ask any clinic you’re considering. Let’s jump in.

“Are you open to overseeing a cycle with a Cofertility egg donor who meets all FDA and ASRM guidelines?”

As it turns out, a small number of clinics have exclusive relationships with specific agencies or egg banks and limit their patients to working with donors from those organizations. Most, however, are open to giving their patients more options and allowing them to work with any agency, provided the donors meet all necessary guidelines and criteria.

If you’re working with a Cofertility egg donor, the donor’s screening, medication, and retrieval protocols will all follow the clinic’s standard processes. From the clinic’s perspective, the only difference between working with a Cofertility donor or another fresh agency donor is that the yield of mature eggs will be split into two lots on the day of the retrieval. One half will be fertilized for your use and the other half will be vitrified for the donor’s future use.    

If you’re working with a clinic that we haven’t done a cycle with before, we’ll set up time with their third party team to walk them through our program and answer any of their questions related to clinic operations, finances, and the like.

Depending on your family-building goals, you may opt to do two cycles with the donor. If this is something you’re thinking about or something that your physician recommends, rest assured that many of our donors are excited about the opportunity to do two cycles and we can work with any clinic to make this happen.

“Can you provide any clinic-specific criteria my egg donor needs to meet?”

Occasionally, fertility clinics will have their own additional criteria (above and beyond what the FDA or ASRM outlines) based on their preferences and/or your own unique circumstances. Some examples of this may include the donor’s:

• Family medical history
• Specific genetic testing results 
• BMI
• AMH
• Mental health criteria
• Lifestyle habits
• Age

You can let your doctor know that all of our donors are pre-qualified by our clinical operations team with support from our medical advisors (who are REIs). Donors must be under 34, have a minimum AMH of 2.0, and meet all FDA and ASRM guidelines.  

“Are you open to the egg donor completing any part of the process outside of your clinic?”

Cofertility’s Split program is nationwide, meaning that you may match with a donor who is not based in the same city as you. All of our donors have discussed this possibility with our team and most have confirmed that they are open to travel.  If your perfect match is unable to travel, we can always find a way to work with a clinic local to her. 

Occasionally, an egg donor may need or request to complete some of her appointments at a fertility clinic near her home. For context, travel can be harder for those donors whose work or school schedules do not support remote work or lots of time off (for instance, if she is a medical resident or a teacher).

Once we know where your match is located, we will work with her and the clinic to ensure we follow their standard processes. However, it can be helpful to understand whether — and for how long — your clinic  requires donors to be in-person so you can plan and budget accordingly. 

For the donor’s initial set of screening appointments, clinics travel policies can vary.  Some fertility clinics would rather have the donor come in person for screening so they can ensure the testing and overall process meets clinic-specific standards or to streamline logistics. On the flipside, some clinics are open to the donor completing this screening locally and then reviewing screening reports from other clinics. In those cases, the clinic will likely want to verify that the clinic where she does her screening has quality outcomes and solid protocols in place.  

When it comes time for the cycle, many clinics are open to having the egg donor complete her initial two to three ultrasound and bloodwork monitoring appointments at a clinic near her. It is more unusual for a clinic to require the donor to be on-site throughout the entire cycle. If she does do the initial appointments at home, she’ll likely need to travel for the last few days of the cycle so she can do her retrieval at your clinic.  

If your clinic’s donor retrieval policies lean more rigid (i.e., they’re going to want the donor there for most of the cycle), we recommend considering the following options upfront: 

• Work with an egg donor who will travel: Travel preferences are one of the main topics of discussion when we connect with each of the women on our egg donor matching platform. While this information is not on her profile, please reach out to our team at support@cofertility.com if you’re interested in a particular donor and we can let you know where she’s based and whether she’s open to travel.  
• Work with a donor who is semi-local: Our egg donors span the entire country, with more and more women added to our platform every week. Working with an egg donor who lives within driving distance of your clinic (e.g. she’s in NYC and you’re in Philadelphia) may mean fewer logistical challenges with your clinic. 
• Work with a clinic near the donor: If your perfect donor match happens to be someone who cannot travel, one way to circumvent this challenge is to actually work with a clinic that’s local to her. We are happy to make a recommendation and ensure that you feel comfortable with your physician and whole care team. In this case, your donor will do all of her screening and monitoring at that clinic. For the retrieval, you can either ship frozen sperm or travel to the clinic to provide a fresh sperm cycle. Then, you can choose to either do the transfer at that clinic or ship those frozen embryos back to your clinic for transfer. Before going this route, we recommend confirming that your clinic will accept embryos made at another clinic/lab (many will provide the clinic with documentation about their lab protocols). Another benefit of this approach is that you don’t have to cover the costs associated with her travel.  

Summing it up

When considering working with Family by Co, it is crucial to be armed with the right questions to ensure that you have a comprehensive understanding of the process and make informed decisions about your family building journey. By asking the right questions, you can gain valuable insights into your clinic’s policies, procedures, and success rates, allowing you to make an informed choice about partnering with a fertility clinic that collaborates with our egg donor program. If you’d like to talk to a member of our team about how our program, click here to book a 1:1 call

Embarking on the journey of parenthood is a significant decision for any couple. For those exploring the option of donor eggs to fulfill their dreams of starting or growing a family, a range of emotions, hopes, and uncertainties also come into play. Before taking this path, it is important for couples to engage in open and honest conversations that address important aspects of the process. 

In this article, we’ll share five essential topics that couples should discuss when considering donor eggs, enabling you to navigate the decision-making process with greater understanding and unity.

Emotions and expectations

The decision to use donor eggs can evoke a myriad of emotions, including excitement, relief, and even grief. Couples must recognize and explore these feelings together, ensuring that both partners have a safe space to express their thoughts and concerns. 

Discussing expectations about the conception experience, genetic connections, and the child's future can help align perspectives and foster a supportive foundation as you move forward.

Values and beliefs

Exploring the values and beliefs that underpin your desire to become parents through donor eggs is crucial. Considerations may include cultural and religious aspects, attitudes towards genetic connections, and how you envision sharing your family's unique story with your child. By engaging in these conversations, you can better understand one another's viewpoints, allowing each other to approach the process with a shared sense of purpose and integrity.

Choosing a donor

Selecting an egg donor is an important decision. Discuss the desired traits and characteristics you would like the donor to possess, such as physical attributes, educational background, or personal interests. Reflect on the importance of disclosed and undisclosed donation, and what level of current or future contact you are comfortable with. By having open and respectful conversations, you can navigate this selection process together, ensuring that both partners feel heard and valued.

Read more in What Does An Egg Donor Profile Look Like?

Financial considerations

Pursuing donor eggs involves financial commitments, including the cost of the procedure, medications, and potential additional expenses. Candidly discussing your financial situation, exploring available resources, and creating a comprehensive budget will help you make informed decisions about the financial aspects of this journey. Consider the long-term financial implications, such as future educational expenses or any potential needs that may arise as your family grows. By addressing these topics proactively, you can minimize stress and make choices that align with your financial goals.

Emotional support and building a support network

The process of using donor eggs can be emotionally demanding for some. You’ll want to establish a robust support network to lean on during this transformative experience. Discuss your needs for emotional support, whether through friends, family, support groups, or professional counseling. Consider how you can lean on each other and provide comfort during moments of doubt or emotional vulnerability. Nurturing a strong support system will help you navigate the challenges together and ensure a healthy and stable foundation for your growing family.

We’re here for you

As you embark on the path to parenthood using donor eggs, open and honest communication should become the cornerstone of your journey. Engaging in these essential conversations about emotions, expectations, values, donor selection, financial considerations, and emotional support allows you to navigate the decision-making process with greater understanding and unity. By fostering a shared sense of purpose and addressing potential challenges proactively, couples can embark on this transformative experience together, embracing the joy of building a family through the gift of donor eggs.

We started Cofertility with the vision of serving all families, regardless of what brought them here. And we promise to provide you with the care we would want for our families. With our commitment to transparency, inclusivity, and innovation, we are striving to be the best in the industry.

Our unique egg sharing model empowers donors and enables families to find the perfect egg donor match quickly and easily, setting a new standard for excellence in our field. Whether you are just getting educated on egg donation or ready to move forward, we want to help you achieve your goals and build the family of your dreams.

Whether you are someone who is struggling with infertility or other reproductive issues, or you’re a single male or gay male couple who hopes to have biological children, you may be considering donor eggs as an option for your family-building goals. While this can be a challenging time, it's important to know that there are options available to help you achieve your dreams of starting a family.

