I’m Considering Working with a Sperm or Egg Donor: How Does it Work?

The process of sperm and egg donation has redefined family-building possibilities by giving countless individuals and couples the ability to build the families of their dreams every year. When we talk about egg or sperm donors, it's essential to go beyond the stereotype of a cash-strapped college student and explore the intricacies of this process. In this article, we'll delve into the processes, considerations, costs, and legal aspects that come into play when embracing gamete donation as a pathway to parenthood.

Breaking stereotypes: sperm and egg donors in reality

The world of sperm and egg donation extends far beyond the conventional stereotypes portrayed in popular culture. The truth is, there are a number of reasons in which someone may pursue egg or sperm donation.

Reasons to work with a sperm donor:

• You’re a heterosexual couple facing male-partner sperm abnormalities or genetic concerns.
• You’re a heterosexual couple with a male partner post-vasectomy or post-prostate cancer treatment.
• You’re a lesbian couple aspiring to start a family.
• You’re a single woman pursuing parenthood without a male partner.
• You’re a single male with infertility looking to pursue double-donor conception with the help of a surrogate.

Reasons to work with an egg donor:

• You’re a gay male couple looking to start a biological family.
• You’re a heterosexual couple facing infertility.
• You’re a single male looking to have children.
• You’re a single woman who cannot use her own eggs to conceive and seeking double-donor conception.

Read more in Double Donor IVF: Making Embryos with Donor Eggs and Sperm

Considering the relationship with your donor

When deciding to pursue gamete donation, one of the most important considerations is the type of relationship you envision between yourself, your donor, and your future donor-conceived child. Here at Cofertility, we stand strong in our belief that disclosed relationships are best for all parties involved. In fact, a 2014 study showed that 82% of donor-conceived people surveyed expressed an interest in knowing their donor.

Additionally, we take a firm stance that anonymous gamete donation is a thing of the past. In a world of ubiquitous genetic testing, no gamete donation can be guaranteed to be anonymous. 

Read more about our stance here

Should I ask a friend or family member to be my donor?

While pop culture often portrays friends stepping in as donors, the reality involves complex legal and emotional considerations. Like any method of finding a donor, asking a friend or family member has its pros and cons. 

On the one hand, you may gain access to more in-depth information about the donor given your existing relationship, but on the other hand, it may lead to potential future conflict on how the child is raised and can put a strain on your relationship with the donor. This can become even more complicated when working with a family member as your donor, as well as opening up additional considerations regarding the child’s genetic makeup.

How to find a donor agency

We were appalled by the lack of transparency in the gamete donation space, which is why we started Cofertility. Here are some things that you should look for, and how we are trying to stand apart:

An About page: We think it’s important that the management team puts their reputation behind the company. You’d be surprised at how many agencies lack transparency into who is behind it and lack About pages! At Cofertility, we are creating the company we wished we had when building our families. You can learn more about us here.

Affiliations: Is the organization part of ASRM, Resolve, and/or SEEDS? This can signal that the company is committed to high standards. Not only are we members of these organizations, but our Co-founder & Chair is also a board member at Resolve.

Aligned incentives: Look for an agency that is only successful if you are successful. At Cofertility, we have a Baby Guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens. 

Clinical expertise: A good agency will have clinical advisors helping steer the ship. At Cofertility, we work with world-renowned experts in fertility medicine and egg donation. Meet our Medical Advisory Board here. 

Lifetime support: Is this a one-and-done transaction? Or will the agency be there for you after you pay them? At Cofertility, a match is just the beginning. We offer families access to educational modules, support groups, and communication tools for life.

Taking care of your mental health

For many people, donor conception wasn't Plan A, and grappling with feelings of loss or disappointment is natural. Seeking mental health support during this journey is perfectly acceptable, as professionals can provide guidance through the emotional aspects of the process. Here are some of our favorite resources for navigating the emotions involved in this process:

• Building Your Family Through Egg Donation After Infertility: Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster
• How to Process the Grief of Not Having a Child Genetically Related to You
• I'm a Fertility Psychologist. Here's What I Want You to Know About Growing Your Family Through Egg Donation

An option for donor eggs: working with Cofertility

If you are looking for an egg donor, we can help. At Cofertility, our unique model of egg sharing creates a better experience for everyone involved. Our donors aren’t doing it for cash – they keep half the eggs retrieved for their own future use, and donate half to your family.

We aim to be the best egg sharing program, providing an experience that honors, respects, and uplifts everyone involved. Here’s what sets us apart:

Baby guarantee. We truly want to help you bring your baby home, and we will re-match you for free until that happens.

Donor empowerment. Our model empowers donors to preserve their own fertility, while lifting you up on your own journey. It’s a win-win.

Diversity. We’re proud about the fact that the donors on our platform are as diverse as the intended parents seeking to match with them. We work with intended parents to understand their own cultural values — including regional nuances — in hopes of finding them the perfect match.

Human-centered. We didn’t like the status quo in egg donation. So we’re doing things differently, starting with our human-centered matching platform.

Lifetime support: Historically, other egg donation options have treated egg donor matching as a one-and-done experience. Beyond matching, beyond a pregnancy, beyond a birth…we believe in supporting the donor-conceived family for life. Our resources and education provide intended parents with the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy kids and celebrate their origin stories.

We are obsessed with improving the family-building journey — today or in the future — and are in an endless pursuit to make these experiences more positive. Create a free account to get started today!

Summing it up

The world of gamete donation offers a nuanced perspective on building families. From understanding the diversity of potential recipients to navigating legal and emotional intricacies, becoming informed is key. Whether considering sperm or egg donation, individuals and couples can embark on this journey with a wealth of knowledge, making empowered decisions with a clear vision of the possibilities ahead. If you're contemplating working with an egg donor, our team here at Cofertility is here to help you find your perfect match.