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Parenting
Will My Donor Conceived Child Want To Meet Their Egg Donor?
As parents who have chosen to build their family through egg donation, one question that may linger in your mind is whether your child will one day want to meet the egg donor that made their birth possible. The answer is maybe. Some donor-conceived people do want to meet the egg donor, some want to just know more about them, and others simply do not care to know them at all. Understanding the range of experiences and feelings donor-conceived individuals often have can help you prepare for this possibility and be the best parent possible!
The curiosity factor
It's natural for donor-conceived individuals to be curious about their genetic origins. This curiosity doesn't necessarily reflect dissatisfaction with their family life or a lack of connection with their parents. Rather, it's often driven by a desire to understand more about their biological background, medical history, or simply to put a face to the person who played a role in their existence.
Think about it this way: some people are really interested in genealogy. They want to know where their ancestors are from, and spend lots of time and money mapping their family tree, while others simply could care less. Donor-conceived individuals are the same way. Some want to know as much as possible about their genetic origins, and others less so.
Research on donor-conceived individuals
Studies have shown that many donor-conceived individuals do express interest in learning about or meeting their donors. However, these studies may have some response bias as they tend to use donor registries to collect responses. Donor registries are optional registries used by donor-conceived people to find out their genetic heritage and to find half-siblings from the same egg or sperm donor. If someone is on a registry, then they have already expressed interest in learning more about their genetic origins.
These studies also tend to focus on donor-conceived children via sperm donation. It’s unclear how the experiences of individuals born from sperm donation differ from those born via egg donation.
One such study looked at survey responses from individuals recruited from the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR). Of the 165 donor offspring who completed the survey, 15% were searching for their donor siblings, 13% were searching for their donor, and 64% were searching for both. Those who had found out about their donor conception after age 18 were more likely to be searching for medical reasons, whereas those who had found out before age 18 tended to be searching out of curiosity.
When asked why they were searching for their donor, 89% of respondents stated a curiosity about the characteristics of the donor. 71% wanted to meet the donor, but notably 0 stated a desire to form a relationship. Other common reasons included a better understanding of their ancestral history (79%), medical reasons (54%), and “to have a better understanding of why I am who I am” (75%)
Factors influencing a child's interest
Several factors can influence whether and how much a donor-conceived child wants to know about or meet their donor:
- Age of disclosure: Children who learn about their donor conception at a young age often process this information more easily than those who find out later in life.
- Family dynamics: Open communication and a supportive family environment can help children feel more secure in exploring their feelings about their donor.
- Individual personality: Some individuals are naturally more curious about their origins than others.
- Access to information: The amount of information available about the donor can impact a child's desire to know more.
- Cultural and societal attitudes: Changing perspectives on donor conception and family structures can influence how donor-conceived individuals view their situation.
We always encourage families to be open with their children about their biological roots. Experts suggest normalizing the conversation from a young age, to remove any shame.
Read more in How to Talk to Your Donor-Conceived Child About Their Conception Story
Supporting your child
If your child grows up and expresses to you that they would like to know more about their egg donor, that means you’ve done a great job giving them a safe space to explore who they are. We know mothers via egg donation are great moms. In fact, one study found that children in egg donation families viewed their relationships with their mothers as significantly higher in warmth and enjoyment than did children in the control group of IVF families.
While you can't predict whether your child will want to meet their donor, you can prepare for this possibility:
- Open communication: Foster an environment where your child feels comfortable discussing their feelings about their donor conception.
- Early disclosure: Experts recommend telling children about their donor conception from an early age, making it a natural part of their story.
- Gather information: Collect as much information about the donor as possible, which you can share with your child as they grow older.
- Respect your child's feelings: If your child expresses interest in their donor, acknowledge and validate their feelings, even if they differ from your own.
- Seek support: Consider joining support groups for families formed through egg donation. These can provide valuable insights and resources.
As a parent, you might experience a range of emotions if your child expresses interest in their donor. It's normal to feel a mix of curiosity, anxiety, or even jealousy. Remember that your child's interest in their donor doesn't diminish their love for you or your role as their parent. It's simply part of their journey of self-discovery.
Summing it up
The question of whether your donor-conceived child will want to meet their egg donor is one that only time can answer. What's most important is creating an environment of openness, honesty, and support, where your child feels free to explore their feelings and ask questions as they grow.
Remember, your child's interest in their donor doesn't diminish their connection to you as their parent. It's simply another aspect of their identity and personal history. By approaching this possibility with understanding and preparation, you can help your child navigate their feelings about their donor conception in a healthy way.
Ultimately, every donor-conceived person's journey is unique. Some may have a strong desire to meet their donor, others may be content with the information they have, and still others may have little interest in exploring this aspect of their background. What matters most is that they feel loved, supported, and secure in their family, regardless of how their family was formed.
At Cofertility, we're committed to supporting families throughout their egg donation journey. Whether you're just starting to consider egg donation or you're navigating life as a parent of a donor-conceived child, we're here to provide resources, support, and a community of families who understand your experience.
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Franki Sciacchitano
Franki has worked in marketing for 6+ years. She has spent the majority of her career focused in women’s health and is passionate about building meaningful, mission-based brands. She is an avid believer that everyone deserves access to family-building and reproductive care, and connects deeply with Cofertility’s mission. Franki has her BFA and a Master's in Digital Audience Strategy. Outside of her role at Co, she enjoys art, reading, and spending time with her husband, newborn daughter, and two dogs.
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Franki Sciacchitano
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