But first, you may be asking yourself “how do I know if I need donor eggs?” While there are a number of reasons one may turn to egg donation for their family-building, in this article we will discuss some of the most common scenarios.

I’m struggling with infertility

Infertility affects about 1 in 8 couples worldwide, and sometimes it can be due to the quality of the eggs. As we age, our eggs decrease in quantity and quality, making it more challenging to conceive. If you have been trying to conceive for a year or more without success, and your doctor has confirmed that there may be an egg quality or quantity issue, then donor eggs may be an option for you. 

I’m a single or gay dad

While heterosexual couples or women often find out later in life that they need to pursue egg donation, gay or single men are typically in a different situation, in that they have always known they would need donor eggs in order to have a biological child.

While not all people will find this to be a priority to them, working with an egg donor and a surrogate allows gay and single men the opportunity to have a genetic link to their child, which is one reason you may consider egg donation over adoption to grow your family.

I'm over 40

If you are over 40 and struggling with infertility, using donor eggs may provide you with a better chance of success. Donor eggs are generally from qualified egg donors who are between the ages of 23-34, which can increase the chances of successful fertilization, pregnancy, and delivery.  If you are over 40 and have been trying to conceive without success, you may consider using donor eggs to achieve your dream of parenthood. 

I’ve been diagnosed with Premature ovarian failure (POF)

Premature ovarian failure (POF) is a condition in which the ovaries stop functioning before the age of 40. Those with POF have reduced or no ovarian function, making it difficult or impossible to conceive with your own eggs. If you have POF, you may be a candidate for using donor eggs, as your own eggs may not be viable for conception. Donor eggs can provide you with a higher chance of a successful pregnancy and delivery.

I had chemotherapy and/or radiation

Cancer treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation can damage the ovaries and reduce or eliminate the chances of conceiving with your own eggs. If you have had cancer treatment and your fertility has been affected, you may consider using donor eggs to achieve pregnancy. Donor eggs provide a higher chance of success compared to using your own eggs after cancer treatment.

I've had repeated IVF failure with my own eggs

Those who have experienced repeated IVF failure with their own eggs, even if they are still relatively young, may be a candidate for donor egg IVF. This can be due to poor egg quality or other factors. If you've tried multiple rounds of IVF without success, using donor eggs can dramatically increase your chances of bringing your baby home.

I have low ovarian reserve

Depending on your age, those with a low ovarian reserve may not produce enough viable eggs to achieve a successful pregnancy. If you’re in this boat, donor eggs can help make up for your diminishing egg quantity.

I have a genetic disorder

If you or your partner carries a genetic disorder that could be passed on to your child, using donor eggs may be an option to reduce the risk of passing on the disorder. Many genetic disorders are caused by mutations in a person's DNA, and some of these mutations can be passed down to their children. If you have been diagnosed with a genetic disorder that could be passed on to your child, using donor eggs from a donor without the genetic mutation can significantly reduce the risk of your child inheriting the disorder. 

I’ve had recurrent pregnancy losses

If you have experienced recurrent pregnancy losses, using donor eggs may be an option to increase your chances of a successful pregnancy and delivery. Recurrent pregnancy loss is typically defined as the loss of two or more pregnancies, and it can be caused by a variety of factors such as genetic abnormalities, hormonal imbalances, or anatomical issues. Using donor eggs may increase the likelihood of successful fertilization and implantation, which may reduce the risk of pregnancy loss.

Cofertility can help

At Cofertility, we are striving to give you the best egg donation experience possible. We believe matching with an egg donor should be a positive experience. It sounds obvious, right? But the largely unregulated egg donation market has led to some sketchy practices. We want to bring ethics and transparency to an industry where most agencies don’t even have an "About Us" page. 

If you're looking for an egg donor — for any of the reasons listed above — you may already feel like the odds are stacked against you. The last thing you need is to feel like you’re “shopping” for a human who plays a critical role in your family-building journey. And we’ll never make it feel that way.

We are honored that you are considering us as part of your family-building journey. Create a free account today to begin meeting our donors. And please reach out if we can be of any assistance!

The concept of single motherhood has evolved significantly over the years, with increasing numbers of women opting to start families without a partner. According to Single Moms by Choice (SMC), over half of all people pursuing sperm donation are single mothers. Furthermore, 78% of them are between the ages of 36-45. 

While this decision can be influenced by various personal circumstances, some single women face infertility challenges, necessitating alternative methods to fulfill their dreams of becoming mothers. Egg donation has emerged as an option, providing hope and possibilities for single moms who wish to experience pregnancy and the joys and rewards of raising a child.

This article explores the process of egg donation, its benefits, ethical considerations, and the emotional journey of single mothers who choose this path. By shedding light on this topic, we aim to provide a comprehensive understanding of egg donation for single moms and its potential impact on their lives.

How egg donation works

Egg donation involves a collaborative process that encompasses donor selection, egg retrieval, fertilization, embryo transfer, and pregnancy. It begins with the careful selection and screening of an egg donor, ensuring compatibility with your preferences and medical requirements. Once the donor has been approved by your fertility doctor, we help facilitate all the rest (legal, financial, insurance, and cycle planning). 

The egg donor then undergoes ovarian stimulation to produce multiple mature eggs, which are then retrieved through a minimally invasive procedure. These eggs are then fertilized with donor sperm in a laboratory setting. Finally, one or more viable embryos are transferred to the uterus of the mother (or a gestational carrier), who prepares her body for pregnancy through hormone treatments.

Success rates of donor eggs

The success rates of egg donation for single moms depend on several factors, including the quality and quantity of eggs retrieved, the expertise of the fertility clinic, and the general health of the intended mother. Pre-qualified egg donors typically yield higher success rates due to the higher quality and quantity of their eggs. The experience and proficiency of the fertility clinic in handling the process also significantly influences the outcome. And finally, your health and pregnancy history can impact chances of implantation and live birth. 

The good news is that the chances of success with donor eggs has more to do with the age of the donor than the age of the mother (or gestational carrier). As you can see from the chart below, the chances of getting pregnant per cycle is much higher with donor eggs than your own eggs, and the gap only increases with your age. 

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Read Dr. Meera Shah’s article Donor Egg Success Rates: a Breakdown.

For those who match with a donor in our fresh egg donation program, the average number of mature eggs a family receives and fertilizes is 12. The number of eggs retrieved varies by patient and cycle, but can be predicted by a donor’s age, AMH, and antral follicle count, all of which will be known to you after the donor’s initial screening. Qualified candidates have an ample ovarian reserve for both their own needs and sharing. Egg share donors also often work closely with a fertility doctor to determine, based on their own medical history, the optimal number of eggs needed for their own future family-building goals. Should it make sense for the donor, they may choose to pursue a second egg-sharing cycle to maximize the chances of success for everyone.
Matching with a donor in our frozen program can provide the opportunity to move forward with your family-building plans faster, as frozen eggs can be fertilized or shipped to your clinic immediately. Donors undergoing frozen cycles complete equally rigorous ovarian reserve testing. While the total number of frozen eggs available will vary based on the donor’s retrieval outcomes, every frozen match is guaranteed to have a minimum of at least 6 frozen eggs.
To learn more about these programs and the differences between them, click here.

Maternal bricolage

In a Wellesley study exploring the experiences of single mothers by choice who opted for egg donation, an interesting phenomenon emerged: the concept of maternal bricolage. Maternal bricolage refers to the process of choosing and combining the "right materials" (sperm and egg) to create a child who would resemble and connect with the mother and her extended family. 

“Like bricoleurs, they do not create the pieces. Instead, their artistry resides in the selection and arrangement of the pieces in a particular order or geometry. Making the claim to being a creator, inventor, originator, or inspiration and to having shaped the genetic makeup of the embryo was for these women essential to crafting a compelling and socially legitimate claim to motherhood.”

The women interviewed in the study faced difficult choices during the early stages of conception, hoping to create a child who would not feel physically out of place and would share similar interests and traits.

For instance, Jamie, a single mother who gave birth to her son at the age of 43, emphasized the importance of her child not feeling like an outsider. Jamie wanted to ensure her child would not feel physically different from her or their extended family. She recognized the influence of interests and talents, questioning the nature versus nurture debate. By selecting a donor who shared similarities with her, Jamie hoped to provide her child with a sense of familiarity and reduce the potential feeling of being an outsider.

This concept of maternal bricolage highlights the thoughtful and intentional decision-making process of single mothers by choice using egg donation. By actively seeking out donors who possess physical characteristics, personality traits, or talents that align with their own or their family's attributes, they aim to create a sense of belonging and connection for their child, shaping their perception of self-identity and reducing potential challenges associated with being donor-conceived.

