Adoption vs Egg Donation: How Do I Choose?

The path to parenthood can take many roads. There is no single “right way” to become a parent, so you may be debating which path is the right one for you. Two options include egg donation or adoption. If you’re asking yourself “should I adopt or find a donor?” then this article is for you.  Let’s delve into some of the pros and cons to see what feels best for you and your future family. 

Egg donation

The first child born from egg donation was reported in Australia in 1983 and the first American child born from egg donation was in February 1984. Before this medical intervention, for most,  adoption was the only path to parenthood. Egg donation opened the door for more people to become parents. With egg donation, those who are experiencing infertility, have high risks of passing on genetic disorders to their offspring, or have dealt with multiple IVF failures in the past, can have children. 

Pros of using donor eggs

• You can fulfill your dream of raising a child and becoming a parent.
• Donor egg IVF has high success rates, allowing childless people / couples to start a family.
• The opportunity to have a child with a biological relation to the father and biologically related siblings.
• If you are biologically female and plan on carrying the pregnancy, you can still experience delivery and nursing.

Cons of using donor eggs

• It can take a long time to find a donor that you connect with.
• It can be expensive, though with our Family by Co platform, we’ve removed cash compensation for donors from the equation. Instead, our members freeze their eggs entirely for free when giving half of the eggs retrieved to your family.
• Loss of a genetic tie to the mother.
• Fear about telling your child and other people in your life
• There are no guarantees that an embryo will be created.

Adoption

Adoption is the legal process through which a person assumes the parenting responsibilities for someone else's biological child. The concept of adoption exists across cultures and countries and may be traced all the way back to 6th century AD Roman Law. During this time, if the family patriarch did not have a male heir, an heir could be adopted. This was important for the Romans because by adopting one another’s sons, the nobility ensured the wealth would stay within a few families. In the United States, the first modern adoption legislation, the Adoption of Children Act, was passed in Massachusetts in 1851. This act required judges to determine that adoptive parents had “sufficient ability to bring up the child” and that “it is fit and proper that such adoption should take effect.” Today, adoption can take many forms - open, semi-open, domestic and international. 

Pros of adoption

• You can fulfill your dream of raising a child and becoming a parent.
• You get to share your love with a child that may otherwise not have had the best opportunities in life. Studies have shown that adoptive children are less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol and more likely to graduate from high school and go on to college than those who remain in foster care. They are also more likely to have successful careers and strong relationships.
• Because you are helping birth parents who may have not otherwise been able to care for the child, the parents can feel at peace knowing their child will be loved and taken care of.

Cons of adoption

• It can take a long time - anywhere from 9 to 12 months - to find an adoption opportunity.
• It can be very expensive. For domestic infant adoption the cost can be anywhere from $40k to $70k and up.
• The birth parent has a right to change their mind. Depending on the state, that may be anytime while pregnant or up to 30 days after the adoption. 
• Since most adoptions are open, there is a chance that the birth parent may want to be a part of the child’s life, and that may be difficult for some adopting parents.
• Different states have different laws on who can become an adoptive parent based on age, sexual orientation and even religious affiliation.

Embryo donation

Embryo donation is typically not the first choice for most couples starting  infertility treatment, but if you have not been successful with traditional infertility treatment using your own eggs and/or sperm, or are having problems finding a donor, this is a great viable option. 

Pros of embryo donation

1. You can fulfill your dream of raising a child and becoming a parent.
2. Because the embryos are already created and readily available, you can get started whenever you are ready.
3. Can be less expensive than egg and sperm donation and adoption.
4. You can still experience pregnancy, delivery, and nursing.
5. There won’t be a genetic imbalance if only one partner uses a donor.

Cons of embryo donation

1. Embryo donation is technically an adoption. Because you may not have all the medical history of one or both the donors, it can potentially introduce some unpredictability into the genetic makeup of the family.
2. Although readily available, because it is an adoption, it can still sometimes take a long time to match with an embryo.
3. There are no guarantees that an embryo transfer will be successful and result in a pregnancy and delivery.

Which one is right for me?

The decision to use medical intervention to conceive a child or to go through an adoption agency to start a family is an extremely personal one. As you can see above, all paths come with their own set of unique challenges. The best thing you can do is become educated in all your options. Get second and third expert opinions. Seek out legal counsel and ask questions. No one but you can make this decision, but whatever decision you choose, know that you are not alone. Many have walked down these roads to have their family and none of them would have done it any other way.