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The Wellesley study sheds light on the depth of consideration and care that single mothers invest in the conception process. It reveals their commitment to not only providing a loving and nurturing environment but also striving to create a strong physical and emotional resemblance between themselves and their children. It emphasizes the profound desire to create a family structure that mirrors their own identities and fosters a deep connection between mother and child. 

Benefits of egg donation for single moms

Advanced maternal age, medical conditions affecting fertility, or the absence of a male partner can make it difficult to conceive naturally. Egg donation offers an opportunity to bypass these obstacles and fulfill the desire for motherhood. And for many women, egg donation gives the opportunity to still carry the pregnancy and breastfeed. 

Making the decision to pursue egg donation as an intended single mother can be complex. We recommend all intended parents pursuing donor eggs seek emotional support, whether that’s counseling or support groups. You are not alone. Connecting with other single mothers by choice who have experienced similar journeys can help you better navigate the process and foster emotional readiness.

In that Wellesley study referenced above, participants had this to say about their journeys:

 “I do believe I had a huge role to help the fetus grow and determine what kind of child it would ultimately be because of epigenetics. There were three of us involved—two donors and me—and I believe my input was still significant.” - Jamie

“Wow this egg donor thing doesn’t matter, it just doesn’t matter. She’s my child, she’s 100 percent my child. I carried her. I’ve breastfed her, birthed her. This is not to say that I don’t think about the egg donor but this child is mine.” - Gail

“What’s so crazy about this process is that my daughter would have never existed without me, being as I am the one to connect these two genetic materials.” - Yasmin

Find an amazing egg donor at Cofertility

At Cofertility, our program is unique. After meeting with hundreds of intended parents, egg donors, and donor-conceived people, we decided on an egg donation model that we think best serves everyone involved: egg sharing.

Here’s how it works: our unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud of the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Read more:

• Adoption vs Egg Donation: How Do I Choose?
• I'm Thinking of Using a Sperm Donor...How Does It Work?
• Double Donor IVF: Making Embryos with Donor Eggs and Sperm
• Will I Regret Using Donor Eggs?

For gay dads who wish to have a genetically connected child, choosing whose sperm to use is an important decision. It involves considerations of genetics, personal preferences, legal, and ethical aspects. In this article, we will delve into various ways gay dads can navigate this decision and explore four options we’ve seen for family building through egg donation. 

Option 1: One egg donor, half the eggs are fertilized by each partner

In this option, a single egg donor is selected, and the eggs retrieved from the donor are split between both partners for fertilization. Each partner's sperm is used to fertilize an equal number of eggs. 

At that point, you could simply pick the highest quality embryo to transfer, regardless of who is the genetic father (or not find out the genetic linkage at all). Or, if you want to have more than one child, you could pick one embryo from each dad. In this option, if you have more than one child, those siblings would be genetically related to each other.

Option 2: Different egg donor for each partner

In this option, two egg donors are chosen—one who resembles each partner physically or in certain desired traits. Then, the other partner’s sperm fertilizes the eggs. Each partner's chosen egg donor provides the eggs for fertilization, allowing for a potential resemblance between the child and both partners.

We often see this strategy in bi-racial relationships. For example, if one partner is Black and the other is Korean, they could find two egg donors, one Black and one Korean. The Black dad would fertilize the eggs of the Korean egg donor, and vice versa. In this method, the children have the same ethnicity (in this example, that would be half Black and half Korean). 

This option offers the potential for the child to share physical or desired traits with both partners, and each partner has a direct genetic link to a child through their respective egg donor. However, any siblings would not be genetically related to each other. 

Option 3: Family member serves as egg donor

This option involves using a family member, such as the sister or cousin of one partner, as the egg donor. The eggs retrieved from the family member are fertilized with the sperm from the other partner, creating a familial genetic connection between the child and both partners.

This option maintains a strong genetic link to each partner's family, potentially providing a sense of connection and belonging. However, introducing family members into the reproductive process could add emotional and familial complexities that need to be carefully considered.

Option 4: “Trade-sies” with a same-sex female couple for egg and sperm sharing

In this option, which one parent told us they called “trade-sies”, a same-sex male couple can collaborate with a same-sex female couple who are also interested in starting a family through IVF. 

One of the female partners from the lesbian couple can donate eggs, while one of the male partners from the gay couple can donate sperm. The two families would divide the resulting embryos. For the gay dads, the embryos would be transferred to a gestational carrier. 

This option allows both the gay dads and the lesbian couple to share in the journey of starting a family, creating a unique and supportive bond. This arrangement can foster long-lasting connections between the families involved, creating a broader support network for the child(ren).

Partnering with another couple involves intricate legal arrangements, such as co-parenting agreements, to establish parental rights and responsibilities. As with any co-parenting arrangement, there is a possibility of differences or conflicts arising in the future, which may require ongoing communication and cooperation to navigate successfully.

Find an egg donor through Cofertility

Our Family by Co platform honors families and egg donors with a thoughtful, human-centered egg donor matching experience. Our unique egg sharing model empowers egg donors to take control of their own reproductive health while giving families the gift of a lifetime. Instead of cash compensation, our donors get to keep half of the eggs retrieved. 

Why Cofertility:

• Egg donors you won’t find anywhere else: Our unique model removes cash compensation from the equation — and as a result, the incredible women on our platform are all ambitious, educated, kind, and eager to help other families while investing in their own reproductive future.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Community: Our Family by Co Community (coming soon!) will be a safe space for intended parents of all kinds to connect, support each other, and gain access to exclusive member resources, experts, and events.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We started this company with the vision of serving all families, regardless of what brought them here. And we promise to provide you with the care we would want for our families. With our commitment to transparency, inclusivity, and innovation, we are striving to be the best in the industry.

Our Split model empowers donors and enables families to find the egg donor perfect match quickly and easily, setting a new standard for excellence in our field. Whether you are just getting educated on egg donation or ready to move forward, we want to help you achieve your goals and build the family of your dreams.

Learn more:

• Five Helpful Questions Gay Dads Should Answer Before Starting a Family
• Navigating the Legal Landscape: A Guide to Egg Donation & Surrogacy Laws for Gay Dads
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation

In traditional egg donation, the donor's eggs are given to the intended parents in exchange for cash compensation. However, in the increasingly popular egg sharing model, the donor has the opportunity to keep half of the eggs retrieved for her own future family planning.

At Cofertility, we exclusively work under the egg sharing model, which we call Split, because we think it’s beneficial for everyone involved – the intended parents, the egg donor, and ultimately the donor-conceived child. In this article, we will explore six reasons why we think egg sharing is a compelling model for egg donation, focusing on benefits such as increased donor commitment, the absence of financial implications, and a more diverse pool of potential donors. 

1. Donors have a personal stake in the outcomes, increasing donor commitment 

One significant benefit of the egg sharing model is that donors have a personal stake in the outcomes. When donors contribute a portion of their eggs in exchange for their own IVF treatment down the line, they are invested not only in helping intended parents but also in achieving their own fertility goals. This shared interest leads to a greater sense of commitment and dedication from the donors, potentially resulting in higher-quality eggs and improved success rates.

2. Cash compensation models can lead some egg donors to conceal relevant medical information

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) published specific guidance regarding egg donor compensation in 2021. In this guidance, they acknowledge that excessive monetary compensation could create the possibility of undue inducement and exploitation of egg donors. 

The guidance points out, “Women may agree to provide oocytes based on their financial need. High levels of compensation also could lead some prospective donors to conceal medical information relevant to their own health or that of their genetic offspring in order to be more likely to be selected for oocyte donation.”

However, in the egg sharing model, where the focus is on shared outcomes rather than financial gain, donors may be more likely to disclose any pertinent medical information, ensuring the best possible match and reducing the risk of undisclosed medical issues that may impact the intended parents or the resulting child's well-being.

3. Most donor-conceived people feel the exchange of money for donor eggs is wrong

In the context of egg sharing, compensation is not based on financial transactions. Instead, it focuses on the shared goal of success for both parties. This approach eliminates the potential discomfort and ickiness often associated with cash compensation, and avoids the perception of treating eggs as commodities. 

A 2021 Harvard study found that 62% of donor-conceived adults felt the exchange of money for donor gametes was wrong, and 41% were troubled by the fact that money was exchanged around their conception. This is why we created our Split program. This unique model empowers women to take control of their own reproductive health while giving you the gift of a lifetime. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

By removing financial incentives, the process feels meaningful and preserves the dignity of all parties involved.

4. We’re able to recruit a more diverse pool of donors

Our model not only empowers our donors by giving them control over their own fertility, but it also enables us to recruit a truly exceptional group of donors. Our donors are motivated by the opportunity to help others start their families while also taking charge of their own reproductive futures. By offering this unique Split model, we have been able to attract a diverse and talented group of women who are passionate about helping others and committed to making a difference in the world.

5. Donors get to proactively invest in their own reproductive future

Egg sharing allows donors to actively invest in their own reproductive future while helping intended parents fulfill their dreams of having a child. By keeping half of the eggs retrieved, egg donors are proactively taking steps to preserve their fertility options and increase their chances of successful pregnancies in the future. This dual benefit of participating in the egg sharing model enables donors to make a meaningful investment in their own reproductive health, while simultaneously providing hope and support to intended parents who are seeking to build their families. It empowers donors to take control of their reproductive journey and make decisions that align with their long-term family planning goals.

6. Donors are happy with their decision

One compelling reason to consider egg sharing is the high level of donor satisfaction and positive experiences reported by individuals who have participated in this model. According to one study, the vast majority of egg share donors are happy with their decision. In fact, a significant majority of egg share donors, 83.3%, said they would even donate again. 

This statistic reflects the positive impact and personal fulfillment donors experience through their participation in the egg sharing process. Only 2.1% regret their decision, underscoring the fact that the decision to participate in egg sharing is often met with a sense of satisfaction, knowing that their contribution has made a meaningful difference in someone else's life. The positive feedback from donors highlights the mutually beneficial nature of the egg sharing model, reinforcing the notion that it can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience for all parties involved.

Cofertility - striving to be the best egg sharing program

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens. 
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

The cost of fertility treatments can add up quickly, leaving many families wondering if there are any tax deductions available to help offset the expenses. Donor egg IVF, in particular, can be a costly process, and hopeful parents may wonder if they can claim any tax benefits to help alleviate the financial burden. 

In this article, we'll explore whether or not donor egg IVF is tax-deductible and what you need to know to take advantage of any available tax breaks. I will caveat that I am not a tax expert – just an intended parent who has been through this multiple times!

Tax deduction vs tax credit

Let’s start with the basics. Tax deductions and tax credits are often confused, but they have different implications when it comes to your taxes. 

A tax deduction reduces your taxable income, meaning you only pay taxes on the remaining amount. For example, if you have a taxable income of $50,000 and a $5,000 tax deduction, you would only pay taxes on $45,000. You may deduct only the amount of your total medical expenses that exceed 7.5% of your adjusted gross income. 

On the other hand, a tax credit directly reduces the amount of taxes you owe. If you owe $10,000 in taxes and have a $2,000 tax credit, you would only need to pay $8,000 in taxes.

When it comes to donor egg IVF, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) considers it a medical expense, which means it may be tax-deductible under certain circumstances. However, it's important to consult with a tax professional to determine if you qualify for a deduction and how much you can deduct. Some states offer tax credits for fertility treatments, so be sure to check if your state offers this benefit.

Federal vs state taxes

Federal and state taxes are two separate entities, and the rules for tax deductions or credits are totally different. While the IRS allows for a deduction or credit for certain medical expenses, state tax laws may or may not follow the same guidelines. You’ll need to check with your state's tax department to see if they offer any deductions or credits for fertility treatments, including donor egg IVF. Some states may even have different rules for deductions or credits based on the source of the donor eggs (e.g. fresh vs frozen). It's important to do your research and consult with a tax professional to fully understand the tax implications of using donor eggs for IVF.

Are donor eggs tax-deductible?

For some people - yes. According to the IRS Publication 502, the costs of IVF, including temporary storage of eggs or sperm, and surgery performed to overcome infertility are considered medical care. Since the original wording is vague about donor eggs, the IRS clarified this position in a letter stating that the following are deductible:

• Donor egg agency fee
• Legal fees for the contract between you and the donor
• Medical expenses related to the donor egg retrieval
• Blood tests
• Donor’s expenses including travel fees
• Psychological testing of the egg donor

According to the IRS, deductions are only available for medical care costs associated with a medical inability to have children are tax-deductible.  Courts have narrowly defined infertility as a medical inability to conceive, rejecting arguments based on a person's sexuality or relationship status. For example, in an IRS ruling to a male taxpayer in a same-sex union, the IRS determined that he was not able to deduct IVF costs because the taxpayer did not have a medical condition. 

I am also a board member at the non-profit Resolve, where we are currently promoting the Equal Access to Reproductive Care Act which would rectify the unequal treatment of LGBTQ+ individuals seeking to start a family, by modernizing the federal tax code to allow equal treatment to those using assisted reproductive treatments and surrogacy arrangements regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Is surrogacy tax-deductible?

Surrogacy expenses are generally not tax-deductible. However, intended parents may seek a Private Letter Ruling (PLR) from the IRS to obtain permission to deduct specific expenses related to surrogacy that are not explicitly stated in tax laws. If successful in obtaining a PLR, the entire surrogacy process, including agency fees, could be tax-deductible for the parents.

To request a PLR, you would need to work with a CPA to draft a letter to the IRS outlining the expenses involved in your surrogacy journey. The letter should explain why you are medically unable to conceive and why your situation should qualify as medical care under section 213. The IRS will then respond with a decision, and if granted, you receive a letter to attach to your tax return. The IRS generally completes ruling requests within 60-90 days.

Itemized deduction vs. standard deduction:

When it comes to tax deductions for medical expenses, you can either take the standard deduction or choose to itemize your deductions. The standard deduction is a predetermined amount set by the IRS that reduces the amount of income subject to tax. Itemized deductions, on the other hand, are specific expenses that can be deducted from taxable income, such as medical expenses, charitable contributions, and state and local taxes.

For those considering a tax deduction for donor egg IVF, it is important to note that medical expenses, including fertility treatments, can only be deducted if they exceed a certain percentage of your adjusted gross income (AGI). For the tax year 2021, the threshold for medical expenses is 7.5% of AGI for all taxpayers, regardless of age.

If your total medical expenses for the year exceed this threshold, you can choose to itemize your deductions to claim the excess as a deduction on your tax return. However, if your total itemized deductions do not exceed the standard deduction amount, it may be more beneficial to take the standard deduction instead.

Don’t forget: state tax laws differ from federal tax laws and may have different deduction thresholds or rules for medical expenses. Check your state's tax laws and consult a tax professional for more information.

Tips 

Here are some tips for navigating the tax deduction process for donor egg IVF expenses.

1. Keep accurate records. Keep track of all expenses related to your fertility treatments, including the costs of donor eggs, medication, and any other medical expenses. Make sure to save all receipts and invoices as proof of these expenses.
2. Consult with a tax professional. It's always a good idea to consult with a tax professional to determine the best course of action for your specific situation. They can help you navigate the complex tax laws and ensure that you're taking advantage of all available deductions and credits.
3. Stay organized. Create a system for organizing your tax documents and keep everything in one place. This will make it easier to find the information you need when it's time to file your taxes.
4. File on time. Make sure to file your taxes on time to avoid any penalties or fees. If you're unable to file by the deadline, be sure to file for an extension.
5. Take advantage of online resources. The IRS website offers a variety of resources to help you understand the tax code and file your taxes accurately. There are also many online tax preparation tools that can help you file your taxes quickly and easily.
6. Don't forget state taxes. In addition to federal taxes, you may also be eligible for state tax deductions or credits. Make sure to research the tax laws in your state and take advantage of any available benefits.
7. Stay up to date. Tax laws can change from year to year, so make sure to stay up to date on any changes that may affect your tax situation. This will help ensure that you're taking advantage of all available deductions and credits.

Summing it up

In order for donor egg IVF to be tax-deductible in the United States, it must be deemed medically necessary. This means that the procedure must be recommended by a healthcare provider and must be performed to treat a medical condition. For example, if a woman is unable to conceive naturally due to premature ovarian failure, then donor egg IVF may be deemed medically necessary. But if two men in a same-sex relationship need an egg donor to build their family, the IRS does not view this as tax deductible. 

Additionally, the expenses associated with donor egg IVF must be significant enough to meet the threshold for medical expense deductions. In the United States, this threshold is currently set at 7.5% of a person's adjusted gross income (AGI). This means that if your AGI is $50,000, you can only deduct medical expenses that exceed $3,750.

It's also worth noting that not all expenses associated with donor egg IVF are tax-deductible. It’s best to speak with a tax professional or financial advisor to determine your eligibility for tax-deductible donor egg IVF and to ensure that you are following all necessary procedures for claiming the deduction.

For myriad reasons, finding an egg donor to grow your family can be a complicated process. Just finding a place to search can be overwhelming: you can work with fertility clinics, egg donor agencies like Cofertility, or you can ask someone you know. So, before you start your search, you should ask yourself: do you want to work with someone you know or would you feel more comfortable working with someone with whom you have no connection? The answer to this question will have an impact on everyone involved: you, your family, your future child, the donor, and the donor's family.

Should I use someone I know as my egg donor?

A known donor is someone that you have some level of connection with - be it a friend,  a family member, or an acquaintance. In the early days of IVF working with a known donor wasn’t the norm because it was thought that having a relationship with the donor could create confusion between the parties. But now, with more education and research being done on this type of donation, more people are turning to family and friends to help with building a family. 

Pros of using a known donor

When working with a known donor you may have more information about them versus working with an unknown donor. Even with an in-depth profile, an unknown egg donor’s information can be more limited. Using a known donor can give you more in-depth information making you feel more in control about an already unpredictable and uncertain process. 

If the donor is a family member, you can preserve family genetics by using gametes from the same genetic pool, which for some families is very important. 

Research has shown that donor-conceived children often wonder about their donor.  Conceiving with a known donor can give the child a sense of identity and your child can have a solid understanding about their origins and genetics. 

Cons of using a known donor

There are also some potential problems with using a known donor. For example, there is potential for future conflict on how to raise the child, what and how to tell the child, etc.. Even with a legal contract in place, there can never be any guarantee there won’t be future disputes.

The known donor may feel pressure to donate or may change their mind and  may feel guilt if they say no or back out. Or they may have regrets about donating, creating strain and tension in the family. This can be especially true if the donor develops fertility problems of their own down the road.

Should I use a family member as my egg donor?

When using a family member, it is essential to clarify roles and obligations. Although they are family, their role should not be confused. If your sister is donating her eggs to you, she will be the future child’s aunt, even though she contributed her genetics, she is by no means the mother. Even if they are family, most clinics will still require that the donor go through medical and psychological screening. So, it will be important to discuss what would happen if they didn’t pass one or both types of screenings. 

What makes a good egg donor

There are certain elements that make for a “good donor.” For example she needs to have a healthy body mass index (BMI), be a nonsmoker, a non-drug user, and have no history of substance abuse.  She should also have good fertility health and ideally be between the ages of 21 and 31. 

Psychologically, she should want to donate, not out of guilt or obligation, but because she truly wants to help you grow your family. Importantly, she needs to have full informed consent. She needs to understand the pros and cons of donation, and how it may medically, physically, and psychologically impact her now and down the road.  

How to ask someone to be your egg donor

Before approaching someone to be your egg donor, you yourself should have a clear understanding about why you need an egg donor, how the egg donor process works and the pros and cons of donating as a recipient and as a donor. You need to be fully educated and should be able to answer questions that she may have about all the above. 

Be clear about why you are choosing her  - what about her makes you think she would be the right donor?  Be very open about their long term obligations. Discuss what it means if the treatment doesn’t work. What if there is a pregnancy loss? What are you going to do with the extra embryos?  Then give her the time and space to consider her options.  

Also give her an easy out.  Let her know that you understand if she says no or if she needs time to think. Don’t make her feel that she is your only option or put the burden of your infertility on her.  Let her know if she doesn’t respond by a certain date, you will just assume she is not interested and that you will move on. 

Another option: find a disclosed egg donor through Cofertility

If you are looking for a disclosed egg donor, we can help. At Cofertility, our unique model of egg sharing creates a better experience for everyone involved. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

• Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.
• Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.
• Diversity: We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.
• Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.
• Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Conclusion

Deciding to work with an egg donor to build your family can be an emotionally driven and complex decision. Part of making that decision includes considering what kind of donor you want to work with - someone you know or someone you have never met. When approaching someone it is essential to have an open, thoughtful and honest discussion about everything and anything related to the donation process. Then and only then, can a fully informed consent can be made for both sides.

Pregnancy can be an exciting and nerve-wracking experience for many, but when carrying life made from a donor egg, it can be a unique and challenging experience. In this article, we will explore the process of using a donor egg, the potential risks and benefits, and what to expect during pregnancy.

What is a donor egg pregnancy?

A donor egg is an egg that has been harvested from an egg donor who is not the intended mother. This egg is then fertilized with sperm from the intended father (or sperm donor) and implanted into the uterus of the intended mother or a gestational carrier. This process is known as egg donor in vitro fertilization (egg donor IVF).

Why would someone use donor eggs?

There are several reasons why someone might choose to use donor eggs to build their family. For example, you may have fertility issues that prevent you from producing viable eggs, or you may be at an increased risk of passing on genetic disorders to her child. Additionally, same-sex male couples or single men who wish to have a biological child may also choose to use an egg donor and gestational carrier.

The donor egg process

The process of using a donor egg typically begins with selecting an egg donor. Egg donors are healthy women who have undergone extensive medical screening and genetic testing to ensure that their eggs are likely healthy and free from genetic disorders. 

Once an egg donor has been selected, she will undergo ovarian stimulation, which involves taking medication to encourage the ovaries to produce multiple eggs. This process can take several weeks and involves regular monitoring to ensure that the eggs are maturing properly.

When the eggs are ready, they are retrieved from the donor through a minimally invasive procedure called transvaginal ultrasound-guided egg retrieval. During this procedure, a needle is inserted through the vaginal wall and into the ovaries to collect the mature eggs.

Once the eggs are retrieved, they are fertilized with sperm in a laboratory setting. The resulting embryos are then monitored for a few days to ensure that they are developing properly. At this point, some families choose to do preimplantation genetic screening. The best quality embryos are then selected for transfer to the intended mother or gestational carrier.

What to expect during donor egg pregnancy

A pregnancy via donor egg IVF is treated the same as any IVF pregnancy. You will likely require additional hormone support (progesterone) during the early stages of pregnancy, for 8 to 10 weeks. After that, you will “graduate” and be discharged to the care of your OBGYN.

It is likely you waited a long time for this pregnancy – so cherish the miracle that you are experiencing! 

Medical risks of an egg donor pregnancy

There is evidence that donor egg pregnancies are independently associated with a higher rate of pregnancy risk. For instance, a Columbia University study found that women who use egg donation to become pregnant are at an elevated risk for obstetrical complications, particularly hypertensive disorders and cesarean section¹. 

However, the risk association remains a challenge to substantiate because of confounding variables (e.g. other characteristics of those who are more likely to need donor eggs). One hypothesis is that an immunological maladaptation causes placenta-mediated disorders in egg donation pregnancies², but this has not been proven. 

Gestational hypertension

Gestational hypertension is a type of high blood pressure that occurs in pregnant women who did not have high blood pressure before pregnancy. It usually develops after 20 weeks of gestation and resolves after you give birth. 

Gestational hypertensive disorders affect 5-10% of all pregnancies in the United States³. But the risk of gestational hypertension is 3X more prevalent in egg donation pregnancies compared to pregnancies from other methods of assisted reproductive technology (such as IUI and IVF) and 7.94X greater than in unassisted pregnancies³.

If you get diagnosed with gestational hypertension, it’s helpful to know that pregnancy outcomes for people diagnosed with mild gestational hypertension are similar to those of the general obstetrics population³.

Preeclampsia

Preeclampsia during pregnancy is defined as the combination of high blood pressure and protein in your urine or other problems after 20 weeks of pregnancy.  Preeclampsia happens in about 1 in 25 pregnancies in the United States⁴. Research has suggested that there may be a slightly higher risk of preeclampsia in pregnancies conceived using donor eggs compared to other pregnancies. One study found that the risk of preeclampsia is 2.54X higher in egg donation pregnancies compared with pregnancies from other methods of assisted reproductive technology and 4.34X higher than in unassisted pregnancies³. 

Mild preeclampsia may be treated with bed rest and close monitoring of blood pressure and urine protein levels. Severe cases may require hospitalization, medication to lower blood pressure, and sometimes early delivery of the baby to prevent further harm to the mother and baby. 

Getting the care you need

We generally see that egg donor IVF pregnancies, especially when the intended mother is over 35, see a maternal fetal medicine (MFM) specialist in addition to their OBGYN. This is a good thing, as people who receive MFM care get additional attention and support. 

Connecting with your baby in utero

Connecting with your baby during pregnancy can be an incredible experience, as it creates a sense of closeness and bonding. While your baby is growing and developing inside you, there are so many ways to connect with them before they arrive. 

One of the easiest ways to connect with your baby is to simply talk to them. Whether it's singing a lullaby, telling them about your day, or expressing your excitement about their upcoming arrival, your baby will be able to hear your voice and recognize it after birth. 

You can also try playing music for your baby, gently massaging your belly, and taking time each day to rest and focus on your baby's movements. 

You can also write letters to your baby, letting them know your journey and how hard you fought to bring them into this world. These simple practices can help you feel more connected to your baby during pregnancy and beyond.

Do I need to tell my doctor I’m pregnant via donor eggs?

I don’t see any reason not to tell your doctor your pregnancy is with donor eggs. Given the rise in use of donor eggs, you are certainly not their first patient to conceive via egg donation. Plus, there may be certain screening tests based on using donor eggs.

There is no shame in using donor eggs to get pregnant. And if you feel judged or misunderstood by your OBGYN, then by all means find a doctor who understands. 

If you’re finding that you feel guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed about using donor eggs, it may actually be something you can discuss with your doctor, who can provide support and connect you with resources such as counselors or support groups. Remember, using donor eggs does not diminish your ability to be a parent or your love for your child, and you should be free to focus on the joy and excitement of becoming a mother.

What is the risk of miscarriage with donor eggs?

The short answer is that using donor eggs decreases the risk of miscarriage for most women. Especially when those miscarriages were due to chromosomal abnormalities. Because egg donors are young (under 33) and medically cleared, outcomes with donor eggs are better than outcomes with a patient’s own eggs. 

Women who use donor eggs tend to be older, and age is a significant factor in miscarriage risk. As women age, the quality of their eggs decreases, and the risk of chromosomal abnormalities increases, which can lead to miscarriage. By using younger, healthier eggs from a donor, the risk of chromosomal abnormalities is significantly reduced.

Furthermore, the donor egg IVF process involves extensive screening of the donor to ensure that she is in good health and has a low risk of genetic disorders. This can further reduce the risk of miscarriage, as genetic disorders can be a significant contributor to pregnancy loss.

Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today! 

More resources:

• Epigenetics and Donor Eggs
• Will My Baby Look Like Me If I Use an Egg Donor?
• Will a Donor Conceived Child Have My DNA?

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Sources:

1. Kort DH, Gosselin J, Choi JM, Thornton MH, Cleary-Goldman J, Sauer MV. Pregnancy after age 50: defining risks for mother and child. Am J Perinatol. 2012;29(4):245-250. doi:10.1055/s-0031-1285101
2. Savasi VM, Mandia L, Laoreti A, Cetin I. Maternal and fetal outcomes in oocyte donation pregnancies. Hum Reprod Update. 2016;22(5):620-633. doi:10.1093/humupd/dmw012
3. Masoudian P, Nasr A, de Nanassy J, Fung-Kee-Fung K, Bainbridge SA, El Demellawy D. Oocyte donation pregnancies and the risk of preeclampsia or gestational hypertension: a systematic review and metaanalysis. Am J Obstet Gynecol. 2016;214(3):328-339. doi:10.1016/j.ajog.2015.11.020
4. High Blood Pressure During Pregnancy CDC. Accessed May 2023. 

Coming to terms that you need a donor egg to have a family can elicit all kinds of emotions. A major emotion that plays a big role during this process is grief. Grief is that deep, overwhelming sorrow that comes from loss. In this case, it is the anguish that comes from the death or loss of the dream - the dream of a genetic child. In this article, we’ll discuss grief and how it relates to being told you need an egg donor to conceive. 

What is egg donor grief?

In the late 60s, Dr. Kubler-Ross introduced a model for understanding the psychological reaction to loss. She described a cycle composed of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This model can also be applied to understand the concept of donor egg grief.

For those told that they will require the use of donor eggs to procreate, many of the stages described by Dr. Kubler-Ross can occur not only simultaneously but also repeatedly. Unlike the image above, the stages are also not always linear and do not have a specified time period. 

The different stages of donor egg grief can occur during the initial diagnosis, during the decision-making process regarding moving forward or not and for some all the way until the baby is born. The good news is that grief is normal, it is expected, and it does pass. The clouds part and happiness and joy can once again take over. 

The good news is that grief is normal, it is expected, and it does pass.

Signs that you have donor egg grief

Shock

Unless you have always known that you will require assistance to have a child, when you first learn about needing donor eggs, there is shock.  That initial shock usually wears off pretty fast  because we easily slip into denial. 

Denial

Denial is a common defense mechanism used to protect oneself from the reality that a donor egg is needed. Some people are in such denial that they switch clinics thinking that they need a second opinion or that their clinic is incompetent. Denial is normal and can be important for processing difficult information. During this you need to really understand and educate yourself about why you need a donor egg. Find out about your diagnosis, Ask a lot of questions. And yes, it is okay to get a second opinion. Some find that delving into educating themselves serves as an escape from reality, which is natural. But when you start seeing that you cannot escape the fact, then anger begins to kick in. 

Anger

Anger can come in many different forms. There may be anger at self for waiting too long, for not understanding how fertility works. There may be anger at the partner who does not have to surrender his genetics. There may be anger at friends or family who seem to so easily get pregnant. Anger is also a normal and natural response. During this time having an outlet, be it creative or physical, or whatever,  is essential. Channeling that rage and letting it out allows you to walk the path toward healing.

Bargaining

In order to move on from anger and to get a semblance of control, many move into bargaining. This can look like, “I will focus solely on treatment and 100% on clean eating and living, and I will donate money to fertility causes, if I can try IVF one more time. I know this time it will work, this time will be different.” The truth is that bargaining is really a way to protect oneself from the painful reality of that lost genetic connection, to not want to believe that this diagnosis is true. So thoughts such as, “I probably wasn’t doing the hormone injections right. My doctor wasn’t giving me strong enough hormones.” are also part of the process.  

Depression

If you start to feel persistent feelings of sadness, a loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, hopelessness, issues with sleep, and fatigue, you are entering the stage of depression. Now is the time for self-compassion which is the process of turning compassion inward.  Now is the time to be kind and understanding and to give ourselves support and encouragement. Research shows that self-compassion can be a powerful source of coping and resilience as it can radically improve mental and physical wellbeing. 

Acceptance

The last and final stage of donor egg grief is acceptance. This is recognizing the reality that if you are to have a family, a donor egg will be required. This is when the longing to be a parent outweighs the need to procreate and have a genetic link to a child. This is when you no longer struggle with the loss of that genetic tie and instead decide to focus on what it will be like to finally be a parent. This is when the old expectations of how you saw yourself becomes redefined.  The definition of mothering, nurturing and family also changes and you start seeing a happy future once again. You start to realize that perhaps the best parts of you are not genetic, but things that were learned, nurtured and taught. And those are things you can and will pass down to your child. 

We are here for you

Whether you choose to match with an egg donor through Cofertility or elsewhere, it’s important to find a reputable and compassionate agency that will treat you with respect and provide you with the resources and support you need throughout the process. Remember that you are not alone, and that there is hope for building the family of your dreams, even if it looks different than what you imagined.

Read more:

• How Can I Come to Terms with Using Donor Eggs?
• The Parent-Child Relationship in Families Created Using Egg Donation
• Will I Regret Using Donor Eggs?

As more and more families turn to assisted reproductive technologies to build their families, the question of age becomes increasingly important. For those using donor eggs or a gestational carrier (or both), the age of the person contributing to the pregnancy can have a significant impact on the chances of success. 

In this article, we will explore whether the age of the egg donor or gestational carrier matters more for the chances of a healthy pregnancy.

Does egg donor age matter?

The age of the egg donor is a crucial factor in the success of a donor egg IVF cycle. As females age, their egg quality and quantity decreases, which can lead to lower rates of successful fertilization, implantation, and live births. In general, “younger” donors have a higher chance of producing high-quality eggs that are more likely to result in a successful pregnancy.

This means that the average 28-year-old donor has a significantly higher chance of producing a successful pregnancy than a 45-year-old donor (and one of the reasons ASRM recommends that donors be under the age of 34). However, even with a younger donor, other factors such as the quality of the sperm used, the quality of the clinic, and the health of the person carrying the pregnancy can majorly impact the success of the cycle.

So what do we mean by “younger” egg donor? While ASRM recommends egg donors are between the ages of 21 and 34, the sweet spot seems to be ages 25-34. Not only for reasons of donor maturity, but also because research suggests better outcomes. One study found the chances of live birth among cycles using egg donors < 25 years was 13% lower for those using donors age 25 to 29. And another older but large study of 3,889 fresh donor egg cycles found that the cycles utilizing donors 30 to 34 years had a higher incidence of live birth compared to cycles with donors under 30 years, as well as donors over 34. 

While many people gravitate towards younger donors under the assumption that they’ll retrieve more eggs, the good news is that the number of eggs retrieved - for donors at any age- is predictable. When you find a donor profile that resonates with you, your doctor will help determine if she’s a good candidate. All the donors at Cofertility are pre-qualified and most of them pass medical clearance upon match.

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I’m carrying the pregnancy, does my age matter?

If you intend to carry the pregnancy, you may be wondering what matters more… your age or the egg donors age. For the most part, the age of your egg donor is more critical to success than your age at embryo transfer and pregnancy.

That’s because at every age, the chances of birth with donor eggs is better, but those who benefit the most from donor eggs are women over 35 and those with low ovarian reserve. In fact, about one-quarter of women over 40 who succeeded with IVF did so through the use of donor eggs. 

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The chart was made using the SART Patient Predictor for an average woman (5’4”, 150 lbs) with diminished ovarian reserve. As you can see, the chances of live birth after one donor egg cycle is 54% for recipients under 40, and only goes down slightly after this.

Studies show that your chances of success using donor eggs does not diminish in your 40s. So while getting pregnant with your own eggs may be unlikely, using donor eggs can greatly increase your chances of a successful and healthy baby well into your 40s and even 50s.  

Many women in their 40s and 50s can carry a pregnancy when using donor eggs, although some need to use a gestational carrier for a variety of reasons. It’s important to note that carrying a pregnancy in your 40s and 50s does carry increased risks of pregnancy complications like. hypertensive disorders and gestational diabetes.

I’m using a gestational carrier (surrogate), whose age is more important?

If you need both an egg donor and gestational carrier, you may wonder how their age will impact the chances of success. As stated earlier, the recommended age range for an egg donor is 21-34, but the range for gestational carriers is broader at 21 to 45 years old.

While egg donation has its own set of criteria, the ideal gestational carrier is a healthy female between the ages of 21 and 45 who has had at least one successful term pregnancy, and has been medically and psychologically cleared.

If you are using a gestational carrier, the age of the gestational carrier is also an important factor to consider. But as long as she meets the criteria and has been medically cleared, whether she is 25 or 35 should not impact your chances of success. 

Is there an age limit for IVF with donor eggs?

Technically, there is no age limit (legal or otherwise) in the United States for pursuing IVF with or without donor eggs. But ASRM discourages IVF for females older than 55, and some clinics set their own age limits for patients they will treat. 

For females over 45 years old, ASRM advises:

• “Comprehensive” medical testing for cardiovascular and metabolic fitness to ensure the safety of the mother and baby during pregnancy 
• Psychosocial evaluation to determine if support is in place to raise a child to adulthood
• Counseling patients on potential increased medical risks related to pregnancy

There is no official recommendation when it comes to the age of a male intended parent.

Summing it up

It’s important to remember that your age when you (or your gestational carrier) get pregnant is not as important as the age of the eggs that formed the embryo. The success of egg donation depends on many factors, but is not considered to be related to the age of the recipient.

While the age of the egg donor and gestational carrier can impact the success of the cycle, it is not the only factor to consider. Other factors such as the quality of the sperm, the caliber of the clinic, and any underlying medical conditions should also be taken into account. Ultimately, the best approach will depend on your individual circumstances, and a consultation with a qualified reproductive endocrinologist can help determine the best course of action.

More resources:

• What You Need to Know About Getting Pregnant In Your 40s
• Which Should I Find First: An Egg Donor or a Surrogate?
• Is there a Maximum Age for Egg Donor IVF?

For a growing number of gay dads, egg donation and surrogacy can be a way to grow a family. However, the laws governing these options can vary from state to state, and it's important to understand the legal landscape before pursuing either route. In this article, we’ll discuss some things to know as you begin your journey.

Can gay men legally become parents?

Gay men can absolutely become parents, but the legal landscape surrounding LGBTQ+ parenting rights can be complex, and there are still some challenges that gay dads may unfortunately face. You’ll need a great lawyer who knows the specific laws of your state (if you work with Cofertility, we can help you find one). 

There are no federal laws that prevent gay men from using donor eggs and a gestational carrier, but the laws can vary depending on the state. Some states have laws that specifically prohibit surrogacy arrangements, or only allow it when both parents are genetically related to the child. Other states make it difficult to get both parents on the birth certificate. 

Surrogacy and egg donation laws by state

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) has a comprehensive guide to surrogacy laws across the United States. The guide outlines the surrogacy laws for each state, including whether surrogacy is legal, the type of surrogacy arrangements permitted, the eligibility criteria for intended parents and gestational carriers, and any specific legal requirements, such as pre-birth orders or post-birth adoption procedures. 

In general, the states that are currently most difficult (or impossible!) include: 

• Arizona expressly prohibits surrogacy. Arizona courts sometimes grant pre-birth parentage orders when both the Intended Parents are genetically related to the child. If an egg donor is used and at least one of the Intended Parents is genetically related to the child, a pre-birth order may be possible, depending on the judge. Second-parent adoptions are also prohibited in Arizona.
• Indiana law makes gestational surrogacy contracts void and unenforceable as against public policy. While some courts have begun issuing pre-birth parentage orders, they are usually not granted if an egg donor was used. 
• Louisiana only allows surrogacy for married heterosexual couples who are both genetically related to the child (i.e., neither a sperm or egg donor was used).
• Michigan considers surrogacy contracts to be void and unenforceable. Courts may still grant pre-birth orders if no payment or compensation has been made to the surrogate, but they will not allow second-parent adoptions.
• Nebraska considers surrogacy contracts to be void and unenforceable, however “the language of the statute does allow surrogacy practice in limited scenarios”. 

Remember that laws can be complex and change at any time, so it's crucial to consult with an experienced reproductive lawyer to ensure you understand the legal implications in your specific situation. If you work with Cofertility, we can help you find a great lawyer to help navigate this process.

What is second-parent adoption?

Even if a child is biologically related to one of the dads, without a legal adoption, the non-biological parent may not have any legal parenting rights to their child. This means that if the biological parent passes away or becomes incapacitated, the non-biological parent, even if they have been an equal parent, may not have any legal rights to parenting. This is where second-parent adoption comes in.

In some states, the non-biological parent may be able to establish legal parentage through a pre-birth order or a marriage or domestic partnership. However, second-parent adoption is often the most secure way for non-biological parents to establish their parental rights and ensure that their child is legally protected.

Individual state laws surrounding this process can be complex. The National Center for Lesbian Rights has a great PDF outlining Adoption by LGBT Parents. The states that make it hardest for unmarried same-sex couples include:

• Alabama
• Arizona
• Kansas
• Kentucky
• Mississippi
• Nebraska
• North Carolina
• Ohio 
• Utah
• Wisconsin 

It is essential to work with an experienced attorney who can guide you through the legal landscape and ensure that your family is protected.

The good news is that "parentage" laws are passing in many states that legally protect LGBTQ+ families. These laws recognize a non-biological parent as a legal parent without requiring a costly and time-consuming second parent adoption process. 

What is a pre-birth order?

A pre-birth order is a legal document that establishes the intended parents as the legal parents of a child before the child is born. Without a pre-birth order, the state law would presume that the person giving birth is the biological and legal parent of the child. 

A pre-birth order is important because it ensures that your parental rights are established from the moment of birth.  The laws surrounding pre-birth orders vary by state, and the requirements for obtaining one can be complex. In some states, like Alabama, the intended parents must be married in order to obtain a pre-birth order.

Summing it up

For a growing number of gay dads, egg donation and surrogacy can be a way to grow a family. However, the laws governing these options can vary from state to state, and it's important to understand the legal landscape and protect your family. 

If there’s anything to take away from this article, it’s the importance of working with an experienced attorney (we can introduce you to one!) who is familiar with the laws in your state to ensure that your parental rights are protected. Your attorney can help guide you through the process of obtaining a pre-birth order and ensure that all necessary legal requirements are met. We wish you all the best!

Read more:

• LGBTQ+ Fertility Information and Resources
• What Fertility Options are Out There for LGBTQ Families?
• The Gay Dad's Guide to Egg Donation
• How to Start a Family as a Single Dad by Choice

‍Cofertility is a human-first fertility ecosystem rewriting the egg freezing and egg donation experience. Our Family by Co platform serves as a more transparent, ethical egg donor matching platform. We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account today!

More and more people are turning to donor eggs to grow their families. In fact in 2021, there was a 19% year-over-year increase in the number of donor egg cycles in the United States. As more donor egg matches are being made every day, the industry is changing quickly. What used to be dominated by “anonymous” donations is now moving to a world of disclosure. 

Just five years ago, most donations were made without the intended parent ever meeting the egg donor. But we’re changing that. For the vast majority of matches made at Cofertility, the parent(s) and egg donor meet during the matching period and moving forward with a cycle. Most of these meetings happen on the phone, through Zoom, or even in person. 

If you’re in this process, with Cofertility or another agency, you may be wondering whether or not you should meet the donor before moving forward. This is a deeply personal decision, and in this article we will give you some important considerations to help you make an informed decision.

Questions to ask yourself first

Before deciding whether or not to meet an egg donor, it is essential to reflect on your feelings and motivations. Here are some key questions to consider:

• What are my reasons for wanting to meet the egg donor?
• Would meeting the egg donor impact or gain confidence in my decision?
• Can I meet the donor while maintaining discretion? 
• What are my expectations for the meeting, and am I prepared for them to not be met?

Benefits of meeting your egg donor before matching

The world of egg donation was traditionally shrouded in secrecy and shame, and not meeting the egg donor was a product of this secrecy. But there is no shame or embarrassment about how your family comes to be. You should be proud that you moved mountains to have your baby. 

Ultimately, the decision to meet the egg donor is yours and an option we believe families and donors should have. After all, a meeting is typical before moving forward with a gestational carrier. So why shouldn’t it be offered to those involved in egg donation?

One benefit of meeting the egg donor before moving forward is to become more confident in your decision. We created our donor profiles to be more human-centered and we think they’re great at showcasing the amazing donors at Cofertility. But you may just want a 30 minute conversation to feel like you know them a little better. This is especially helpful if you’re the type of person who has good instincts about people you meet.

Some families say that meeting the donor helped provide a sense of clarity and peace of mind, allowing them to connect with the person helping them to grow their family. We’ve also heard the same from donors, who feel even more committed to the process after meeting the families. 

Keep in mind that meeting the egg donor doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship. And the meetings can happen without sharing last names. A meeting is just that, a way to meet and get to know each other a little better. 

What should I say when meeting my potential egg donor?

If you decide that you would like to meet your potential egg donor, we will set everything up and provide guidance for the conversation. We can facilitate a phone or video meeting between you and the donor during the matching period.

When you meet your egg donor, it is important to have a plan for the conversation, but let it flow naturally. Cofertility will provide conversation starters ahead of the meeting, but here’s what to expect.

Some questions both parties can answer:

• Where are you from? Where do you live now? What do you do for work?
• What you enjoy doing in your spare time (ex. concerts, biking, running, gardening, etc.)
• What are you passionate about? (ex. animals, causes, food, etc.)
• What is something people are always surprised to learn about you?

Some questions you can answer for the donor:

• What has been your fertility journey so far?
• What does your dream family look like?
• How did you and your partner meet (if applicable)?
• What excites you most about being a parent?

Some questions you may want to ask the donor:

• Why did you join Cofertility and decide to donate your eggs?
• If comfortable, do you think about building your own family one day?

It is crucial to approach the conversation with sensitivity and respect, recognizing that the egg donor has her own boundaries and expectations for the relationship.

Is it okay if I don’t want to meet the egg donor?

It is entirely normal to have reservations about meeting the egg donor, and it's entirely okay if you don't want to meet them. The process of selecting an egg donor can be emotionally draining, and meeting the donor may bring up emotions that one may not be ready to handle. 

Summing it up

The decision to meet your egg donor is a deeply personal one, and there is no universal right or wrong answer. For some, meeting their donor can provide a sense of closure and peace of mind. For others, it may not be desirable. Ultimately, the most important thing is to make the decision that feels right for you and your family. Regardless of whether or not you decide to meet your egg donor, we think having the option is the most important thing. 

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Going through fertility treatment can be full of stress, fear, sadness, and even shame. One of you may feel hopeful that donor egg IVF will work, while the other is afraid and not very sure. There are countless doctor visits, endless paperwork, and thousands of dollars being spent. In-between comes finding an egg donor, egg retrieval, embryo creation, hormonal injections, and implantation. But it’s not over yet. Now comes the dreaded two-week wait to find out if all of this has been successful or not.  Although fertility treatment can give you hope and a glimmer of light, it can also steal your peace of mind, and at times, what feels like your sanity. 

A donor egg IVF cycle can be a roller-coaster of emotions and what your partner needs most during this time is support. As the partner of someone going through IVF, what can you do to ensure they feel loved, supported, and understood? 

Actively listen

One of the best things the non-carrying partner can do to help support their partner through this time is to actively listen. Don’t try to fix anything and don’t try to solve anything. Don’t interrupt and be fully present in the conversation. Ask open-ended questions and let them talk. The point is for you to listen for understanding not for responding. 

Ask questions

When times are good and treatment is going well, it is easy to know what to say and do. But when things are not going well, the opposite is very true. It can be very hard to know what to say and how to help. So in times like these, it is okay to simply ask what you can do to make your partner feel loved and supported. Sometimes support may look and feel very different depending on the situation. Asking does not mean that you don’t care, it simply means you care so much that you want to make certain their needs are being met. 

Attend appointments

As the partner, you are also part of the treatment process, regardless if you are involved medically or not, the process of getting pregnant through IVF requires that both of you are present from start to finish. Attending appointments is important for so many reasons. One is so you can tag-team asking the doctor questions, and secondly having two sets of ears can also help verify the understanding of complicated procedures. Having you there helps your partner feel that they are not alone. The doctor’s office can be cold and sterile and having a warm hand to hold can ease some of that discomfort and fear. 

Create a safe space

It can be so difficult to be vulnerable, especially if treatment is not moving according to plan. It may make one feel that they are letting everyone down. Creating a non-judgmental space for your partner to be open, vulnerable, and honest is invaluable. Give them space to tell you how they are really feeling. Be empathic, loving, and non-judgemental. Actively listen and give them time to be fully seen and heard. Intentionally set time aside to be fully present and be open to whatever emotions that may come.

Educate yourself

To really support your partner you need to know what they are going through.  One way to do this is to educate yourself about the treatments, understand the procedures, know the medical terminology, risks, side effects, and outcomes. Read books, articles, and blogs about donor egg IVF. Listen to podcasts, join groups, and ask questions. LIke the ‘90s PSA used to say, “the more you know” the more we can increase empathy and understanding.

Respect your partner’s decisions

Throughout this article I have expounded the importance of you and your partner as a team in this fertility journey. That it takes both of you from start to finish. You both agreed on this plan to grow your family. But after multiple (or maybe even one) attempt, what if they are ready to stop and you aren’t?  You can be honest with what you want and how you feel. But, don’t make guilt a driving force for them to continue with treatment if they are done. At the end of the day it is their body and whatever they choose to do with their body, respect that decision. Sometimes this isn’t so dramatic as wanting to end treatment completely. It can also look like wanting to take a break, wanting to change clinics, adding holistic treatment to the plan. Whatever it may look like, have their back and respect their choices. 

Show tangible support

Showing emotional support is obviously important. But so is taking over responsibilities or chores you don’t normally do. Things like making dinner, making sure the laundry or grocery shopping is done, the dog’s vaccines are up-to-date. Toilet paper roll empty? Replace it. Just the everyday little things that need to be done on a daily basis. Taking some of those things off their plate can relieve a lot of unnecessary stress.

Seek professional help 

Sometimes the emotional toll of IVF can be too much. It is okay to seek professional help for you, or even both of you. Support groups that specialize in donor egg IVF can be a wonderful source of psychological and emotional support. As your partner’s main support it is also important for you to find support and time for self-care as well.

Skip baby-oriented events

If you or your partner is struggling with being around children, it is okay to decline invitations to baby showers, birthdays, or family gatherings that will be full of children. These events can trigger some pretty strong emotions. So when you see that invite, take the initiative and be the one to decline and send a gift in the mail.  

If you have a partner who is going through egg donor IVF, there are many things that you can do to help support your partner through this time. What support looks like may mean different things for different people, but one of the main things is that your partner feels that you are their safe place, and ultimately can be themselves and honest with you. Remember, you are both on the same team and only want the best for each other. Knowing you can count on each other to be there when times are tough strengthens the belief that together you can face whatever life throws at you. 

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